Questions to Ask a Child Who Wants to be Baptized
For pastors, children's ministers and parents talking with a child who has asked to be baptized. Twenty plain questions on how the idea started, what the child expects to happen on the day, what they believe in their own words, worries about the water, and whether the decision is genuinely theirs.
The questions
Open any question for the note
When did you start thinking about this?
Why ask it
Beginning with the history rather than the theology gets a child talking easily. A decision that has been forming for months sounds quite different from one made after last Sunday's service, and while neither rules anything out, they call for different conversations.
Whose idea was it?
Why ask it
Ask lightly and be ready for a candid answer: a friend being baptized, a grandparent asking, a parent hoping. Outside prompting is normal and not a reason to say no. What you are listening for is whether the child has since made the idea their own.
Have you seen a baptism? What did you notice?
Why ask it
Children who have watched one usually remember the practical details, the clothes, the water, who was holding whom. What they picked out shows which part has caught their imagination, and it surfaces misunderstandings about what physically happens.
What do you think will happen on the day, from start to finish?
Why ask it
Asking for the sequence separates a child who has a picture of the day from one who only has a word. Confusion is easy to clear up now and much harder on the morning itself, when nerves are high and there is an audience.
What do you think baptism does?
Why ask it
Listen for the child's own words rather than a phrase they have absorbed. Answers suggesting the water makes them clean, or makes God love them, are worth exploring gently, since what a child believes is being exchanged matters more than whether the wording is precise.
If a friend at school asked why you were doing this, what would you say?
Why ask it
Putting it in a schoolfriend's mouth removes the pressure to produce a churchy answer. What comes back is usually what they actually believe, in the vocabulary they actually use, which tells you far more than a recital would.
Who is Jesus, in your own words?
Why ask it
Ask for their words and resist finishing their sentences. Younger children often answer with a story rather than a definition, and a story they can tell unprompted usually indicates more understanding than the correct terms repeated back.
Is there anything about the water that worries you?
Why ask it
Practical fear is common and rarely mentioned unless invited: going under, water up the nose, being watched, standing in wet clothes in front of everyone. Naming it turns it into something you can plan around rather than something that arrives at the front.
What do you do when you have done something wrong?
Why ask it
This is a route into repentance without abstraction. Listen for whether the child connects doing wrong with a person they can talk to, or whether it produces only fear of being caught, which deserves some patient conversation before the day.
What does forgiveness mean, and have you ever forgiven someone?
Why ask it
The second half moves the idea from concept to experience. A child who can describe letting something go with a sibling or a friend usually has a firmer grip on it than one who can only define the word correctly.
Do you talk to God? What is that like?
Why ask it
Prayer described in their own terms, at bedtime, walking home, when frightened, when something good happens, shows whether faith is part of daily life or something that happens in a building. There is no wrong shape, and a pause is not a bad sign.
Is there anything you have heard at church that you did not understand, or did not like?
Why ask it
Inviting the objection keeps the conversation honest. A child who admits that a story frightened them or seemed unfair is trusting you, and answering plainly matters more than tidying the answer into something neater.
Do you have any questions about God that nobody has answered?
Why ask it
Children carry unanswered questions about death, suffering, family members and whether they are believed. Asking makes room for them, and hearing an honest I do not know from you is better than concluding the question is not permitted.
Is there anything you disagree with?
Why ask it
This one takes a little courage to ask. Real disagreement, particularly from older children, indicates engagement rather than unreadiness, and how you receive it teaches them whether doubt has a place here.
Do you think this will change how you act?
Why ask it
Look for something modest and concrete rather than a promise to be good from now on. A child expecting to become a different person may need telling that baptism is not a test they can fail afterwards, which prevents a discouraging few months later.
What would you do if your friends thought this was strange?
Why ask it
Baptism is public, and children are more alert to social cost than adults credit. Talking through what they might say, and what they would do if teased, prepares them for the following week rather than only for the day.
Who do you want to be there?
Why ask it
A warm question that also tells you who is involved and who is not. It sometimes surfaces something you should know in advance: a parent who disapproves, a relative who cannot travel, a household where this needs careful handling.
How would you feel if we said wait a while?
Why ask it
Ask kindly and watch for relief as much as for disappointment. Relief usually means the child has felt carried along by others. Genuine frustration at waiting is one of the better signs that the request is their own.
Do you want to do this, or do you want to make someone happy?
Why ask it
The most important question here, and it should be asked as calmly as all the others. Make clear that either answer is safe. Children are skilled at working out what adults hope to hear, and they need to know this decision does not affect being loved.
What do you want to ask me?
Why ask it
Handing over the floor usually produces a practical question about the day, and occasionally the biggest question of the whole conversation. Answer both in the same unhurried tone.
Having this conversation well
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Setting it up
Do not make it feel like an exam
A child who thinks there are right answers will give you the ones they have been taught. Sitting side by side, walking, or talking over a drink after a service gets you closer to what they actually think than a desk and a list.
Decide who is in the room, and tell the child
A parent present may reassure a younger child or may quietly supply the answers. If a parent stays, agree beforehand that they will let the child answer. Older children are often more honest with one adult and no audience.
Two shorter conversations beat one long one
Children think about a question for days. Leaving space between conversations lets them come back with something they worked out on their own, which is usually the most useful thing they say.
Follow your church's own practice
Traditions differ substantially on age, preparation and who decides. These questions are for discernment and pastoral care, not a substitute for the process your congregation and its leaders already use.
How to ask
- 1Ask one question and then wait. Children need longer than adults, and they will usually fill the silence themselves.
- 2Take their own words seriously. If a child says God is like a friend who is always there, work with that rather than upgrading it to a doctrinal phrase.
- 3Ask what a word means to them before assuming you agree. Sin, saved and faith carry different pictures at eight than at fourteen.
- 4Do not correct in the moment unless something matters. Note it and come back to it, so the conversation stays a conversation.
- 5Say plainly that not knowing is allowed, and mean it. It is the single thing most likely to produce an honest answer.
- 6Thank them for the answers you found hardest to hear. That is what makes them willing to tell you the next thing.
Adjusting for age
Younger children
Expect concrete, literal answers and a strong interest in the practical side of the day. Belonging and being part of something usually matter more to them than doctrine, and their reasons may sound simple without being shallow.
Older children and young teenagers
They can hold doubt and belief at the same time, and often want to be asked directly rather than through analogies. This is the age at which social cost weighs most heavily, so questions about friends and school deserve real time.
A child whose family is divided about it
Some children ask while a parent is unwilling or absent. Move slowly, involve whoever has responsibility for the child, and avoid putting a child in the position of choosing between the church and their home.
If the answer is not yet
- Say what you would like to see rather than what is missing, and give it a rough timescale so it does not feel indefinite.
- Make clear this is not a refusal of the child. Children hear delay as rejection unless you say otherwise explicitly.
- Offer something in the meantime: a class, a conversation every few weeks, a part in the service.
- Tell the parents the same reasons you told the child, in the same words.
- Set a date to talk again, and keep it. Nothing undoes the conversation faster than the subject quietly disappearing.
Practical things to settle beforehand
- What the child wears, what happens to wet clothes, and who helps them afterwards.
- Whether they will be asked to say anything aloud, and if so exactly what, agreed in advance and written down if they want it.
- Who will be in the water with them and who will hold them.
- How the water feels and how it will be done, described step by step, ideally standing in the space beforehand.
- Who is being invited, and whether photographs are being taken.
- What happens the following Sunday, so the day does not feel like an ending.