20 Questions

Questions to Ask an Addict

Sensitive, supportive questions that help understand their journey while showing compassion and avoiding judgment.

1

What was life like before you started using?

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Why this works

Helps establish a baseline and shows you care about who they were before addiction, not just their current struggle.

2

What does a good day look like for you now?

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Why this works

Focuses on positive moments and current reality without judgment, showing interest in their present experience.

3

What support systems do you have in place?

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Why this works

Identifies existing resources and shows you want to understand their support network rather than criticize their situation.

4

What triggers your cravings most?

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Why this works

Helps understand their specific challenges and shows you want to support them by knowing what to avoid or help with.

5

What's the longest you've been sober?

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Why this works

Celebrates their successes and shows you recognize their strength and progress, no matter how small.

6

What do you wish people understood about addiction?

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Why this works

Gives them a voice to share their perspective and helps you understand their experience better.

7

What has helped you the most in your recovery?

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Why this works

Identifies effective strategies and shows you want to support what's working for them.

8

What's the hardest part about getting sober?

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Why this works

Shows empathy for their struggle and helps you understand the real challenges they face.

9

What do you do when you feel like using?

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Why this works

Helps identify their coping strategies and shows you want to understand their process.

10

What would you tell someone who's just starting recovery?

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Why this works

Allows them to share wisdom and shows you value their experience and insights.

11

How has addiction affected your relationships?

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Why this works

Shows you understand the broader impact and care about their connections with others.

12

What gives you hope?

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Why this works

Focuses on positive motivation and helps identify what keeps them going through difficult times.

13

What do you need from the people in your life?

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Why this works

Directly asks how you can support them and shows you want to be helpful rather than judgmental.

14

What's something you're proud of accomplishing?

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Why this works

Celebrates their achievements and helps build their self-esteem and confidence.

15

What does recovery mean to you?

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Why this works

Understands their personal definition and goals, showing respect for their individual journey.

16

What would you do differently if you could start over?

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Why this works

Shows you value their insights and helps them reflect on their experience constructively.

17

What's the best advice you've received about recovery?

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Why this works

Identifies helpful guidance and shows you want to learn from their experience.

18

How do you take care of yourself now?

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Why this works

Focuses on current self-care practices and shows you care about their wellbeing.

19

What would you like to achieve in the next year?

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Why this works

Helps them focus on future goals and shows you believe in their potential for growth.

20

What do you want people to know about your story?

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Why this works

Gives them control over their narrative and shows you want to understand their perspective.

Supporting Someone Through Addiction

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Best Practices

Listen Without Judgment

Create a safe space where they can share openly. Avoid expressing shock, disappointment, or moral judgments about their experiences.

Focus on Their Humanity

Remember they are a person first, not just their addiction. Ask about their interests, goals, and what makes them happy.

Celebrate Small Wins

Acknowledge any progress, no matter how small. Recovery is a process with ups and downs, and every step forward matters.

Supportive Question Sequences

The Understanding Sequence

1
What was life like before you started using?
2
What do you wish people understood about addiction?
3
What do you want people to know about your story?

The Support Sequence

1
What support systems do you have in place?
2
What do you need from the people in your life?
3
What has helped you the most in your recovery?

Common Pitfalls

Don't Make It About You

Avoid sharing your own experiences with addiction unless directly relevant. Focus on their story and needs.

Don't Offer Unsolicited Advice

Resist the urge to suggest treatment options or give advice unless they specifically ask for it.

Don't Use Confrontational Language

Avoid phrases like 'you need to' or 'you should.' Use supportive language that shows you're there to listen.

Conversation Templates

The Supportive Check-in

1
Step 1: Start with: "How are you doing today?"
2
Step 2: Follow with: "What's been helpful for you lately?"
3
Step 3: End with: "Is there anything I can do to support you?"

The Understanding Approach

1
Step 1: Begin with: "I want to understand your experience better"
2
Step 2: Ask: "What would you like me to know about your journey?"
3
Step 3: Conclude: "Thank you for sharing that with me"

Further Reading

"In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" by Gabor Maté
"The Recovery Book" by Al J. Mooney
"Addiction and Grace" by Gerald G. May
National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) resources
SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357

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