Questions to Ask for Engagement
Thoughtful questions to ask your partner before getting engaged that help you understand compatibility, values, and future goals while building a strong foundation for marriage.
1What does marriage mean to you, and what are your expectations for our relationship?
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What does marriage mean to you, and what are your expectations for our relationship?
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Why this works
Understanding each other's views on marriage helps ensure you're aligned on fundamental relationship expectations and values.
2How do you envision our future together, and what are your long-term goals and dreams?
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How do you envision our future together, and what are your long-term goals and dreams?
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Why this works
Sharing visions of the future helps ensure you're compatible on major life goals and can support each other's aspirations.
3What are your thoughts on children, and how do you see our family life unfolding?
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What are your thoughts on children, and how do you see our family life unfolding?
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Why this works
Discussing children and family planning is crucial for long-term compatibility and helps ensure you're aligned on this major life decision.
4How do you handle conflict and disagreement, and what is your approach to resolving problems?
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How do you handle conflict and disagreement, and what is your approach to resolving problems?
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Why this works
Understanding conflict resolution styles helps you prepare for challenges while ensuring you can work together effectively during difficult times.
5What are your financial goals and values, and how do you approach money management?
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What are your financial goals and values, and how do you approach money management?
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Why this works
Financial compatibility is crucial for marriage success, and understanding each other's money values helps prevent future conflicts.
6How do you see our roles and responsibilities in our relationship, and what are your expectations?
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How do you see our roles and responsibilities in our relationship, and what are your expectations?
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Why this works
Understanding role expectations helps ensure you're compatible on how you'll share responsibilities and support each other.
7What are your thoughts on intimacy and physical affection, and how important is this to you?
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What are your thoughts on intimacy and physical affection, and how important is this to you?
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Why this works
Understanding intimacy needs helps ensure you're compatible on this important aspect of relationship while building emotional connection.
8How do you handle stress and difficult situations, and what support do you need from me?
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How do you handle stress and difficult situations, and what support do you need from me?
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Why this works
Understanding stress management and support needs helps you prepare for challenges while ensuring you can be there for each other.
9What are your thoughts on religion, spirituality, and how do you want to incorporate these into our life?
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What are your thoughts on religion, spirituality, and how do you want to incorporate these into our life?
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Why this works
Understanding spiritual beliefs helps ensure you're compatible on this important aspect of life while building a shared foundation.
10How do you see our relationship with family and friends, and what boundaries do you want to establish?
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How do you see our relationship with family and friends, and what boundaries do you want to establish?
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Why this works
Understanding family dynamics helps ensure you're compatible on this important aspect of life while building healthy relationships.
11What are your thoughts on career and work-life balance, and how do you see this affecting our relationship?
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What are your thoughts on career and work-life balance, and how do you see this affecting our relationship?
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Why this works
Understanding career priorities helps ensure you're compatible on this important aspect of life while building a shared vision.
12How do you handle change and uncertainty, and what support do you need during transitions?
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How do you handle change and uncertainty, and what support do you need during transitions?
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Why this works
Understanding change management helps ensure you can support each other during life transitions while building resilience.
13What are your thoughts on communication and how do you prefer to share your thoughts and feelings?
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What are your thoughts on communication and how do you prefer to share your thoughts and feelings?
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Why this works
Understanding communication styles helps ensure you can connect effectively while building a strong emotional foundation.
14How do you see our relationship evolving over time, and what do you want to maintain and improve?
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How do you see our relationship evolving over time, and what do you want to maintain and improve?
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Why this works
Understanding relationship growth helps ensure you're committed to continuous improvement while building a lasting partnership.
15What are your thoughts on personal space and independence, and how do you balance this with togetherness?
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What are your thoughts on personal space and independence, and how do you balance this with togetherness?
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Why this works
Understanding independence needs helps ensure you're compatible on this important aspect of relationship while building healthy boundaries.
16How do you handle jealousy and insecurity, and what support do you need from me?
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How do you handle jealousy and insecurity, and what support do you need from me?
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Why this works
Understanding emotional needs helps ensure you can support each other while building trust and security in the relationship.
17What are your thoughts on traditions and celebrations, and how do you want to create our own?
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What are your thoughts on traditions and celebrations, and how do you want to create our own?
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Why this works
Understanding tradition preferences helps ensure you're compatible on this important aspect of life while building shared experiences.
18How do you see our relationship with each other's families, and what role do you want them to play?
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How do you see our relationship with each other's families, and what role do you want them to play?
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Why this works
Understanding family relationships helps ensure you're compatible on this important aspect of life while building healthy connections.
19What are your thoughts on personal growth and development, and how do you want to support each other?
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What are your thoughts on personal growth and development, and how do you want to support each other?
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Why this works
Understanding growth goals helps ensure you can support each other's development while building a relationship that encourages personal fulfillment.
20How do you see our relationship handling major life decisions, and what process do you want to establish?
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How do you see our relationship handling major life decisions, and what process do you want to establish?
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Why this works
Understanding decision-making processes helps ensure you can work together effectively while building a partnership based on mutual respect.
Building a Strong Foundation for Marriage
Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.
Best Practices for Pre-Engagement Conversations
Be Honest and Open
Share your true thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Honesty is crucial for building trust and ensuring you're compatible on important issues.
Listen Actively and Show Empathy
Pay attention to what your partner is saying and show that you understand their perspective. This builds connection and shows you value their thoughts.
Focus on Understanding, Not Convincing
The goal is to understand each other's views, not to convince your partner to change their mind. This creates a safe space for honest sharing.
Question Sequences
The Values Alignment Sequence
The Relationship Dynamics Sequence
Common Pitfalls
Don't Avoid Difficult Topics
While some topics may be uncomfortable, it's important to discuss them before getting engaged. Avoiding difficult conversations can lead to problems later.
Don't Judge or Dismiss
Everyone's perspective is valid. Avoid judging or dismissing your partner's views, even if you disagree. This creates a safe space for honest sharing.
Don't Rush the Process
Take time to have these conversations thoroughly. Rushing through important topics can lead to misunderstandings and future problems.