Questions to Ask a Teacher About Your Child
Questions for a parent-teacher conference or a requested meeting, covering where your child stands academically, how they cope when stuck, friendships, extra support, and what to do at home.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How is my child doing, in your own words?
Why ask it
Open the meeting without steering it. What a teacher chooses to mention first, and whether it is academic or social, tells you what stands out about your child in a room of thirty. It also stops you spending a short slot on the topic you happened to arrive worried about.
Where are they against expectations in reading and in maths?
Why ask it
Ask for the actual position rather than a general impression, and ask what it is based on: a test, a reading level, classwork, teacher judgement. "Doing fine" covers a wide range, and children in the middle of it are the ones whose difficulties get noticed late.
Can you show me a piece of their work that is typical?
Why ask it
Work in the book is the most reliable thing in the room. It shows you effort, presentation, how much the teacher has corrected, and whether the standard matches the reassurance you are getting. Bring the question even if the meeting is short.
What do they do when they get stuck?
Why ask it
This predicts more about progress than current attainment. Children who ask, try again, or check with a neighbour keep moving. Children who go quiet, copy, or announce that they are bad at it can look identical on paper and need something quite different from you.
What are you seeing that I might not see at home?
Why ask it
Many children behave very differently in the two places, and the gap is the useful information. A child who is easy at school and falling apart at home may be holding themselves together all day, which is worth knowing before you treat it as behaviour.
Who do they spend time with, and how does that go?
Why ask it
Ask about break and lunch specifically, since that is where friendship problems actually happen and classroom observation misses them. A teacher who cannot answer at all may not be on duty then, in which case ask who is.
Do they speak up in class?
Why ask it
Silence can mean shyness, confusion, or that they have learned they will not be asked. Follow up with whether they answer when asked directly, because a child who can when prompted has a different problem from one who cannot answer either way.
How do they take being corrected?
Why ask it
You are asking whether feedback is usable with your child or whether it shuts them down. If the teacher describes tears, defensiveness or refusal, that changes how you should handle homework at home as much as it changes anything at school.
Is work coming in on time and finished?
Why ask it
Missing work is often the first visible sign of something else: not understanding the task, not writing it down, or a home routine that is not working. Ask for specifics on which subjects, because a pattern in one subject points somewhere different from a pattern in all of them.
Can they work on their own, or do they need someone alongside them?
Why ask it
The answer tells you how much of any good result at home is actually yours. Children who need an adult beside them to start can appear to be coping well until the support is removed, often in an exam year.
Are there particular times of day or subjects when things go wrong?
Why ask it
Patterns are far more actionable than general accounts of behaviour. Problems clustered before lunch, in unstructured time, or in one subject with one seating arrangement usually have practical fixes that do not require anything to be wrong with your child.
Has anything changed in the last few months?
Why ask it
Teachers see trends parents cannot: a quieter child, a slipping standard, a friendship that has ended. A change is more informative than a level, and it is the thing most likely to be left unsaid unless you ask directly.
Is there anything about their behaviour I should know about?
Why ask it
Ask plainly and then leave a pause. Many teachers soften this unless invited, so you may only get the real version on the second attempt. If you hear something difficult, ask for an example rather than defending your child in the room.
What are your goals for them this year, and how will we know they have been met?
Why ask it
This turns a general chat into something you can revisit. Push for goals that are checkable, a reading level, writing at length independently, times tables to a point, rather than confidence or engagement, which nobody can measure at the next meeting.
If you were me, what one thing would you work on at home?
Why ask it
Asking for one thing, rather than for suggestions, gets you the teacher's actual priority instead of a list you will not keep up. Most will name something small and specific, and doing that one thing consistently beats a plan you abandon in a fortnight.
How long should homework be taking, and what should I do if it takes much longer?
Why ask it
Families routinely spend hours on tasks meant to take twenty minutes and assume that is normal. Establishing the expected time, and getting permission to stop and write a note, removes a real source of stress at home and gives the teacher useful information.
At what point would you suggest we look at extra support or an assessment?
Why ask it
Ask this even if things are going reasonably well, because it establishes the threshold before you need it. A teacher who can describe what they would look for is someone who will notice. A vague answer means you should watch the situation yourself.
What support is available in school, and who arranges it?
Why ask it
Provision and terminology vary between schools and countries, so get the names: who coordinates additional support, what a referral involves, how long it usually takes. Knowing the process now saves weeks if you end up needing it.
What is the best way and time to reach you?
Why ask it
Agree a route, an email address, a messaging system, a day of the week, and a realistic response time. Most parent-teacher friction comes from messages sent through the wrong channel and then read as being ignored.
Is there anything I have not asked that you would want me to know?
Why ask it
Teachers frequently leave a meeting with something unsaid because the conversation went elsewhere or the news was awkward. This question, asked while you are packing up, is where a surprising amount of the useful information arrives.
How to get the most from a short meeting
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you go
Assume you have ten minutes
Conference slots are short and often run late. Choose three questions you most need answered and write them down, because the rest of the list will not fit and you will otherwise leave having discussed whatever came up first.
Ask your child what they want raised
Children usually know exactly which subject is hard and who they are struggling with, and they are more open to what comes back from the meeting if they had a hand in it. It also stops you raising something they consider private.
Send anything difficult in advance
If there is a diagnosis, a bereavement, a separation, or a concern you want taken seriously, email it beforehand. Teachers respond better when they have had time to look at records than when it arrives in a five-minute slot.
Getting past reassurance
- Ask what the assessment was, when it happened, and what the result actually means.
- Ask for a specific example whenever you hear a general statement, good or bad.
- Ask to see the exercise book rather than only the report.
- Ask what would have to be true for them to be worried.
- If an answer stays vague after two attempts, note it and follow up in writing.
Things that go wrong
Defending your child in the room
Arguing with the first piece of criticism generally ends the honest part of the meeting. Take the information, ask for examples, and form your view afterwards when you have your child's account as well.
Comparing them with other children
Teachers cannot discuss other pupils and will not, so the question wastes your slot. Ask about the expected standard for the year group instead, which is the comparison you actually wanted.
Using the slot to make a complaint
If you have a serious concern about the teacher, the class or a safeguarding matter, ask for a separate meeting rather than raising it in a queue of waiting parents. It will be handled better and taken more seriously.
Leaving without a next step
A meeting with no agreed action tends to be remembered differently by each side. Before you go, confirm one thing you will do, one thing the school will do, and when you will check in again.
Afterwards
- Email a short summary of what was agreed. It creates a record and gives the teacher a chance to correct anything you misheard.
- Tell your child one specific positive thing the teacher said, before anything else.
- Put the review date in your calendar rather than waiting for the next scheduled conference.
- If you were told something concerning and nothing has changed in a few weeks, ask again rather than waiting for the school to come back to you.