Questions to Ask a College Student
For parents, relatives and mentors talking with someone partway through college, and for prospective students who want a straight account. Twenty questions on the semester's workload, where they study, who they eat with, money and work hours, plans for the summer, and what not to ask.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What are you taking this semester, and which one is eating all your time?
Why ask it
"How are classes?" reliably produces "fine". Naming the course that is taking the time gets you the real state of the term, and it lets a student complain about workload without having to admit to struggling.
Which class did you expect to dislike and don't?
Why ask it
This gets past the rehearsed answer about a favorite subject. Surprises are where students find out what actually interests them, and it is often a requirement they resented signing up for in August.
Where do you actually do your work?
Why ask it
Location predicts whether work is happening better than any question about hours. A student who says their bed, and laughs, has just told you what the problem is without being asked about grades.
What time do you get up on a normal weekday?
Why ask it
Sleep is the first thing to slip and the last thing anyone volunteers. Wake-up time is a neutral question that surfaces a four-in-the-morning schedule you would not otherwise hear about.
Who do you eat with?
Why ask it
Meals are the plainest available measure of whether someone has found people. The occasional meal alone is nothing. Every meal alone in a room is the earliest visible sign of a student pulling away.
Who was the first person you got to know there, and are you still close?
Why ask it
Early friendships usually come from proximity rather than choice. Whether they lasted tells you if the social picture has settled or is still being sorted out, which matters more in the second year than the first.
What is the food and laundry situation really like?
Why ask it
These are safe things to complain about, which is exactly why students use them to open a conversation about being worn down by the place. Take the complaint at face value first and see where it leads.
Is there anyone on campus you would go to if something went wrong?
Why ask it
Most campuses have an advisor, a resident advisor, a chaplain, a counsellor, or a coach who fills this role. Whether your student can name one person is far more informative than any reassurance they offer. A blank pause is worth returning to later.
Have you talked to any of your professors outside of class yet?
Why ask it
Office hours are the highest-value habit available to an undergraduate and the one first-years most avoid, usually because they assume it is for people in trouble. Asking makes it ordinary without turning it into instruction.
When is the worst week of your semester?
Why ask it
Terms are not evenly loaded, and there is almost always one week when everything lands at once. Knowing the date means you can offer something useful then instead of during a quiet stretch.
What do you do when you have nothing scheduled?
Why ask it
Empty hours are where a college term is won or lost. What someone does with a free Tuesday afternoon describes their semester more accurately than a transcript does.
What are you spending money on that you did not expect?
Why ask it
The surprises are usually small and repeated: laundry, delivery, transport home, course materials, going out on a Thursday. Naming them keeps the budget conversation practical rather than moral.
Are you working, and how many hours?
Why ask it
The hours matter more than the job. A modest number alongside classes is usually fine and beyond that it starts quietly costing grades and sleep, and students rarely mention that they picked up extra shifts to cover something.
Have you changed your mind about anything since you got there?
Why ask it
Students often change major, plans, or friends without telling anyone, expecting a poor reaction. Asking openly, and taking the answer calmly, decides whether you hear about the next change or learn of it afterwards.
What do you not want to be asked about when you come home?
Why ask it
Visits are full of questions students dread, usually about grades, plans, or a relationship. Asking which ones, and then actually leaving them alone, buys more honest conversation than any question on this list.
What is something about your life there that I would never guess?
Why ask it
This gives permission to describe something ordinary: a routine, a friend's habits, the walk to a nine o'clock class. Those details are how you learn what their life is like rather than how it is being presented.
What are you doing this summer, and how far along is that?
Why ask it
Summer deadlines fall much earlier than students expect. Asking how far along it is, rather than what the plan is, exposes the gap between an intention and an application nobody ever sent.
Is there anything you need that you have been putting off asking for?
Why ask it
Students postpone asking for money, a doctor's appointment, a tutor, or a difficult email to a professor. Naming the category invites the request without requiring them to describe it as a problem first.
What is going to be different about next year?
Why ask it
Leases, roommates, course choices, and study abroad decisions all sit in the near future. Asking about next year produces a practical planning conversation and often surfaces worries they have not yet called worries.
When you picture yourself after this, what does an ordinary day look like?
Why ask it
Asking about the shape of a day rather than a job title lets someone answer honestly when they have no title in mind. Where they are, what hours they keep, and who else is in the room are usually truer than any career label.
Talking to a Student Mid-Semester
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to Keep the Conversation Open
Pick One Topic Per Call
A call that covers grades, money, health, and summer plans in twelve minutes reads as an inspection, and the next one gets dodged. Choose the topic that matters this week and leave the rest for the following call.
Mind the Calendar
Midterms, finals, and the week major papers are due are the worst possible times for a searching conversation. Ask early in the term what those dates are, then aim for the gaps between them.
Ask About People Before Work
Questions about friends, meals, and roommates get answered honestly. Questions about grades get managed. Start with the first kind, and the second usually comes up on its own.
Resist Fixing It Immediately
Most students stop reporting problems once the report triggers a plan, a phone call to the school, or a lecture. Sitting with a complaint for a minute, and asking what they want to do about it, keeps you informed next month.
What to Listen For
- Eating alone in their room rather than anywhere on campus
- A schedule that has drifted so late that morning classes are effectively optional
- No named person they would go to if something went wrong
- Work hours creeping up without any explanation of what the money is for
- Vagueness about a specific course, in place of the usual general complaining
- Plans for next summer or next year that have not moved since the last conversation
Common Pitfalls
Leading with Grades
Opening on marks teaches a student to give you the least informative answer they can. If grades are the actual worry, ask which course is hardest and how they know where they stand in it.
Comparing Them to Anyone
A sibling, a cousin, or your own college years all land the same way, and they reliably end the conversation. Whatever the comparison is meant to encourage, it will be heard as a verdict.
Asking What the Plan Is, Repeatedly
Many students do not have one, and the question functions as pressure rather than interest. Ask what they are considering and what they have ruled out, which leaves not knowing available as an answer.
Turning Money into a Referendum
If spending needs to change, discuss the specific amounts and where they go. Framing it as gratitude or discipline stops you finding out about the costs you did not know about.