Networking Questions to Ask
Questions for a networking conversation with someone roughly at your own level: a conference hallway, a coffee someone set up, a cold introduction call. They cover what the person is actually working on, how they got the job and how they found it, what they wish they had known, who they rate, and how to end with something useful for both of you.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What made you come to this one?
Why ask it
At an event this beats introducing yourself by job title, because it gets to what they are hoping to find: a hire, a supplier, a way out of their current role. That answer tells you within a minute whether you can be useful to each other.
What are you working on this week that's actually interesting?
Why ask it
Adding this week stops them reciting a job description. The word interesting gives them permission to skip the routine parts, and what they choose to talk about shows what they want to be known for.
How did you end up doing this? Was it planned?
Why ask it
Almost nobody planned it, and saying so out loud relaxes the conversation. The accidental route is where the useful detail lives: the manager who took a chance, the redundancy, the side project that became a job.
What's the part of your job people outside it never guess?
Why ask it
This gets past the polished version and often produces the complaint they most want to make: the reporting, the internal politics, the three tools that do not talk to each other. It also tells you what the role is really like if you ever consider it.
What do people come to you for help with most often?
Why ask it
This locates their actual expertise, which is frequently narrower and odder than their title suggests. It is also the most useful thing to remember about them, because it tells you when to get back in touch.
What's changed most in your field in the last couple of years?
Why ask it
Asking about a fixed recent window gets a concrete answer instead of a list of buzzwords. Listen for whether they describe the change as a threat or as work they are enjoying, since that reveals where they sit in it.
What's a tool or process you'd get rid of tomorrow if you could?
Why ask it
Complaints are specific, memorable and honest, and nobody is guarded about software. You will also learn how their organization actually works: what is bought centrally, what is worked around, what nobody will fix.
Who's doing work in this area that you think is underrated?
Why ask it
This gets you names rather than opinions, and the names are ones you would not find by searching. It also shows what they think good work looks like, which is more revealing than asking directly.
Where do you go when you're properly stuck?
Why ask it
The answer maps the informal infrastructure of the field: a particular forum, one former colleague, a group chat, a documentation set everyone secretly relies on. It is the single most practically useful answer in this list.
What did you have to learn on the job that nobody teaches?
Why ask it
Expect scoping work, managing a client's expectations, reading a contract, saying no to a request from above. What they name is usually what separates competent people from struggling ones in that role.
What kind of problem makes you want to clear your calendar?
Why ask it
This gets at what they actually enjoy, in enough detail to act on. If you later bring them a problem of exactly that shape, you have a reason to talk that is not networking, which is how these relationships survive.
What's a job in this field that's better than it sounds, and one that's worse?
Why ask it
Insiders know which titles are quietly good and which are a treadmill, and the pairing makes it easy to be candid about both. This is the closest thing to inside information you will get from a first conversation.
How did you find your current role? Was it even advertised?
Why ask it
A large share of jobs at this level move through people rather than postings. Whichever answer you get tells you where to spend your own effort, and the story usually names the person who made it happen.
What would have to happen for you to leave?
Why ask it
Ask this only once the conversation is comfortable. The answer identifies what they are missing, money, scope, a manager, a commute, and people who name something concrete are usually closer to leaving than they let on.
What did you believe about this industry when you started that you don't now?
Why ask it
This produces the most candid answer of the conversation, because it is framed as their own past error rather than criticism of anyone. Common ones: that the best work wins, that a title changes anything, that anyone is checking.
Who's been the most useful person in your career, and how did you meet them?
Why ask it
The second half is the part that matters. Most such relationships start in ordinary places, a shared project, a bad job, a former colleague two employers ago, which is a useful corrective to the idea that events are where careers get made.
How do you keep in touch with people you've liked working with?
Why ask it
Some people have a real system and will describe it; others admit they are bad at it, which is itself permission to be direct about following up. Either way you learn which channel they actually read.
What are you trying to get better at right now?
Why ask it
This puts you on level ground rather than in the role of supplicant. It also frequently surfaces something you can help with, an introduction, a template, a book you both wanted, which gives the relationship a reason to continue.
Is there anything you're looking for at the moment that I could help with?
Why ask it
Offering before asking changes the whole tone, and the answers are often small and easy: a contractor, a warm introduction, a view on a vendor. Only ask if you intend to follow through, because failing to is worse than never offering.
Who else should I be talking to, and what should I say when I get in touch?
Why ask it
Asking for the wording as well as the name makes it easy to say yes and doubles your chance of a reply. If they hesitate, they are not comfortable vouching for you yet, so build the relationship first and ask again later.
Making these conversations lead somewhere
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Opening without the pitch
Skip the elevator speech
A rehearsed summary of yourself invites a polite nod and an exit. One sentence about what you work on, then a question, keeps it a conversation. Your background comes out naturally over the next ten minutes.
Ask about the work, not the person
What are you working on gets a real answer where what do you do gets a title. Specifics are easier to talk about and far easier to remember afterwards.
Give before you ask
Anything counts: a name, a tool, a warning about a vendor. A conversation where you contributed something is one they will answer email from later.
Take notes right after, not during
Two lines in your phone once you step away, what they work on, what they need, what you promised, is what makes a follow-up possible three weeks later. Typing while they talk kills the conversation.
Adjusting for the setting
At an event
- Talk to people standing at the edges rather than trying to join a laughing group of six.
- Two good conversations beat twelve exchanges of contact details.
- Give them an exit: after ten minutes say you will let them get on, and mean it. Most people then stay.
A coffee someone arranged
- Say up front what you were hoping to get out of it, so they stop guessing.
- Bring a specific question you are stuck on rather than asking for general advice.
- Watch the clock yourself and end on time. Doing so is why the second meeting happens.
A cold introduction call
- Name the person who connected you and what they thought you should discuss.
- Ask for fifteen minutes and take fifteen.
- Have one clear ask ready, and make it something they can do in five minutes.
What kills the connection
- Asking for a referral in the first conversation. It puts their reputation behind someone they have known for eight minutes.
- Sending a follow-up that only says it was great to meet you. With no content, there is nothing to reply to.
- Talking about your job search the whole time. It tells them one thing about you and nothing they can use.
- Treating a peer as a shortcut to their boss. People notice, and they stop replying.
- Vanishing after they help you. Reporting back on what happened costs one message and is the reason they help again.
What to do in the next month
Follow up within a few days with one specific reference to what they said and anything you promised to send. Then find a reason to make contact once more in the following month that asks nothing: a link on the thing they were stuck on, a job posting suited to someone they mentioned, a note when their company appears in the news. Two useful contacts is roughly the point where they will think of you when something comes up, which is the only outcome worth measuring here.