Questions to Ask 7 Year Olds
Questions to ask 7 year olds, for a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle or sitter who wants more than "fine" from a child who can now tell a whole story and has started choosing what to leave out. The 54 questions run in the order a conversation goes: today, school, friends, a round of what-ifs to lighten things, then feelings and growing up, where the answers take longer. Two or three from one group is plenty in a sitting, because a seven-year-old can tell a chat from a quiz.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Today
What's the best thing that happened today?
Why ask it
A seven-year-old can rank a day now, where a younger child reports whatever happened last. If the answer is recess every single time, ask for the best thing that happened indoors as well and see how long it takes.
What made you laugh today?
Why ask it
Funny moments are remembered as whole scenes, so this one often gets a story with a beginning and an end. Notice whether they were telling the joke, hearing it or the subject of it, and ask to hear it again in full.
What was the first thing you played outside today, and what came after?
Why ask it
Asking for it in order gives them a thread to follow, and the names turn up on their own along the way. Listen for who chose the game and whether your child was in from the start or had to ask to be let in.
What did you eat at lunch, and what did you leave?
Why ask it
Lunch is often the part of the school day with the fewest adults listening, and the food is the easy way into it. What came back uneaten often has a reason attached, such as running out of time, a seat far from friends or a comment someone made about the sandwich.
What was the trickiest part of today?
Why ask it
Tricky is a softer word than hard or bad, and children will admit to it more readily. The answer might be a subtraction problem, a zipper or a person, so do not assume it was schoolwork before they have finished.
Who got in trouble today, and was it fair?
Why ask it
Seven-year-olds watch how rules are applied and enjoy reporting on it. Their verdict tells you what they think the rule was for, and now and then the child in trouble turns out to be yours.
Was there a moment today when you wished I had been there?
Why ask it
It can go two ways: something they wanted you to see, or something they wanted help with. Find out which it was before you react, because the second kind is usually told in a very small voice.
What's one thing you want to happen tomorrow?
Why ask it
Looking ahead ends the daily debrief on something other than a complaint. A concrete wish, like getting the blue scooter or being picked as line leader, also hands you a first question for tomorrow afternoon.
School
What's your favorite subject, and which one do you like least?
Why ask it
A favorite on its own gets the polite answer, so follow up on the least liked one. Children this age often dislike a subject because of one specific thing, such as reading aloud or being timed, and they will say so if you ask what the worst part is.
What are you reading at school right now, and what do you read when it's up to you?
Why ask it
The school book is chosen for them and the other one is theirs, so the gap between the two is the thing to hear about. A child who picks something far easier at home is often rereading for comfort, which is no cause for worry on its own.
What's something new you learned this week?
Why ask it
Expect a fact rather than a skill, since children this age collect facts eagerly. If they cannot think of anything, ask about something they made or fixed instead, which is easier to retrieve.
What does your teacher do when the class gets too loud?
Why ask it
Children describe teachers by what they do, so this draws a better portrait than asking whether the teacher is nice. An impression usually follows, and the way your child performs it shows whether the noise and the scolding bother them.
Who do you ask when you don't understand the work?
Why ask it
Some children ask the teacher, some ask whoever sits beside them, and some wait and copy. If the answer is nobody, find out what happened the last time they asked, because one sharp reply can be enough to stop a seven-year-old putting a hand up.
If you could change one rule at school, which one would you change?
Why ask it
Answers tend to be very specific: a line-up rule, a rule about talking, a rule about when they can go to the bathroom. That specificity tells you what actually constrains their day, which rarely comes up otherwise.
Is there anything at school you pretend to understand?
Why ask it
By seven, many children have worked out that nodding along is easier than being the one who asks again. Keep your voice light when they answer and thank them for telling you before you try to explain the thing itself.
Where do you sit in class, and would you move if you could?
Why ask it
A seat decides who they talk to, how well they can see the board and how often they are told to turn around. If they would move, ask where to: towards a friend and away from a neighbor are different problems.
If you were the teacher for one lesson, what would you teach?
Why ask it
They will pick the thing they know best, whether that is a kind of shark, a card game or how to draw a horse. Let them teach it to you for five minutes, since explaining something to an adult who is really listening does not happen to them often.
Friends
Who do you sit with at lunch?
Why ask it
A lunch seat depends on who makes room, so this often says more than asking who their friends are. A long pause, or "nobody", is your cue to ask what lunchtime is like, gently and without a follow-up list.
Who is your best friend, and what do you like about them?
Why ask it
By seven, best friend has become a title with some meaning, and the reasons given are worth listening to. Reasons about being funny or good at sports are common. Reasons about being included are a sign the friendship is doing real work.
What do you think makes someone a good friend?
Why ask it
This gets a general answer that often does not match the friend they just described, and the gap is the interesting part. It is also a natural opening to talk about what to do when a friend is unkind.
Which game do your friends always want to play, and do you like it?
Why ask it
Plenty of seven-year-olds spend every recess on a game they find boring or too rough, because that is where their friends are. Saying so out loud to you is the first step towards suggesting a different game to them.
What do you and your friends argue about?
Why ask it
At this age it is mostly rules, turns and who was out. Arguments that are patched up by the next day are ordinary. The thing to listen for is one that always ends with the same child giving in.
What do you do when a friend says they won't be your friend anymore?
Why ask it
The threat gets used a lot in playgrounds and has often expired by the afternoon, but it stings every time. Ask what happened next before offering advice, and you may find they handled it better than you would have suggested.
Is there anyone in your class who gets left out?
Why ask it
Talking about another child is easier than talking about themselves, and you learn how closely they watch the room. Ask what they think would help that child, since the answer is often something they could do on Monday.
Who would you like to have over, and what would you do together?
Why ask it
The name is sometimes a surprise, a child you have never heard mentioned. The plan matters as much as the guest, because a seven-year-old who has pictured the afternoon tends to enjoy it more than one who is simply told who is coming.
What if
If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?
Why ask it
Ask why, then wait. A child who picks invisibility and a child who picks flying each tend to have a particular moment in mind, and the moment is a better story than the power.
If you could be any animal for a day, which one would you choose?
Why ask it
The reason is usually about being fast, being big or being left alone, and it changes with the week they are having. Ask what they would do first as that animal, and whether they would come home for dinner.
If you could invent something to make your day easier, what would it be?
Why ask it
The invention points straight at whatever part of the day they find hardest, whether that is getting dressed, homework or a sibling. It gets there without asking them to complain.
If you could make one food vanish forever and one food free forever, which would you pick?
Why ask it
Pure fun, and a good one for the car. Argue for the vanished food a little, because defending a silly position with reasons is practice they will not notice they are getting.
If your bedroom could have one impossible thing in it, what would it be?
Why ask it
Slides, trampolines and a door only they can open are the usual run of answers. Underneath, you hear what they want more of, whether that is space, privacy or a place where a sibling cannot follow.
If you could ask any animal one question, which animal and what would you ask?
Why ask it
Two decisions in one, which seven-year-olds enjoy. The question they choose is usually a real one, about whether the dog minds being left or whether fish get bored, and it is fun to guess the animal's answer together.
If you made up a new holiday, what would it celebrate?
Why ask it
There is nothing to get wrong here, so it works as a reset if the questions before it started to feel like a test. What they choose to honor is often a person or an animal in their own life.
If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go, and what would you do first?
Why ask it
Without "what would you do first" this turns into a list of place names. Plenty of children describe an activity they could do far closer to home, which is useful to know before planning anything expensive.
What would you do if you were in charge of the house for a day?
Why ask it
Some children abolish every rule and some write new ones for the adults. A rule aimed at you, such as no phones at dinner or a bedtime for parents, is usually their own least favorite rule turned around.
Feelings
Is there something adults do that annoys you?
Why ask it
Asked plainly, this gets a plain answer, often about being interrupted, rushed, or having their things moved. Taking one of those seriously buys more trust than a dozen encouraging questions.
When you've had a bad day, what do you want me to do?
Why ask it
Some children want a hug, some want twenty minutes alone, and some want you to act as though nothing happened. Having the answer ahead of time saves you guessing on the day, as long as you then do what they said.
What does it feel like in your body when you are getting angry?
Why ask it
Many seven-year-olds can point to a hot face, a tight tummy or fists that close on their own. Once the early sign has a name, you can agree on what they do when they notice it, which is an easier conversation than one about the shouting afterwards.
How do you feel when you lose a game, and what do you do about it?
Why ask it
Losing is hard at seven, partly because they have only recently started to care this much about winning. Say how you handle it yourself, including the part where you are still annoyed, so the lesson is not simply to pretend it does not matter.
What's the most embarrassing thing that could happen at school?
Why ask it
Framing it as something that could happen lets them describe something that perhaps already did, without having to own it. Do not laugh, even kindly: embarrassment is felt keenly at seven, and being teased about it at home closes the subject.
What's something that scares you a bit?
Why ask it
Around seven, fears often shift from monsters to things that could really happen, such as burglars, illness or getting lost. Promising it will never happen rarely settles a fear they know is possible, so ask what would make it feel less scary instead.
What do you think about when you can't get to sleep?
Why ask it
Whatever is left over from the day tends to surface once the light is off. Listen, say it back in a sentence and promise to talk about it in daylight. Then raise it yourself the next day, so they learn the promise is real.
When was the last time you felt proud of yourself?
Why ask it
Some answers are about the thing itself and some are about who clapped. If every example involves an adult's praise, tell them about something you saw them work at when they thought nobody was looking.
What's one thing you wish I understood about being seven?
Why ask it
A direct invitation to correct you, which most children are rarely given. Write the answer down where they can see you doing it, and hold back from explaining yourself until they have finished.
What's your favorite thing that you and I do together?
Why ask it
For a grandparent, aunt, uncle or sitter the answer doubles as the plan for the next visit. It is usually small and repeatable, like one particular card game or the walk to the same shop, so say yes to it out loud and name the day.
Growing up
What's something you're good at that most people don't know about?
Why ask it
The qualifier gives them permission to name something small and unofficial, such as whistling, finding lost things or calming the baby. Those answers are usually more honest than ones about school subjects, so ask for a demonstration.
What can you do now that you couldn't do when you were six?
Why ask it
Tying laces, reading a chapter alone, riding a bike without help, swimming across the pool: a year is a long time at this age and they rarely get to look back over it. If they are stuck, name two or three things you have noticed and let them add to the list.
Do you have a loose tooth, and what's the plan for it?
Why ask it
Teeth are big news in a lot of classes at this age, and children keep close count of who has lost how many. Plans range from constant wiggling to refusing to let anyone look. Either is fine, and the fun is in hearing the strategy.
What are you old enough to do by yourself that I still do for you?
Why ask it
Expect a specific request: pouring the milk, choosing clothes, walking the last stretch to the classroom door alone. Hand one of them over the same week if you safely can, because being asked and then ignored teaches them not to answer next time.
What's the difference between a surprise and a secret?
Why ask it
Worth asking in a calm moment, well before it is ever needed. The answer you are steering towards is that a surprise gets told soon and makes someone happy, while a secret that feels bad or never gets told is one to bring to a grown-up they trust.
What job at home would you like to be in charge of?
Why ask it
Being in charge is different from being told to help, and seven-year-olds feel the difference. Feeding a pet, watering the plants or checking the doors at night all work, provided the job is really theirs and you do not quietly redo it.
What do you want to learn to do before you turn eight?
Why ask it
A deadline they can picture makes this more concrete than asking about goals. Pick one answer and work out the first step together, even if the step is only finding out how old you have to be to join the class.
What's the best thing about being seven, and what's the worst?
Why ask it
The worst part is frequently about being too young for something an older sibling or cousin is allowed, which tells you what they are watching and waiting for. The best part is often a privilege that arrived this year, and it helps to know which one they prize.
What would you like to know about what I was like when I was seven?
Why ask it
The idea that you were once their age is still a little hard to believe, and their questions are specific: what your teacher was called, whether you got in trouble, what you were scared of. Answer honestly, the unflattering parts included, and bring a photo next time if you have one.
What do you want to be when you grow up, and what do you think that job is like all day?
Why ask it
Describing the whole day shows what they imagine the work involves, and it often turns out they want one specific part of it, such as driving the van or wearing the uniform.
Talking with a seven-year-old
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Getting more than one word
Ask about a moment, not a period
"How was school?" covers six hours and gets "fine". "What happened at recess?" or "Who did you work with in math?" gives them one scene to describe. Narrow the window and the answers get longer.
Ask for both halves
Best and worst, favorite and least favorite. Offering the negative half openly removes the sense that they are supposed to give a cheerful answer, and it is usually the negative half that you needed to hear.
Answer it yourself first sometimes
Saying what annoyed you today, briefly and honestly, makes the same question answerable. Keep your version short, or it becomes your turn rather than theirs.
When to ask
- In the car, where a seven-year-old in the back seat does not have to look at you and the journey decides when the talk is over.
- At bedtime, which gets the most reflective answers but also the most stalling, so keep it to one question.
- While doing something with your hands together: cooking, building, walking the dog.
- Not in the first ten minutes after school. Many children need a snack and some quiet before they can talk about the day.
- One to one, away from siblings, if you are asking about friendships.
What to do with hard answers
- If they mention being left out, ask what happened rather than who is to blame. The story usually involves a game with limited places rather than deliberate exclusion, and the fix is different.
- If they name a fear, ask what would help. A seven-year-old can often produce a practical answer, such as a light left on or knowing the plan for pick-up.
- Do not solve it in the same conversation. Say you will think about it and come back to it, then actually do.
- Avoid telling them a worry is silly. At this age they can tell the difference between a fear and a fantasy, and being corrected teaches them not to raise it again.