Questions to Ask a Reference for a Nanny
Questions for the call to a family a nanny has worked for. They cover dates and duties, what an ordinary day looked like, discipline and safety, reliability, and the answers that tend to arrive only after a pause.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What dates did they work for you, and how old were your children then?
Why ask it
Start with facts you can check against the resume. Mismatched dates are the most common thing a reference call turns up, and they are far easier to raise now than after an offer.
What were their hours, and was it childcare only or household work too?
Why ask it
Scope drift ends more nanny jobs than anything else. If they cooked and did laundry in one house and not another, you learn what they will consider normal in yours.
How did you find them, and were they placed by an agency?
Why ask it
Agency placements usually arrive with a background check and a written contract already on file. A neighborhood referral may not, which tells you what verification is still yours to do.
Why did the job end?
Why ask it
Compare this with what the candidate told you. A family relocating or a child starting school is an ordinary ending; a pause or a vague it was time is worth one gentle follow-up.
Walk me through an ordinary day with them, from your leaving to your return.
Why ask it
Detail is the tell. A parent who can describe the park route, the nap timing, and the state of the kitchen was paying attention; a thin answer may mean they were rarely there to notice.
How did your children react when they arrived, and when they left?
Why ask it
Small children give an unfiltered review. Running to the door, or crying at pickup because the game was not finished, is stronger evidence than any adjective the parent chooses.
What did they do when your child refused to do what was asked?
Why ask it
You want the actual method: a countdown, removal from the room, a raised voice, an ignored tantrum. Test your own limits out loud here, because you cannot supervise this later.
Was there ever an injury or a scare, and how did they handle it?
Why ask it
Any real stretch of childcare has one. What matters is whether the parent heard about it from the nanny straight away or from the child that evening.
How reliable were they on time, and how much notice did you get for sick days?
Why ask it
Ask for rough counts rather than impressions: how many late mornings, how much warning. Reliability is the problem families tolerate silently and then resent.
How did they communicate during the day and at handover?
Why ask it
Some families want photos, some a two-line summary, some nothing unless something is wrong. Learn what this nanny defaulted to, because habits transfer more reliably than instructions.
How did they handle food: cooking, allergies, a picky eater?
Why ask it
Mealtimes concentrate the daily friction. If your child has an allergy, ask specifically how labels and shared surfaces were handled rather than whether they knew about it.
Did the nap and bedtime routine hold on the days you were out?
Why ask it
Schedule drift is quietly one of the main reasons families part with a nanny. A parent who says the routine held when nobody was watching is telling you something a general answer would not.
How did they handle screens?
Why ask it
This is where stated practice and actual practice diverge most. A parent who noticed once, said something, and saw it stop is giving you useful evidence in both directions.
What did they do with the children on a long day indoors?
Why ask it
Bad weather separates caregivers who bring ideas from those who wait it out. Expect baking, forts, a craft box, a library trip, or the honest admission that it became a screen day.
How did they handle fights between the children, or with a visiting friend?
Why ask it
Listen for whether they separated and coached or simply enforced quiet. With more than one child in the house, the technique shows itself within a week.
How did they get on with the other adults: your partner, grandparents, a cleaner?
Why ask it
A nanny works inside your household politics. Friction with an in-law, or an unwillingness to take direction from one parent, is the kind of thing references mention only when asked.
Was there anything you had to ask them to change, and did it stick?
Why ask it
Everyone gets corrected eventually, so a claim that nothing ever came up is less believable than a small example. The follow-through is the part that predicts your own experience.
Did they ever drive your children, or stay overnight?
Why ask it
Driving and overnights carry the highest stakes and deserve separate confirmation. Ask about the car, the license, and any near misses rather than assuming the general answer covered it.
Would you hire them again, and do you still call them for babysitting?
Why ask it
A slow or qualified yes is the most useful signal in the whole call. Whether the family still uses them years later says more than a warm summary of their character.
If I hire them, what should I do in the first month to make it work?
Why ask it
This asks for advice rather than judgment, and it is where a cautious reference becomes candid: be explicit about the kitchen, put the schedule on the wall, do not ask for extra hours by text.
Running a Useful Reference Call
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you call
Ask for two families, not one
A single reference can be a friend. Two employers covering different years are much harder to arrange, and how easily the candidate produces them is itself information.
Confirm you are speaking to the actual employer
Where you can, verify the number independently through a workplace or a listing rather than using only what you were given. Reference trouble in domestic hiring usually means a friend answering a mobile.
Have the resume dates in front of you
You are doing two things at once, learning about the person and checking the account. That is much harder from memory while trying to listen.
Decide your own limits first
Screens, discipline, driving, sick-child policy, phone use. If you have not decided, you will quietly accept whatever this family describes as normal.
Getting past polite answers
- Ask for an example rather than a rating: tell me about a hard day beats were they patient.
- Ask twice, differently: what went well, and separately, what you had to ask them to change.
- Use silence. Parents often add the important sentence after a pause rather than after another question.
- Ask the awkward things, phone use and lateness, in a flat and matter-of-fact tone so they are easy to answer plainly.
- Note what is missing. A reference who praises warmth and never mentions reliability may be steering around it.
Signals to slow down for
- A glowing reference who cannot describe a single ordinary day
- Dates that do not match the resume, with no explanation from either side
- A reason for leaving that differs from the candidate's version
- Reluctance to answer whether they would hire the person again
- A reference who turns out to be a relative, or never to have employed them
Mistakes to avoid
Leading the answer
Asking whether she was wonderful with toddlers invites agreement. Ask what the nanny and the toddler actually did all morning instead.
Stopping after one good call
Patterns appear only across families. Someone excellent with a calm only child may struggle with three, and the second call is where that shows.
Treating the call as the whole check
References describe past work, not eligibility or record. Background checks, driving records, and right-to-work documents are separate steps and none of them are optional.
Asking what is not theirs to answer
Health, immigration status, religion, and family circumstances are not for a former employer to discuss. Keep the call to the job that was done.