20 Questions

Questions to Ask an Old Person About Their Life

Meaningful questions that honor the wisdom and experiences of older adults while creating genuine connections across generations.

1

What was your favorite decade to live through and why?

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Why this works

This question invites them to reflect on different periods of their life and share what made certain times special, revealing their values and experiences.

2

What's the biggest change you've witnessed in your lifetime?

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Why this works

Older adults have lived through significant historical changes. This question honors their unique perspective and allows them to share their observations about how the world has evolved.

3

What advice would you give to your younger self?

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Why this works

This question taps into their accumulated wisdom and life lessons, while showing you value their experience and perspective.

4

What was your first job and what did you learn from it?

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Why this works

Early work experiences often shape a person's character and work ethic. This question reveals their values and how they've grown professionally.

5

How did you meet your spouse or partner?

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Why this works

Love stories are universally engaging and reveal their romantic side, values, and the social context of their time.

6

What's something you're proud of that most people don't know about?

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Why this works

This question invites them to share hidden accomplishments or qualities, allowing them to reveal a more personal side of themselves.

7

What was your favorite way to spend time as a child?

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Why this works

Childhood memories often reveal core values and interests that have shaped them throughout life, while connecting to their inner child.

8

What's the most important lesson your parents taught you?

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Why this works

Family values and teachings often form the foundation of a person's character. This question honors their family heritage and reveals their core beliefs.

9

How has your definition of success changed over the years?

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Why this works

This question invites reflection on personal growth and how their priorities have evolved, revealing their wisdom about what truly matters.

10

What's something you wish you had known when you were my age?

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Why this works

This question directly seeks their wisdom for your life stage, showing respect for their experience while gaining valuable perspective.

11

What was the most challenging period of your life and how did you get through it?

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Why this works

This question honors their resilience and allows them to share wisdom about overcoming adversity, which can be inspiring and educational.

12

What's your favorite memory with your family?

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Why this works

Family memories often hold the most meaning. This question invites them to share cherished moments and reveals what they value most in relationships.

13

How did you decide on your career path?

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Why this works

Career decisions often reflect values, circumstances, and opportunities of their time. This question reveals their work philosophy and life choices.

14

What's something you learned later in life that you wish you'd known earlier?

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Why this works

This question invites them to share hard-won wisdom and lessons learned through experience, which can be valuable for younger people.

15

What was your favorite holiday tradition growing up?

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Why this works

Holiday traditions often connect to family, culture, and values. This question invites them to share meaningful cultural and family experiences.

16

How do you think technology has changed the way people connect with each other?

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Why this works

Older adults have witnessed the evolution of communication. This question invites their perspective on how relationships and connection have changed.

17

What's something you're still learning or trying to improve?

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Why this works

This question shows that you see them as a whole person who continues to grow, rather than just someone with past experiences.

18

What was the most exciting thing that happened in your town or community when you were young?

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Why this works

Local history and community events often hold special meaning. This question invites them to share their connection to place and community.

19

How do you like to spend your time now that you have more freedom?

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Why this works

This question acknowledges their current life stage while learning about their present interests and how they choose to spend their time.

20

What's the most important thing you want people to remember about you?

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Why this works

This question invites them to reflect on their legacy and what they value most about their life, creating a meaningful and personal conversation.

Best Practices for Connecting with Older Adults

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Best Practices

Show Genuine Respect

Approach conversations with respect for their life experience and wisdom. Listen actively and avoid condescending language or assumptions.

Be Patient and Present

Give them time to think and respond. Don't rush the conversation or finish their sentences. Show that you value their thoughts.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Use questions that invite storytelling rather than yes/no answers. This allows them to share their experiences in their own way.

Question Sequences

The Life Journey

1
What was your favorite decade to live through?
2
What made that time so special for you?
3
How did that period shape who you are today?
4
What advice would you give someone living through similar times now?

The Wisdom Exchange

1
What's something you wish you'd known when you were my age?
2
How did you learn that lesson?
3
What would you do differently if you could?
4
How has that wisdom served you throughout your life?

Common Pitfalls

Don't Make Assumptions

Avoid assuming they're not tech-savvy, don't understand modern issues, or that their experiences are outdated.

Avoid Patronizing Language

Don't use overly simple language or talk down to them. Treat them as the intelligent, experienced people they are.

Don't Rush the Conversation

Give them time to think and respond. Don't interrupt or try to fill silences too quickly.

Conversation Templates

The Experience Explorer

1
Step 1: Start with: "What was your favorite decade to live through?"
2
Step 2: Follow with: "What made that time so special?"
3
Step 3: Deepen with: "How did that period influence your life?"
4
Step 4: Connect with: "That sounds amazing. What was the most surprising thing about that time?"

The Wisdom Seeker

1
Step 1: Start with: "What's something you wish you'd known when you were my age?"
2
Step 2: Engage with: "How did you learn that lesson?"
3
Step 3: Explore with: "What would you do differently?"
4
Step 4: Connect with: "That's really valuable. How has that wisdom helped you?"

Further Reading

The Art of Aging by Sherwin Nuland
Being Mortal by Atul Gawande
The Longevity Project by Howard Friedman

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