Conflict Resolution Questions to Ask
Powerful questions to ask during conflict resolution to understand perspectives, identify underlying issues, find common ground, and build collaborative solutions in workplace, family, or interpersonal disputes.
1Can you help me understand your perspective on what happened?
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Can you help me understand your perspective on what happened?
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Why this works
Opens dialogue and shows willingness to listen without judgment.
2What outcome would feel fair and satisfactory to you?
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What outcome would feel fair and satisfactory to you?
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Why this works
Clarifies desired end state and what matters most to them.
3What needs or concerns are driving your position?
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What needs or concerns are driving your position?
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Why this works
Gets beneath positions to underlying interests—key to resolution.
4How has this situation affected you personally or professionally?
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How has this situation affected you personally or professionally?
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Why this works
Acknowledges impact and validates emotions.
5What assumptions might we each be making that could be wrong?
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What assumptions might we each be making that could be wrong?
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Why this works
Challenges narratives and opens space for new understanding.
6Where do you think our views overlap or agree?
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Where do you think our views overlap or agree?
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Why this works
Identifies common ground as foundation for resolution.
7What would you need from me to feel heard and respected?
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What would you need from me to feel heard and respected?
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Why this works
Shows commitment to process and relationship repair.
8Can we separate the problem from the people involved?
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Can we separate the problem from the people involved?
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Why this works
Reframes conflict as shared challenge rather than personal battle.
9What solutions can we brainstorm together that address both our concerns?
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What solutions can we brainstorm together that address both our concerns?
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Why this works
Shifts from adversarial to collaborative problem-solving.
10What are you willing to compromise on, and what's non-negotiable?
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What are you willing to compromise on, and what's non-negotiable?
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Why this works
Clarifies flexibility and boundaries for negotiation.
11How can we prevent this type of conflict in the future?
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How can we prevent this type of conflict in the future?
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Why this works
Focuses on learning and systemic improvement.
12What would it take for you to move forward from this?
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What would it take for you to move forward from this?
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Why this works
Identifies path to closure and reconciliation.
13Are there underlying issues we haven't addressed that contribute to this?
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Are there underlying issues we haven't addressed that contribute to this?
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Why this works
Surfaces root causes beyond the immediate trigger.
14What's your biggest fear if we can't resolve this?
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What's your biggest fear if we can't resolve this?
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Why this works
Reveals stakes and motivates collaborative resolution.
15How would you like our relationship or working dynamic to look going forward?
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How would you like our relationship or working dynamic to look going forward?
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Why this works
Envisions positive future and shared goals.
16What role have I played in this situation, and what can I do differently?
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What role have I played in this situation, and what can I do differently?
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Why this works
Models accountability and invites mutual responsibility.
17What criteria should we use to evaluate potential solutions?
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What criteria should we use to evaluate potential solutions?
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Why this works
Establishes objective standards for decision-making.
18Is there anyone else whose input would help us resolve this?
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Is there anyone else whose input would help us resolve this?
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Why this works
Identifies stakeholders or mediators who could facilitate.
19What's one small step we could take right now to move in a positive direction?
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What's one small step we could take right now to move in a positive direction?
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Why this works
Builds momentum with immediate action.
20Can we agree to check in after implementing a solution to see how it's working?
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Can we agree to check in after implementing a solution to see how it's working?
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Why this works
Ensures accountability and creates space for adjustment.
Effective Conflict Resolution Strategies
Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.
Best Practices
Focus on Interests, Not Positions
Ask why someone wants what they want—underlying needs are often compatible even when positions aren't.
Use 'I' Statements, Not 'You' Accusations
'I felt X when Y happened' is less defensive than 'You did X.'
Listen to Understand, Not to Respond
Repeat back what you heard before offering your view—validation precedes resolution.
Conflict Resolution Framework
Resolution Process
Common Pitfalls
Trying to 'Win' the Argument
Resolution requires collaboration, not victory—focus on mutual gain.
Bringing Up Past Conflicts
Stay focused on the current issue—dredging up history escalates rather than resolves.