Questions to Ask During Parent Teacher Conference
Questions for a short parent teacher conference, written for the ten or fifteen minutes you actually get: how your child is doing academically and socially, what to work on at home, and how to keep the conversation going afterwards.
The questions
Open any question for the note
Before we get to the grades, how is my child doing in your own words?
Why ask it
Opening this way usually produces the observation the teacher would not have thought to put in a report, such as who your child sits with or how they arrive in the morning. It also tells you how well the teacher knows your child as a person.
Where are they compared with where you would expect them to be at this point in the year?
Why ask it
This is more useful than a grade, because it accounts for the fact that half a year of curriculum is still to come. Ask for the specific skill they are behind or ahead on rather than a general level.
What has changed since the start of the year?
Why ask it
The direction of travel matters more than the current position. A child who has moved up steadily from a weak start needs a different response from one who has quietly slipped since September.
Which subject or skill is hardest for them right now, and what does the difficulty actually look like in class?
Why ask it
You want the mechanism, not the label. Cannot start writing, loses track halfway through a multi-step problem, and knows the answer but will not put a hand up are three different problems with three different fixes.
What do they do when they get stuck?
Why ask it
The response to being stuck predicts more than current attainment does. Guessing, freezing, copying a neighbour, and asking for help are each worth knowing about, and the last one is a skill you can teach at home.
Do they ask for help when they need it?
Why ask it
Children who never ask are easy to miss in a busy classroom, and the gap can widen for months before it shows up in a mark. If the answer is no, ask how the teacher checks in with quieter children.
Who do they spend time with, and how are they in a group?
Why ask it
Teachers see the social picture you do not, including whether friendships have shifted this term. Leading, following, and working alone are all fine, but a recent change in the pattern is worth asking more about.
Is there anything about their behaviour in class that would be useful for me to know?
Why ask it
Asked openly, this gives the teacher permission to raise something small before it becomes a formal conversation. Most will not volunteer minor issues unless you make room for them.
How do they handle getting something wrong?
Why ask it
How a child recovers from a mistake shapes how much they will attempt next year. Answers about tearing up work, refusing to try, or laughing it off point to something specific you can work on at home.
How long should homework be taking at this age, and how long is it taking them?
Why ask it
This resolves the argument most families are having without knowing the benchmark. If it is taking twice as long as expected, that is information for the teacher rather than a discipline problem at home.
Is there a gap between what they can do out loud and what they get down on paper?
Why ask it
This gap is common and often missed, and it changes the interpretation of everything else. A child who explains a concept well but writes very little may be struggling with handwriting, spelling, or organisation rather than the subject.
What is coming up next term that they might find hard?
Why ask it
It is far easier to prepare for long division or a first extended essay than to repair a bad experience of it. Teachers know the pinch points in the year and will usually name them if asked.
If we picked one thing to work on at home, what should it be?
Why ask it
Insisting on one thing prevents the list of six suggestions that nobody follows. Whatever they name is also the thing the teacher believes is holding the rest back.
How should we practise that at home without every evening turning into an argument?
Why ask it
Teachers see many families and often have a practical answer: ten minutes with a timer, reading in the car, taking turns aloud. Saying the friction out loud also stops you leaving with a plan you already know will fail.
Is there something you do in class that works particularly well with them?
Why ask it
Sitting near the front, having instructions repeated back, working in pairs, or being given a job to do are all things you can copy at home. It also shows you which strategies the teacher has already tested.
Do you think we should be looking at extra support or an assessment?
Why ask it
Teachers are often cautious about raising this first, so asking directly can move a conversation that has been circling. If the answer is yes, ask what the process is, who starts it, and how long it usually takes.
What would you want to see by the next report for them to be on track?
Why ask it
This turns the meeting into something measurable rather than a general encouragement to try harder. Write the answer down and bring it to the next conference.
How is my child in the parts of the day that are not lessons?
Why ask it
Break, lunch, and transitions are where difficulty often shows first, and they are rarely covered in a report. Teachers may need to check with a colleague, which is itself worth asking them to do.
How should I get in touch if something comes up, and how quickly do you usually reply?
Why ask it
Agreeing the channel now prevents the awkwardness of an unanswered message in six weeks. Ask about their preference between email, the school app, and a note, because teachers vary and the wrong route can sit unread.
Is there anything you would like to know from me about home that would help?
Why ask it
This is the question teachers most often say they wish parents asked. A new baby, a bereavement, a change in sleeping, or a house move all explain classroom behaviour that would otherwise be a mystery.
Getting value from ten minutes
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before the conference
Pick three questions, and accept you will not get through more
Most conferences run ten to fifteen minutes and start late. Decide in advance which three answers you would be sorry to leave without, and ask those first.
Ask your child what they would want you to raise
Children often name something specific: a subject they find humiliating, a seating arrangement, someone they no longer sit with. It also stops the meeting feeling like something done about them behind their back.
Look at recent work first
Bring one or two pieces you have questions about. A comment on a specific piece of work produces a much sharper conversation than a general question about progress.
Send anything complicated ahead by email
If there is a difficult issue, a short note beforehand gives the teacher time to check records and speak to colleagues. Raising it cold in the room usually gets you a holding answer.
In the room
- Ask for an example whenever you hear a general description. Doing well and struggling both mean very little without one.
- Write down what you agree, including any date attached to it. Ten minutes of conversation is easy to misremember by the weekend.
- If you disagree with something, ask what the teacher has seen rather than defending your child. You will get more information and the conversation stays open.
- Leave time at the end for the teacher to raise something. The most useful part often comes after your questions run out.
- If the answers stay vague or the meeting is cut short, ask for a longer conversation on another day rather than trying to squeeze it in.
Afterwards
What to do in the following week
- 1Send a short email summarising what you agreed, which gives you both a record and shows you took it seriously.
- 2Tell your child one specific positive thing the teacher said, and the one thing you are going to work on together.
- 3Start the home practice within a few days, small and short, while the conversation is still fresh.
- 4Put a note in your calendar for six weeks' time to check whether anything has actually changed.
- 5If an assessment or extra support was mentioned, follow up in writing and ask who is responsible for the next step.
What wastes the meeting
Spending the time on grades you already have
The report already told you the marks. Use the person in front of you for what only they can give: what they see in the room.
Arguing about a single incident
If one event needs resolving, ask for a separate meeting about it. Using the whole conference on it means you leave knowing nothing about the rest of the year.
Agreeing to a long list of home strategies
Four new routines will last a fortnight. One narrow habit practised for a term is what actually moves anything.
Talking about your child as though they are not there
If your child is in the room, ask them to answer some of it themselves. If they are not, be careful about what you repeat afterwards and how.