20 Questions

Questions to Ask Your Cousin

Deepen family bonds with thoughtful questions that reveal shared history, values, and dreams while strengthening your cousin connection.

1

What's your favorite family memory from when we were kids?

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Why this works

Opens up shared childhood experiences and reveals what moments were most meaningful to them, creating nostalgic connection.

2

How do you think our family has shaped who you are today?

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Why this works

Explores family influence and values while showing interest in their personal development and self-awareness.

3

What's something about our grandparents that you think I should know?

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Why this works

Shares family history and stories, potentially revealing new aspects of family heritage and connections.

4

If you could change one thing about our family dynamic, what would it be?

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Why this works

Opens honest discussion about family relationships and shows you value their perspective on family improvement.

5

What traditions from our family do you want to pass down to your kids?

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Why this works

Reveals their values and what they consider important from family heritage, plus their thoughts on parenting.

6

What's the funniest thing that happened at a family gathering?

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Why this works

Lightens the mood with humor while sharing family stories that strengthen bonds and create shared laughter.

7

How do you think we're different from our parents' generation?

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Why this works

Explores generational differences and their perspective on how family values and dynamics have evolved.

8

What's something you've learned about yourself through our family relationships?

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Why this works

Deepens self-reflection and shows how family connections have contributed to their personal growth.

9

If you could ask our great-grandparents one question, what would it be?

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Why this works

Connects to family history and reveals what aspects of family heritage they're most curious about.

10

What's your favorite thing about our family?

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Why this works

Focuses on positive family attributes and helps identify what they value most about family connections.

11

How do you think our relationship has changed since we were kids?

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Why this works

Reflects on the evolution of your cousin relationship and shows awareness of how you've both grown.

12

What's something you wish our family did more of together?

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Why this works

Reveals their desires for family connection and may inspire ideas for future family activities.

13

What's the best advice you've gotten from a family member?

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Why this works

Shares family wisdom and shows what guidance has been most valuable to them in their life.

14

How do you think our family handles conflict?

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Why this works

Explores family communication patterns and their observations about family dynamics during difficult times.

15

What's something about our family history that makes you proud?

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Why this works

Identifies positive family heritage and values they want to celebrate and carry forward.

16

If you could have dinner with any family member who's passed away, who would it be and why?

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Why this works

Honors family members who've passed and reveals what relationships or stories they wish they could explore more.

17

What's something you think our family does really well?

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Why this works

Highlights family strengths and positive patterns they've observed and appreciate.

18

How do you want our kids to know each other?

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Why this works

Plans for the next generation's relationships and shows investment in maintaining family bonds across generations.

19

What's a family secret or story that you think I should know?

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Why this works

Shares family knowledge and history, potentially revealing important family context or stories.

20

What's something you're grateful for about our family?

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Why this works

Ends on a positive note, focusing on gratitude and appreciation for family relationships and support.

Building Stronger Family Connections

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Best Practices

Start with Shared Memories

Begin with questions about childhood experiences you both remember. This creates immediate connection and nostalgia that opens up deeper conversation.

Listen for Family Patterns

Pay attention to recurring themes in their answers about family dynamics, values, and traditions. This helps you understand family culture better.

Ask About Their Perspective

Cousins often have different experiences of the same family. Ask about their unique viewpoint to understand family dynamics from multiple angles.

Question Sequences

The Family History Explorer

1
What's your favorite family memory from when we were kids?
2
What's something about our grandparents that you think I should know?
3
If you could ask our great-grandparents one question, what would it be?

The Values Discovery

1
What traditions from our family do you want to pass down to your kids?
2
What's something about our family history that makes you proud?
3
What's the best advice you've gotten from a family member?

Common Pitfalls

Don't Focus Only on the Past

While family history is important, also ask about current relationships and future hopes for the family. Balance nostalgia with present connection.

Avoid Sensitive Family Issues

Don't press on topics that might be painful or divisive. If they seem uncomfortable, gracefully move to a different question.

Don't Make Assumptions

Your experience of family might be different from theirs. Ask open-ended questions rather than assuming shared perspectives.

Conversation Templates

The Family Strengths Builder

1
Step 1: Start with: "What's your favorite thing about our family?"
2
Step 2: Follow with: "What's something our family does really well?"
3
Step 3: Deepen with: "What's something you're grateful for about our family?"

The Generational Bridge

1
Step 1: Begin with: "How do you think we're different from our parents' generation?"
2
Step 2: Explore with: "What traditions do you want to pass down?"
3
Step 3: Connect with: "How do you want our kids to know each other?"

Further Reading

"The Family: A Proclamation to the World" - Understanding family values and relationships
"Siblings Without Rivalry" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman (applies to family relationships too)

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