Middle School Questions to Ask
Questions to ask middle school students, written for the teachers, coaches, youth leaders and parents of sixth, seventh and eighth graders who keep getting one-word answers. The 63 questions run in the order a real conversation does: easy openers, a round of fun questions middle schoolers will actually answer, then school, friends, what they are getting good at, and last the deeper ones about hard days and who they turn to. The fun and school questions hold up in front of a whole class or team; the ones about friends and hard days are for a moment when nobody else is listening.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Openers
What was the best part of today, and what was the worst?
Why ask it
Asking for both halves gives permission to say something negative, which asking how their day was never does. The worst part is usually small and social, a seat change or a lost hoodie, and it is the more useful half.
What's the funniest thing that happened at school this week?
Why ask it
Retelling something funny is far easier than reporting on a day, and most middle schoolers will do it at length. You also pick up the cast of characters in their day, which makes every later conversation easier to follow.
Which class do you actually not mind?
Why ask it
Ask for a favorite subject and you get the one they think they should name. Not minding gets an honest answer, and the reason is usually the teacher, who they sit next to, or being allowed to move around, rather than the content.
What are you watching or playing right now that you'd tell me to try?
Why ask it
A recommendation puts them in charge for once, and they will keep talking as long as you do not judge the answer. Questions about how a game works land far better than questions about screen time.
What's the worst thing on the lunch menu, and what would you replace it with?
Why ask it
A complaint with no wrong answer makes a good warm-up and usually gets a laugh. Watch for a student who says they do not eat lunch at all, which sometimes points to money or to having nowhere to sit.
What do you do in the first ten minutes after you get home?
Why ask it
The routine tells you more than a question about hobbies. Snack and screen, straight to a younger sibling, asleep until dinner are all ordinary answers, and once you know the usual one you will notice when it changes.
What song have you had on repeat lately?
Why ask it
Most will name a song on a day they would never name a feeling, and the song often does that job for them. Ask to hear ten seconds of it and keep your review to yourself.
What's on after school for you this week?
Why ask it
Practice, rehearsal, minding a younger brother or nothing at all: a schedule is easy to recite, and it shows how much of the week is their own. Ask which part they would keep if it were up to them.
What are you hoping happens this weekend?
Why ask it
Hoping is a lower bar than planning, which most kids this age leave to other people. A sleepover, a game release, a tournament or simply being left alone are all real answers, and each shows what the week has been building toward.
Fun
If you ran the school for one day, what would the schedule look like?
Why ask it
Expect a later start and a longer lunch, and then it gets inventive. What they add shows what the day is missing for them, whether that is time outside, time with friends or a nap.
Which teacher would win a school-wide game of hide and seek?
Why ask it
It lets students talk about teachers with affection and no risk, because the question is plainly silly. The reasoning is the fun part: who is patient, who is sneaky, who would give up and go get coffee.
What's the most useless superpower you can think of?
Why ask it
Inventing a bad power is easier and funnier than choosing a good one, since there is no cool answer to get wrong. In a group it turns into a contest, so let three or four students top each other before moving on.
If you could only eat one meal for a whole month, what would it be?
Why ask it
Everyone has an answer within two seconds, which makes this a good one for the quietest student to go first on. Push on the details, such as whether the sides come with it, and the argument takes care of itself.
Where would be the worst possible place for a field trip?
Why ask it
Kids who freeze when asked for a favorite have no trouble naming a worst. An answer like the dentist or the school's own parking lot gets a room voting without being told to.
Would you rather be the funniest person in your grade or the best at one thing?
Why ask it
This is a fun choice with a real one underneath, since being funny and being good at something are two of the main ways to matter in a middle school hallway. Take either answer at face value and ask what the one thing would be.
What would you call a band made up of you and your friends?
Why ask it
A band name is an inside joke waiting to be told, so the story behind it often comes along. Follow up by asking who would play what, which shows how they see each friend.
What emoji doesn't exist yet that you'd use all the time?
Why ask it
Anyone who texts has firm views about which emoji is missing. The feeling or situation they want an emoji for is frequently one they have had this week.
What could you beat me at right now?
Why ask it
Middle schoolers love being better than an adult at something, and this hands them the chance. Accept the challenge if you can, because losing a round of their game does more for the relationship than another ten questions.
What word or phrase are you saying way too much lately?
Why ask it
Slang is a point of pride at this age and they enjoy explaining it to someone who is behind. Ask what it means and where it came from, and resist using it back, which ends the fun at once.
What would your pet, or any animal you know, say about you if it could talk for a minute?
Why ask it
It is a sideways way of asking how they see themselves, wrapped in a joke about the dog. Kids without a pet can pick a neighbor's cat or a class hamster, so nobody is left out.
Where would you go with a free Saturday and a ride anywhere?
Why ask it
The place is the easy half and the reason is the useful one. A mall because that is where friends gather, a grandparent's house, somewhere the family went once: each says something different about what an ordinary week leaves out.
School
If you could get rid of one school rule, which would it be?
Why ask it
Small, unglamorous rules come up first: phones, bathroom passes, hoods up. You learn what they actually feel controlled by, and often about a rule being enforced more harshly than whoever wrote it intended.
What's different about this grade compared with last year?
Why ask it
Sixth graders tend to talk about lockers, changing rooms and having more teachers, seventh graders about harder work and shifting friend groups, eighth graders about high school getting close. Whatever they pick is the thing they are still adjusting to.
Which part of the school day goes fastest, and which part drags?
Why ask it
Fast and slow are easier to report than good and bad, and nobody feels they are telling on a teacher. The part that drags is not always the hard class; sometimes it is the one where they have no one to talk to.
What does a teacher do that actually helps you get it?
Why ask it
Students this age can describe good teaching precisely: going over it a second way, letting them try before explaining, not calling on them cold. If you teach, this is free feedback, and if you are a parent it shows you how to help at the kitchen table.
What should I know about you that would make this year go better?
Why ask it
Teachers ask this in the first week, and it goes better on paper, where nobody has to answer in front of the room. Students write what no file holds: that they cannot see the board from the back, that they dread reading aloud, that they get a younger sibling to school first. A coach can swap year for season.
Which assignment this year did you put real effort into?
Why ask it
Effort is a better thing to ask about than the grade, because they know which piece of work they cared about. Ask to see it if it still exists somewhere, and look properly before you comment.
When you get stuck on homework, what's the first thing you do?
Why ask it
Texting a friend, searching online, asking a sibling and shutting the laptop are all strategies, and only the last one is a problem. You also find out whether asking the teacher is on their list at all.
What's the state of your backpack or locker right now?
Why ask it
Keeping track of papers, chargers and gym clothes across a whole day of different rooms is a skill most middle schoolers are still building. Asked as a joke, it lets them admit to the chaos, and an offer of ten minutes of help sorting it lands better afterward.
Is there a class where you'd like to speak up more than you do?
Why ask it
Plenty of kids who talk nonstop at home go silent in one particular room. The reason is usually who else is in it, and knowing that changes what kind of encouragement will help.
What did you learn this year that you didn't expect to care about?
Why ask it
It gets past the reflex that school is boring by assuming one exception exists. A unit on volcanoes, a novel, a coding project: when they name it, ask what made that one different.
If you could add one club or team here, what would it be?
Why ask it
This surfaces an interest with no current outlet. Sometimes what they describe already exists at the school and they have never heard of it, which you can fix on the spot.
Friends
Who at school makes you laugh the most?
Why ask it
Friendship is easier to talk about through humor than through the word friendship. If no name comes at all, note it quietly and return to it another day rather than pressing in the moment.
Who was at your lunch table today?
Why ask it
It is a narrow factual question with names in the answer, which is why it works where asking about friends in general does not. A table that has changed since you last asked is worth noticing and not yet worth a comment; ask again next week.
What do you and your friends mostly do when you're together?
Why ask it
The answer may be a game played from four different houses, and that counts as together. You learn whether friendship happens in person, online or only inside the school day, each of which leaves a kid in a different spot over a long break.
Is your friend group the same as it was a year ago?
Why ask it
Groups reshuffle a great deal in these grades, and most kids assume they are the only one it is happening to. A plain yes or no lets them report a change without telling the whole story of how it happened.
What makes someone a good friend in middle school?
Why ask it
Put in general terms it is not about any one person, though one person is usually in mind. Listen for the words they choose, such as loyal, funny or does not talk behind your back, because they name either what they prize or what has been missing.
What's something decent a friend did for you lately?
Why ask it
Small acts are what count here: saving a seat, sharing notes, not laughing along. It turns their attention to who is actually good to them, in years when popularity can look like the same thing.
What's the group chat like these days?
Why ask it
Where students have phones, much of the social life runs through a chat, and its mood changes week to week. Ask about the tone, funny or tense or dead, and never ask to see the phone, or this question will not work twice.
When two of your friends are arguing, what do you usually end up doing?
Why ask it
Most kids have a set role: peacemaker, messenger, the one who disappears until it blows over. Hearing them name it shows how much of other people's conflict they are carrying around.
Is there someone in your grade you think more people should give a chance?
Why ask it
It asks for generosity and usually gets it, since they notice who is left out far more than adults assume. Now and then the description sounds a lot like the student in front of you, and that is worth remembering.
About you
What's something you're weirdly good at that most people don't know about?
Why ask it
Students this age name weaknesses readily and skills reluctantly. Framing it as weird lets them claim something sideways, and the answers get specific: braiding hair, backing a trailer, knowing every bus route in town.
What do you know more about than most adults do?
Why ask it
Every middle schooler is an expert in something, whether a game's lore, a sport's records, sneakers or one singer's whole catalog. Let them teach you for five minutes and ask real questions, because being taken seriously as an expert is rare at twelve.
What's something you've gotten better at this year?
Why ask it
Improvement is easier to claim than talent. If the answer is vague, like school, ask again with a timeframe: what can you do now that you could not do in September?
What did you used to love that you've outgrown?
Why ask it
These years are full of quietly dropping things: a show, a toy, a sport, sometimes a friend. Talking about what they have left behind is a comfortable way to talk about who they are becoming, and some kids will admit they miss it.
What are you allowed to do now that you weren't a year ago?
Why ask it
Walking somewhere alone, staying home, a later bedtime, a phone: new freedoms are a big deal in these years. The answer also shows what they are comparing with friends, since they tend to know exactly what everyone else is allowed.
What would you like to be trusted with that you aren't yet?
Why ask it
This one is mainly for parents, and it only works if you are prepared to consider the answer. Asking what they could do to show they are ready turns a complaint into a plan you can both hold to.
Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried you'd be bad at?
Why ask it
Fear of looking foolish in front of peers drives a lot of decisions at this age. Saying the thing out loud is often most of the work, and it gives you something concrete to nudge them toward later.
Where do you feel most like yourself, and who is usually there?
Why ask it
Middle schoolers spend much of the day adjusting to whoever is watching, and they know it. The place or people they name, a team, a grandparent's kitchen, their room with the door shut, is where to find them when they need steadying.
Who's someone older you look up to, and what is it about them?
Why ask it
The person is often only a few years older: a cousin, a high school teammate, a sibling's friend. The quality they admire, being calm or funny or sure of themselves, is the one they are trying on.
What's something you've changed your mind about this year?
Why ask it
This asks for self-awareness without asking them to sound wise. The answers are usually about a person rather than an idea: a friend who turned out differently, a teacher they had misjudged.
What's the best advice anyone has actually given you?
Why ask it
The word actually filters out poster slogans. Real answers come from a parent, an older sibling or a coach, and tend to be blunter than anything an adult would say in front of a class.
Deeper
What do adults get wrong about middle schoolers?
Why ask it
They are almost never asked to critique adults and they take the invitation seriously. Expect complaints about being talked down to, being assumed to be on a phone, or being asked about grades before anything else.
What stresses you out that adults probably think is small?
Why ask it
A presentation, a group project partner, a seat on the bus: the stakes look low from outside and enormous from inside. Do not shrink it once they tell you, since that is exactly what the question promised you would not do.
What's something unfair you've noticed this year?
Why ask it
Fairness is close to an obsession at this age and they keep careful accounts. Whether the example is about them or about someone else, hearing it out without defending the adult involved is what earns the next conversation.
Apart from the schoolwork, what's the hardest part of a normal day?
Why ask it
What comes back is often one of the unsupervised parts of the day: hallways, locker rooms, the bus, lunch. Naming one of those is often as close as a student will come to telling you that something is happening to them there.
What do you do when you've had a bad day?
Why ask it
You are learning their repair kit, which might be music, a shower, a game, a pet or going quiet in their room. Once you know it you can stop reading the closed door as a problem and leave it shut for an hour.
When something goes wrong, who's the first person you tell?
Why ask it
What matters is whether an answer exists at all. A friend, cousin, coach or older sibling all count. A long pause, or naming only strangers online, tells you what is missing without you having to ask about it directly.
How can you tell when an adult is really listening to you?
Why ask it
The answers are a checklist you can use the same day: putting the phone down, not interrupting, remembering it later. It also lets them tell you, politely, what you have been getting wrong.
What's one thing I could do that would make your week easier?
Why ask it
Keep it to one thing and one week so the request stays small enough to grant. A ride, a later alarm on Saturday, not asking about a test at the door: do it if you can, and say plainly if you cannot.
Is there anything about next year that you're nervous about?
Why ask it
For an eighth grader this is high school; for a sixth grader it may be one teacher with a reputation. Find out what they have heard before you reassure them, because most of it comes from older kids and part of it is wrong.
What would you tell a kid who's nervous about starting at this school next year?
Why ask it
Giving advice is a safe way to describe your own hard time. Whatever they warn the younger kid about is usually what worried them most, said at one remove.
What are you looking forward to in the next couple of months?
Why ask it
A near horizon works better than asking about the future, which at this age produces either a blank or a job title. If genuinely nothing is coming up, that flatness is worth paying attention to.
Getting more than one word back
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
When every answer is fine, good, or nothing
Ask about a window, not a day
How was school covers seven hours and gets one syllable. What happened at lunch, or who you sat with in third period, is small enough to answer. Narrow the frame and the sentences get longer.
Sit alongside them, not across from them
Eye contact raises the stakes for this age group. Car rides, doing dishes, walking somewhere and shooting baskets all produce more talking than sitting across a table does.
Count to five before filling the silence
Most adults rephrase almost at once and accidentally hand over an easier question. If you wait, a shrug often turns into a full answer.
Do not audit the answer
If mentioning a game, a video or a friend reliably leads to a comment about grades or screens, they will stop mentioning things. Hold the follow-up for another day.
Which questions for which setting
A whole class, advisory or team
Stay in the Fun group and the first three School questions, where no answer costs anyone status. Have students walk to a side of the room or tell a partner before anybody speaks to the whole group. Two from further down also work with a room: what makes someone a good friend in middle school, and what adults get wrong about middle schoolers. The rest of Friends and Deeper belongs one to one, because a question about the lunch table or the group chat puts a student's standing on show in a circle.
Sixth, seventh or eighth grade
Sixth graders are still close to elementary school and will usually play along with a silly question. Seventh graders are often the most alert to embarrassment, so good questions to ask 7th graders want an opinion or a complaint before a feeling: the worst place for a field trip, the school rule they would drop, which part of the day drags. Eighth graders are looking toward high school and respond to being asked what they think, including about next year. Schools split the grades differently, so go by the student in front of you more than the number.
A parent, one to one
Ask two questions, not ten, and take them from different groups: an opener, then one from further down the list. The ones about what they are allowed to do, what they want to be trusted with and what would make their week easier only work if you are ready to act on the answer.
A coach, tutor or youth leader
You see them for an hour, a week apart, so your memory does most of the work. Ask what they could beat you at or what they know more about than most adults, then bring the answer up at the next practice or meeting.
Timing that works
- Right after school is the worst window for most students. They are hungry and done talking. Wait until food or evening.
- Two questions in a car beats ten at the kitchen table.
- With a class or a team, ask the whole group something silly first. The student you wanted to check on is easier to talk to afterward, on the way out of the room.
- Come back to a good answer a week later. Remembering the name of their friend or their game proves you were listening more than any follow-up in the moment does.
What to avoid
- Crushes and dating. Even a joking question here shuts down the whole conversation and makes the next one harder.
- Comparisons. Anything shaped like your sister at your age reads as a verdict, not a question.
- Rapid fire. Three questions in a row feels like an interview. Say something about yourself between them.
- Grades as the opener. If your first question is always about a test, they will assume that is the only reason you are talking to them.
- Repeating their words back to the group. This age is watching closely for whether things you are told stay with you.
If something serious comes up
Some of these questions, particularly the ones about the hardest part of the day and who they tell when something goes wrong, occasionally surface bullying, a problem at home, or self-harm. Stay calm, listen, and let them tell it in their own words without pressing for details. Do not promise to keep it to yourself: teachers, coaches and volunteers are often required to report what they hear, and the rules differ by country, state and organization, so find out how it works where you are before you need to know. Say instead that you will tell only the people who can help, and name who that is. Write down what was said in their words the same day and pass it to the school counselor or whoever your organization names for child protection. A parent can start with the school counselor or the child's doctor. If you think a child is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.