Best Questions to Ask Kids
Questions for parents, teachers, and grandparents who want more than a shrug at the end of the school day. They cover friends and fallings-out, what made them laugh, what worries them, and the ideas they make up.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What was the best part of your day?
Why ask it
Easier to answer than a question about the whole day, because it asks for one thing instead of a summary. Most children can produce one moment even when tired.
Who did you sit with at lunch, and what did you talk about?
Why ask it
A question about a specific moment gets a real answer where asking about the whole day gets a shrug. Changes in the lunch answer are often the first sign of a friendship problem.
What made you laugh today?
Why ask it
Sets a low bar and usually gets a story rather than one word, which is often the easiest way into whatever else happened.
What is something new you learned today, and how did you learn it?
Why ask it
The second half matters. Whether they learned it from a teacher, a friend, or by working it out shows how they actually pick things up.
If you could have any superpower, what would it be and how would you use it?
Why ask it
The use is more revealing than the power. Children who want to be invisible, or to undo mistakes, are often telling you about something at school.
If you could invent an animal, what would it look like and what would it do?
Why ask it
Open invention questions have no wrong answer, which makes them useful with children who have learned to be careful about getting things right.
What are you really good at, and how did you get good at it?
Why ask it
Asking how they got good moves the answer from talent to effort, which is the part children rarely hear credited.
What is your favorite thing we do together?
Why ask it
The answer is frequently something small and cheap: a walk, a particular song in the car. It is worth hearing before you plan anything elaborate.
Who are you spending time with at school these days?
Why ask it
Asking who they spend time with, rather than who their best friend is, avoids forcing a single name and picks up shifting groups more accurately.
If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Why ask it
A safe question that reveals where their attention has been, since the destination usually comes from a book, a game, or something a relative mentioned.
What do you want to do when you grow up, and what sounds fun about it?
Why ask it
The reason behind the job is the useful part. Being outside, helping people, or being in charge tells you more than the job title does.
What are you curious about at the moment?
Why ask it
Invites them to bring you their own question rather than answer yours, and their question is often something they have been carrying around for weeks.
What is something you feel proud of yourself for?
Why ask it
Asking for their own pride, rather than praising them, gives you a look at what standards they hold themselves to when nobody is watching.
If you were in charge of our house for a day, which rule would you change first?
Why ask it
Playful framing surfaces genuine frustrations they would not raise directly, and the rule they pick is usually the one that feels unfair rather than the strictest.
Was there anything today that felt unfair or upset you?
Why ask it
Gives children a normal opening to raise problems instead of waiting for you to notice something is wrong. Ask it often enough that it stops feeling like an interrogation.
What makes you feel brave?
Why ask it
Better than asking whether they were brave, which invites a yes. This asks for the conditions, which is something they can actually use next time.
What is something you worry about, even if it seems small?
Why ask it
The words 'even if it seems small' do the work, because children often decide their worry is not big enough to bother an adult with.
What is something you tried that did not work out, and what did you do next?
Why ask it
Treating setbacks as ordinary events, rather than as failures needing comfort, is what builds persistence. Resist fixing it while they are telling you.
If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
Why ask it
Older children give surprisingly concrete answers about fairness and animals and money, and the answer is often a window into something they saw or overheard.
Is there something you wish grown-ups understood about being your age?
Why ask it
Works best with children over about eight, and gets at the gap between how they are treated and how they see themselves. Expect a pause before the answer.
Engaging Children in Conversation
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to Ask
Ask about a moment, not the day
'How was school?' asks a child to summarize seven hours, which is hard work. Lunch, recess, or the walk home are small enough to answer.
Let the silence run
Children often need several seconds before answering, and adults usually fill the gap with a second question. Wait longer than feels comfortable.
Do not fix it immediately
When something difficult comes out, advice can end the conversation. Repeating back what they said keeps it going and is usually what they wanted.
When to Ask
Side by side beats face to face
The car, doing dishes, walking the dog. Children talk more freely when they are not being looked at directly and there is something else to focus on.
Not in the first ten minutes after school
Most children need to eat and decompress before they can talk about the day. The same question at bedtime often gets a much longer answer.
One or two, not the whole list
A run of questions becomes an interview. Pick one, follow it wherever it goes, and leave the rest for another day.
Common Pitfalls
Questions with a right answer
'Were you kind to your sister today?' is a test, not a question. Children learn quickly to give the answer that ends the conversation fastest.
Reacting strongly to the honest answer
If admitting something went wrong leads to a lecture, the next honest answer costs more. What you do with the first hard answer sets the price of the rest.
Only asking when something is wrong
If questions arrive only after a bad report or an incident, being asked becomes a warning sign. Ask on the ordinary days too.