Questions to Ask a Preschooler
Questions to ask a preschooler at pickup, in the car, in the classroom or at bedtime, worded so a three to five year old can give more than a one-word answer. They run from easy openers and the school day through feelings, pretend play and thinking questions to the child's own picture of themselves and their family, with questions about pets and animals along the way. The note under each one says what answers tend to sound like at this age and what to ask or do next. For parents, grandparents and sitters, and for teachers who want open-ended questions to ask preschool kids over snack or a painting.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Easy Openers
What was your favorite part of today?
Why ask it
At pickup the day is still a blur, so this often works better in the bath or at dinner, when one piece of it has floated back up. If all you get is "I don't know", offer two parts to pick from, such as outside time or lunch, and ask what was good about the one they choose.
Who did you play with today, and what was the game?
Why ask it
The game usually has a name, like puppies or shop, and somebody in charge of it, so follow with "who got to be the puppy?" A playmate who turns up in the answer day after day is the one to invite over. A day with no name at all is common at three, when a lot of play still happens side by side.
What did you laugh about today?
Why ask it
You will rarely get the joke secondhand, so skip "why was that funny?" and ask who else was laughing. That gives you the names of the children around them without a single question about friends. If they act it out, laugh, even when you are not sure what you just saw.
What's your favorite color, and who else likes that color?
Why ask it
The first half is about as easy as a question gets, and the answer may be different next week. The second asks them to think about somebody else's taste. You may learn the favorite was borrowed from a best friend or a big sister, or be told with total confidence that it is your favorite too.
What's your favorite book right now, and can you read it to me?
Why ask it
"Right now" matters, since the favorite changes about as often as the weather. A child who cannot read yet will still "read" it to you from the pictures and from memory, and the parts they keep, skip or make up show you what the story is to them.
What's your favorite thing to eat, and who makes it the best?
Why ask it
You get one word for the first half, often pasta or something else beige, and a person for the second: grandma's noodles, dad's pancakes, the rice at school. Pass the compliment on to whoever they name.
How old are you, and how old will you be on your next birthday?
Why ask it
Expect fingers held up along with the number, and not always the right number of fingers. The second half is a small piece of counting on by one, and the answer often comes with plans for the cake. It also opens the yearly birthday interview, if you keep one.
What song do you like to sing, and will you sing me a little bit?
Why ask it
Most children this age would sooner perform a song than name it, so be ready to hear all of it, with actions. Join in on the second round even if you have to hum, since a song you both know is useful the next time a car ride gets long.
Which stuffed animal or toy is the most important one, and what's its name?
Why ask it
Ask how it got the name and you may be given a long and serious history. Knowing which one matters most also pays off on the night it goes missing.
What do you like to do best when we go outside?
Why ask it
Treat the answer as your plan for the next free afternoon. A child who says "dig" wants a patch of dirt and an old spoon far more than a trip to the big playground.
What's the loudest sound you've ever heard?
Why ask it
Ask it for fun and listen for the fear inside the answer: the loudest thing a small child remembers is often something that frightened them, such as a hand dryer, a siren or the dog next door. If so, "that was really loud, wasn't it?" is enough.
Do you have a pet at home, or is there an animal you wish lived with you?
Why ask it
The second half is there for the child with no pet, which matters in a classroom where everyone hears everyone else's answer. Expect a grandparent's dog, the class fish and a stuffed rabbit to be claimed as pets, and count all of them. Then ask what it is called and what it looks like.
What's the funniest thing you've seen a dog or a cat do?
Why ask it
Any child can answer this one, since the dog might be a neighbor's or one from a cartoon. The telling usually turns into a demonstration on all fours. Ask what the animal did next and one moment stretches into a story.
School Day
What did you make or build at school today?
Why ask it
Easiest with the painting or the teacher's photo in front of you. If nothing came home, ask what they used, because paint, sand and playdough are simpler for a small child to recall than a finished thing.
What did you have for snack, and who sat next to you?
Why ask it
Snack is a fixed point in a day that otherwise blurs together, so memory has somewhere to start. Once they are back at that table in their head, ask what happened right after.
What story did your teacher read today?
Why ask it
You may get one character or a single event, which is often enough to track the book down at the library. Reading it again at home lets them be the one who knows what is coming.
What was your job at school today?
Why ask it
Many classrooms hand out small jobs such as line leader or snack helper, and children take them very seriously. If theirs does not, ask which job they would want, then find a version of it at home.
Was there a part of today you didn't like?
Why ask it
Keep your voice light, because a worried face teaches them that this answer upsets you. Most days it is a lost turn or a scratchy sock, and "that sounds annoying" is all the response it needs.
Who helps you at school when you get hurt or need something?
Why ask it
You want a name straight away. It is often an assistant or whoever is out on the playground, not the lead teacher, which is fine. If they cannot think of anyone, tell the teacher, who can point out the right adult the next morning.
Which school rule do you think is a silly one?
Why ask it
Walking feet, no toys from home and coats on outside are the usual suspects. Ask why they think the teacher made the rule, and hold off defending it until they have finished, since their guess shows whether they see what it is for.
Who was kind to you today?
Why ask it
Ask what the person did. What a four year old counts as kindness is small and exact, such as being handed the red shovel or saved a spot on the rug, and it is often another child, not an adult.
What do you want to do at school tomorrow?
Why ask it
Tomorrow is a slippery idea at this age, so "play trains again" counts as a full answer. Keep it for the morning they do not want to go, when you can remind them of the plan they made.
Feelings
What makes you really, really happy?
Why ask it
The answer may be a thing, like the dog or a certain cup, or a moment, such as being picked up early. Either way it is something you can arrange more of. Ask again after a few months and the list will have changed.
What do you like to do when you feel grumpy?
Why ask it
Their own remedy is usually exact: a certain blanket, stomping, the cat, being left alone behind the couch. Offer that very thing the next time they are cross. If they cannot think of one, suggest two and let them pick.
What's something that feels a little bit scary?
Why ask it
"A little bit" keeps the subject small enough to say out loud. Believe the answer, whether it is the vacuum cleaner or the automatic toilet at the store, and ask whether they want you to stand next to them or go first. Explaining why it is safe can come later.
When you feel sad, what do you want me to do?
Why ask it
Some children want a hug and some want to be left alone under a blanket, and a wrong guess makes things worse. Ask on a calm day, because a crying child cannot tell you, then do what they said the next time.
What's something that feels hard for you right now?
Why ask it
Say one of your own first, such as parking the car or getting up early, so they hear that grown-ups find things hard too. Whatever they name, scissors or zippers or a friend who will not play, ask whether they want help or just wanted to tell you.
What's something brave that you did?
Why ask it
Their examples are small and exact: the big slide, tasting the soup, saying hello first. Hold on to the one they give you, because "remember the big slide" does more before a hard moment than "be brave" does.
What do you do when a friend says no to you?
Why ask it
You are asking for their plan, and at three there may be none beyond crying or grabbing, which is ordinary. Use the moment to practice one sentence they can say, such as asking for a turn when the other child is finished.
Did you have a dream last night, and what happened in it?
Why ask it
Small children are often still working out that a dream is different from something that happened, so you may get part memory and part invention on the spot. If a bad dream comes up, talk about it in daylight and not at bedtime.
How can you tell when a dog or a cat is happy?
Why ask it
Wagging tails and purring arrive first, often acted out. Then ask how the animal shows that it wants to be left alone, and what they would do if they saw that. The second answer is the one you want them to remember around a dog they have not met before.
What would you do to help a pet that was scared?
Why ask it
Thunder and fireworks are the causes they tend to name. Listen to the cure, whether it is a quiet voice, a lap or somewhere to hide, because small children often prescribe the thing that works on them.
Pretend
If you woke up tomorrow as your favorite animal, what would you do first?
Why ask it
They have to name the animal before they can answer, so you get the favorite as well. The fun is in the plan: a cat goes back to sleep on the warm car, a shark gets to skip the bath. Ask what it would eat for breakfast and whether it still has to go to school.
Would you rather fly like a bird or swim like a fish?
Why ask it
Picking between two things is a far easier job than picking from everything, which makes this a good one for a three year old or for a shy moment with a child you have just met. A five year old can be asked why, and a three year old may just say "both". Make up your own pairs from whatever is in front of you: boots or sandals, the slide or the swings.
If you had your own restaurant, what would you put on the menu?
Why ask it
The menu is usually everything they love plus one absurd dish, and the prices are worth asking about. Order something, complain that it is too hot, and the game can fill a long car ride.
If you could build anything at all out of blocks, what would you build?
Why ask it
The blocks keep the idea buildable: a garage, a zoo, a tower taller than the couch. Then get on the floor and build it, and take orders. They are the architect and you fetch the long blocks.
If you had a superpower, what would you want to be able to do?
Why ask it
Flying and being very fast come up first, borrowed from whatever they watch. Ask who they would help with it, and the answer moves from the cartoon to their own street.
If you had a magic wand and three wishes, what would you wish for?
Why ask it
The first wish is usually sweets or a toy. By the third you begin to hear the real ones: a later bedtime, a brother who shares, a parent who stays home from work. You cannot grant those, but you can say you heard them.
If you were the grown-up and I was the kid, what would you tell me to do?
Why ask it
A harmless way to hear how your rules sound from below. You will probably be sent to bed and told to eat your peas, in a fair copy of your own voice, so play along for a minute.
If we could go anywhere tomorrow, where would you take us?
Why ask it
A preschooler's map is small, so the answer is more likely grandma's house, the pool, or the shop with the ride outside than another country. That makes it a wish you can sometimes grant by the weekend.
If you could drive any truck, train or digger, which one would you pick, and where would you go?
Why ask it
Diggers, fire engines and garbage trucks have devoted fans at this age. The destination tells you whether they picture the job, such as putting out a fire, or simply the driving.
If you could have any pet in the whole world, what would it be, and where would it sleep?
Why ask it
Giraffes, dragons and dinosaurs are all allowed. The sleeping arrangements are where the thinking happens: the whale gets the bathtub, and the giraffe needs a hole in the ceiling. Ask who would take it for its walk.
If a pet could talk, what do you think it would ask for first?
Why ask it
More food, a longer walk and no more baths top the list, which is close to what the child would ask for too. With no pet at home, borrow one: an aunt's cat, the dog across the street, the fish at school. Answer back in the pet's voice and the game keeps going.
Thinking Questions
Can you tell me about your picture?
Why ask it
Teachers open with this because it does not make you guess what the thing is. A drawing at this age is often a record of what happened, the dog ran and then it rained, more than a picture of an object, so follow with "and then what?" and you get the story.
What do you think will happen on the next page?
Why ask it
Stop before the page turn in a book they have not heard before. A wrong guess is as good as a right one, since checking it together is the fun. With a book they know by heart, ask what they would change instead.
What do you notice when you look at this really closely?
Why ask it
Hand over something small first: a leaf, a shell, a snail on the path, the inside of a pepper. "Notice" has no right answer, so "it has lines" and "it smells funny" are both good ones. A magnifying glass, if you have one, keeps them at it longer.
What's the biggest thing you can think of?
Why ask it
Hold your arms wide to start them off. Every answer invites "and what's bigger than that?", a game that tends to end at the sky, at "everything", or at a number like eleventy hundred.
Where do you think the rain comes from?
Why ask it
You are after their theory, not the water cycle. Hear the whole thing out, whether it is a hole in the sky or a giant hose, and keep the real explanation for the day they ask you for it.
What do you think the birds outside are saying to each other?
Why ask it
There is nearly always a bird, a dog or a squirrel in view, so this works on any walk. The conversation they invent tends to be one they have overheard: someone wants a snack, someone is not sharing, someone has to go home.
What do you think will happen if we mix these two colors?
Why ask it
Ask with the paint or the playdough already in your hands, and before you mix. Guessing and then seeing the result is real experimenting for a four year old, and they will want to repeat it with every other pair.
How do you think we could fix it?
Why ask it
Save this for a real small problem: the puzzle piece that will not go in, juice on the floor, a sleeve stuck inside out. Try their idea first even when you can see it will not hold, and when it fails, ask what they want to try next.
What do you think grown-ups do after you go to bed?
Why ask it
The guesses are a small portrait of how they see you: more dishes, more phone, or a secret party with the good snacks. If they suspect they are missing something wonderful, the boring truth can make bedtime easier.
What does a pet need every day?
Why ask it
Food and water come quickly, then walks, then things like cuddles and a name. In a classroom, write the list up as they say it and you have the chart for a week on pets. At home, pick one thing from it to do together, such as filling the water bowl.
What can a dog do that a fish can't?
Why ask it
Comparing two animals is sorting done out loud: bark, fetch, climb the stairs. Turn it around and ask what the fish can do that the dog can't, and allow a long think before "breathe in the water". Any two animals they know will do.
Which animals make good pets, and which ones should stay in the wild?
Why ask it
Expect firm rulings with reasons attached: a lion is out because it bites, a horse because it will not fit through the door, and a spider may well be let in. Ask for the reason each time and leave the list uncorrected.
What's a question you want to ask me?
Why ask it
A child who has been answering all day gets to be in charge for a minute. It may be something unanswerable about the moon or something blunt about your age. Reply in a sentence or two, and say "I don't know, let's find out" when that is the truth.
About You
What's something you can do really well?
Why ask it
Expect to be shown, not told: a hop, a somersault, a very fast run to the door and back. Then ask how they got so good at it. "I did it and did it" is worth repeating back to them on the day something else feels too hard.
What do you want to learn to do next?
Why ask it
They tend to aim high: driving the car, using the sharp knife, reading. Find the piece of it they can do today, such as pressing the button on the car key, slicing a banana with a butter knife or finding the first letter of their name on a sign.
What can you do now that you couldn't do when you were a baby?
Why ask it
The list comes fast and proudly: walk, talk, jump, pour their own milk. It is a good one for the week a new sibling arrives, or any day they have been told they are too small for something.
What do you want to be when you grow up, and can I come and help?
Why ask it
Whatever the answer is this month, keep a straight face and ask to help. You will be hired on the spot, usually to hold the hose or carry the kittens, and the job you are given shows what they think the work is.
Who is your best friend, and what makes them a good friend?
Why ask it
The title can change hands by Friday, and that is fine. The reason is the part worth hearing, and at this age it is practical: "she shares" or "he lets me be the dog". Ask what they do to be a good friend back.
What do you wish you and I could do together every day?
Why ask it
Guess the answer before you ask, then see how far off you were. It tends to be something ordinary that takes ten minutes: the song on the stairs, pressing the elevator button together, the walk to get the mail. Whatever it is, do it tomorrow.
How do you know when someone loves you?
Why ask it
Love is counted in concrete things at this age: they make my lunch, they find my bunny, they come when I call in the night. Something you assumed went unnoticed is usually on the list.
If you could make one rule for our whole family, what would it be?
Why ask it
Answers cluster around bedtime, screens and who sits where, which tells you what feels unfair to them at home. Try one small suggestion for a week, such as dessert first on Friday, and expect to be held to it.
What are you excited about?
Why ask it
A preschooler's calendar has about three entries: a birthday, a visit, and whatever was promised for after nap. When the thing is weeks away, a paper chain or marks on a calendar give the waiting a shape they can see.
What's the best thing about being you?
Why ask it
Big and abstract, so give it a long silence before you help. A preschooler will often answer with a fact, "I have a bunk bed" or "I am four", and that counts. On a day it gets only a stare, tell them your own answer about them.
Getting Real Answers from a Three to Five Year Old
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
What Actually Works
Wait out the silence
A four year old can take several seconds to find the words, and the pause feels far longer to the adult than to the child. If you have to do something, nod. Rephrasing too soon gives them two questions to hold, and they often answer neither.
Pick the moment as well as the question
At pickup a preschooler is tired, hungry and carrying a coat, and most questions bounce off. The same question from the car seat, on the walk home or over a snack, when nobody is looking straight at them, can get a different child. In a classroom, the snack table and the sandbox tend to beat circle time, where every answer has an audience.
Shrink a question that stalls
"What did you do today?" asks a small child to sort through a whole day at once. If a question gets a shrug, do not repeat it louder. Cut it down to one place, one person or one choice: the sandbox, the child with the red boots, inside or outside.
Go first
Tell them the funny thing from your own day before you ask for theirs. They hear what sort of answer you mean and roughly how long it is, and the two of you end up trading stories, which a four year old enjoys a good deal more than being questioned.
Fit the question to the child
Three, four and five are a long way apart. Many three year olds do best with what is in front of them, what just happened, or a pick between two things, and many fives can manage yesterday, tomorrow and a simple "why". Children of the same age vary a lot, so if something from the Thinking Questions or About You groups gets a blank look, nothing has gone wrong. Try it again in a few months.
Expect their questions too
Most preschoolers ask more questions than they answer, and a run of "why?" is often their way of keeping you talking. Answer in one true sentence. When you run out, ask "what's your idea?", and you may find they had a theory ready all along.
What Shuts Them Down
Testing dressed up as talking
"What color is this?" and "how many are there?" have one right answer, and a preschooler knows a test when they hear one. The questions on this page are ones only the child can answer, which is what makes them worth asking.
Fixing the telling
"I goed" and "yesterday" used for something from last month are common at this age. Stopping the story to fix them costs you the story. Use the right word in your reply, "you went on the big slide?", and let them carry on.
Asking both halves at once
Many questions here have a second half, such as "and who makes it the best?" Ask the first half, wait for the answer, then ask the second. Said in one breath, the pair usually gets you an answer to whichever part they heard last.
Arguing with a fantasy answer
If they say their teacher is a dragon, ask what color. Fact-checking an imaginative answer teaches them that this kind of answer gets corrected, and they stop offering them. Preschoolers often mix what happened with what they wish had happened, so when you need the facts about something that matters, ask the teacher as well.
Six Short Sequences
Unpacking the school day
- 1"What did you laugh about today?"
- 2"Who did you play with today, and what was the game?"
- 3"What did you have for snack, and who sat next to you?"
- 4"Was there a part of today you didn't like?"
Filling a car journey
- 1"If you had your own restaurant, what would you put on the menu?"
- 2"Would you rather fly like a bird or swim like a fish?"
- 3"If you woke up tomorrow as your favorite animal, what would you do first?"
- 4"What's the biggest thing you can think of?"
Winding down at bedtime
- 1"What was your favorite part of today?"
- 2"Who was kind to you today?"
- 3"What are you excited about?"
- 4"What do you wish you and I could do together every day?"
Over a drawing, a book or a mess
- 1"Can you tell me about your picture?"
- 2"What do you think will happen on the next page?"
- 3"What do you think will happen if we mix these two colors?"
- 4"How do you think we could fix it?"
A birthday interview to repeat each year
- 1"How old are you, and how old will you be on your next birthday?"
- 2"What's your favorite color, and who else likes that color?"
- 3"What's your favorite thing to eat, and who makes it the best?"
- 4"Who is your best friend, and what makes them a good friend?"
- 5"What do you want to be when you grow up, and can I come and help?"
Asking a preschooler about pets
- 1"Do you have a pet at home, or is there an animal you wish lived with you?"
- 2"What's the funniest thing you've seen a dog or a cat do?"
- 3"What does a pet need every day?"
- 4"How can you tell when a dog or a cat is happy?"
- 5"If you could have any pet in the whole world, what would it be, and where would it sleep?"