Questions to Ask Daycare Teacher
Questions for the person who spends the day with your child, once they have started: what he is like when you are not there, who he plays with, what he finds hard, and what would help at home.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What is his day with you like, from when I leave to when I come back?
Why ask it
A teacher who can narrate the day in order is describing a routine your child can rely on. It also gives you the vocabulary he is using at home, so "carpet time" and "the big yard" start to make sense.
What is he like here when I am not around?
Why ask it
Many children behave noticeably differently in the room than at home, often calmer and more capable. Hearing the difference tells you which of your worries belong to the room and which belong to bedtime.
Who does he play with?
Why ask it
Names matter more than the assurance that he plays well with everyone. A child with one steady friend is in a stronger position than a popular child with no one in particular.
What does he do when he gets upset here?
Why ask it
You learn both his strategy and theirs: whether he seeks an adult, hides under a table or lashes out, and what the room does about it. Compare it with what happens at home.
How does drop-off go after I have left?
Why ask it
The most reassuring information available to a parent of a crying child, and it takes ten seconds to ask. If the answer is that it takes most of the morning, that is a real thing to work on together.
Is he eating, and what does he refuse?
Why ask it
Group eating changes what children accept, sometimes for the better. A pattern of skipped lunches is also the usual explanation for the child who falls apart the moment he gets in the car.
Does he actually sleep here, and for how long?
Why ask it
The nap you are told about and the nap that happens are not always the same, and a long late nap is often the reason bedtime has collapsed. Ask when it starts as well as how long it lasts.
How is he doing with the toilet from your side?
Why ask it
Children are frequently further ahead or further behind at nursery than at home. Knowing which lets you stop pushing, or start, without guessing.
What are you working on with the group at the moment?
Why ask it
Gives you something concrete to talk to your child about, which is far more effective than asking what he did today. It also shows whether the room has a plan or is filling time.
Is there anything you would like us to do at home?
Why ask it
Teachers usually have one or two small, practical requests they hesitate to volunteer: naming feelings, cutting the morning snack, practising a coat. Asking makes it easy for her to say.
What do you do when he hits or grabs?
Why ask it
Worth asking even if it has not happened, so you know the room's approach before you are hearing it about an incident. Consistency between her response and yours is what actually shortens the phase.
Is there anything he is finding hard right now?
Why ask it
An open invitation, which is often what a teacher needs before she raises something minor: transitions, noise, a particular child, the change of room. Most will not bring it to you unprompted.
Anything you have noticed that you would want me to keep an eye on?
Why ask it
Teachers see thirty children of the same age and notice patterns that parents cannot. Phrase it as an invitation rather than a challenge, and take a vague answer as a reason to ask again in a month.
How do you want me to reach you during the day?
Why ask it
Prevents you sending a message about a dose of medicine to a system nobody checks until four. Establish which channel is read in the morning and which one is not.
When is a good time to talk if something needs more than a minute?
Why ask it
Door conversations at 5:30 with twelve parents arriving are how important things get half-said. Asking for a slot signals that you will not be ambushing her at pick-up.
What would help you to know about our mornings?
Why ask it
Turns you into a colleague rather than a customer. A teacher who knows he slept badly, or that a grandparent is visiting, reads his behaviour correctly instead of treating it as defiance.
What happens when another child hurts him?
Why ask it
You want to hear that he is comforted, that it is written down, and that you are told without the other child being named. It also tells you how the room will handle it when the roles are reversed.
How do you keep track of his allergy at snack time?
Why ask it
The right answer is specific: who checks, where the list is, where the medication is kept, and what happens when you are not on shift. If she has to look this up, ask again next week.
Who takes the room when you are off?
Why ask it
Your child's day depends on that person too, and knowing the name means you can ask her something rather than waiting for the teacher to come back. Ask how often she is in the room.
What has changed for him since he started?
Why ask it
Teachers notice growth parents live too close to see: joining in, talking more, needing less help with shoes. It also shows how closely she is actually watching your particular child.
Talking to your child's teacher
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
When to ask what
At the door, keep it to one question
Drop-off and pick-up are the two busiest minutes of her day. One specific question, "did he sleep?", gets a real answer, where four questions get a polite summary.
Ask for ten minutes for anything real
Behaviour, a worry about development, a problem with another child. Email or ask for a time and say roughly what it is about, so she can look at her notes rather than answer from memory.
Use the parent meeting for the bigger picture
Termly or annual meetings are the place for progress, friendships and readiness for the next room. Bring two or three written questions, because the time goes quickly.
How to ask so you get a straight answer
- Ask about behaviour rather than character: "what does he do when the room gets loud?" rather than "is he shy?"
- Ask for an example. "Can you tell me about a time this week?" turns a general impression into something you can act on.
- Say what you are seeing at home first. It gives her permission to agree, and she often has the missing half.
- Ask what she would do next, then ask what she wants from you. Splitting it stops the conversation becoming advice in one direction.
- Leave a silence after her answer. Teachers often add the important part second.
Things worth telling her without being asked
- A bad night, a new baby, a parent travelling, an illness in the family. All of it shows up in behaviour by mid-morning.
- Anything that changed at home: a house move, a new bed, a pet that died, a change in who does drop-off.
- What your child is currently obsessed with, which she can use to get him into an activity.
- Words or signs he uses that an outsider would not understand.
- What is actually working for you at home, so she can try the same thing.
If you have a concern
Start with the teacher, not the director
Going above her first turns a small question into a formal matter and costs you the relationship you rely on daily. Almost everything is resolvable in the room.
Describe, then ask
"He came home with a bruise on his cheek and could not tell me why. Can you find out what happened?" gets an investigation. "Who hurt my son?" gets a defence.
Confirm what was agreed in a short message
Not as a threat, but because staff change shifts and memories differ. Two sentences after the conversation means the plan survives her next day off.