Good Music Questions to Ask
Questions about someone's music: the song that reliably fixes a bad mood, their first concert and first album, the record they play end to end, the genre they hide, and the track they always skip.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What song fixes a bad mood every time?
Why ask it
Reliability is the point. A song that works every time is usually one somebody is slightly embarrassed by, which makes the answer honest.
What was the first concert you went to, and who took you?
Why ask it
The chaperone is half the story. First concerts are usually chosen by a parent's budget or an older sibling's taste, not by the person answering.
What's the first album you bought with your own money?
Why ask it
Buying it yourself marks the point where taste stopped being inherited. Expect a precise year and often the shop.
What album do you still play start to finish?
Why ask it
Separates people who listen to albums from people who listen to songs, which changes how the rest of the conversation should go.
Which song puts you back in one specific room?
Why ask it
Ask for the room, not the feeling, and you get a scene: a car, a kitchen, a particular summer. Vaguer versions of this question get vaguer answers.
What music do you put on to work, and does it have words?
Why ask it
The lyrics half is doing the work. Whether somebody can concentrate through words tells you what music is for during their working day.
What genre do you love that you would not admit at a party?
Why ask it
Everyone has one, and naming the party is what gives permission. The genre matters less than who they are hiding it from.
Which song do you skip every time, and why is it still on the playlist?
Why ask it
The second half is the good part. Nobody deletes the song, which usually means somebody else put it there.
What lyric have you thought about years later?
Why ask it
'Years later' rules out whatever they heard this week. The lines that stay tend to be plainer than people expect.
Which artist do you push on everyone?
Why ask it
Shows what somebody thinks is underrated and how they behave about it. Ask how the recommendation usually goes down.
What's the best live show you have seen, and what made it?
Why ask it
The best shows are rarely the biggest. The reason given, a venue, a crowd, a night that nearly did not happen, is the part worth hearing.
Which song belongs to someone in your life whether you like it or not?
Why ask it
Some songs are permanently attached to a person, sometimes unwillingly. This gets closer to a relationship than asking about it directly would.
What did you listen to at fourteen, and can you still defend it?
Why ask it
Fourteen is when music is least negotiable. The defense, or the refusal to attempt one, is where the humor is.
What song would you want played when people gather after you die?
Why ask it
Plainly asked and usually answered without hesitation, because most people have already thought about it. Let it go if they would rather not.
Which instrument do you wish you had kept up?
Why ask it
Almost everyone quit something. What they wish they had kept says what they think they would have become.
What did you love as a kid that still holds?
Why ask it
Distinguishes what survived from what was simply early. Push for one song rather than a whole soundtrack.
Which song can you not sit still through?
Why ask it
Physical rather than sentimental, which makes it a good change of pace. The answer is often not something they would list as a favorite.
Who would you go back in time to see play?
Why ask it
Keep it to seeing a performance rather than meeting the artist. The night and the venue somebody picks says as much as the name.
What have you discovered in the last year that surprised you?
Why ask it
Asks about current taste rather than a personal canon, which is where most music conversations get stuck. Recent finds are easy to share afterward.
What music can you not work out why people like?
Why ask it
Genuine bafflement makes better conversation than dislike, as long as it stays about the music. Expect to be asked it straight back.
Talking about music well
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to ask
- Play the answers where you can. A song somebody names turns into a conversation once it is actually in the room.
- Ask for the year, the venue, the person who introduced it. Music questions collapse into lists of names without those details.
- Answer your own questions. Nobody names an embarrassing genre to somebody who has only nodded along so far.
Where these work
- The first six work with a stranger, at a table or in a car. The ones about a person in their life and about a funeral need somebody you know.
- In a group, ask one question and go round it. Music produces the rare kind of round where nobody is bored waiting their turn.
- On a long drive, the mood, working, sitting-still and recent-discovery questions all come with an obvious next step: hand over the aux.
What kills the conversation
- Do not rank somebody's answer, out loud or visibly. Correcting taste ends an exchange faster than disagreeing about anything else.
- Skip the trivia contest. Knowing more about a band than the person who loves it wins nothing.
- Do not insist somebody listen to your answer on the spot. Send it later if they seemed interested.