Questions to Ask a Nanny Reference
Questions for a nanny reference call: dates and hours, what a normal day looked like, illness and near misses, how feedback landed, why the job ended, and whether they would hire her again. Written for parents making the call themselves.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
How do you know her, and what dates did she work for you?
Why ask it
Establishes whether this is a former employer or a friend doing a favor. Dates that do not line up with the candidate's own account are the most common thing a reference call turns up.
How old were your children then, and what were the hours?
Why ask it
Tells you whether the experience matches your situation. Two school-age children from three in the afternoon is a different job from a newborn for ten hours a day.
What did the job include besides childcare?
Why ask it
Cooking, laundry, driving, and homework blur into the role. You learn both what she has actually done and what she agreed to do without complaint.
Can you walk me through a normal day in your house?
Why ask it
An open prompt that produces detail no rating scale will. If the answer stays general, the reference probably was not there for much of it.
How did she handle a day when a child was ill?
Why ask it
A concrete scenario every family has. Listen for when she called, what she decided on her own, and whether the parents were comfortable with where she drew that line.
Tell me about a time she had to discipline your child.
Why ask it
Asks for an event rather than a philosophy. What she did, and whether the parents agreed with it afterwards, is the part that predicts your own experience.
Was there ever an accident or a near miss?
Why ask it
Any long stretch of childcare has one. A reference who says never either was not told about it or is being careful with you.
How did she communicate during the day?
Why ask it
Ask what she volunteered rather than what she answered. Parents notice the difference between updates arriving and having to ask for them.
Did she ever raise something awkward with you?
Why ask it
A nanny who flags a problem early is worth a great deal. Never having raised anything can mean a smooth placement or a silent one.
How was her timekeeping, at both ends of the day?
Why ask it
Late arrivals get noticed, but so does leaving on the minute with a child mid-meltdown. Ask about both and listen for which one they hesitate on.
How did she handle your rules on screens and food?
Why ask it
The two rules most quietly ignored in other people's houses. Ask how the parents found out what was actually happening while they were at work.
Did she drive your children anywhere?
Why ask it
Ask about whose car, insurance, car seats, and whether the parents ever had a concern about the driving itself. Many families never check this until something happens.
How did she get on with them as they got older?
Why ask it
Some people are wonderful with toddlers and lost with a nine-year-old. Change across a long placement is worth probing if your children are about to grow into it.
How did she manage two or more of them at once?
Why ask it
Relevant if you have siblings. Ask specifically about conflict between children and what she did when she was outnumbered and tired.
How did she respond when you gave her feedback?
Why ask it
Ask for a real correction rather than an impression. Some defensiveness in the moment is normal, so what matters is whether the behavior changed the following week.
Was she ever off unexpectedly?
Why ask it
Illness and family emergencies happen to everyone. The question is notice, backup, and whether it settled into a pattern.
Did anything in her own life affect the work?
Why ask it
Phrase it neutrally and allow them to decline. Where there was a real problem, references often become noticeably careful at exactly this point.
Why did the job end?
Why ask it
Compare the answer with the candidate's version. The difference between the two accounts matters more than the reason itself.
Would you hire her again for a child the age mine is now?
Why ask it
The age qualifier is what makes this question work. A warm yes with a pause about babies is real information you would not otherwise get.
Is there anything you would want to know if you were in my position?
Why ask it
Gives a reference who has been holding something back a way to say it. Ask it last, then wait out the pause without filling it.
How did you find them, and were they placed by an agency?
Why ask it
Agency placements usually arrive with a background check and a written contract already on file. A neighborhood referral may not, which tells you what verification is still yours to do.
Was she your only childcare, or was someone else around during the day?
Why ask it
Whether she worked alone matters enormously. A nanny used to a parent at home, or a second nanny, or a grandmother in the next room, has less experience being solely responsible than her years imply.
How did she compare with whoever you had before or after her?
Why ask it
Comparison is easier for people than judgment, and most families have had more than one arrangement. The answer usually names her real strength, and her real limit, in a sentence or two.
How did your children react when they arrived, and when they left?
Why ask it
Small children give an unfiltered review. Running to the door, or crying at pickup because the game was not finished, is stronger evidence than any adjective the parent chooses.
Did the nap and bedtime routine hold on the days you were out?
Why ask it
Schedule drift is quietly one of the main reasons families part with a nanny. A parent who says the routine held when nobody was watching is telling you something a general answer would not.
How did they handle food: cooking, allergies, a picky eater?
Why ask it
Mealtimes concentrate the daily friction. If your child has an allergy, ask specifically how labels and shared surfaces were handled rather than whether they knew about it.
What did she do with them on a whole day stuck indoors?
Why ask it
A rainy day at home is the real test of initiative. Baking, forts, walks in the rain, dragging out the craft box: these answers are worth more than a list of enrichment classes somebody else organized.
How did she use her phone during the day?
Why ask it
This is now among the most common complaints about caregivers, and references will discuss it plainly if you ask without loading the question. Expect nuance. The version to worry about is a parent describing a child competing with a screen for attention.
Which of your children was hardest to manage, and how did she handle them?
Why ask it
Every household has a harder child, and naming one lets the reference be specific. Listen for an actual method. 'She was very patient' is what people say when nothing particular comes to mind.
Did your children ever say anything about her that surprised you?
Why ask it
Children report what parents never see. Asked this way, a reference often remembers one small remark that says more about the daily atmosphere than any other answer in the call.
How did your children react when she left?
Why ask it
The children's reaction is the hardest thing to invent and the least likely to be rehearsed. A parent describing genuine grief when she left is telling you something no qualification can.
How was her judgment around water, roads and strangers?
Why ask it
Judgment matters more than any certificate. Naming concrete settings gets you real memories, whereas 'was she safety conscious' is answered yes automatically and tells you nothing.
Was there ever a day she called you at work? What about?
Why ask it
A gentler route to the same ground as asking about emergencies. What she chose to escalate shows her judgment about what a working parent wants to be interrupted for, and what she felt able to handle alone.
Was there anything about their judgment or supervision that worried you, even slightly?
Why ask it
The phrase even slightly gives a reluctant reference permission to mention a small thing, which is often the real reason they hedged earlier. Any pause before this answer is worth waiting through in silence.
Did they ever have other people over, run errands with the children, or drive them?
Why ask it
Driving, visitors, and errands are the practical safety questions people forget to ask about. You are listening for whether these were agreed in advance or discovered afterward.
Did you ever come home to something you were not happy about?
Why ask it
This gives permission for a small complaint, and small complaints are where the honest material lives: the kitchen left as it was, the television on, the phone in her hand. Almost no reference offers this unprompted.
Was there anything you found out after the fact rather than at the time?
Why ask it
This is the honest version of asking whether anything was hidden. Small examples are normal. A pattern of parents learning things from their children days later is the most useful warning a reference can give you.
How did she get on with your partner, and anyone else in the house?
Why ask it
Nanny jobs end over adult relationships as often as over childcare. Ask about the second parent by name, since one of the two usually did most of the managing and holds the sharper view.
What were they best at?
Why ask it
Ask for the strength as a story rather than an adjective. What a family genuinely valued, such as calm during illness or getting a reluctant reader to read, is what this person will bring to your house.
Every employee needs managing on something. What was it with her?
Why ask it
Framing it as universal makes it answerable. Anyone who insists there was nothing at all either did not supervise closely or is protecting her, and in both cases the rest of the call carries less weight.
Were there ever any issues about money: hours claimed, expenses, advances?
Why ask it
Money problems in a household job are rarely dramatic and quietly corrosive: rounded-up hours, expenses that did not add up, repeated requests for an advance. Most references answer this directly, and a clear no is worth having on the record.
Did she give notice, and how did she handle her last few weeks?
Why ask it
The final two weeks show character more clearly than the first two. A nanny who prepared the children for her leaving and left proper notes has described herself more accurately than any interview answer could.
If I hire them, what should I do in the first month to make it work?
Why ask it
This asks for advice rather than judgment, and it is where a cautious reference becomes candid: be explicit about the kitchen, put the schedule on the wall, do not ask for extra hours by text.
Who else should I talk to about her?
Why ask it
A reference who can point you to another family, or to the agency that placed her, widens the picture beyond the two names she chose to give you. An unwillingness to point anywhere is itself an answer.
Running the reference call
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you call
Insist on employers, not friends
Ask for two families she worked for and at least one where the placement ended more than a year ago. A list of only recent, only short, or only personal references is itself a finding.
Verify the number yourself
Look up the name independently rather than only dialing the number you were given. It is rare for a reference to be fabricated, and it is the one thing a call cannot recover from.
Call rather than email
Hesitation, pauses, and a change of tone carry most of the information here, and none of it survives in writing. Ask for twenty minutes when the children are not in the room at their end either.
What to listen for
- Warm generalities with no examples. Someone who saw the work daily has specifics.
- A long pause before an answer about safety, timekeeping, or honesty.
- Praise that quietly narrows: excellent with the baby, said twice, and nothing about the older child.
- A reason for leaving that does not match the candidate's version, or a vague one offered quickly.
- Anything the reference asks you not to repeat, which is usually the most important sentence in the call.
What a reference call cannot do
A reference tells you how one family experienced her, not whether she is safe. Run the checks separately: identity, right to work, a background check where you can obtain one, first aid certification, and the driving license if she will be driving. Ask the candidate for permission and do these in parallel rather than treating a good call as the end of the process.