Questions to Ask Before Getting Engaged
Essential questions to discuss with your partner before taking the next step toward marriage, ensuring you're aligned on the most important aspects of life together.
1What does marriage mean to you, and what are your expectations?
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What does marriage mean to you, and what are your expectations?
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Why this works
Ensures you both have compatible views on the meaning and purpose of marriage in your relationship.
2How do you envision our future family, and do you want children?
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How do you envision our future family, and do you want children?
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Why this works
Critical for long-term compatibility - children are a major life decision that affects everything else.
3What are your financial goals and how do you handle money?
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What are your financial goals and how do you handle money?
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Why this works
Money is a leading cause of marital conflict - understanding each other's financial values and habits is essential.
4How do you handle conflict and what's your communication style?
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How do you handle conflict and what's your communication style?
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Why this works
Understanding how you both deal with disagreements helps you navigate challenges together effectively.
5What are your career goals and how do you balance work and personal life?
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What are your career goals and how do you balance work and personal life?
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Why this works
Helps you understand each other's professional aspirations and how they might affect your relationship.
6What role do you see religion or spirituality playing in our marriage?
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What role do you see religion or spirituality playing in our marriage?
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Why this works
Important for understanding how faith and values will influence your life together and family decisions.
7How do you envision dividing household responsibilities and decision-making?
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How do you envision dividing household responsibilities and decision-making?
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Why this works
Helps establish expectations for daily life and ensures you're both comfortable with the division of labor.
8What are your thoughts on where we should live long-term?
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What are your thoughts on where we should live long-term?
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Why this works
Location affects career, family, lifestyle, and support systems - important to be aligned on this.
9How do you handle stress and what do you need for support?
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How do you handle stress and what do you need for support?
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Why this works
Understanding each other's stress responses and support needs helps you be better partners during difficult times.
10What are your expectations around intimacy and physical affection?
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What are your expectations around intimacy and physical affection?
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Why this works
Physical intimacy is important in marriage - discussing expectations helps ensure compatibility and satisfaction.
11How do you want to handle relationships with extended family and in-laws?
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How do you want to handle relationships with extended family and in-laws?
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Why this works
Family dynamics can significantly impact your marriage - it's important to discuss boundaries and expectations.
12What are your thoughts on prenuptial agreements and financial planning?
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What are your thoughts on prenuptial agreements and financial planning?
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Why this works
Practical consideration that can protect both partners and clarify financial expectations and responsibilities.
13How do you envision our social life and friendships changing after marriage?
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How do you envision our social life and friendships changing after marriage?
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Why this works
Helps you understand expectations around maintaining individual friendships and building shared social connections.
14What are your deal-breakers and non-negotiables in a relationship?
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What are your deal-breakers and non-negotiables in a relationship?
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Why this works
Important to understand each other's boundaries and what you absolutely cannot compromise on.
15How do you want to handle major life decisions and changes together?
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How do you want to handle major life decisions and changes together?
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Why this works
Establishes how you'll approach big decisions as a team and ensures you're both comfortable with the process.
16What are your thoughts on therapy, counseling, or getting help when needed?
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What are your thoughts on therapy, counseling, or getting help when needed?
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Why this works
Shows openness to seeking help when challenges arise and ensures you're both comfortable with professional support.
17How do you want to celebrate holidays and create traditions together?
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How do you want to celebrate holidays and create traditions together?
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Why this works
Helps you understand each other's values around family traditions and how you'll blend your backgrounds.
18What are your expectations around personal space and alone time?
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What are your expectations around personal space and alone time?
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Why this works
Important for maintaining individual identity and ensuring you both get the space you need to thrive.
19How do you envision our relationship evolving over the next 10, 20, 30 years?
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How do you envision our relationship evolving over the next 10, 20, 30 years?
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Why this works
Helps you both think long-term about your relationship and what you want to build together.
20What makes you most excited about spending your life with me?
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What makes you most excited about spending your life with me?
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Why this works
Ends on a positive note, reminding you both of what you love about each other and your relationship.
Pre-Engagement Conversations
Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.
Preparing for Important Conversations
Choose the Right Time and Setting
Pick a time when you're both relaxed and can focus. Choose a comfortable, private setting where you can talk openly.
Approach with Openness
Come to these conversations with genuine curiosity and a desire to understand, not to convince or change each other.
Take Notes
Write down important points and any areas where you need to discuss further. These conversations are too important to rely on memory alone.
Essential Areas to Cover
Core Values and Beliefs
Practical Life Decisions
Relationship Dynamics
Having Productive Conversations
Listen Actively
Focus on understanding their perspective rather than preparing your response. Ask follow-up questions to clarify.
Share Your Own Thoughts
Be honest about your own views and feelings. This is about mutual understanding, not one person convincing the other.
Address Differences Constructively
Differences are normal and can be strengths. Focus on understanding each other's perspectives and finding common ground.