Questions to Ask a Guardian Ad Litem
Questions to ask a guardian ad litem when one has been appointed in your family court case, written for the parent or caregiver across the table. They cover the role and its limits, how the investigation runs, what happens with your child, the report, and the hearing and what follows it. Each has a note on what the answer tells you. The guide below lists the questions a guardian ad litem commonly asks parents, children and teachers. Rules differ by state and county, so check anything that matters with your own attorney or the court.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
First Meeting
What is your role in this case, and who do you represent?
Why ask it
A guardian ad litem is there for the child's best interests, which is not the same as being on your side, the other parent's, or even doing what the child asks for. Depending on the state, the guardian may be the child's lawyer or an investigator who reports to the judge, so have them say which it is here before you say much else.
Is anything I tell you confidential?
Why ask it
Expect the answer to be no. What you say to a guardian can usually go into a report that the judge and the other parent both read, since the guardian is not your lawyer. Have them spell out the rule in this court before the first interview, not after it.
What does the court order appointing you ask you to look into?
Why ask it
The appointment order sets the job. It may cover custody and parenting time as a whole or a single disputed point, such as a move or a choice of school. Ask for a copy if you do not have one, so you are not preparing for a full review when the order covers one issue.
What are the steps of your investigation, and who do you plan to speak to?
Why ask it
A typical answer runs through interviews with each parent, time with the child, a visit to each home, and calls to teachers, doctors or counselors. Listen for who is on the list and who is not, then offer the name of anyone important who was left off.
What documents or records do you need from me, and by when?
Why ask it
Common requests are a questionnaire, school and medical records, signed releases and a list of people to contact. Write down every deadline and meet it. A late form costs the guardian time they may not have before the report is due.
Are you an attorney, a trained volunteer or another kind of professional, and what does that change?
Why ask it
Practice varies by state and sometimes by county. A lawyer acting as guardian may be able to file motions and question witnesses, while a volunteer advocate usually investigates and reports through a program with a supervisor. Which one you have decides what they can do in court and who oversees them.
What can you decide or ask the court for on your own, and what can you only recommend?
Why ask it
In most courts the guardian recommends and the judge decides, but some guardians can file motions, ask for an emergency hearing or request evaluations. The powers this one holds tell you what could happen before the final report is written.
How long have you done this work, and have you handled a case like ours before?
Why ask it
Training rules differ a great deal from one state to the next, so years alone say little. The second half matters more: a planned move, a child with a disability or a history of violence at home each call for experience a general caseload may not give. Ask it as plain curiosity, not as a challenge to their credentials.
Have you worked with either of our attorneys before, or do you know anyone involved in this case?
Why ask it
In a small county the guardian, the lawyers and the judge often know one another, and that alone is rarely a problem. Raised early and calmly, a real connection can still be dealt with properly through your attorney.
Who pays your fees, how are they split between us, and what if I cannot afford my share?
Why ask it
Where the guardian is a volunteer or paid by the court, there may be no bill at all. Where parents pay, it is often by the hour, calls and emails included, with the split set by the judge. If money is tight, ask whether this court has a fee waiver or a reduced rate and how to apply.
How do you prefer I contact you: email, phone, or through my attorney?
Why ask it
One agreed channel keeps a clean record of what was sent and when. Certain guardians want every message copied to both lawyers, and certain courts expect contact to go through counsel, so settle it once and then stick to it.
Can my attorney be present when you interview me?
Why ask it
Some guardians welcome it, some prefer to see each parent alone, and local rules can settle it either way. Put the same question to your attorney, who may have a view on whether sitting in helps or makes you look guarded.
Do you speak with the judge outside of hearings?
Why ask it
Rules on this differ from court to court: some bar a guardian from talking to the judge unless both sides are present, others are looser. If the two of them do talk privately, impressions you never get to answer can reach the bench, and your attorney should know that.
If I have a concern about how the case is being handled, who is the right person to take it to?
Why ask it
A volunteer guardian usually has a program supervisor, and an attorney guardian answers to the court that appointed them. Write down whatever name or office you are given. Then take any real complaint to your own attorney first, because writing to the judge yourself is usually not allowed.
Investigation
What will you want to cover when you interview me, and how long should I set aside?
Why ask it
Many guardians will sketch the ground in advance: your child's routine, school and health, how the two of you communicate, and the arrangement you are asking for. With the topics in hand you can bring dates and records instead of answering from memory.
What are you looking for when you visit my home?
Why ask it
Expect a practical list: where your child sleeps, basic safety, food in the kitchen, a place for homework, and how your child behaves around you. Nobody is grading the furniture. Fix what is unsafe and leave the rest looking the way it does on an ordinary Tuesday.
Will the home visit be arranged in advance, or might you come unannounced?
Why ask it
Both happen, depending on the guardian and on what is being looked into. If a visit can come without notice, ask what hours are fair game, and tell anyone else who answers your door who the guardian is.
Who else in my household will you want to meet?
Why ask it
A new partner, a grandparent who does school pickup and an older stepsibling may all be part of your child's week. Tell them what to expect, and find out whether background checks on other adults in the home are part of the process here.
Will you contact my child's school, doctor or therapist, and do you need me to sign a release?
Why ask it
In some courts the appointment order alone opens these records, and in others each provider wants a signed release. Sign promptly what you are comfortable with. If one worries you, a therapist's notes for instance, take it to your attorney before you refuse.
Can I give you the names of people who know my child well, and how do you choose which to call?
Why ask it
Teachers, coaches and the pediatrician tend to count for more than relatives, who are expected to take your side. Offer a short list with a line on how each person knows your child, and accept that not everyone on it will get a call.
If I have messages, photos or records I think matter, do you want them, and how much is too much?
Why ask it
A dated, organized handful gets read. A folder of several hundred screenshots usually does not, and it says something about the sender. Whatever you hand over, assume it can be passed to the other side.
Will you tell me what the other parent has said about me, and will I get the chance to respond?
Why ask it
Guardians differ: some put each allegation to the parent concerned, others simply weigh the two accounts. Given the chance, answer the specific point with facts and resist the urge to return fire.
Might you ask for a drug test, a psychological evaluation or a parenting class, and who decides?
Why ask it
Whether a guardian can request these, and whether a judge has to order them, depends on the court. Learn who pays and how a refusal is treated before you are in the position of answering on the spot.
What are you required to report if you become concerned about safety?
Why ask it
Whether a guardian is a mandated reporter depends on the state and on their profession. Where they are one, a report to child protective services does not wait for the custody case. Hearing the trigger now means a referral later is not a shock to either household.
How do you look into a claim of abuse, violence or substance use when our accounts differ?
Why ask it
Listen for sources beyond the two of you: police and medical records, protective orders, people who saw something firsthand. If the concern is yours, bring the documents you have and ask which of them carry weight. If anyone is unsafe right now, that goes to your attorney or the police today and does not wait for a report.
Is there anything so far that concerns you about my household?
Why ask it
Hard to ask, and worth it, because a concern you hear now can be addressed before it is written down. Repeat the answer back to be sure you have it right, and hold off on explaining it away on the spot.
If I think you have missed something that matters, what is the right way to raise it?
Why ask it
One short email naming the fact, the date and who can confirm it is easier to act on than a general complaint that the picture is incomplete. You may also learn that there is a cutoff after which nothing new is considered.
What do parents in this situation do that damages their own case?
Why ask it
You hear the pattern this guardian sees over and over, often angry texts to the other parent, talk about the case in front of the child, or missed visits. Check your own last few months against whatever they name.
Your Child
How many times will you meet my child, and where?
Why ask it
One office meeting gives a thinner picture than several visits spread across both homes. If the plan is a single short session, mention it to your attorney, since it bears on how much the recommendation can rest on your child's own words.
Will you see my child in both homes, with each of us?
Why ask it
Watching a child with each parent, in each home, is common practice but not universal. If only one household gets a visit, ask why. A recommendation about where a child lives is easier to question when half the picture was never seen.
Will you speak to my child alone, and will you repeat to us what they tell you?
Why ask it
Children are usually seen without either parent in the room, and their words may or may not be quoted in the report. A child who finds out that a parent read what they said can stop talking to the next professional, so it matters how this guardian handles it.
Will you ask my child which parent they want to live with?
Why ask it
Plenty of guardians avoid putting that to a child outright, above all a young one, and ask about ordinary days in each home instead. With a teenager the conversation can be more direct. How much a child's preference counts, and from what age, differs by state, so ask how it works in yours.
How should I explain to my child who you are and why you are coming?
Why ask it
Guardians often have a line they like parents to use, something close to 'a helper whose job is to tell the judge about our family'. Borrow their wording and keep it to a sentence or two, so both homes give the same explanation.
What can I do to make the meetings easier for my child?
Why ask it
The useful answers are usually about restraint: no rehearsing, no promise of a treat for a good interview, no debrief in the car afterward. For a small child, ask about timing too, since a visit at nap time shows nobody at their best.
What happens if my child does not want to talk to you?
Why ask it
A good guardian does not push. Expect to hear about shorter visits, play or drawing with younger children, and leaning more on teachers and observation. Watch your own impulse to persuade your child to cooperate.
What should I do if my child talks to me about your visit?
Why ask it
Children bring it up at bedtime or in the car. Shutting them down feels wrong, and asking for details can look like pumping them. Get the guardian's own script for that moment, which is often to listen, thank them for telling you and ask nothing further.
What do you do when what my child wants is different from what you think is best for them?
Why ask it
One approach is to report the child's wishes and the guardian's own recommendation side by side, and some places give the child a separate lawyer when the two split. A careful answer keeps the wish and the recommendation apart and makes sure the judge hears both.
How do you allow for a child's age when you interpret what they say?
Why ask it
A four-year-old's account of last weekend and a fourteen-year-old's are different kinds of evidence. Listen for how the guardian checks a small child's words against what teachers and caregivers have seen, and how much say an older child gets.
How do you tell whether a child has been coached on what to say?
Why ask it
Parents on both sides of a case tend to suspect it of each other, so a bare 'I can tell' is not much of an answer. Better ones name signs, such as adult phrases in a child's mouth or the same story word for word each time, and say what the guardian does next.
If my child is refusing to see one of us, how will you work out why?
Why ask it
Refusing visits is among the hardest things a guardian is asked to sort out, and each parent usually arrives with a different explanation. Ask what they look at: when the reluctance began, what the child says in their own words, and how each parent responds to it. Describe what you have seen yourself and leave the labels out.
Will you meet each of my children separately, and could you recommend different schedules for them?
Why ask it
A teenager and a five-year-old in the same family can need different things from a schedule. Siblings seen only together also tend to let the eldest do the talking, so a meeting apiece gives the quieter child a say.
How will you account for my child's diagnosis, or anything about them a stranger could misread?
Why ask it
A child who is autistic, anxious or simply slow to warm up can come across as withdrawn or unhappy in a first meeting. Say so before that meeting, and offer the name of a therapist or teacher who can confirm it.
The Report
What is your timeline, and when will the report be filed?
Why ask it
The filing date decides how long you and your attorney have to read the report and prepare a response before the hearing. Dates slip, so find out what happens to the hearing if this one does.
Will you weigh in on the temporary arrangements while the case is still running?
Why ask it
Interim schedules have a way of becoming the pattern everyone is used to by the final hearing. If the guardian will speak to them, find out what that early view would rest on, given that the investigation is not finished.
Will your recommendation be a written report, or will you give it aloud in court?
Why ask it
Courts differ, and some guardians only speak at the hearing. A written report gives you and your attorney something to read and answer. With an oral one, see whether you can learn the gist beforehand.
What will the report cover besides where my child lives?
Why ask it
Recommendations often reach into decision-making, school choice, counseling, exchanges and conditions placed on either parent. Prepare only for the schedule and the rest can catch you flat at the hearing.
Which factors do you work from when you decide what is in my child's best interests?
Why ask it
Many places set out best-interest factors in law or in court rules, and guardians tend to organize their reports around them. Once you know the list, you can give information under those headings instead of telling the story in the order it happened to you.
Will I get to read the report before the hearing, and who else receives it?
Why ask it
Practice differs: a report may go to both parents, only to the lawyers, or be sealed so that it can be read at the courthouse but not copied. If you have no attorney, ask how a parent on their own gets to see it, and how many days before the hearing.
Before you file, will you go over your findings with me so I can correct any factual errors?
Why ask it
A wrong date, a misattributed remark or a mixed-up school name is far easier to fix before filing than to dispute at a hearing. Keep corrections to facts. Arguing the conclusion at this stage rarely moves it.
Could your recommendation change if my circumstances change before the hearing?
Why ask it
A new job with different hours, a move closer to school or a finished parenting course can all matter, but only if the guardian hears about them. Agree how you would send an update, and whether a supplement to the report is possible.
Will you take part in mediation or settlement talks, and can we still settle once your report is in?
Why ask it
In some courts the guardian sits in on mediation, and knowing which way a recommendation leans can move two parents toward an agreement. Find out whether the guardian would need to review anything the two of you work out before it goes to the judge.
Court and After
How much weight does the court usually give your recommendation?
Why ask it
In most courts the judge is free to depart from a guardian's recommendation, and how often that happens differs from one courtroom to the next. The guardian's own estimate is a rough guide to what is riding on the report. Your attorney, who may have watched this judge before, can give you a second one.
Will you testify at the hearing, and can my attorney question you about the report?
Why ask it
That depends on the role the guardian holds in this court: some take the stand like any witness, and others, acting as the child's lawyer, do not. Where they can be questioned, the report's sources and gaps can be tested in front of the judge.
What happens if I disagree with your recommendation?
Why ask it
The proper route usually runs through your attorney: a written objection where the rules allow one, questions at the hearing and witnesses of your own. Ask about deadlines, because the window to object can be short. Angry emails to the guardian are the other route, and they tend to end up in front of the judge.
Does your involvement end when the order is made, or does it continue?
Why ask it
An appointment can end at the final order, run through a review period, or last until the court releases the guardian. The answer settles whether a problem next month goes to them or straight to your attorney.
If the other parent does not keep to the schedule while you are still involved, do you want to hear about it?
Why ask it
Some guardians want to know promptly, others only when there is a pattern. In both cases send the date and what happened in a line or two, and leave questions of enforcement to your attorney.
Who explains the outcome to my child, and will you see them once more when your part is over?
Why ask it
A child who has confided in a guardian can be confused when that person simply vanishes. Agreeing who says what, and whether there is a closing visit, keeps the explanation the same in both homes.
If one of us goes back to court later to change the order, would you be appointed again?
Why ask it
Continuity can spare your child from starting over with a stranger, though it also means the earlier report comes back with its author. How reappointment works is local, so note the answer for later.
Working with a guardian ad litem
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Practical points
Pick a few questions for each meeting
This list is longer than any one conversation. At the first meeting, the questions on role, confidentiality, scope and process are enough. Keep the ones about the report for when a filing date is in sight, and check first whether the appointment order or your own attorney already answers the rest. Where the guardian bills by the hour, a long list also costs money.
Assume everything is reportable
Emails, voicemails and remarks made in passing can all end up quoted in the report. That is no reason to be guarded about facts. It is a reason to write every message as though the judge will read it, because the judge may.
Talk to your own attorney first
Your lawyer can tell you what the appointment order covers where you live and whether contact should go through them. In some courts direct contact is expected, and in others it is discouraged. If you are representing yourself, the court's self-help center, where there is one, can explain the local procedure.
Provide documents rather than accounts
Report cards, medical records and a calendar of who did which pickup carry more weight than a description of the other parent. A guardian can check a document. An opinion about the other parent is something they can only write down.
Answer about your child, not the other parent
When asked about a problem, describe its effect on your child and what you did about it. A long history of the other parent's conduct tends to be read as evidence about the person telling it.
Keep your child out of the preparation
Do not rehearse them, quiz them afterward, or explain what is at stake. Prepared answers are one of the things a guardian is listening for, and when they turn up it counts against the parent who prepared them.
Questions a guardian ad litem asks
What a guardian ad litem asks parents
Every guardian has their own list, and the appointment order shapes it. These are the subjects that come up most often in a parent interview, worded the way they tend to be asked.
- What does an ordinary weekday look like in your home, from waking up to bedtime? What about a weekend?
- Who has taken your child to the doctor and the dentist, gone to school conferences and handled activities up to now?
- How is your child doing at school, with friends and in their health, and what are they finding hard at the moment?
- What are your work hours, and who looks after your child when you are not there?
- Who else lives in your home or stays there overnight?
- How do you and the other parent communicate, and how do exchanges usually go?
- What worries you about the other home? Which parts did you see yourself, and which were you told about?
- What does the other parent do well with your child?
- How do you handle discipline, screens and bedtime, and where do the two homes differ?
- Is there anything in your own history the court should know about, such as alcohol or drug use, mental health treatment, arrests or protective orders?
- What schedule are you asking for, and why is it better for your child and not only for you?
- How would you support your child's relationship with the other parent under that schedule?
What a guardian ad litem asks a child
With children, guardians tend to start on easy ground, keep the questions open and match them to the child's age. Whether a child is asked outright where they want to live depends on the guardian, the child's age and local practice.
- What do you like to do after school, and who are your friends?
- Tell me about a normal day at each of your homes.
- Who helps you with homework? Who makes dinner? Who puts you to bed?
- What happens at each house when you break a rule?
- What do you like best about being at each house, and is there anything you wish were different?
- Is there anything that worries you or scares you?
- Who do you talk to when you are upset?
- If you had three wishes, what would they be?
- Is there anything you want the judge to know?
- Did anyone tell you what to say to me today?
What a guardian ad litem asks teachers, doctors and other adults
People outside the family are asked for what they have seen firsthand, not for an opinion on who should win.
- How long have you known the child, and how often do you see them?
- How are attendance, homework and behavior, and has anything changed recently?
- Which parent comes to conferences, appointments or practices, and who do you call when something comes up?
- Does the child arrive rested, fed and with what they need for the day?
- Has the child said anything about home that stayed with you?
- Have you seen the child with each parent, and what did you notice?
- Do you have any concern about the child's safety?
What tends to go wrong
Treating the guardian as your advocate
A warm first meeting leads some parents to speak as though they have an ally. The role is to advise the court about the child, and the report may not favor you.
Frequent contact
Daily calls and long emails become part of the guardian's file and rarely change the outcome. Where fees are billed hourly, they also cost you money.
Withholding something awkward
A past charge, a period of drinking, a difficult relationship. Disclosed early, it is context. Found later, it casts doubt on everything else you have said.
Using the child as a channel
Sending messages or questions to the other parent through your child puts the child in the middle of the case. Guardians ask children about exactly this, and it is among the most damaging things a parent can do in a contested case.