Funny Questions to Ask When High
Twenty absurd questions for a slow evening with a few friends: what clouds would taste like, what the furniture does when the house is empty, the most suspicious vegetable, and the one idea from a night like this that turned out to be genuinely good.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What do you think clouds would taste like?
Why ask it
It is the easiest question here because everyone can answer it in three words and nobody can be wrong. The people who describe a texture rather than a flavour are the ones who will carry the rest of the evening.
What do you think your pet has decided about you?
Why ask it
Decided is the word that makes this work: it assumes a verdict already exists rather than asking what the animal thinks. Answers are usually unflattering and delivered with total confidence.
If colours had personalities, which one is the worst flatmate?
Why ask it
Attaching an abstract idea to a concrete annoyance gives people something to argue about immediately. Expect the room to split, and expect somebody to defend a colour with real feeling.
What happens to all the missing socks?
Why ask it
This is a shared mystery with no answer, so it functions as a group storytelling prompt rather than a question. The best versions escalate: ask what the socks want.
What would be the worst superpower to have at a party?
Why ask it
Inverting the usual superpower question is what makes it land, because the answers have to be socially specific. Mind reading comes up constantly, and it is worth asking why nobody wants it.
If you could taste music, which genre is the spiciest?
Why ask it
Crossing two senses gives people a puzzle they can solve out loud, and the reasoning is better than the answer. Anyone who takes it literally and starts assigning flavours to bands is doing it right.
What do you think the furniture does when the house is empty?
Why ask it
Objects in the room are visible, so this question collects props as it goes. It works better than asking about a house in general because everyone can point at the sofa.
What's the hardest thing about being human to explain to something that isn't?
Why ask it
This is the question that flips from silly to genuinely interesting without warning. Money, shoes, and small talk are the usual answers, and all three hold up.
What would your phone say about you if it could talk, and would you let it?
Why ask it
The second clause is where the honesty is: everyone hesitates, and the hesitation is funnier than any answer. Do not push anyone who says no.
Who decided what order the alphabet goes in?
Why ask it
A question with a real but unavailable answer keeps a group going longer than a hypothetical does. Somebody will reach for their phone, and it is worth stopping them for five minutes first.
What's a word that's stopped sounding like a word?
Why ask it
Everyone has one, and saying it out loud repeatedly does the job for you. This is the question most likely to break the room.
If your shadow gave an interview about you, what's the headline?
Why ask it
The headline format forces brevity, which stops the answer sprawling. It is also the gentlest way in this set to get someone to describe themselves.
What's the most suspicious vegetable?
Why ask it
Complete nonsense with a definite answer, which is why it produces the most confident debate of the evening. Ask for the case against, not the reason why.
If you had to rename an animal based purely on how it behaves, which one and what?
Why ask it
This is a creative task rather than an opinion, so it gets the quieter people talking. The best answers describe the animal so accurately that the current name starts sounding wrong.
What would be the worst job for someone who's always hungry?
Why ask it
It is a joke about the room and everyone knows it, which is exactly why it works at this point in the evening. Answers get increasingly specific about proximity to food.
What do you reckon dogs think we do all day when we go out?
Why ask it
This gets more sincerity than it deserves, and the sincerity is the funny part. Anyone with a dog will answer as if they have already checked.
What were you completely certain about at fifteen that makes no sense now?
Why ask it
The first genuinely reflective question here, and it works because the earlier ones have loosened everyone up. Keep it at fifteen: a vaguer question gets a vaguer answer.
If you could ask your future self one question but only get a yes or a no, what would you ask?
Why ask it
The yes or no limit is what makes people choose carefully, and the choice reveals more than an open question would. If someone will not say theirs out loud, that is a fair answer too.
What's the most confusing thing you could find in someone else's fridge?
Why ask it
Fridges are private in a mundane way, so this stays harmless while sounding invasive. The answers turn into stories about flatmates almost immediately.
What's an idea you've had on a night like this that turned out to be genuinely good?
Why ask it
This is the closing question because it takes the evening seriously without getting solemn. Most people have exactly one, and it is usually smaller than the ones that seemed brilliant at the time.
Keeping a long conversation going
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to run it
Small group, one question at a time
Three or four people is the size where everyone answers. Above about six, the room splits into side conversations and the question gets lost, so ask again rather than moving on.
Start absurd, not deep
The clouds and the socks questions do the warming up. Opening with the one about your future self lands heavily and tends to flatten the mood for the next twenty minutes.
Write down the good ones
Nobody will remember any of this tomorrow, which is a genuine loss when someone says something excellent. One person keeping notes in their phone is enough.
Follow the tangent
The point is not to get through the list. If the suspicious vegetable takes forty minutes, the evening has worked and you can keep the other fifteen questions for another time.
Reading the room
Anxiety changes which questions work
If someone is uneasy rather than relaxed, drop anything about the future, their phone, or how they see themselves. Concrete nonsense about vegetables and socks is much kinder, and it gives them somewhere to put their attention.
Do not press anyone who declines
Two of these questions have a built-in opt-out for a reason. If someone passes, take it at face value and go to the next person rather than coming back to them.
Do not treat any of it as a confession
Things said on an evening like this are not a fair basis for a conversation next week. If something real slipped out, let them raise it again first.
Nobody is driving
Sort the practical parts before you start: who is staying, who is walking, what there is to eat. It is a dull point and it is the only one that matters after the questions run out.