20 Questions

Questions to Ask a Dying Person

Sensitive, meaningful questions to help you connect with someone who is dying, honor their life, and create meaningful moments together.

1

What are some of your favorite memories from your life?

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Why this works

Allows them to reflect on positive experiences and share meaningful moments, helping them feel valued and heard.

2

What are you most proud of in your life?

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Why this works

Gives them an opportunity to share their achievements and what they consider their greatest accomplishments.

3

What advice would you give to someone starting out in life?

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Why this works

Allows them to share wisdom and feel that their life experience has value and meaning for others.

4

What are some of the things you're grateful for?

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Why this works

Helps them focus on positive aspects of their life and can bring comfort and peace during difficult times.

5

What would you like people to remember about you?

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Why this works

Gives them a chance to share how they want to be remembered and what legacy they hope to leave.

6

What are some of your favorite stories from your life?

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Why this works

Allows them to share entertaining or meaningful stories that can bring joy and connection.

7

What are some of the things you've learned about life?

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Why this works

Gives them an opportunity to share life lessons and wisdom they've gained through their experiences.

8

What are some of your favorite places you've been?

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Why this works

Allows them to reminisce about travel, experiences, and places that brought them joy or meaning.

9

What are some of the things that have brought you the most joy?

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Why this works

Helps them focus on positive experiences and can bring comfort and happiness during difficult times.

10

What are some of the things you've accomplished that you're most proud of?

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Why this works

Gives them a chance to reflect on their achievements and feel proud of what they've accomplished.

11

What are some of the things you've learned about love and relationships?

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Why this works

Allows them to share wisdom about love and relationships, which can be meaningful and comforting.

12

What are some of the things you've learned about friendship?

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Why this works

Gives them an opportunity to share insights about friendship and the importance of relationships.

13

What are some of the things you've learned about family?

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Why this works

Allows them to reflect on family relationships and share wisdom about the importance of family.

14

What are some of the things you've learned about work and career?

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Why this works

Gives them a chance to share professional wisdom and insights they've gained through their career.

15

What are some of the things you've learned about overcoming challenges?

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Why this works

Allows them to share resilience and wisdom about facing difficulties, which can be inspiring and meaningful.

16

What are some of the things you've learned about happiness?

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Why this works

Gives them an opportunity to share insights about what brings happiness and fulfillment in life.

17

What are some of the things you've learned about forgiveness?

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Why this works

Allows them to reflect on forgiveness and share wisdom about letting go of grudges and finding peace.

18

What are some of the things you've learned about gratitude?

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Why this works

Gives them a chance to share insights about gratitude and the importance of appreciating life's blessings.

19

What are some of the things you've learned about courage?

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Why this works

Allows them to share wisdom about courage and facing fears, which can be inspiring and meaningful.

20

What are some of the things you've learned about hope?

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Why this works

Gives them an opportunity to share insights about hope and maintaining optimism even in difficult times.

Best Practices for Talking with Someone Who is Dying

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Best Practices

Listen with Your Heart

Focus on being present and listening deeply. Your presence and attention are more valuable than any words you can say.

Be Respectful of Their Energy

Pay attention to their energy levels and don't overwhelm them with too many questions. Let them guide the conversation.

Focus on Their Life, Not Their Death

Ask questions that celebrate their life, achievements, and wisdom rather than focusing on their illness or death.

Question Sequences

The Life Celebration

1
What are some of your favorite memories from your life?
2
What are you most proud of in your life?
3
What are some of your favorite stories from your life?
4
What are some of the things that have brought you the most joy?

The Wisdom Sharing

1
What advice would you give to someone starting out in life?
2
What are some of the things you've learned about life?
3
What are some of the things you've learned about love and relationships?
4
What are some of the things you've learned about happiness?

Common Pitfalls

Don't Avoid Difficult Topics

While it's important to focus on positive aspects, don't avoid topics they want to discuss, even if they're difficult.

Avoid Being Overly Cheerful

Don't force positivity or try to cheer them up. Be authentic and allow them to express their true feelings.

Don't Make It About You

Focus on them and their experiences. This is their time to share and be heard, not yours to process your own feelings.

Conversation Templates

The Gentle Opener

1
Step 1: Start with: "What are some of your favorite memories from your life?"
2
Step 2: Follow with: "What are you most proud of in your life?"
3
Step 3: Deepen with: "What advice would you give to someone starting out in life?"
4
Step 4: Connect with: "That's really beautiful - I can see why that means so much to you."

Further Reading

"Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande
"The Five Wishes" by Jim Towey
"Final Gifts" by Maggie Callanan
Hospice and palliative care resources

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