Questions to Ask a Mortician
Plain questions to ask a funeral director when arranging a burial or cremation, or when planning ahead: the price list, which items are optional, what happens to the body, cemetery charges, and when payment is due. Written for families who have to make decisions quickly.
The questions
Open any question for the note
May I have your price list to take away?
Why ask it
In the United States, funeral homes are required to give an itemized price list to anyone who asks in person, before discussing arrangements. Reluctance is a reason to call somewhere else.
What does the basic services fee cover, and is it charged on every arrangement?
Why ask it
This is the one charge that generally cannot be declined, and it varies widely between homes in the same town. Knowing it is what makes two quotes comparable.
Can you write down the total for what we have discussed?
Why ask it
Ask for the itemized statement before agreeing to anything. Verbal totals tend to leave out cash advances such as clergy fees, death certificate copies, and newspaper charges.
Which of these items are optional?
Why ask it
Several standard inclusions can be declined. Going down the list item by item takes longer and is usually where the difference in cost sits.
Is embalming needed in this case?
Why ask it
It is rarely required by law and is more often tied to timing and whether there will be a viewing. Ask what the alternative would be, such as refrigeration or holding the service sooner.
Can we use a casket or urn bought elsewhere?
Why ask it
Federal rules bar a handling fee for a casket you supply yourself. A home that resists, or warns vaguely about damage and fit, is protecting a markup.
What happens between now and the service?
Why ask it
A plain question that deserves a plain answer: where they will be kept, who has access, and whether they leave the premises at any point.
Do you carry out cremations here, or send them elsewhere?
Why ask it
If the work is subcontracted, ask which crematory, how the transfer happens, and how identification is tracked at each step. Families often only think to ask afterwards.
How long until we have the ashes, and in what container?
Why ask it
Timescales run from a few days to a few weeks depending on permits and paperwork. Ask what container is included and what any other one costs.
Can we have a viewing without embalming?
Why ask it
Often possible with refrigeration and a shorter window before the service. The answer tells you how flexible this particular home is willing to be.
Who files the death certificate, and how many copies will we need?
Why ask it
Banks, insurers, pension providers, and registries usually each want a certified copy. Ordering enough at the start saves weeks of waiting later.
What can we do ourselves?
Why ask it
Music, readings, clothing, pallbearers, printed orders of service, and sometimes transport. Homes differ, and some will quietly allow more than the package suggests.
Have you handled services in our tradition before?
Why ask it
Ask about specifics: timing within a day, washing and shrouding, whether the casket stays open, who may be present. Experience shows up in the details rather than in reassurance.
What will the cemetery charge separately?
Why ask it
The plot, opening and closing the grave, and the marker are usually cemetery charges rather than funeral home charges. Together they can match the funeral bill.
When is payment due, and what do you accept?
Why ask it
Most homes want payment before the service. Ask about assigning a life insurance policy, installments, and whether either carries a fee.
What are the options if we cannot cover this?
Why ask it
Ask for the price of a direct cremation or a simple burial, and about county assistance and veterans benefits if they apply. A good director will raise these without being pushed.
If we prepay, where is the money held?
Why ask it
Prepaid funds should sit in a trust or an insurance policy rather than in the business. Ask what happens if you move away or the firm changes hands.
Who is my contact, and can I reach you outside office hours?
Why ask it
Arrangements change late and at odd hours. A named person and a number a human answers matters more than the size of the firm.
Can we change our minds after signing?
Why ask it
Ask what is refundable, what has already been ordered, and how late a change can be made. Decisions shift during grief and it helps to know the cost of changing one.
What do families most often wish they had asked you?
Why ask it
Directors have sat through hundreds of these conversations. Asked plainly, most will name something specific that saves you money or regret.
Arranging a funeral
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before the meeting
Bring someone who is not deciding
A friend or relative one step back from the loss can take notes, hold the price list, and ask the question you cannot. It is the single most useful thing to arrange in advance.
Call two homes for prices
Prices for the same burial or cremation can differ substantially within a few miles. You can ask for a price list over the phone, and doing so before you sit down anywhere changes the conversation.
Separate the urgent from the rest
Care of the body, the death certificate, and the date of the service have to be settled now. Markers, permanent urns, and memorial gatherings can wait weeks and often cost less when they do.
Where costs usually grow
- Casket and urn upgrades, which carry the widest margins of anything on the list.
- Cash advances passed through from clergy, musicians, newspapers, and the certificate office.
- Cemetery charges, which are billed separately and are easy to overlook when comparing homes.
- Sealed or protective casket features, which are sold on preservation claims worth questioning.
- Packages, where declining one or two items you do not want often costs less than the bundle.
Worth knowing
You are entitled to itemized prices, to decline items you do not want, and to supply a casket or urn from elsewhere without a handling fee. If a home tells you a purchase is required by law, ask which law, and ask for it in writing. Nothing here has to be decided in one sitting, and a home that says otherwise is telling you something about itself.