Questions to Ask at a Baby Shower
Twenty warm, easy questions for a baby shower, written for guests who want to talk to the parents-to-be without straying into medical detail, money or unsolicited advice.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How are you feeling this week?
Why ask it
Adding this week narrows it to something answerable and lets them stay light or go into detail as they choose. Asking how the pregnancy is going, by contrast, invites a summary they have already given twenty times today.
Has the baby picked up a nickname while you wait?
Why ask it
Almost every household has one, and it is a story rather than a status update. It also works when the parents are not sharing the real name, and when there is no bump in the picture at all.
Are you telling people the name, or keeping it until they arrive?
Why ask it
Phrased this way it gives them an easy exit, which matters because plenty of parents guard the name specifically to avoid opinions. It also spares everyone the guest who spends ten minutes critiquing a decision already made.
What baby thing had you never heard of until this year?
Why ask it
Reliably funny, and it puts them in the position of expert rather than subject. Expect complaints about registry lists and things that turn out to be unnecessary, which is more useful to the room than a list of what they still need.
What's set up at home already, and what's still in a box?
Why ask it
Practical without being nosy, and it surfaces where help would land: a cot to assemble, a car seat nobody has fitted. Guests who ask this often end up solving something in an afternoon.
What's surprised you most about the last few months?
Why ask it
Open enough that the answer can be funny, physical or tender depending on their mood. It works better than asking about the hardest part, which pushes them toward a complaint at their own party.
Who does everyone reckon the baby will look like?
Why ask it
A group question rather than a personal one, and it usually pulls in grandparents and siblings with old photographs. Harmless, and it moves the conversation off the parents for a minute, which they may appreciate.
What are you looking forward to doing together once they're here?
Why ask it
Gets past the newborn stage to the part they are actually daydreaming about: mornings, walks, holidays, introducing the dog. The answers tend to be specific and easy for other guests to join in on.
Is there a book, song or film from your own childhood you can't wait to share?
Why ask it
Draws out family history sideways, and produces things a guest can act on later. It is also one of the few questions at a shower that both parents usually want to answer.
What's the best advice you've had, and what are you politely ignoring?
Why ask it
The second half is what makes this work: it gives them permission to push back on the advice-giving that dominates these events. Listen for it as a signal about what not to offer them yourself.
What's the strangest thing a stranger has said to you lately?
Why ask it
Expecting parents collect these, and telling them is a release. It also quietly reminds the room how much unsolicited commentary comes with pregnancy, which tends to improve everyone's behavior for the rest of the afternoon.
What are you hoping to get done before they arrive?
Why ask it
Useful and forward-looking, and it often surfaces something small and stuck: a room to paint, a wardrobe to move, one appointment nobody has booked. This is where an offer of help becomes concrete.
Who's coming to stay, and when?
Why ask it
Tells you the shape of their support and, just as importantly, when the gaps are. Guests who know that week three is empty can offer something for week three rather than crowding the first few days.
What would actually help in the first few weeks?
Why ask it
The answers are small and concrete: a meal that reheats, a dog walk, someone holding the baby while they shower. General offers of help almost never get taken up, so this is the question most likely to change their first two weeks.
Is there anything you'd rather people didn't do or bring?
Why ask it
Gives them a rare chance to set terms, whether that is no visitors in the first week, no photos online, or please stop buying newborn clothes. Asking beforehand is far kinder than finding out after the fact.
Which family tradition are you definitely keeping?
Why ask it
Warmer and more concrete than asking about values, and it usually brings a relative into the story. Expect food, holidays, a naming custom, or something one grandparent has quietly been waiting to hand over.
What do you hope they inherit from each of you?
Why ask it
Works well when both parents are in the room, because the answers are usually about the other person. Keep it playful; the point is affection rather than a considered statement of parenting philosophy.
How do you two make each other laugh when things get long?
Why ask it
Shifts attention onto the couple as a couple, which is the part that tends to vanish once a baby is the subject of every conversation. It is also the closest a shower should get to asking how their relationship is doing.
What kind of grandparent, aunt or uncle do you think this lot will be?
Why ask it
Turns the question outward and gives the wider family something to argue happily about. It works particularly well in a room where not everyone knows each other.
Ten years from now, what do you hope a Saturday at your house looks like?
Why ask it
A good closing question because it is hopeful without being heavy, and the answers are ordinary in the best way: noise, a full kitchen, somebody's football kit in the hall. It ends on their imagination rather than on logistics.
Hosting and joining the conversation
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Topics to leave alone
Medical detail and the birth plan
How the baby will be delivered, how the pregnancy was achieved, test results and weight are all private and often loaded. If they raise it, follow; do not open it.
Feeding intentions
Asking whether they plan to breastfeed invites the whole room to have a view, and the answer may already involve difficulty or grief. There is nothing a guest needs this information for.
Money, work and future children
Childcare costs, whether someone is going back to work, and whether they want more are decisions in progress, not conversation. Asking at a party usually just makes someone defend a choice they are still making.
Advice they did not ask for
Every guest has a sleep theory. Unless they ask directly, share a story about your own experience rather than a recommendation about theirs.
If you are running a question round
- Keep it optional and say so out loud. Passing should be as easy as answering.
- Remember who may be in the room: people who have had losses, people trying to conceive, people who did not want to come. Avoid prompts that require a pregnancy story of their own.
- Ask the parents beforehand which questions they would rather not field, and quietly drop them from the list.
- Cap it at six or seven questions. Rounds that run long turn into an interview.
- Have one guest write down the answers. Parents rarely remember the afternoon, and a page of it is a better keepsake than most gifts.
When the situation is not a first pregnancy
Adoption or surrogacy
Questions about pregnancy symptoms will not land. Ask about the wait, how the room is coming along, what the first day at home might look like, and what would help.
A second or later baby
Shift the questions toward the sibling: how the older child is taking it, what they say about the baby, what the parents want to keep the same. Avoid comparing this pregnancy to the last one unless they do.
After a previous loss
Celebration can be complicated. Follow their lead on how much to look ahead, keep questions in the present tense, and do not treat cheerfulness as the only acceptable mood.