Questions to Ask a Child Psychologist
For parents and carers preparing for a first appointment with a child psychologist. Twenty questions on what the assessment involves and what it costs, what else the difficulty could be, whether a diagnosis changes anything practical, what to do differently at home, school support, and how you will know when to stop.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What do you think is going on, in plain language?
Why ask it
You are asking for an explanation you could repeat to a grandparent or a teacher. A clinician who answers only in diagnostic categories, or who will not say anything until testing is complete, may still be right, but it is worth knowing which of those you are hearing.
What else could it be, and how will you tell the difference?
Why ask it
Anxiety, attention difficulties, poor sleep, hearing loss and the aftermath of a hard year can all look similar in a child. What matters is which alternatives are being actively held open and what would separate them, because the first explanation offered is not always the one that lasts.
What does the assessment involve, how many appointments, and what will it cost?
Why ask it
Get the number of sessions, the total fee and what the written report includes before you start. Assessments often cost more than families expect, and the fee frequently covers the report rather than any treatment that follows.
Who else will you want to hear from: us, the school, our child?
Why ask it
Sound assessment draws on more than one setting. A child who copes at school and struggles at home, or the reverse, is telling you something useful, and that pattern only becomes visible when several people are asked the same questions.
How much of this comes from questionnaires, and will you actually watch our child?
Why ask it
Rating scales are quick and easily coloured by whoever fills them in. Ask whether there will be direct observation, in play, in conversation or at school, because conclusions drawn only from parent forms can reflect the household's stress as much as the child's difficulties.
Do we need a formal diagnosis, and what does having one change?
Why ask it
Sometimes a diagnosis unlocks school support or funding and sometimes it changes nothing practical. Ask what specifically becomes available with the label that is not available without it, in your country and your child's school.
What are the drawbacks of a diagnosis at this age?
Why ask it
There are real trade-offs: how the child comes to explain themselves, how teachers read their behaviour afterwards, and in some places what goes on an insurance record. A clinician who presents diagnosis as purely positive is not giving you the full picture.
What treatment would you start with, and what is the evidence for it at this age?
Why ask it
You want a named approach and the age group it was tested with, rather than a description of a style. If the recommendation happens to be the thing this clinician offers, ask what the alternatives are and why this one is preferred for your child.
How many sessions before we should see a difference, and what would that difference look like?
Why ask it
Ask for a number and an observable change. Fewer refusals to go to school in a week can be checked; feeling better cannot. Without an agreed review point, therapy can continue for a long time with nobody deciding whether it is working.
What should we do differently at home, starting this week?
Why ask it
With younger children especially, most of the change comes from what the adults do between sessions. If there is nothing for you to do, ask why, since parent-led approaches have the strongest record for several common childhood difficulties.
What should we stop doing?
Why ask it
Stopping something usually helps more than adding something, and it is rarely volunteered: negotiating at bedtime, stepping in before every anxious moment, trying to reason during a meltdown. Ask directly which of your current responses is making things harder.
How do we track whether this is working without turning it into a project?
Why ask it
Ask for one or two simple measures rather than a detailed diary. Families given elaborate tracking abandon it within a fortnight, and then there is nothing to look at when the review comes.
What will you tell us about the sessions, and what stays between you and our child?
Why ask it
This should be spelled out before the work begins: usually themes and progress are shared with parents while particular disclosures are not, with safety as the exception. Older children need to hear the same explanation themselves, or they will assume everything is passed on.
When would you refer us to a psychiatrist, and what is your view on medication here?
Why ask it
You want their threshold and their attitude. A psychologist cannot prescribe, so this shows whether they hold a fixed position. Both a refusal to discuss medication and an early push toward it are worth noticing.
What should we ask the school for, and will you put it in writing?
Why ask it
Spoken advice rarely survives contact with a school system. Ask for recommendations written in the terms your local system recognises, and ask which are legally required and which depend on the school's goodwill.
How often have you worked with this particular difficulty?
Why ask it
Experience with the specific problem matters more than general seniority. It is a fair question and unbothered clinicians answer it plainly, including saying when something sits outside their usual work and pointing you elsewhere.
What happens if things get worse at ten at night, or during the holidays?
Why ask it
You need this answer before you need it: whether there is any contact out of hours, what the practice does over holidays, and which emergency service to use instead. Vagueness here is a practical problem rather than a small one.
What if our child refuses to come?
Why ask it
Refusal is common, and the answer shows how flexible the work can be: seeing parents alone, shorter appointments, meeting at school, working through play. A plan that depends on a willing child tends to stall within the first month.
How will we know when to stop?
Why ask it
Ask about the ending at the beginning. Useful answers describe goals being met, a step down to occasional check-ins, or a planned pause. Open-ended work with no review point is easy to drift into and hard to leave.
What do you think we are getting wrong?
Why ask it
Asked last and asked genuinely, this often produces the most useful minutes of the appointment. It gives the psychologist permission to say something they had softened, and the way they answer, with care or with blame, tells you a lot about working with them.
Preparing for the appointment
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
What to bring
A timeline rather than a summary
Write down when you first noticed something, what changed around that time and what has happened since. A house move, a bereavement, a new school year or a change in sleep often turns out to matter, and dates are easy to lose in conversation.
Two or three specific incidents
One recent morning described in detail is worth more than a general account of difficult mornings. Include what happened immediately before, who was present and how it ended.
Anything the school has written
Reports, behaviour logs, notes from a teacher or a learning support plan give an independent view of the same child. Take copies rather than promising to send them later.
The medical basics
Recent hearing and vision checks, how the child sleeps, any medication, and any concerns raised by a doctor. These are ruled in or out early, and having them to hand can save an entire appointment.
In the room
- 1Pick your four most important questions in advance. First appointments run out of time and the list rarely gets finished.
- 2Ask what a term means the moment it appears. Words like regulation, executive function and behavioural plan carry specific meanings that get lost when nobody checks.
- 3Ask them to write down anything you are meant to do at home. You will not remember it accurately by the evening.
- 4Say it out loud if a recommendation will not work in your household. A plan built around a family structure you do not have will simply fail quietly.
- 5Ask what happens next, who books it, and when you will hear. Waiting lists and referral routes are often the real bottleneck.
- 6If your child is in the room, be careful what you say about them in front of them. Ask for a few minutes separately if you need it.
Judging whether this is the right clinician
- They ask about your child's strengths and interests, not only about the problem.
- They can say what they do not know and what would change their view.
- They give you something to do before the next appointment.
- They are specific about cost, session length and who else they will contact.
- They talk about your child as a child rather than as a case, and they get the name and pronouns right.
- They are willing to disagree with you, and to be disagreed with, without it becoming awkward.
Signs to slow down
- A confident diagnosis in the first appointment with no information sought from school.
- A single approach recommended for every child they see.
- A long course of sessions proposed with no goals and no review date.
- Reluctance to explain confidentiality and what will be shared with you.
- Pressure to book a package upfront, or unwillingness to give the total cost in writing.
- Your questions treated as interference rather than as part of the work.
If you are unsure about the recommendation
It is reasonable to ask for the assessment findings in writing and to take them to another clinician, and it is reasonable to say so openly. A second opinion is routine in this field and does not need to be arranged in secret. If cost is the obstacle, ask what the least expensive version of the plan looks like, and what could be done through your school or public health service instead. Asking that question directly usually gets a straight answer.