Funny Questions to Ask After Wisdom Teeth
Twenty questions for the first few hours after a wisdom tooth extraction, while the sedation is still wearing off. Written for the person on gauze duty, with notes on consent, filming, and when to stop asking and let them sleep.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How are you feeling, honestly?
Why ask it
Ask this first and mean it. Someone who says fine through packed gauze usually is fine. Someone who goes quiet and stares at the floor is often nauseated from the sedation and needs a bowl and silence, not a bit.
Do you know where you are and how you got here?
Why ask it
The one genuinely useful question in the batch. Slurred speech is expected. Not being able to place the dental office, or asking you the same thing again five minutes later, is information for whoever is driving.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Why ask it
Everyone reaches for this one, and the joke is that the answer is usually correct and delivered with total contempt. Two wrong answers in a row means they are further under than they look, so slow down.
What's the last thing you remember before they put you under?
Why ask it
Sedation tends to cut the tape mid-sentence, so the last memory is something mundane: a ceiling tile, a ringtone at the front desk. The size of the gap is what surprises them, not the memory.
Can you say 'wisdom teeth' three times fast?
Why ask it
A way to let them hear their own gauze voice on purpose instead of being ambushed by it later. One attempt is enough, and if it clearly hurts, drop it.
Count backwards from ten for me.
Why ask it
They either nail it and get smug about it, or lose the thread around six and find that funnier than you do. Either way you learn how much of them is back.
Alphabet backwards. Go.
Why ask it
Almost nobody can do this sober, which is the point. It is a test they cannot fail, so it gets a laugh without making them feel like they are being checked on.
What's seven plus five?
Why ask it
The pause before the answer is the funny part, not the answer. If they cannot get there at all, put the quiz down and hand them water.
Have you looked in a mirror yet? Do you want to?
Why ask it
Asking first matters more than you would think. Some people find their own swollen face hilarious and some do not want to see it for two days, and you find out which in about a second.
If you got to keep the teeth, what would you do with them?
Why ask it
Answers run from a jar on a shelf to elaborate revenge plans. It keeps them talking about the surgery without dwelling on the parts that actually hurt.
What's the first solid thing you're eating when this is over?
Why ask it
The best question here for someone groggy: concrete, future tense, and no wrong answer. A specific order from a specific place is a good sign that they are tracking again.
Ice cream, smoothie or soup for the next three days? Pick a lane.
Why ask it
Practical dressed up as silly. Whoever is feeding them needs this answer, and if the dentist said no straws, the smoothie plan needs revising anyway.
Do you know what you were saying in the car?
Why ask it
Usually they have no idea, which is where the comedy is. Keep the reveal small and kind, because this is the exact point where a friend goes too far.
What did the surgeon tell you before we left?
Why ask it
Half the time they cannot repeat a word of it. That is a useful demonstration of why the printed aftercare sheet went home with the sober person instead.
Who's your favorite person in this room?
Why ask it
Sedation lowers the filter, so the answer is often embarrassingly sincere. Take the compliment and do not bring it up as leverage next week.
Any strong opinions you'd like to get off your chest while you have an excuse?
Why ask it
An open door instead of a trap. They choose what comes out, which is the difference between a story they retell for years and one they resent you for.
Is your face numb enough that you wouldn't notice a sticker on it?
Why ask it
Physical comedy with the consent built in. The answer also tells you where the numbness has worn off, which matters the first time they try to eat.
What are we watching while you sit here with ice on your face?
Why ask it
One easy decision that settles the next two hours. Anything with a plot will be forgotten by evening, so the honest answer is usually a rerun.
How much of this do you want me to remind you about tomorrow?
Why ask it
The consent question, asked in the room rather than assumed afterwards. If the answer is none of it, that covers the video sitting on your phone.
Want me to stop asking questions and let you sleep?
Why ask it
Ask this earlier than you think you need to. The right ending is them dozing off mid-answer, not a fifth take for the camera.
Asking questions after a wisdom tooth extraction
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you start
One person stays on the job
Someone has to hold the aftercare sheet, the spare gauze, the prescription and the phone number for the office. If that is you, do that first and play second.
Check the mouth before the camera
Gauze needs changing on a schedule for the first stretch after surgery, and a lot of talking works it loose. Keep questions short and space them around the changes.
They cannot really consent yet
Sedation affects judgement for the rest of the day. Treat any yes you get in the first few hours as provisional and ask again tomorrow, when it counts.
If you are filming
- Ask before you record, then ask again when they are sober and before it goes anywhere.
- Keep out anything where they are crying, in pain, or talking about a third person who is not in the room.
- Send it to them privately first. A clip that eleven people in a group chat find funny is a different thing from a clip on a public account.
- Delete it on request, with no negotiating and no copy kept.
When to stop asking
- They feel sick or have vomited. Sit them up, keep a bowl nearby and stop talking.
- Bleeding has not slowed after steady pressure on fresh gauze. That is a call to the dental office, not a question for the internet.
- They keep asking you the same thing. Nothing said now will be remembered, so there is no point in it.
- Pain that climbs over the following days instead of easing is worth a call to the office rather than another joke.
- They ask you to stop. That is the whole rule.
Keeping it kind
The person in the chair is swollen, tired and not in charge of what they say. The version of this that people remember fondly is the one where the joke was clearly on the situation and not on them, and where the person holding the phone put it down first.