Questions for Daycare Providers to Ask Parents
These are daycare questions to ask parents at an intake or enrolment meeting, written for the provider, childminder or room leader who has to fill in the forms and still come away knowing the child. There are 54, in the order the conversation tends to go best: the child, daily care (food, sleep and toileting), health, comfort and behaviour, family and collection, and how you and the parents will work together. The questions to ask parents about their child come first because they invite a story, so that custody, health worries and what is happening at home are raised once a nervous parent has relaxed.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
The Child
Walk me through a normal morning at home. What time do they wake, and what do they eat?
Why ask it
Starting with narrative rather than a form gets more detail and relaxes a nervous parent. It also tells you what state the child will arrive in: a child woken at six and fed in the car behaves differently from one who has had an hour at home.
What name do they go by, and is there anything else they are called at home?
Why ask it
Teddy at home may not turn round for Theodore, however clearly it is printed on the form. Have the parent say it aloud and write it down the way it sounds, because a week of getting the name wrong is a poor start with child and parent alike.
How would you describe them to someone who has never met them?
Why ask it
The adjectives matter less than the story that follows, so ask for an example of 'determined' or 'shy'. You also hear what the parent is proud of and what they are braced for, usually in the same sentence.
What do they love at the moment: a toy, a song, a game they ask for again and again?
Why ask it
This gives you something to offer in the first hour, when a new room is at its strangest. Ask for the exact title of the song or the book, because 'the bus one' narrows it down less than you would think.
What can they do for themselves now: feeding, washing hands, putting on shoes or a coat?
Why ask it
Rushed parents do the coat themselves and forget the child can, so find out what happens on a morning when nobody is in a hurry. The answer stops you doing everything for a capable child or leaving a stuck one standing at the pegs.
How do they get their meaning across: words, signs, pointing, sounds?
Why ask it
Write down the home words for drink, hurt and the comforter exactly as the family says them. A toddler who has asked three times for something nobody recognises stops asking and starts crying.
What languages are spoken at home, and how much does your child understand of each?
Why ask it
A child who understands more than they can say in your language is easily mistaken for being behind. Learn a greeting and the words for toilet and hungry in the home language, and find out which language the child reaches for when upset.
Have they been in group care or with a childminder or nanny before? How did drop-off go?
Why ask it
How the last arrangement began is a fair guide to how this one will, so ask how long the tears lasted and what ended them. If they left a previous arrangement, ask why, without pressing, since the answer often tells you what this family is worried will happen again.
How are they around other children: siblings, cousins, children at the park?
Why ask it
Find out whether they watch first or run straight in. A watcher needs time at the edge of the room with an adult nearby, and being coaxed into the middle too early tends to send them back to the door.
Daily Care
Are there any allergies or foods we must not give, and what happens if they eat one by accident?
Why ask it
Separate genuine allergy from intolerance and from preference, since parents often use one word for all three. For anything with a risk of a serious reaction, have the family bring the doctor's written plan and the medication before the first day, and check what your licensing rules add to that.
What do they normally eat and drink across a day, and how would you like us to handle refusals?
Why ask it
Practice differs sharply between families, from encouraging one more bite to leaving it entirely. Agreeing this now avoids the common complaint that a child was either forced to eat or came home hungry.
If they are still on milk feeds, is it breast milk, formula or both, how much at a time, and how often?
Why ask it
Get the amount, the gap between feeds, the temperature and the bottle or teat they will accept, and ask how they like to be held. Settle now what you should do if the expressed milk runs out before pick-up, and have the answer in writing.
Which solid foods have they tried so far, and in what form: puree, mashed or finger food?
Why ask it
Many families want each new food tried at home before it is offered anywhere else, so ask for the list and how they want it added to. Ask how they cut things like grapes and toast at home, and follow whichever of your rule and theirs is the more careful.
Do they use a dummy, a bottle or a particular cup, and at what times of day?
Why ask it
A dummy that is for sleep only at home should stay that way with you, or you undo weeks of the parents' work. Ask for a labelled spare of whatever it is, because the one that matters is always the one left in the car.
How do naps work: how long, where, and is there anything they need to fall asleep?
Why ask it
The detail that matters is whether they are rocked, held, fed to sleep or put down awake. A child who has never slept anywhere but a parent's arms needs a plan, not a mat and a hope.
How is your baby put down to sleep at home: in a cot, on their back, swaddled, with anything in with them?
Why ask it
How a baby is put down to sleep in care is often set by the regulator, and that rule may not match what happens at home. Say now where yours differs, a swaddle or a blanket you cannot use for instance, so the parent hears it at this meeting and not after the first nap.
What time is bedtime, and how have the nights been lately?
Why ask it
A bad night explains a difficult morning before it happens, so invite the parent to mention one at drop-off. Some families will ask you to cap the afternoon nap to protect bedtime, so say now what your room can and cannot do about that.
Where are you with nappies or toilet training, and what words do you use at home?
Why ask it
'Wee-wee' at home and 'Do you need the toilet?' from you are two different questions to a two-year-old, and that gap is an easy accident to prevent. Find out what happens after an accident at home too, so that your response does not come as a surprise to them.
If training has started, how do they show they need to go, and how often do you remind them?
Why ask it
Some children announce it and some go quiet behind the sofa, and only the parent knows which. Match the interval of their reminders for the first weeks, and ask for clothes the child can pull down without help.
Do they need a nappy cream or a sunscreen, and do we have your permission to put it on?
Why ask it
Many settings need a signature before putting anything on a child's skin, and the rule depends on where you are registered, so check yours and get the form signed at this meeting. Have the family supply the brand they already use, so that a reaction to a new one is not discovered on your watch.
Health
Do they have any medical conditions we should know about, or any recent hospital visits?
Why ask it
Name asthma, seizures and febrile convulsions out loud, because parents often do not think to mention a condition that is currently well controlled. A recent hospital visit deserves a second question: what it was for, and whether anything has changed since.
Will they need any medicine during the hours they are with us, and how is it given at home?
Why ask it
The dose and the time go on the form, and the trick goes in your notes: syringe into the cheek, mixed into yoghurt, given on a lap. What staff may give, and how it has to be labelled when it arrives, comes from your registration, so tell the parent plainly what yours allows.
If they have an inhaler, an adrenaline pen or other emergency medicine, can you show me exactly how you use it?
Why ask it
Watching the parent handle the real device teaches you this child's version: the spacer they tolerate, the early signs that come before the obvious ones. Note the expiry date and agree where it travels on outings. This sits alongside whatever formal training your regulator asks for and does not replace it.
Is there anything from their doctor or clinic we should have on file?
Why ask it
Growth or feeding concerns, referrals in progress and care plans all count. Whether you must also hold an immunisation record depends on where you are licensed, so check your own rule and collect the paperwork now, not in the middle of an incident.
Has anyone raised a question about their speech, hearing, movement, or eating?
Why ask it
Phrasing it as whether anyone has raised it, rather than whether there is a problem, makes it far easier to answer. Parents in the middle of a waiting list often assume you already know, and a child on a referral pathway needs consistent notes from you.
How can you tell they are coming down with something, and who could collect them if we had to send them home?
Why ask it
One child goes clingy, another goes off food, another gets red ears, and the parent's tell is quicker than a thermometer. Hand over your illness and exclusion rules in writing at this point, because eleven o'clock on a working day is the wrong time to explain them for the first time.
Do they wear glasses, hearing aids or anything else we would need to put on, take off or look after?
Why ask it
Have the parent show you how it fits and say when it comes off: nap, water play, the sandpit. Ask where the spare batteries or the case will live, and who you tell when something is lost or broken.
In an emergency where we could not reach you, is there anything a doctor would need to know?
Why ask it
A reaction to a medicine, a bleeding or heart condition, and any treatment the family would refuse belong on the emergency sheet, not in someone's memory. Use the consent form your regulator or insurer provides, since what such a form allows differs by country and state.
Comfort and Behaviour
How can you tell they are upset before the tears start, and what actually helps?
Why ask it
The signs to collect are the early ones: going quiet, hovering at the edge of a room, one particular word. Parents know these and rarely think to volunteer them, and an adult who knows them can step in while the problem is still small.
Is there a comfort object, what is it called, and what are the rules around it at home?
Why ask it
Learn its name, whether it is allowed out of the bed at home, and whether a duplicate exists. A second identical one kept in your cupboard has rescued many a nap time, so ask if the family can spare it.
Is there anything they are afraid of or strongly dislike, such as loud noises, dogs or messy hands?
Why ask it
Hand dryers, the vacuum cleaner, a singing toy and paint on the fingers come up more than parents expect to be asked about. Knowing in advance lets you warn the child before the noise instead of explaining it afterwards.
What do they look like when they are overtired, and what do you do then?
Why ask it
Tiredness in a young child can look a lot like defiance, and treating one as the other starts arguments that ten minutes in a quiet corner might have prevented. The last hour before bed at home is the comparison to ask for.
How do they manage saying goodbye to you, and what kind of goodbye shall we agree on here?
Why ask it
Settle the script together: the same few words, a hug, and a parent who says they are going instead of slipping out while the child is distracted. Promise a message once the crying has stopped, and send it, because the parent in the car park is having a worse morning than the child.
When they hit, bite, or refuse to do something at home, how do you handle it? Is there anything you would not want us to do?
Why ask it
The second half is the important part and rarely gets asked. It surfaces objections to time-outs, raised voices, or removal of toys before they become a complaint, and it lets you say plainly what your setting does and does not do.
What tends to set off a tantrum, and how long does one usually last?
Why ask it
The usual triggers are hunger, sharing, and being helped with something they wanted to do alone, and each family has a favourite. The length tells you whether to wait or to step in, so ask as well whether the child wants company or space while it passes.
How do they cope when an activity has to stop: leaving the park, coming inside, getting into the car?
Why ask it
A day in a group has far more of these changes than a day at home, which is why a child who is easy at home can struggle with you at tidy-up time. Borrow whatever warning already works, whether that is a countdown, a song or a job to carry.
How do they take to adults they do not know, and what helps them warm up?
Why ask it
Some children want to be ignored for ten minutes and then bring you a toy, and a keen hello sets them back. The answer also helps you choose which member of staff should be their main person in the first weeks.
Family and Collection
Who is at home, and who else looks after them regularly?
Why ask it
Siblings, grandparents, and shift patterns explain a great deal about a child's day-to-day life and vocabulary. Ask this plainly rather than assuming a structure, and record what the child calls each person.
Which days and hours do you need, and who usually does the drop-off and the collection?
Why ask it
Rotating shifts and a long commute are worth knowing before the first late pick-up, and so is your late fee, so say it here. When one adult drops off and another collects, a message given at the door in the morning often never reaches the evening, and you may need to write it down for both.
Who is allowed to collect them, and is there anyone who must not?
Why ask it
Ask directly and record it, including whether there is a court order or a custody arrangement, and ask for a copy if there is. It is an awkward thing to put to a new family and a far worse one to have left out. What a setting may or must do when a parent arrives without permission depends on the law where you are, so check with your licensing body.
If someone who is not on the list turns up for them, how do you want us to handle it?
Why ask it
This is the parent stuck in traffic who sends a neighbour, and it tends to happen sooner than anyone planned for. Agree the procedure now, a password, photo identification, a call from you to the parent's own number, because a child will leave cheerfully with any adult they recognise.
If you and their other parent live apart, how is the week divided, and should we send updates to both homes?
Why ask it
Ask it in the same tone as the question about naps. Learn which nights are where, which bag travels, and send the same message to both homes so that you are never the one carrying news between them. If there is a formal arrangement, keep a copy and leave its interpretation to the parents and the court.
Does your family have religious or cultural practices we should know about: foods, festivals, anything they should sit out?
Why ask it
Put this to every family, so that nobody is being guessed at from a surname. Settle what happens when a practice meets a planned activity, a birthday cake or a seasonal craft, so the answer is agreed and not improvised in front of the child.
Is anything happening at home at the moment that might show up here?
Why ask it
A new baby, a move, a separation, an illness or a parent working away can each change how a child behaves in a group. Parents often hold this back until asked directly, and knowing it turns an unexplained regression into an expected one.
Working Together
What worries you most about leaving them with us?
Why ask it
Asked plainly, this gets the real concern, which is usually about a specific thing: crying, being missed in a group, food, or an earlier setting that let them down. It also gives you something concrete to report back on in the first week.
What do you hope they will get from being here?
Why ask it
Friends, more words, a routine, readiness for school, or simply safe care during working hours are all fair answers, and each one changes what you report at the door. If the hope is for something you do not offer, such as formal reading lessons, this is the kind moment to say so.
How would you like the first week to go: short visits, staying for a while, or straight into full days?
Why ask it
Describe what you normally offer and then listen, because a parent with no leave left cannot do five half days however good the idea is. Where full days from the start are the only option, agree who will be near a phone and able to come early.
How should we reach you during the day, and who do we call first?
Why ask it
Get two numbers, note who is unreachable during the day, and establish what counts as worth a call for this family. Some parents want to hear about a small bump, others find that alarming, and it is easier to agree now.
What would you want to hear from us at the end of the day, and how much detail do you want?
Why ask it
Expectations vary from a photo to a five-minute conversation, and a parent who expected one and got the other starts to wonder what else is being missed. Agree it now and say honestly what you can sustain at pick-up time.
May we take photographs of them, and where are you happy for those to be seen?
Why ask it
Take the uses one at a time: a private daily update, a display on the wall, a group message other families can see, a website. Some families have safety reasons for saying no and should not have to explain them. Get the answer in writing and ask again each year, since consent rules differ by place.
Are you happy for them to come on outings: a walk to the park, and trips that need a car or a bus?
Why ask it
A walk to the park and a trip in a vehicle are different permissions to some families, who will agree to one and not the other. What consent you need, how often it is renewed and what seat a child travels in all depend on your licensing rules and local law, so use your regulator's form if there is one.
If we notice something about their development or behaviour, how would you like us to bring it up?
Why ask it
Getting permission months before you need it makes the later conversation much less of a shock. Some parents want to hear the same afternoon and some want a written note and a day to think, and nobody wants it said in a doorway with other families listening.
If something we do ever bothers you, will you come and tell me early?
Why ask it
Say who to come to and the best time to catch them, and say out loud that a complaint will not change how their child is treated. A family that believes otherwise stays polite at the door and hands in its notice without ever saying why.
Is there anything I have not asked about, or anything you would rather tell me privately?
Why ask it
Leave a silence after this one. It is where you hear about the difficult things: a family bereavement, a court matter, a health worry, or something the child should not hear discussed.
Running the intake conversation
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Setting up the meeting
- Do this before the first day, not on it. A parent handing over a crying child cannot answer a list like this one, and neither can you.
- Sit down and talk rather than working through the form aloud. Fill the form in afterwards from your notes, and send it back for the parent to check.
- Have the child present for part of it and occupied for the rest. Some answers should not be given in front of them.
- If there are two parents and they do not live together, offer each the chance to answer separately. Their accounts of routines often differ, and both are useful.
- Say at the start what your licensing rules require you to record and what you must report. Parents answer more openly when they know where the limits are.
Which questions for which child
- A baby under one: spend the time on Daily Care. Feeds, sleep and how they are settled are the whole day, and the parents' routine is the plan until you both agree to change it, within what your sleep and feeding rules allow.
- A toddler: home words, toileting, biting and hitting, and the goodbye at the door. Add the question about stopping an activity, since your day asks for that far more often than theirs does.
- A three or four-year-old: what they can do for themselves, how they are with other children, and what the parents hope for before school starts.
- A child with an allergy or a medical condition: take the Health group first, while everyone is fresh, and book a second short meeting for the rest if you need one.
- A child moving from another setting: ask how drop-off went there and what the family would want done differently, then leave room for the answer.
- A half-hour meeting: nobody gets through all 54. Ask the Health questions and the Family and Collection questions aloud, send Daily Care home as a form to be returned before the first day, and keep Working Together for the last five minutes.
Getting answers you can act on
- Ask for the last time rather than the usual. What happened at bedtime last night is more accurate than a description of their bedtime routine.
- Do not accept a single word on allergies, medication, or collection. Those three need specifics, in writing, with dates.
- Ask what they would not want you to do. Parents will criticise an approach they have already seen but rarely volunteer a preference unprompted.
- Write the parent's own words down, including the family's terms for the toilet, comfort objects, and food. Paraphrasing loses exactly the detail that helps.
- Notice what a parent skips past quickly. It is often the thing worth returning to gently later, once you have some trust.
The first few weeks
- 1Report back on the specific worry the parent named, by name, in the first few days. Nothing builds confidence faster than showing you listened.
- 2Revisit naps, food, and toileting after two weeks. Early answers describe home, and children behave differently in a group.
- 3Tell parents about small incidents the same day, before they hear it from the child. Late news reads as concealment even when nothing was hidden.
- 4Record what settled the child and what did not, and share it. A trick that works in your room is often one the parents will want to try at home.
- 5If your observations differ from what you were told at intake, raise it as an observation rather than a correction, and ask what they see at home.