Questions to Ask Au Pair Host Family
Questions for an au pair to ask a host family before accepting a placement, covering hours and days off, the children, the room and the car, house rules, and how the family handles problems.
The questions
Open any question for the note
Who is in the family, and how old are the children?
Why ask it
An easy opener that gives you the shape of the household, including anyone who lives there part of the time. Ages tell you what the work is: three under five is a different job from two school-age children.
Can you walk me through a normal weekday, from wake-up to bedtime?
Why ask it
A narrated day tells you far more than a list of duties, and it exposes the pressure points: the school run, the gap before dinner, bath time. If they cannot describe it, they may not have worked out where you fit.
What hours would I work, and how are they spread across the week?
Why ask it
Weekly totals hide long days and split shifts. Ask for the actual pattern, including early mornings and evenings, and whether the hours are fixed each week or change with their work schedules.
Which days off are fixed, and how much notice do you need for my own plans?
Why ask it
A predictable free day is what makes a language class or a friendship possible. Listen for whether time off is scheduled or granted on request, because the second arrangement quietly disappears in busy weeks.
Which household jobs are part of my role, and which are not?
Why ask it
Most conflicts in host families are about creeping housework rather than childcare. Get the specifics: children's laundry or everyone's, tidying toys or cleaning the kitchen, cooking for the children or for the adults.
Where would I live, and do I have my own room and bathroom?
Why ask it
Ask for photos and for where the room sits in the house, since a room off the kitchen means you are never really off duty. Also ask whether anything about the space changes when guests visit.
What is included beyond the stipend: meals, phone, transport, language classes?
Why ask it
These items decide what you can actually save. Ask whether you eat with the family or buy your own food, and whether class fees are paid up front or reimbursed.
Would I have a car, and what are the rules for using it?
Why ask it
This affects both work and your own life. Ask about insurance, whether personal use is allowed, who pays for fuel, and whether you would be driving the children, which is a serious responsibility to accept knowingly.
What is the area like, and how would I get around on my own?
Why ask it
A placement can be comfortable and still isolating. Ask what is walkable, how long it takes to reach a town or other au pairs, and how people your age spend a free evening there.
How do the children behave when they are tired or upset, and how do you want me to handle it?
Why ask it
This asks the parents to describe their children honestly, and most will. What you learn is both the behaviour to expect and whether the family has an approach or improvises.
Which rules should I never bend?
Why ask it
Every family has a small number of absolutes: car seats, screens, sweets, bedtimes, who may collect the children. Getting the short list stops you discovering it by breaking one in the first week.
Do the children have medical needs, allergies, or therapies I should know about?
Why ask it
Ask directly, because families sometimes soften this while matching. You need to know what medication exists, what to do in a reaction, and whether appointments are part of your week.
Have you hosted an au pair before, and how did it go?
Why ask it
First-time families are often generous but unclear about boundaries; experienced ones have a routine that may be inflexible. Either is workable, and knowing which you are joining changes what you should confirm in writing.
Why did your last au pair leave?
Why ask it
The most useful question in the conversation. A placement that ended early, or a story that blames the au pair entirely, is worth exploring, and asking to speak to her is a reasonable next request.
How would you tell me if you were unhappy with something I did?
Why ask it
You want to know whether feedback arrives directly, through notes, or after weeks of silence. Families who cannot answer this often let small irritations build until the placement ends abruptly.
How should I raise a problem with you, and when?
Why ask it
Ask for a specific channel and time, such as a weekly ten minutes after the children are in bed. Without one, small issues get raised in front of the children or not at all.
What are the house rules about guests, going out, and coming home late?
Why ask it
This is a common source of friction, especially where the family's expectations are unspoken. Ask about weeknights and weekends separately, and about whether friends may come to the house.
What happens if I am ill or need to see a doctor?
Why ask it
Ask about insurance, who arranges appointments, whether you are expected to work through a mild illness, and who covers the children if you cannot. Better answered now than from your bed in month two.
What are your plans for holidays and travel, and would I come along or have the time off?
Why ask it
Family trips can be either a working week in a nicer place or genuine leave, and families do not always distinguish. Ask which it is, and how your own holiday allowance is agreed.
What would make this a good year for your family, and what would tell you it was not working?
Why ask it
Asked at the end, this gets past logistics to expectations. Answers about the children being happy, or about someone becoming part of the family, tell you how much of yourself they expect the role to occupy.
Matching with a host family
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to run the conversation
Have more than one call, and see the house
A single polished video call shows you the family at its best. Ask for a second call at a different time of day, ideally when the children are around, and for a walk through the house and your room on camera.
Ask to speak to their previous au pair
This is a normal request, and a family with nothing to hide will usually arrange it. What a former au pair says about hours and days off is worth more than anything in the profile.
Watch how the children are with them
You are joining a household, not a job description. How the parents speak to the children on the call, and how the children respond, tells you what your days will feel like.
Get the practical terms in writing
The items worth writing down
- Weekly hours and the usual daily pattern, including evenings
- Which days and weekends are off, and how holiday is agreed
- The stipend, when it is paid, and what else is covered
- Which household tasks are included and which are not
- Car use: insurance, personal use, and who pays for fuel
- Language class fees and the time to attend them
- Notice either side must give to end the placement early
Keep the agency in the loop
If you matched through an agency, ask what its rules say about hours, time off, and rematching, and keep your own written record of what was agreed. Agencies can only help with disputes they can see evidence of.
Signals to take seriously
Vagueness about hours
Families who will not commit to a pattern, or who say it depends week to week, are often describing a role that expands into every evening. Ask for last week's actual schedule as an example.
Housework described as helping out
The framing matters. If cleaning, adult laundry, and cooking for the family appear as favours rather than duties, they tend to become unpaid and unlimited.
No previous au pair willing to speak
One placement ending badly can happen to anyone. A pattern of short stays, or a refusal to put you in touch with anyone, is the clearest warning you will get.
Pressure to decide quickly
Matching seasons are busy, but a family pushing you to accept within a day is not giving you time to check the things that will define your year. Ask for two or three days, and notice how they react.