20 Questions

Questions to Ask About Childhood Trauma

Sensitive, supportive questions to understand and support someone's healing journey while respecting their boundaries and emotional safety.

1

How are you feeling about your healing journey right now?

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Why this works

Shows genuine care and allows the person to share their current emotional state without pressure to discuss specific traumatic details.

2

What has been most helpful for you in your healing process so far?

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Why this works

Focuses on positive aspects and resources, allowing them to share what works without dwelling on past trauma or pain.

3

How can I best support you in your healing journey?

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Why this works

Demonstrates willingness to help while respecting their autonomy and allowing them to set boundaries for support.

4

What does a good day look like for you?

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Why this works

Shifts focus to positive outcomes and helps you understand what healing success means to them personally.

5

Are there any triggers or situations I should be aware of?

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Why this works

Shows consideration for their wellbeing while allowing them to share information that helps you be supportive and avoid causing harm.

6

How do you prefer to handle stress or difficult emotions?

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Why this works

Reveals their coping strategies and helps you understand how to be supportive during challenging times without overwhelming them.

7

What activities or practices have you discovered that bring you peace?

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Why this works

Focuses on positive aspects of their healing journey and shows interest in their personal growth and self-care practices.

8

How has your perspective on life changed since beginning your healing journey?

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Why this works

Allows them to share positive transformations and insights gained through their healing process while maintaining a forward-looking perspective.

9

What boundaries do you need me to respect?

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Why this works

Shows respect for their autonomy and helps establish clear expectations for your relationship and interactions.

10

How do you celebrate your healing milestones and achievements?

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Why this works

Focuses on positive recognition and helps you understand how to appropriately acknowledge their progress and growth.

11

What has surprised you most about the healing process?

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Why this works

Allows them to share insights and experiences while maintaining a positive, forward-looking perspective on their journey.

12

How do you handle setbacks or difficult days in your healing?

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Why this works

Shows understanding that healing isn't linear while allowing them to share their resilience strategies and support needs.

13

What relationships have been most supportive for you?

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Why this works

Reveals their support network and helps you understand the importance of positive relationships in the healing process.

14

How do you practice self-care and maintain your wellbeing?

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Why this works

Shows interest in their holistic health and reveals strategies they use to maintain their healing and emotional wellbeing.

15

What goals are you working toward in your healing journey?

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Why this works

Focuses on future aspirations and positive direction while allowing them to share their hopes and dreams for continued growth.

16

How do you handle social situations or events that might be challenging?

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Why this works

Shows consideration for their comfort and helps you understand how to be supportive in various social contexts.

17

What has been the most meaningful part of your healing journey?

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Why this works

Allows them to share positive experiences and insights while focusing on the meaningful aspects of their healing process.

18

How do you maintain your motivation and commitment to healing?

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Why this works

Reveals their internal resources and strategies for staying committed to their healing goals and personal growth.

19

What advice would you give to someone else starting their healing journey?

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Why this works

Allows them to share wisdom and experience while focusing on their growth and ability to help others in similar situations.

20

How can I be a positive influence in your life?

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Why this works

Shows genuine care and allows them to guide you on how to be supportive while respecting their boundaries and needs.

Best Practices for Supporting Trauma Healing

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Best Practices

Focus on the Present and Future

Ask questions that focus on their current wellbeing and future goals rather than dwelling on past trauma or details of their experiences.

Respect Boundaries and Privacy

Understand that trauma healing is deeply personal. Ask questions that show care without prying into sensitive details they may not want to share.

Listen Without Judgment

Create a safe space for them to share by listening actively and responding with empathy rather than advice or judgment.

Question Sequences

The Supportive Check-in Sequence

1
How are you feeling about your healing journey?
2
What has been most helpful for you?
3
How can I best support you?
4
What boundaries do you need me to respect?

The Positive Growth Sequence

1
What activities bring you peace?
2
How has your perspective changed?
3
What goals are you working toward?
4
How do you celebrate your achievements?

Common Pitfalls

Don't Ask About Specific Trauma Details

Avoid questions about specific traumatic events or details. Focus on their current wellbeing and healing journey instead.

Don't Offer Unsolicited Advice

Resist the urge to give advice about their healing. Instead, ask how you can support them and let them guide the conversation.

Don't Make Assumptions

Don't assume you know what they need or what their healing looks like. Ask open-ended questions and let them share what they're comfortable with.

Conversation Templates

The Supportive Check-in

1
Step 1: Start with: "How are you feeling about your healing journey?"
2
Step 2: Follow with: "What has been most helpful for you?"
3
Step 3: Deepen with: "How can I best support you?"
4
Step 4: Conclude with: "What boundaries do you need me to respect?"

The Positive Focus

1
Step 1: Begin with: "What activities bring you peace?"
2
Step 2: Explore with: "How has your perspective changed?"
3
Step 3: Investigate with: "What goals are you working toward?"
4
Step 4: Clarify with: "How can I be a positive influence?"

Further Reading

"The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk
"Trauma and Recovery" by Judith Herman
"Waking the Tiger" by Peter Levine

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