Questions to Ask During a Parent Teacher Conference
Questions for a short parent teacher meeting, written for a slot of ten or fifteen minutes rather than an open ended chat. Covers where your child stands, what happens when they get stuck, behaviour and friendships, and how to arrange extra support if it is needed.
The questions
Open any question for the note
Where is my child compared with where you would expect at this point in the year?
Why ask it
This asks for a position rather than a grade, which is what you need in order to act. Teachers will usually answer in plain terms if you ask this way. Vague reassurance that they are doing fine is worth one follow up: fine compared with what.
Could you show me a recent piece of their work and talk me through it?
Why ask it
Actual work anchors the whole conversation and stops it drifting into generalities. You also learn what the teacher is marking for, which is often not what you assumed, and you can see whether the handwriting, effort or care matches what you see at home.
What does my child do when they get stuck?
Why ask it
This is the most predictive answer in the meeting. Children who ask, guess, freeze, copy or go quiet need different help. If the teacher has not noticed, that is worth knowing too, since it usually means your child is quietly hiding it well.
Do they ask for help, and how do they ask?
Why ask it
Some children ask constantly for reassurance and some will sit for twenty minutes rather than raise a hand. The answer tells you what to practise at home: how to word a question, or how to try one thing first before asking.
Which subject has moved most, up or down, since last time?
Why ask it
Movement matters more than level, and it often points at something outside the subject: a new seat, a friendship, an absent stretch, a change at home. Ask what the teacher thinks caused it before offering your own theory.
What do you see them do well that I might not see at home?
Why ask it
Children behave differently in a class of thirty than they do in a kitchen. This question tends to produce the observation parents remember longest, and it gives you something specific and true to say to your child afterwards.
Is work being handed in on time, and what happens when it is not?
Why ask it
You are checking two things: whether there is a problem, and whether the consequence at school is one you should be reinforcing or leaving alone. Doubling up on a sanction the school has already applied usually backfires.
How do they take being corrected?
Why ask it
A child who crumbles at correction and a child who argues both get less feedback over time, for opposite reasons. Ask how the teacher phrases corrections to your child, and copy the wording that works when you help with homework.
Are there times of day or days of the week when things go worse?
Why ask it
Patterns are often practical: tired after lunch, unsettled on Mondays, difficult in the lesson before a break, worse on days with a supply teacher. Practical patterns have practical fixes, such as bedtime, breakfast or seat position.
Who do they sit with and work with?
Why ask it
Names are useful in themselves and they explain a lot of behaviour. It also lets you ask, without making it a complaint, whether a particular pairing is helping or is the reason a subject slipped this term.
Is there anything going on socially I should know about?
Why ask it
Teachers see the playground and the group work you never will. Ask openly rather than asking whether your child is popular, and listen for phrases like on the edge of a group or falling out repeatedly, which describe something worth watching.
Have you had to speak to them about behaviour, and what about?
Why ask it
Ask directly and early in the meeting, because it takes the awkwardness out of it and most teachers appreciate the invitation. The pattern matters more than the incident: once in September is different from twice a week since half term.
How long should homework be taking, and what should I do when it takes much longer?
Why ask it
Parents routinely let homework run three times the intended length, which teaches a child that they are slow rather than that the task was long. Agree a time limit and what to write on the page when you stop.
If we practise one thing at home, what should it be?
Why ask it
Asking for one thing rather than a list gets you something you will actually do. Ask what ten minutes of it looks like, and ask how you will know in a month whether it worked. General advice to read more is not a plan.
How should I help without doing it for them?
Why ask it
Most parents are unsure where the line is, and teachers have a clear view of the point at which help stops being help. The answer usually includes something to stop doing, which is more useful than something new to start.
Is there any assessment or screening you think would be worth doing?
Why ask it
Teachers often notice patterns in reading, attention, speech, hearing or vision long before anyone formally raises them, and some will wait for a parent to ask. Asking directly gives them permission to say what they have been considering.
If they need extra support, what is the process and how long does it take?
Why ask it
Ask who decides, what the first step is, whether it needs a formal referral and what the realistic wait is. Knowing the process now means you can start it in a week if you need to, rather than waiting for the next meeting.
What should I do when they say they hate a subject?
Why ask it
The teacher may know whether it is the subject, a specific task, a seating arrangement or the feeling of being behind. Each has a different response, and treating it as attitude when it is actually difficulty makes things worse quickly.
How would you prefer I contact you, and what is a reasonable response time?
Why ask it
Agreeing the channel prevents both an unanswered message and an unnecessary one. Ask what counts as urgent enough to phone the office, and you will use that judgement rather than guessing at eleven at night.
When should we check in again, and what would we hope to see by then?
Why ask it
This turns the meeting into something with a follow up rather than a report you file away. Naming one visible change to look for, by a specific date, is what makes the rest of the conversation count.
Making a Short Conference Count
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before and During the Meeting
Choose three questions, not twenty
Most slots are ten to fifteen minutes and often run late. Pick the three that matter most for your child this term, ask them first, and let the rest go. A meeting that covers three things properly beats one that touches twelve.
Ask your child what they want raised
Before you go, ask what is going well, what is hard, and whether there is anything they want you to mention or specifically not mention. Their answer often changes which three questions you choose.
Open with the awkward one
If you are worried about behaviour, a friendship or a slipping subject, ask in the first two minutes. Left to the end, it either gets rushed or gets skipped, and the teacher has less time to give you a considered answer.
Write down actions, not impressions
Note the specific things you agreed to try, the thing the teacher will do, and the date you will check in. You will remember the tone of the meeting anyway; you will not remember the detail by the weekend.
Report back to your child the same day
Lead with something specific the teacher praised, then one thing you are going to help with. Children who hear only the concerns learn that these meetings are about being in trouble, and stop telling you anything beforehand.
Two Short Sequences
If you are worried about a subject
- 1Where is my child compared with where you would expect at this point in the year?
- 2Could you show me a recent piece of their work and talk me through it?
- 3What do they do when they get stuck?
- 4If we practise one thing at home, what should it be?
If you are worried about behaviour or friendships
- 1Have you had to speak to them about behaviour, and what about?
- 2Are there times of day or days of the week when things go worse?
- 3Who do they sit with and work with?
- 4What should I reinforce at home, and what should I leave to you?
Common Mistakes
Spending the slot defending your child
If something the teacher says is wrong, ask what they observed and when. Arguing consumes the whole meeting and closes down the frankness you came for. A factual disagreement can be sorted in a follow up email.
Accepting doing fine and leaving
It is the default answer for a child who causes no trouble, and it can hide a child who is coasting or quietly lost. One follow up question about what they do when work gets hard is usually enough to find out.
Leaving without knowing the next step
If a concern was raised, ask who does what and by when before you stand up. Concerns without an owner tend to reappear unchanged at the next conference.
Comparing with siblings or classmates
Teachers cannot discuss other children, and comparisons with a sibling shift the conversation away from what this child needs. Ask about progress against last term instead.