Questions to Ask a Child Psychologist
For parents and carers choosing a therapist for a child, and for anyone who wants better questions to ask their child's therapist or psychologist once sessions have begun. The 58 questions run in the order you will need them: choosing the person, the assessment, the therapy plan, privacy and consent, what to do at home and with the school, and how to judge progress and when to stop. If your child is going straight into therapy with no testing, skip the assessment group. Rules on consent, records and what insurance pays for differ by country and state, so where a question touches on them, ask how it works where you live.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Choosing
How much experience do you have with the difficulty our child is having?
Why ask it
Experience with the specific problem counts for more than years in practice. A straight answer includes saying when something sits outside their usual work and naming who to see instead.
What is your training, and which body are you registered or licensed with?
Why ask it
Titles such as psychologist, therapist and counsellor are protected by law in some places and open to anyone in others. Ask which register you can look them up on, and if you are unsure what the titles mean where you live, ask that too.
Do you do assessments, ongoing therapy, or both?
Why ask it
Some child psychologists mainly test and write reports, and others mainly treat. Knowing which you have booked saves paying for an evaluation when you wanted weekly help, or the other way round.
What does a session with a child this age actually look like?
Why ask it
With a young child it may be play, drawing or games on the floor; with a teenager it is closer to conversation. A concrete description also gives you something truthful to tell your child beforehand.
How should we explain this appointment to our child?
Why ask it
Children often guess that they are in trouble or that something is wrong with them. Ask for wording that suits the age, and ask what not to promise, such as that it will be fun or that nobody will ask anything hard.
Which ages do you mostly work with, and do you see many children our child's age?
Why ask it
A clinician who mostly sees teenagers works differently from one whose room is full of five-year-olds. Name the exact age instead of saying children in general, since the tools change a great deal between four and fourteen.
Will you meet us first without our child, or all together?
Why ask it
Some clinicians start with a parents-only appointment so the history can be told frankly. If your child will be in the room, agree beforehand which subjects to save for a phone call.
Do you offer sessions online, and would that work for a child this age?
Why ask it
Video can spare a long drive, and it asks a lot of a small child who has to sit facing a screen. If it is offered, find out who needs to be at home during the call and where your child can talk without being overheard.
How long is the wait for a first appointment, and for a regular slot after that?
Why ask it
The two waits can be very different, and an assessment next month is less use if therapy cannot begin until spring. Ask whether there is a cancellation list and what you could usefully do in the meantime.
What do you charge, what does our insurance or the public system pay for, and what is extra?
Why ask it
Reports, school meetings, letters, phone calls and missed sessions are sometimes billed separately. Coverage depends on the country, the plan and sometimes the diagnosis, so ask the practice how it works there and get the figures in writing.
If you turn out not to be the right fit for our child, who would you send us to?
Why ask it
A clinician who knows the local options and names them easily is thinking about your child before their own diary. The answer also tells you that moving on later would not be taken personally.
Assessment
What do you think is going on, in plain language?
Why ask it
You are asking for an explanation you could repeat to a grandparent or a teacher. A clinician who answers only in diagnostic categories, or who will not say anything until testing is complete, may still be right, but it is worth knowing which of those you are hearing.
What else could it be, and how will you tell the difference?
Why ask it
Anxiety, attention difficulties, poor sleep, hearing loss and the aftermath of a hard year can all look similar in a child. What matters is which alternatives are being actively held open and what would separate them, because the first explanation offered is not always the one that lasts.
What does the assessment involve, how many appointments, and what will it cost?
Why ask it
Get the number of sessions, the total fee and what it covers before you start. The assessment fee may be separate from the feedback meeting and from any treatment that follows, so check where the quoted figure stops.
Who else will you want to hear from: us, the school, our child?
Why ask it
Sound assessment draws on more than one setting. A child who copes at school and struggles at home, or the reverse, is telling you something useful, and that pattern only becomes visible when several people are asked the same questions.
How much of this comes from questionnaires, and will you also observe our child yourself?
Why ask it
Rating scales are quick and easily coloured by whoever fills them in. Direct observation, in play, in conversation or at school, is the check on that, since conclusions drawn only from parent forms can reflect the household's stress as much as the child's difficulties.
Should our child see a doctor first to rule out a physical cause?
Why ask it
Sleep, hearing, vision and some medical conditions can sit behind behaviour or attention problems. A psychologist will not usually examine for these, so ask which checks they would want done and whether to do them before the assessment or alongside it.
What will we get at the end: a conversation, a written report, or both?
Why ask it
Find out how long the report takes, whether there is a feedback meeting to go through it, and whether the school can have it in full or in a shorter version. A report that nobody explains tends to sit in a drawer.
Will you explain the results to our child, and how?
Why ask it
Children notice they have been tested and fill the silence with their own conclusions. A feedback conversation pitched at their age, starting with what they are good at, can carry more weight from the person who did the testing than second hand from a parent.
Do we need a formal diagnosis, and what does having one change?
Why ask it
Sometimes a diagnosis unlocks school support or funding and sometimes it changes nothing practical. The useful answer names what becomes available with the label that is not available without it, in your country and at your child's school.
What are the drawbacks of a diagnosis at this age?
Why ask it
There are real trade-offs: how the child comes to explain themselves, how teachers read their behaviour afterwards, and in some places what goes on an insurance record. A clinician who presents diagnosis as purely positive is not giving you the full picture.
Is this a firm conclusion or a working idea you expect to revisit as our child grows?
Why ask it
Children change quickly, and a description that fits at six may not fit at nine. Agree when a review would make sense and which signs should bring you back sooner.
Therapy
What treatment would you start with, and what is the evidence for it at this age?
Why ask it
Listen for a named approach and the age group it was developed for, not a description of a style. If the recommendation happens to be the thing this clinician offers, ask what the alternatives are and why this one is preferred for your child.
What are the goals, in words our child would recognise?
Why ask it
'Reduce anxiety' is a clinician's goal. 'Sleep in my own bed' or 'go to the party' is a child's, and a goal the child helped to word is one they are more likely to work towards.
How many sessions before we should see a difference, and what would that difference look like?
Why ask it
You want a number and a change you could see. Fewer refusals to go to school in a week can be checked; feeling better cannot. Put the session you settle on in the calendar as the day you look at it together.
How often would you see our child, and for how long each time?
Why ask it
Weekly is a common starting point, but school hours, travel and a tired child at five o'clock all matter. Say what your week can honestly hold, because a plan with missed sessions built in rarely gets far.
Will we be in the room, in the waiting room, or seen separately?
Why ask it
The answer varies with the child's age and with the problem, and it often changes as the work goes on. Ask too how you will get a few minutes with the therapist without your child listening at the door.
What if our child refuses to come?
Why ask it
Plenty of children dig their heels in at some point, and the answer shows how flexible the work can be: seeing parents alone, shorter appointments, meeting at school, working through play. A plan that only works with a willing child has nothing to offer on the morning they will not get in the car.
What do you do when a child sits there and will not talk?
Why ask it
Silence in the room is a different problem from refusing to come. Listen for what they would actually do, such as drawing, a board game or talking side by side, and for whether they describe a quiet child as defiant or as not ready yet.
What will our child be asked to practise between sessions?
Why ask it
Some approaches rely on small tasks at home, such as one step towards something feared or a new way to wind down at night. Settle who does the reminding, since nagging about therapy homework can become an argument of its own.
Would group work, family sessions or a parenting programme suit us better than individual therapy?
Why ask it
One-to-one sessions are what most people picture, which does not make them the best fit every time. A therapist who can say why another format would or would not suit this child has thought about the child and not only the timetable.
When would you refer us to a psychiatrist, and what is your view on medication here?
Why ask it
Who can prescribe depends on where you live, and in most places a psychologist cannot, so the question is about when they would refer on and how they talk about it. A flat refusal to discuss medication and an early push toward it are both worth noticing.
What happens if things get worse at ten at night, or during the holidays?
Why ask it
Find out while things are calm: whether there is any contact out of hours, what the practice does over holidays, and which emergency service to use instead. Write the numbers down where every adult in the house can find them.
Privacy and consent
What will you tell us about the sessions, and what stays between you and our child?
Why ask it
A common arrangement is that themes and progress go to parents and particular disclosures do not, with safety as the exception, but what a parent is entitled to see depends on the child's age and the law where you live. Have it spelled out before the work begins, with your child hearing the same explanation, or they may assume everything is passed on.
At what age can our child consent to therapy, or refuse it, on their own?
Why ask it
That is set by law, differs by country and state, and can differ again for older teenagers. Ask how it works where you live before assuming a parent's signature settles everything.
If we are separated, do both parents need to agree, and will both be kept informed?
Why ask it
Consent and access to records after a separation depend on where you live and on any court order. Raise it at the start, bring the order if there is one, and ask how the therapist stays out of the middle of a dispute.
What would you have to report to someone outside this room?
Why ask it
People who work with children generally have duties to act when a child may be at risk, and the detail differs by place. Hearing the rule early means it is not a shock later, and your child should be told a version of it as well.
If our child told you something that worried you about their safety, how and when would we hear?
Why ask it
This is the exception to confidentiality that matters most to a parent, so get it in concrete terms: what would be passed on, how quickly, and by phone or in person. It also helps to know whether your child would be told first that you were going to hear.
Who can see our child's records, and will any of this follow them into adulthood?
Why ask it
The details to pin down are where notes are kept, for how long, and who can request them: the school, an insurer, the other parent, your child once they are an adult. Retention and access follow local rules, so ask which ones apply to this practice.
Before you share anything with the school or our doctor, will you show us what is being sent?
Why ask it
Sharing in either direction normally needs a parent's permission, though the exact rule depends on where you live and how old your child is. A class teacher needs the parts that change what happens in the classroom, not the family history.
Home and school
What should we do differently at home, starting this week?
Why ask it
With a younger child especially, an hour a week in a clinic is small next to what the adults do on the other days. If you are given nothing to do, ask why, and whether working with the parents directly would suit this problem better.
What should we stop doing?
Why ask it
Advice tends to arrive as things to add, and the thing to drop goes unsaid: negotiating at bedtime, stepping in before every anxious moment, reasoning in the middle of a meltdown. Invite the therapist to name which of your current responses is making things harder.
What should we say in the moment, when it is actually happening?
Why ask it
General principles evaporate at twenty to eight on a school morning. Ask for a sentence or two you can use during a meltdown, a refusal or a panic, and for what to do when the sentence does not work.
How should we handle it when the adults at home respond differently?
Why ask it
In many households one adult is firmer and one is softer, and children find the gap. The therapist can help you settle on a shared line without ruling on which of you was right.
What should we tell brothers, sisters and grandparents?
Why ask it
Siblings notice the appointments and the extra attention, and relatives have opinions. What you need is a short, true explanation that protects your child's privacy and does not turn them into the family's problem.
What do we do on a bad day when none of this works?
Why ask it
Every plan has days when it fails. The fallback is worth having in advance: what counts as good enough, when to drop the demand and try again tomorrow, and at what point to ring the practice.
What should we ask the school for, and will you put it in writing?
Why ask it
Spoken advice rarely survives contact with a school system. Recommendations written in the terms your local system recognises travel further, and it helps to know which of them the school has to act on where you live and which depend on its goodwill.
Would you come to a school meeting or speak to the teacher directly?
Why ask it
Some clinicians attend meetings or phone teachers, and some only write. Check whether that time is charged, and ask what the teacher should be doing differently on Monday, since that is what a meeting needs to produce.
Progress
From your side, how is it going so far?
Why ask it
Worth asking your child's therapist every few weeks instead of waiting for a formal review. The answer to hope for is specific, such as something your child now does in the room that they would not do at the start.
What are you working on with our child at the moment?
Why ask it
The therapist can name the current theme or skill without repeating anything your child said. Knowing it lets you spot the same thing at home and saves you guessing from the car ride afterwards.
What one or two things should we watch at home to tell whether this is working?
Why ask it
A couple of simple measures, such as mornings your child got to school or nights in their own bed, beat a detailed diary. An elaborate chart is easy to abandon after a fortnight, and then there is nothing to look at when the review comes.
What have you noticed about our child that we might be missing?
Why ask it
A therapist sees your child without the history, the siblings or the school run. What they notice is often a strength: humour, persistence, how the child copes with losing a game.
Our child comes out quiet or upset. Should we ask about the session or leave it alone?
Why ask it
Questions in the car can close a child up, and some children want to talk straight away. Go by what the therapist advises for this particular child, and settle on a low-key routine for afterwards, such as a snack and no interview.
Things seem worse since we started. Is that expected?
Why ask it
A dip can come when a child begins facing what they had been avoiding, and it can also mean the approach is wrong for them. Ask how the therapist tells those two apart and how long they would wait before changing course.
What would make you change the plan?
Why ask it
A clear answer names a point in time and a sign, for example no change in school attendance by the agreed review, and says what would be tried next. If the reply is only that you will see how it goes, ask again.
How will we know when to stop?
Why ask it
This one belongs in the first few sessions, not the last. Useful answers describe goals being met, a step down to occasional check-ins, or a planned pause, and say how your child will be prepared for the final session.
After we finish, what signs would mean we should come back?
Why ask it
Setbacks can arrive with a change: a new school, a house move, exams, the start of adolescence. Have the early signs named for this child, and check whether a single top-up session is possible without rejoining the waiting list.
What do you think we are getting wrong?
Why ask it
Saved for the end and meant sincerely, this gives the psychologist permission to say something they had softened. The way they answer, with care or with blame, tells you a lot about working with them.
Preparing for the appointment
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
What to bring
A timeline rather than a summary
Write down when you first noticed something, what changed around that time and what has happened since. A house move, a bereavement, a new school year or a change in sleep often turns out to matter, and dates are easy to lose in conversation.
Two or three specific incidents
One recent morning described in detail is worth more than a general account of difficult mornings. Include what happened immediately before, who was present and how it ended.
Anything the school has written
Reports, behaviour logs, notes from a teacher or a learning support plan give an independent view of the same child. Take copies rather than promising to send them later.
The medical basics
Recent hearing and vision checks, how the child sleeps, any medication, and any concerns raised by a doctor. These are ruled in or out early, and having them to hand can save an entire appointment.
In the room
- 1Pick your four most important questions in advance. First appointments run out of time and the list rarely gets finished.
- 2Ask what a term means the moment it appears. Words like regulation, executive function and behavioural plan carry specific meanings that get lost when nobody checks.
- 3Ask them to write down anything you are meant to do at home. You will not remember it accurately by the evening.
- 4Say it out loud if a recommendation will not work in your household. A plan built around a family structure you do not have will simply fail quietly.
- 5Ask what happens next, who books it, and when you will hear. Waiting lists and referral routes are often the real bottleneck.
- 6If your child is in the room, be careful what you say about them in front of them. Ask for a few minutes separately if you need it.
Judging whether this is the right clinician
- They ask about your child's strengths and interests, not only about the problem.
- They can say what they do not know and what would change their view.
- They give you something to do before the next appointment.
- They are specific about cost, session length and who else they will contact.
- They talk about your child as a child rather than as a case, and they get the name and pronouns right.
- They are willing to disagree with you, and to be disagreed with, without it becoming awkward.
Signs to slow down
- A confident diagnosis in the first appointment with no information sought from school.
- A single approach recommended for every child they see.
- A long course of sessions proposed with no goals and no review date.
- Reluctance to explain confidentiality and what will be shared with you.
- Pressure to book a package upfront, or unwillingness to give the total cost in writing.
- Your questions treated as interference rather than as part of the work.
Once therapy has started
Ask for a regular parent slot
Five minutes at the door with your child listening is not a review. Ask your child's therapist for a set parent check-in every few weeks, by phone or in person, and bring one or two questions instead of a full account of the fortnight.
Send observations, not verdicts
A short note before the session, such as 'refused school Tuesday and Thursday, went Friday after a call with her teacher', gives the therapist something to use. Ask how they prefer to receive it, and do not expect a reply to each one.
Leave the session in the room
Let your child decide how much to tell you on the way home. If something they mention worries you, take it to the therapist and do not press your child for more.
Hold the review you agreed
Put the review date in your calendar on the day it is set. When it comes, look at the one or two measures you chose at the start and decide together whether to carry on, change the approach or begin spacing the sessions out.
If you are unsure about the recommendation
It is reasonable to ask for the assessment findings in writing and to take them to another clinician, and it is reasonable to say so openly. A second opinion is an ordinary thing to ask for and does not need to be arranged in secret. If cost is the obstacle, ask what the least expensive version of the plan looks like, and what could be done through your school or public health service instead. Whether a public route exists, and how long its waiting list is, depends on where you live.