Questions to Ask Before Having Kids
Critical questions for couples to discuss about parenting, values, lifestyle changes, and readiness before deciding to have children.
1Why do we want to have children, and are we aligned on our motivations?
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Why do we want to have children, and are we aligned on our motivations?
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Why this works
Ensures you're both choosing parenthood for healthy, shared reasons.
2Are we financially prepared for the costs of raising a child?
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Are we financially prepared for the costs of raising a child?
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Why this works
Clarifies budget readiness for childcare, healthcare, education, and lifestyle changes.
3How will we divide parenting responsibilities and household labor?
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How will we divide parenting responsibilities and household labor?
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Why this works
Sets expectations early and prevents resentment over unequal workloads.
4What parenting style do we each envision, and where do we differ?
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What parenting style do we each envision, and where do we differ?
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Why this works
Surfaces potential conflicts and helps you find common ground before a child arrives.
5How will having a child affect our careers, and are we comfortable with those trade-offs?
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How will having a child affect our careers, and are we comfortable with those trade-offs?
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Why this works
Addresses ambition, sacrifice, and who might step back professionally.
6What role do we want extended family to play in our child's life?
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What role do we want extended family to play in our child's life?
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Why this works
Clarifies boundaries and expectations around grandparents, in-laws, and family involvement.
7How will we handle disagreements about parenting decisions?
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How will we handle disagreements about parenting decisions?
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Why this works
Establishes conflict resolution norms before high-stakes moments arise.
8What values and beliefs do we want to instill in our children?
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What values and beliefs do we want to instill in our children?
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Why this works
Ensures alignment on religion, ethics, education, and what matters most.
9How will we prioritize our relationship and intimacy after having a child?
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How will we prioritize our relationship and intimacy after having a child?
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Why this works
Protects the partnership and ensures you stay connected amid parenting demands.
10Are we emotionally ready for the sleeplessness, stress, and identity shifts of parenthood?
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Are we emotionally ready for the sleeplessness, stress, and identity shifts of parenthood?
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Why this works
Invites honest reflection on readiness for the hardest parts of parenting.
11What support systems do we have—family, friends, childcare—and what will we need?
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What support systems do we have—family, friends, childcare—and what will we need?
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Why this works
Clarifies whether you'll have help or feel isolated in early parenting.
12How many children do we want, and what's our ideal spacing between them?
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How many children do we want, and what's our ideal spacing between them?
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Why this works
Aligns on family size and timeline before you're in the thick of it.
13What will we do if we struggle with infertility or face complications?
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What will we do if we struggle with infertility or face complications?
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Why this works
Prepares you for difficult scenarios and ensures you're on the same page about options.
14How will we handle screen time, social media, and technology with our kids?
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How will we handle screen time, social media, and technology with our kids?
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Why this works
Establishes early norms on modern parenting challenges.
15What does a good childhood look like to each of us, and why?
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What does a good childhood look like to each of us, and why?
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Why this works
Reveals your own upbringing's influence and what you want to replicate or avoid.
16How will we approach discipline, and what methods are off the table?
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How will we approach discipline, and what methods are off the table?
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Why this works
Ensures you're aligned on boundaries, consequences, and non-negotiables.
17Are we prepared for the possibility of a child with special needs or health challenges?
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Are we prepared for the possibility of a child with special needs or health challenges?
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Why this works
Invites difficult but necessary conversation about readiness for any outcome.
18How will having a child change our social life, hobbies, and sense of freedom?
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How will having a child change our social life, hobbies, and sense of freedom?
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Why this works
Clarifies lifestyle sacrifices and whether you're both ready to accept them.
19What scares us most about becoming parents, and how can we address those fears together?
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What scares us most about becoming parents, and how can we address those fears together?
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Why this works
Opens space for vulnerability and mutual support around anxieties.
20If we could create the ideal conditions for having a child, what would they be—and how close are we?
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If we could create the ideal conditions for having a child, what would they be—and how close are we?
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Why this works
Assesses gap between ideal and reality and whether you're willing to proceed anyway.
Preparing for Parenthood
Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.