Questions to Ask a Nanny Reference
Questions for a nanny reference call: dates and hours, what a normal day looked like, illness and near misses, how feedback landed, why the job ended, and whether they would hire her again. Written for parents making the call themselves.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How do you know her, and what dates did she work for you?
Why ask it
Establishes whether this is a former employer or a friend doing a favor. Dates that do not line up with the candidate's own account are the most common thing a reference call turns up.
How old were your children then, and what were the hours?
Why ask it
Tells you whether the experience matches your situation. Two school-age children from three in the afternoon is a different job from a newborn for ten hours a day.
What did the job include besides childcare?
Why ask it
Cooking, laundry, driving, and homework blur into the role. You learn both what she has actually done and what she agreed to do without complaint.
Can you walk me through a normal day in your house?
Why ask it
An open prompt that produces detail no rating scale will. If the answer stays general, the reference probably was not there for much of it.
How did she handle a day when a child was ill?
Why ask it
A concrete scenario every family has. Listen for when she called, what she decided on her own, and whether the parents were comfortable with where she drew that line.
Tell me about a time she had to discipline your child.
Why ask it
Asks for an event rather than a philosophy. What she did, and whether the parents agreed with it afterwards, is the part that predicts your own experience.
Was there ever an accident or a near miss?
Why ask it
Any long stretch of childcare has one. A reference who says never either was not told about it or is being careful with you.
How did she communicate during the day?
Why ask it
Ask what she volunteered rather than what she answered. Parents notice the difference between updates arriving and having to ask for them.
Did she ever raise something awkward with you?
Why ask it
A nanny who flags a problem early is worth a great deal. Never having raised anything can mean a smooth placement or a silent one.
How was her timekeeping, at both ends of the day?
Why ask it
Late arrivals get noticed, but so does leaving on the minute with a child mid-meltdown. Ask about both and listen for which one they hesitate on.
How did she handle your rules on screens and food?
Why ask it
The two rules most quietly ignored in other people's houses. Ask how the parents found out what was actually happening while they were at work.
Did she drive your children anywhere?
Why ask it
Ask about whose car, insurance, car seats, and whether the parents ever had a concern about the driving itself. Many families never check this until something happens.
How did she get on with them as they got older?
Why ask it
Some people are wonderful with toddlers and lost with a nine-year-old. Change across a long placement is worth probing if your children are about to grow into it.
How did she manage two or more of them at once?
Why ask it
Relevant if you have siblings. Ask specifically about conflict between children and what she did when she was outnumbered and tired.
How did she respond when you gave her feedback?
Why ask it
Ask for a real correction rather than an impression. Some defensiveness in the moment is normal, so what matters is whether the behavior changed the following week.
Was she ever off unexpectedly?
Why ask it
Illness and family emergencies happen to everyone. The question is notice, backup, and whether it settled into a pattern.
Did anything in her own life affect the work?
Why ask it
Phrase it neutrally and allow them to decline. Where there was a real problem, references often become noticeably careful at exactly this point.
Why did the job end?
Why ask it
Compare the answer with the candidate's version. The difference between the two accounts matters more than the reason itself.
Would you hire her again for a child the age mine is now?
Why ask it
The age qualifier is what makes this question work. A warm yes with a pause about babies is real information you would not otherwise get.
Is there anything you would want to know if you were in my position?
Why ask it
Gives a reference who has been holding something back a way to say it. Ask it last, then wait out the pause without filling it.
Running the reference call
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you call
Insist on employers, not friends
Ask for two families she worked for and at least one where the placement ended more than a year ago. A list of only recent, only short, or only personal references is itself a finding.
Verify the number yourself
Look up the name independently rather than only dialing the number you were given. It is rare for a reference to be fabricated, and it is the one thing a call cannot recover from.
Call rather than email
Hesitation, pauses, and a change of tone carry most of the information here, and none of it survives in writing. Ask for twenty minutes when the children are not in the room at their end either.
What to listen for
- Warm generalities with no examples. Someone who saw the work daily has specifics.
- A long pause before an answer about safety, timekeeping, or honesty.
- Praise that quietly narrows: excellent with the baby, said twice, and nothing about the older child.
- A reason for leaving that does not match the candidate's version, or a vague one offered quickly.
- Anything the reference asks you not to repeat, which is usually the most important sentence in the call.
What a reference call cannot do
A reference tells you how one family experienced her, not whether she is safe. Run the checks separately: identity, right to work, a background check where you can obtain one, first aid certification, and the driving license if she will be driving. Ask the candidate for permission and do these in parallel rather than treating a good call as the end of the process.