Questions to Ask a Funeral Home
Questions to ask a funeral home before you choose one, and at the arrangement meeting once you have: 56 in six groups. The first five belong on any first call. After them come prices and paying, the business behind the name, care of the person, the service itself, and the paperwork and what follows.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Start here
Can we see your price list before we discuss anything else?
Why ask it
In the United States the federal Funeral Rule says a home must hand its general price list to anyone who asks in person and give prices over the phone. Other countries have their own rules, so ask what applies where you are. With the list on the table first, every option you are shown afterwards already has a number attached.
What would a complete funeral here cost, including everything you would bill us for?
Why ask it
Hold out for one finished number, not a starting price. The gap between an advertised 'from' figure and the final total, once the transfer, the care, a casket and other people's fees are added, is where the unpleasant surprises sit.
What kinds of funeral do you arrange: burial, cremation, green burial, a memorial held later?
Why ask it
Burial and cremation are everyday work for nearly any home. A green burial, a cremation with no service, or a gathering held weeks afterwards may not be, and a home that arranges one twice a year tends to steer families back toward what it does every day. Say what you have in mind and ask when they last arranged it.
Who will be looking after us, and will that be the same person on the day?
Why ask it
Some homes have one arranger take the details and somebody else run the funeral. Neither setup is wrong, but you should know whose face to expect at the door, and whether a call from you reaches that person or a front desk.
Where will the person be kept before the funeral, and is refrigeration used?
Why ask it
Not every home keeps people on its own premises: some use a shared care center across town, which matters if you plan to visit. Directors seldom raise this themselves and should not mind being asked. An answer that comes easily, in plain words, is a good sign about everything you cannot see.
Costs
What is your basic services fee, and what does it cover?
Why ask it
On a United States price list this is the one charge a family cannot decline, covering the director's time, the planning, the permits and the overhead. Elsewhere it may be called a professional fee. Homes fold different things into it, so two headline figures cannot be compared until you know whether the transfer and the paperwork are inside or billed apart.
What do you charge for a direct cremation, and for an immediate burial?
Why ask it
Neither one includes a viewing or a ceremony, so the two prices describe close to the same work at every home and make a fair first comparison. Check whether the crematory's fee and a simple container are inside the cremation figure, because some homes list those apart.
Can we see every casket you sell, with prices, including the plainest ones?
Why ask it
A showroom may hold only part of the range, with the simplest models on a printed sheet. American homes are required to show a casket price list before they show the caskets themselves. Settle on a ceiling before you walk into that room, because it is the hardest place in the building to think about money.
Can we buy the casket or urn somewhere else, and would you charge for accepting it?
Why ask it
A casket is often one of the largest lines on the bill, and a similar one can cost less from an outside seller. Under the Funeral Rule a United States home must accept one bought elsewhere and may not add a handling fee. Other countries differ, so check the rule where you are before you order, and find out how much notice the home needs for delivery.
What is not included that families are usually surprised by?
Why ask it
A straightforward director answers with real examples: certified copies of the death certificate, the cemetery's charge for opening the grave, the officiant's honorarium, flowers, food. Anyone who says nothing is left out has not read their own price list.
When you pay the florist, the newspaper or the clergy for us, do we pay what you paid?
Why ask it
Homes often buy these on a family's behalf and pass the cost along, sometimes exactly and sometimes with a service charge added. United States rules require a home that adds one to say so in writing. Seeing those lines separated also shows how much of the bill is the home's own to change.
Which cemeteries do you work with, and what do they charge on top of your bill?
Why ask it
A plot, the opening and closing of the grave, and any liner or vault the cemetery insists on are normally sold by the cemetery, not the home, and together they make a second bill. Someone who buries locally every week can say which grounds have space, what each one requires, and what a weekend burial adds.
Do you sell packages, and can we take things out of one?
Why ask it
A package is easy to agree to and hard to compare. Have the same items priced one by one beside it. If dropping the limousine or the printed programs does not lower the total, the package was a bundle and never a saving.
Will you give us the quote in writing, line by line, and how long does it stand?
Why ask it
A written figure broken into lines is the one thing you can lay beside another home's. Mark which lines could still move, such as crematory or cemetery fees set by someone else, and write down the date the quote runs out.
We can spend about this much: what would you suggest?
Why ask it
Naming a figure early is uncomfortable, and it saves an hour of being shown things you will not buy. A good director starts from your number and works down the price list with you. One who keeps returning to what the person 'deserved' is selling to your grief, and you are free to end the meeting there.
When is payment due, and do you take a deposit, an insurance policy, or a payment plan?
Why ask it
Terms differ as much as prices do. One home wants the whole sum before the funeral, another bills the estate afterwards, and some will wait for a life insurance payout if the policy is assigned to them. If money is tight, say so at this point, so the cheaper routes and any help available where you live are named before you sign.
Another home quoted us less for the same funeral: what accounts for the difference?
Why ask it
Said plainly and without apology, this is a fair question, and it makes the home describe what it thinks you are paying for. Staff on call around the clock, their own vehicles, a private viewing room and unhurried time slots can be worth the extra. Warm words at a higher figure are not.
If we prepay, who holds the money, and what happens if the business is sold?
Why ask it
Prepaid plans can outlive the businesses that sold them. The money may sit in a trust or in an insurance policy, and the rules that protect it differ by state and country, so have them explain which applies and who oversees it. Get in writing what is refundable, which prices are fixed, and whether the plan moves with you.
If we already hold a prepaid plan with another provider, can you take it over?
Why ask it
Whether a plan can move depends on how it was written and who holds the money, and a transfer fee is common. Bring the contract so the director can read the terms instead of guessing. Finding out that a plan is tied to a home you no longer want costs far less before you commit than after.
The business
Who owns this business, and is it part of a larger group?
Why ask it
Plenty of homes trading under a family name belong to national or regional groups that kept the name after buying the business. That is not automatically worse, but prices and packages are often set centrally, which limits what the person across the desk can adjust.
Who licenses you, and how long have the people here worked together?
Why ask it
Rules for funeral directors, embalmers and their premises differ by country and state, and a few places set none at all, so ask what applies here and where you could look it up. Years over the door matter less than whether the people who earned the reputation still work there.
Do your own staff handle the transfer and the preparation, or is any of that contracted out?
Why ask it
Contracting out is common and legitimate, and several homes may share one transfer service or one preparation site. The useful part of the answer is a count of how many organizations will have the person in their hands, which is the practical side of any worry about mix-ups and delays.
Do you have your own crematory, and if not, which one do you use?
Why ask it
Many homes send cremations to a crematory they do not own, sometimes a long drive away, and that affects timing and whether family can be present. With its name you can check its fees and its waiting time yourself.
Who answers the phone if someone dies in the middle of the night?
Why ask it
It may be a director on call or an answering service that pages one, and either can work. What counts is how long it takes for someone who can act to call back, and how soon a team could be at the door at that hour.
Can someone come to our house for the arrangement meeting?
Why ask it
A home visit is something many directors will do if asked, though few mention it. It is easier on people who are not up to going out, and it puts the paperwork, the insurance policy and the rest of the family in one room. Check whether the visit is charged.
Which faiths and communities do you serve regularly?
Why ask it
Put it this way and not as 'can you accommodate ours', because everyone says yes to that. The open version brings out real experience: a room for ritual washing, a burial arranged within a day, officiants they already know by name.
Do you have staff who speak our family's language?
Why ask it
It matters most at the arrangement meeting, where choices are made fast and under strain. The relatives who sign should be able to follow the contract themselves, not through a grandchild translating a price list. If nobody on staff can help, see whether the home will bring in an interpreter.
Are you a member of a trade association, and who handles complaints about you?
Why ask it
Membership usually comes with a published code of practice and somewhere to take a complaint beyond the owner's desk. The stronger protection is a regulator, where one exists: a state board, a licensing office, an ombudsman. A home in good standing can name its own without looking it up.
Care
How soon could you bring someone into your care, and does it depend on where they died?
Why ask it
A hospital has its own release process, a nursing home may want its paperwork done first, and a death at home usually has to be pronounced before anyone can be moved, with a coroner or medical examiner involved if it was unexpected. A home that handles all three regularly will describe each one without pausing.
If you have already picked someone up and we then choose a different home, what would you charge?
Why ask it
Once a home has made the pickup, families often feel committed to the rest. A reasonable business quotes a transfer and care fee and releases the person without argument. Hesitation over this is worth weighing before you tell a hospital or nursing home whom to call.
Does the funeral we want need embalming, or is that your own policy?
Why ask it
Embalming appears on many estimates, and in most places no law demands it as routine, though a home may insist on it for a public viewing or a long wait. Which of those reasons applies decides whether you can say no, and whether refrigeration alone would do for your dates.
Can we come and see them privately, and how much notice do you need?
Why ask it
Some homes welcome family at any reasonable hour. Others open the viewing room by appointment and charge for each visit. Twenty supervised minutes and an open afternoon are very different goodbyes, so find out how long you may stay and whether you will be left alone.
Can family help wash or dress them, or bring the clothes we want them to wear?
Why ask it
For some families and many faiths this is the part that matters most, and homes range from glad to help to flatly unwilling. Raise it before you choose, since a no is rarely negotiable later. If you only want to supply an outfit, the home will have a day it needs it by.
How is someone identified while they are with you, and what happens to their rings and other belongings?
Why ask it
Listen for a routine: a wristband or tag put on at the pickup and checked at every move, and a signed list of whatever arrived with the person. Say now which items you want back and which should stay with them. A ring is easy to return this week and impossible to return after the funeral.
If we choose cremation, when would the ashes be ready, and what do they come back in?
Why ask it
The wait is mostly permits and the crematory's schedule, not the cremation itself, so have them name a date. Ashes normally come back in a plain container unless you buy an urn, and most homes will accept one you supply. If relatives want to share them, say so before the cremation and not after.
If the death happens far from home, or the burial is in another country, can you handle the journey?
Why ask it
Moving someone a long distance or across a border usually means two funeral homes, permits, and often embalming or a sealed container that the airline or the receiving country insists on. Homes that do this regularly quote it without fuss. One that has to phone around for the answer will be learning at your expense.
The service
Could we look at the rooms we would be using?
Why ask it
Go and stand in them, because photographs flatter. In person you notice the state of the building, whether the viewing room is truly private, and whether another family's service can be heard through the wall.
How many people does your chapel or service room seat?
Why ask it
Capacity decides whether relatives end up standing in a corridor. If you expect more people than the room holds, that is a reason to hold the service elsewhere and use the home for the practical work only.
Can someone in a wheelchair get in easily, and is there parking close to the door?
Why ask it
Funerals bring out the oldest people a family knows, so check the route from the car to a seat and to the restrooms, not only the front entrance. For mourners who are hard of hearing, see whether the room has a hearing loop or another listening system, and whether anyone has tested it lately.
Can we hold a visitation or viewing the evening before, and what does it add to the cost?
Why ask it
A visitation is usually charged by the day or the session, for the room and the staff, and a public viewing is where a home is most likely to require embalming. If cost is the worry, an hour set aside in the same room just before the service is the cheaper thing to price.
Does the service have to be held here, or can it be at a church, a hall, or the graveside?
Why ask it
Nearly every home will work off site, but some price their own chapel into every package whether you use it or not. Find out what comes off the bill when the building is only there for the practical side, and what it costs to staff a venue across town.
What dates do you have available, and how long is the wait for the crematory or cemetery we want?
Why ask it
Availability is the constraint families tend to discover late. See whether a slot can be held while you consult relatives, and whether the delay is the home's or the cemetery's, since only one of those is solved by choosing another home.
How long would we have the room, and is another funeral booked straight after ours?
Why ask it
Back-to-back bookings are the usual reason a service feels hurried. Price a longer slot, and find out whether mourners for the next family will be arriving while yours are still leaving.
How much of the service can we shape ourselves: the music, the readings, the photographs, who speaks?
Why ask it
Start with what the room can play and show, since a favorite recording is no use if the system only takes the home's own playlist. The freer the answer, the more the day will sound like the person and the less like a standard order of service.
Can our own clergy or celebrant lead the service, and can you find one if we have nobody?
Why ask it
Homes keep a list of officiants they call on, religious and not, and the fee is usually passed to you as a separate line. If you are bringing your own, have the two of them speak before the day about timing and the sound system. A home that discourages outsiders is showing you how flexible the rest will be.
Which vehicles are in your price, and can we leave out the ones we do not need?
Why ask it
The hearse is in most traditional packages, and limousines are usually extra and charged per car, so families happy to drive themselves can take those off. While you are on the subject, see whether the procession can pass a house or a place that mattered.
Can you livestream or record the service for relatives who cannot travel?
Why ask it
Quality runs from a fixed camera with a proper microphone feed to a phone on a tripod at the back. Have them send a link to a recent recording, and check how long yours would stay online and whether there is a charge.
What do you suggest when only a handful of people will come?
Why ask it
A dozen mourners can feel lost in a room built for two hundred. A thoughtful home suggests a smaller room, a graveside gathering or chairs drawn into a circle without being prompted, and prices it as the smaller thing it is.
Is there a room for people to gather afterwards, and can food and drink be served?
Why ask it
A room on site saves older relatives a second journey. Some places restrict food or alcohol in a funeral home by law, and some homes insist on their own caterer, so ask which applies. If they have nothing suitable, they will know which nearby halls and restaurants host receptions at short notice.
Paperwork and after
What should we bring to the first meeting?
Why ask it
A good home sends a short list: the person's full legal details, any will or written wishes, a prepaid plan or insurance policy, military discharge papers if there are any, clothes, a photograph. Having it in advance spares a second trip, and it shows which relative needs to be in the room to sign.
Who has to sign for the arrangements, and what happens if the family does not agree?
Why ask it
Each state or country sets an order of who may decide, usually starting with anyone the person named in writing, then a spouse, then adult children. A director meets this often and can say what applies here, including whether every sibling has to sign for a cremation. Far better to hear it at the desk than from a relative nobody phoned.
Who registers the death and orders the certificates: you or us?
Why ask it
The split differs from country to country. In some places the funeral home files everything, and in others a relative has to register the death in person before anything else can go ahead, so ask how it works where you are. Ask too how many certified copies families usually end up needing, since banks, insurers and pension providers often each want their own.
Will you write and place the obituary or death notice, and what does that cost?
Why ask it
Newspapers often charge by the line and some homes add a fee for submitting the notice, so get both figures. Many homes also post a memorial page on their own website, which may or may not be free. Read whatever they draft before it runs, because names and dates are the mistakes families spot too late.
Can you help us claim military honors or any benefit that goes toward funeral costs?
Why ask it
What exists depends on the country: honors for a veteran, a place in a national cemetery, a government funeral payment, a grant from a union or a former employer. A home that files these claims often knows the forms and the deadlines. Have them say what applies to your family, because it is easy to assume nothing does.
Do you arrange the headstone or marker, or do we go to someone else for that?
Why ask it
A marker may come from the home, the cemetery or a monument company, and whoever sells it, the cemetery has the last word on size and material. None of it has to be settled in the week of the funeral. If the home quotes for one, get the cemetery's rules and an outside price before agreeing.
What do you offer families after the funeral?
Why ask it
It may be a staff member who phones in a month, a printed list of local grief groups, or a subscription service the home resells. Any of these can help. Knowing which one is on offer saves you waiting for a call that was never going to come.
Choosing between funeral homes
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to compare them fairly
- Write down one specification, for example the transfer, the care, a simple casket, a hearse, and a cremation at a named crematory, then ask three homes to price exactly that. Quotes for the same work can differ a great deal between businesses in one town.
- Ask each one for a written total that separates their own charges from what they pass on. Cemetery and crematory fees are usually the same whichever home you use, so the first column is the one to compare.
- Call the crematory or cemetery yourself. Many will tell you their fees, their waiting times and how long a service slot runs, and knowing those makes any quote easier to read.
- Note who answered the phone and how they spoke to you. It is a fair hint of how the week will go, and the only part of the service you can sample in advance.
Ten questions to ask a funeral home on a first call
On a first phone call there is rarely time for the whole list. Ten carry most of the weight: the price list, the complete cost, the basic services fee, the price of a direct cremation or an immediate burial, what is not included, who will look after you, where the person will be kept, whether embalming is needed, when payment is due, and which dates are free. Put the same ten to each home in the same order and the answers can be laid side by side. Everything else can wait for a visit.
Before you commit to anyone
- Visit in person if you have the time. Ten minutes in the building answers questions you would not think to ask.
- Get the name and direct number of the person handling the arrangements, and confirm who covers for them on their day off.
- Ask for everything agreed in writing, itemized, before you sign, and keep a copy separate from the funeral paperwork.
- If a home applies pressure, implies a decision cannot wait, or will not put a figure in writing, that is reason enough to call somebody else. Speaking to a home does not commit you to it.
If you are doing this in the middle of it
A hospital, hospice or nursing home may suggest a funeral home, but the choice belongs to the family. In most places it stays yours even after one home has made the pickup, because another provider can usually take over for a transfer fee. If you have already made calls and now feel rushed, it is reasonable to say that no decisions will be made until tomorrow and to ask for the price list to read overnight. If you have no one to sit with you through it, ask the hospital or hospice for its social worker, chaplain or bereavement office, since helping families through this is part of their work.
Planning ahead of time
- Ask what happens if you die away from home, whether the plan transfers to another provider, and which part covers other people's fees that may rise.
- Write down what you want and tell the people who will be arranging it. A note they know where to find costs nothing and removes the guesswork families find hardest. A will alone is a poor place for it, since it is often not read until after the funeral.
- Check whether a plan you are considering is regulated where you live, and who to contact if the provider stops trading.
- A prepaid plan is not the only way to prepare. Some people set money aside in an ordinary account and tell their family what it is for, which keeps it free of any one business. How quickly a family can reach that money after a death depends on the bank and the law where you live, so ask before relying on it.