20 Questions

Good Questions to Ask Teenagers

Thoughtful questions to connect with teenagers, showing genuine interest in their world while respecting their growing independence and unique perspective on life.

1

What's something you're really excited about right now, and why does it matter to you?

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Why this works

Opens conversation about their current interests and passions, showing genuine interest in what's important to them without being intrusive.

2

What's the best part of being your age, and what's the most challenging?

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Why this works

Acknowledges both the positive and difficult aspects of being a teenager, validating their experiences while understanding their perspective.

3

If you could change one thing about school, what would it be and why?

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Why this works

Gives them a safe space to express frustrations about school while showing interest in their educational experience and ideas for improvement.

4

What's something you've learned about yourself recently that surprised you?

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Why this works

Encourages self-reflection and personal growth awareness, showing interest in their developing identity and self-understanding.

5

Who are the people in your life who really understand you, and what makes them special?

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Why this works

Reveals their support system and relationships, showing interest in their social connections and what they value in friendships.

6

What's something you're proud of that you've accomplished this year?

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Why this works

Celebrates their achievements and successes, building their confidence and showing recognition for their efforts and growth.

7

If you could give advice to someone starting high school, what would you tell them?

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Why this works

Allows them to share wisdom and experience, showing respect for their knowledge while giving them a chance to be helpful to others.

8

What's something you wish adults understood better about teenagers?

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Why this works

Gives them a voice to express their perspective on generational differences and helps adults understand their world better.

9

What's something you're looking forward to in the next few years?

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Why this works

Explores their hopes and dreams for the future, showing interest in their aspirations and goals without being overwhelming.

10

What's the most interesting thing you've discovered or learned recently?

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Why this works

Encourages sharing of their learning and discoveries, showing interest in their intellectual curiosity and growth.

11

How do you handle stress or pressure when things get overwhelming?

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Why this works

Reveals their coping strategies and resilience, while showing concern for their well-being and offering support if needed.

12

What's something you're really good at that you enjoy doing?

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Why this works

Highlights their strengths and talents, building their confidence and showing appreciation for their abilities and interests.

13

If you could spend a day doing anything you wanted, what would you choose and why?

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Why this works

Reveals their interests and preferences in a fun, non-threatening way, showing interest in their ideal activities and motivations.

14

What's something you've changed your mind about recently, and what made you change it?

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Why this works

Shows their capacity for growth and change, revealing their critical thinking skills and openness to new perspectives.

15

What's the best advice you've ever received, and who gave it to you?

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Why this works

Reveals their values and the people who influence them, showing respect for their relationships and the wisdom they've received.

16

What's something you're curious about that you'd like to learn more about?

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Why this works

Encourages their intellectual curiosity and shows interest in their learning goals and areas of interest.

17

How do you like to spend time with your friends, and what makes those times special?

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Why this works

Explores their social preferences and relationships, showing interest in their friendships and social activities.

18

What's something you've accomplished that required you to step outside your comfort zone?

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Why this works

Celebrates their courage and growth, showing recognition for their willingness to try new things and take risks.

19

What's something you wish you could do more of, and what's stopping you?

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Why this works

Reveals their desires and potential obstacles, offering insight into their goals and challenges while showing support for their aspirations.

20

What's something you're grateful for that you might not have appreciated a few years ago?

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Why this works

Shows their growing maturity and appreciation for life, revealing their developing perspective and gratitude.

Best Practices for Talking with Teenagers

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Best Practices

Listen More Than You Talk

Give teenagers space to share their thoughts and feelings without interrupting or immediately offering advice or solutions.

Show Genuine Interest

Ask follow-up questions and show that you're truly interested in their perspective, not just going through the motions.

Respect Their Independence

Acknowledge their growing autonomy and decision-making abilities while still being available for guidance and support.

Question Sequences

The Interest Discovery

1
What's something you're really excited about right now?
2
What's the best part of being your age?
3
What's something you're proud of accomplishing?
4
What's something you're curious about?

The Perspective Check

1
What's something you wish adults understood about teenagers?
2
What's the most challenging part of being your age?
3
How do you handle stress when things get overwhelming?
4
What's the best advice you've ever received?

Common Pitfalls

Don't Lecture or Preach

Avoid turning conversations into teaching moments or lectures. Focus on listening and understanding their perspective.

Don't Dismiss Their Feelings

Take their emotions and experiences seriously, even if they seem trivial from an adult perspective.

Don't Compare to Your Experience

Avoid saying things like 'when I was your age' or comparing their experience to yours, as their world is different.

Conversation Templates

The Interest Check-In

1
Step 1: Start with: "I'm curious about what's going on in your world. What's something you're really excited about right now?"
2
Step 2: Follow with: "What's the best part of being your age?"
3
Step 3: Deepen with: "What's something you're proud of accomplishing recently?"

Further Reading

"The Teenage Brain" by Frances E. Jensen
"How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk" by Adele Faber
"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens" by Sean Covey

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