Questions to Ask for Gift Ideas
Questions to ask someone for gift ideas when a birthday, Christmas or an anniversary is coming and "what would you like?" keeps getting "nothing, really". The 62 questions start with everyday habits and favourites that can be dropped into conversation weeks ahead, move on to wish lists, the kind of present the person enjoys and what to avoid, and finish with what to ask a partner, sibling or housemate who knows them.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Everyday
What is the last thing you bought for yourself?
Why ask it
People buy for themselves what they actually want, and the answer arrives without any of the modesty that spoils a direct question. Recent purchases also tell you what not to buy.
What is something you use every single day?
Why ask it
Daily objects are the ones worth upgrading, because a better version gets noticed every morning rather than once. Listen for the item they describe as fine, which usually means worn out.
Is there anything that has been sitting in your online basket for months?
Why ask it
A saved basket is a list of things someone wants and cannot quite justify, which is precisely what a gift is for. If they shop on their phone, ask them to scroll through it while you are there, and note the size and colour they picked.
What do you keep having to replace because it wears out?
Why ask it
Phone cables, umbrellas, socks and the cheap version of something sturdy all come up here, and each points at a present that will be used. If they are on their fourth of the same thing, that is the one to buy well.
What do you spend money on without really thinking about it?
Why ask it
The answer is where their attention already goes, whether that is coffee, books, plants or bike parts. A present in a category someone already spends in is hard to get badly wrong, provided you find out which brand or shop they use.
Is there anything you own where you wish you had bought the better version?
Why ask it
Regret about a purchase is easy to recall in detail: they can name the model they settled for and the one they should have got. It also confirms they would use the better one.
What is broken or half-working at home that you keep putting up with?
Why ask it
A kettle with a sticking lid or headphones that play in one ear can be tolerated for years, because replacing them never feels urgent. Take down the make or the size if you can, since a replacement that does not fit the charger or the shelf is a second annoyance.
What do you always end up borrowing from someone else?
Why ask it
Borrowing means they need the thing often enough to ask and not quite often enough to buy it, which is the gap a present fills well. A drill, a suitcase and a set of jump leads all turn up here.
What does a good weekend look like for you at the moment?
Why ask it
The words at the moment matter, because the person who climbed every Saturday two years ago may now spend it in the garden. Buy for the weekend they describe, not the one you remember.
How do you get around most days, and what would make the trip better?
Why ask it
A commute is a slice of every working day that few people think to equip. A cyclist, a driver and a train reader will name three different shortfalls, from lights to a phone mount to a book that fits a coat pocket.
Is anything coming up in the next few months, like a trip, a move or a new job?
Why ask it
An event on the horizon brings its own shopping list: a bag that fits the overhead locker, a decent pan for the first flat, a coat for the new commute. A present timed to it gets used in its first week.
Favourites
What is your usual order at a cafe or a bar?
Why ask it
The exact order matters more than the category: an oat flat white drinker and a strong tea drinker are both hot drink people. You also learn whether alcohol is welcome without having to raise it.
What snack or treat do you never get tired of?
Why ask it
Food is the safest present for someone who owns enough, as long as it is the named thing and not a hamper built around it. Get the brand as well, because the nearest substitute is seldom what they meant.
Which author, band or series will you always make time for?
Why ask it
A standing favourite gives you a calendar to watch: the next book, a tour date, a special edition. Check what they already own first, since devoted fans tend to have the obvious items.
What colours do you wear most, and which would you never put on?
Why ask it
Colour decides whether a scarf, a mug or a notebook cover gets used or goes in a drawer. The never half is the more reliable one, as people hold firm views on mustard and beige.
Is there a smell you love coming home to, or do you prefer things unscented?
Why ask it
Candles, soaps and diffusers are what givers fall back on, and scent is personal enough that a guess often misses. Someone who says unscented has just ruled out a whole shelf of the shop for you.
Which shop could you wander around for an hour without getting bored?
Why ask it
The shop is a better clue than any single item, because it names a whole category they enjoy looking at. It is also where to buy a voucher if they turn out to like choosing for themselves.
What hobby is taking up most of your time right now, and what do you keep running out of for it?
Why ask it
Active hobbies use things up: yarn, strings, chalk, film, seeds, brake pads. Supplies in the brand they already buy are safer than new equipment, which keen hobbyists usually want to choose themselves.
If someone was taking you out for a treat, where would you want to go?
Why ask it
You get the name of a restaurant you could book or buy a voucher for, and calling it a treat lets them choose a notch above their usual. Find out whether they would want a crowd there or a table for two.
What did you love as a kid that you would still be glad to see today?
Why ask it
Nostalgia presents work when they are exact: the sweets from one particular shop, a reissued game, the book with the cover they remember. A near miss feels like a different thing altogether, so collect the details.
Do you collect anything, or did you used to?
Why ask it
Live collections are easy to add to, and abandoned ones are worth avoiding, so both answers are useful. Ask what is missing from it, because collectors always know.
Wish list
Do you keep a wish list anywhere, and can I see it?
Why ask it
Plenty of people keep one in a shopping app, a notes file or a folder of screenshots and assume nobody wants to know. A shared list also lets relatives divide it up, so two of you do not arrive with the same parcel.
Are you saving up for anything at the moment?
Why ask it
Contributing to something someone is already working towards beats introducing a new object, and it tells you they have thought about the choice already. Ask what part of it they have not budgeted for.
What would you love but never spend your own money on?
Why ask it
This is where a gift does something the person cannot do for themselves, because the barrier is permission rather than cost. Answers are often small: good sheets, a massage, a taxi instead of the bus.
Is there something a friend has that you keep wishing you had too?
Why ask it
Envy is honest in a way a wish list is not, and it comes with a working example you can go and look at. Ask the friend where theirs came from instead of guessing at the model.
What have you been meaning to try but not got round to?
Why ask it
Be careful with the answer: equipment for an unstarted hobby often becomes a reproach in a cupboard. A single lesson or a rental is usually the better read of the same information.
What skill would you like to be better at this time next year?
Why ask it
Someone who has already started wants the next step up, and someone who has not wants the smallest possible way in. Find out which before choosing between a serious chef's knife and one evening class.
Is there somewhere nearby you keep saying you will go and never do?
Why ask it
A gallery, a restaurant, a walk an hour away: the present here is a date in the diary and someone to go with. Book a specific day, because an open promise of a trip tends to lapse quietly.
If someone handed you a free afternoon and a small budget, what would you do with it?
Why ask it
Nobody has to name a product here, and the small budget keeps the answer to things that could happen next month. What they describe is often something you could arrange instead of buy.
What do you wish you had more time for?
Why ask it
Reading, sleep, friends and a squeezed-out hobby are the usual answers. Look first for the present that buys the time itself, such as an evening of babysitting or a week of dinners sorted, and only then for kit.
Is there a job around the house you would love someone to take off your hands?
Why ask it
For parents, grandparents and anyone stretched thin, the most welcome present can be labour: gutters cleared, the car valeted, a box of old photos scanned. A paid service and your own Saturday both count, provided you name the date.
Who would you most like an excuse to see, and what would that take?
Why ask it
For people who genuinely do not want objects, the gift is often a train fare, a night's accommodation, or looking after their children. The obstacle they name is the thing to remove.
Is there one thing you already know you want and would rather just be given?
Why ask it
For some the surprise is the pleasure and for others it is a risk, and this lets the second kind say so without sounding ungrateful. If they answer with a specific item, buy that exact one, down to the colour.
Gift style
Would you rather have a thing, a day out, or an afternoon with nothing planned?
Why ask it
The three point to different shops, or to no shop at all. Someone who picks the empty afternoon is telling you that tickets with a fixed date would be one more thing in the diary.
What is the best present you have ever been given, and what made it that?
Why ask it
The reason matters more than the object: that somebody remembered a remark, made it by hand, or spent more than the person would have dared. The reason can be repeated and the object cannot.
Has anyone ever given you something that missed, and what was off about it?
Why ask it
What went wrong is usually a whole category: too fussy, too expensive, another thing to dust, or kit for a hobby they had mentioned once. Keep it light and do not ask who gave it, or the answer will be a polite one.
Practical or sentimental: which kind of present means more to you?
Why ask it
Givers tend to assume their own answer is everyone's. A practical person handed a framed photo and a sentimental one handed a head torch are both politely underwhelmed.
Would a voucher or money feel like a relief or a letdown to you?
Why ask it
Teenagers and people saving for one particular thing often prefer it outright, while others read it as a present nobody thought about. Where it is welcome, ask which shop, so the voucher is for somewhere they already go.
Would you rather I gave to a cause you care about than bought you something?
Why ask it
A donation in someone's name delights the person who owns enough and can feel like no present at all to someone else, so it has to be asked. If it is a yes, let them name the charity, because a cause you choose says more about you than about them.
Would you mind something second-hand, handmade or passed on, or does it need to be new?
Why ask it
A yes opens up vintage finds, charity shop books and things you made yourself, which can be more personal than anything boxed. Some people do mind, for reasons of hygiene or habit, and it is kinder to hear that beforehand.
Would you rather have one bigger present from a few of us, or something small from each?
Why ask it
Worth asking in families and friend groups, where five small parcels can add up to the price of the one thing they wanted. Somebody has to collect the money, so settle who before the idea is agreed.
Do you like opening presents in front of people, or would you rather do it later on your own?
Why ask it
Performing delight with a room watching is a strain for a shy person. If that is them, keep anything jokey or very personal away from the party and hand it over quietly.
How much fuss do you want made of the day itself?
Why ask it
One person wants the dinner, the candles and the speech, and for another the best present is being allowed a quiet one. Their answer shapes how the gift is handed over as much as what it is.
If something I gave you was not right, would you actually say so?
Why ask it
A lot of people will admit they would not, which means silence after a present tells you nothing either way. Ask the shop for a gift receipt and how long returns stay open, since that differs from one retailer to the next.
Avoid
What sizes do you take, and what do you never wear?
Why ask it
Asked well before the occasion, this passes as ordinary curiosity. Sizes differ between brands and countries, so note which label they are quoting, and include shoes. The never-wear half rules out whole categories, such as anything that needs ironing.
Are there ingredients or materials you avoid?
Why ask it
Allergies, dietary rules, alcohol, strong scents and wool are the reasons thoughtful gifts get quietly given away. Where the answer is an allergy, read the ingredients list yourself before buying and do not go by the front of the box.
Is there anything you are trying to cut down on right now?
Why ask it
Chocolate for someone off sugar, or wine for someone not drinking this month, leaves them having to refuse a present. Asked this loosely, they can answer without explaining why.
What do you already have far too many of?
Why ask it
Mugs, candles, scarves, notebooks and water bottles are the usual culprits, and they are also what shoppers reach for when stuck. One sentence from them clears half the gift aisle.
What would you always rather choose for yourself?
Why ask it
Perfume, glasses, art for the wall and running shoes are things many people will not let anyone else pick. For those, the present is the money or the shopping trip, with them doing the choosing.
How much room do you have for anything new where you live?
Why ask it
Shared houses, small flats and an upcoming move all change what counts as a good present. Where space is tight, think flat, edible, digital, or a replacement for something already on the shelf.
Which streaming services, magazines or memberships do you already pay for?
Why ask it
A subscription suits someone short on space, but a second login for a service they already have is no use to them. Whether a gift can extend an existing account varies from one provider to the next, so look that up before paying.
Are there brands or shops you would rather not have anything from?
Why ask it
People skip certain companies over ethics, fit or one bad experience, and a parcel from that company puts them in an awkward spot. The same answer usually reveals the brands they trust, which is the list to buy from.
Is there a present you get every year that you wish people would stop buying?
Why ask it
Bath sets, novelty socks and the diary that arrives in triplicate come up a lot. People tend to enjoy telling you, and you can pass the word to whoever keeps buying it.
Ask others
What have they mentioned wanting lately, even in passing?
Why ask it
Put this to a partner, sibling or housemate, who hears the muttered remarks that never reach anyone else. Ask them to text you the next one as well, since the best hint often turns up a week after you asked.
What do they own that is worn out but that they would never replace themselves?
Why ask it
Whoever lives with someone has seen the wallet held together with tape and the slippers past saving. Get the size, colour and brand of the old one too, because the safest replacement is the same thing, new.
What do they complain about most, at home or at work?
Why ask it
Complaints are requests in disguise: the cold office, the blunt knives, the phone that is flat by three. The person who hears them daily can recite the list without thinking.
What did they get last year that is still in its box?
Why ask it
An unopened present marks a category to stay out of this year, whether it was a gadget, a kit or a book outside their usual taste. Housemates and partners know what is sitting at the back of the cupboard.
Is there anything they have asked you not to let people buy?
Why ask it
A person who dislikes fuss will often brief one trusted ally on what they do not want, from more ornaments to anything for the kitchen. That message was meant to travel, so ask for it.
What have you and the others already bought them?
Why ask it
A duplicate is an easy way for a well-chosen present to fall flat, especially with books, perfume and anything on a shared list. One message to the group before you pay settles it.
Would they want a surprise, or should I just check with them?
Why ask it
A close friend or partner knows whether this person lights up at the unexpected or would sooner pick the colour themselves. If the verdict is check, then check, and save the surprise for the wrapping.
What is everyone else spending, roughly?
Why ask it
A present far above or below what the rest of the group gives can embarrass the person unwrapping it as much as the giver. Families, offices and friend groups each have their own unwritten level, so ask how it works in this one.
What is your child into at the moment, and what would you rather not have in the house?
Why ask it
For a child's present the parent is the one to ask: they know the current obsession, what there are already three of, and what makes noise. Mention the ages of any younger brothers or sisters, since small parts matter in a house with a toddler.
Finding out what someone wants
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Which questions for whom
A partner or spouse
You know the favourites already, so go to Wish list and Gift style, which is where long-standing couples are most often wrong about each other. The question about what they would never spend their own money on is worth asking again every few years.
A parent or grandparent who says they want nothing
Take them at their word about objects. Ask the Wish list questions about jobs around the house, people they would like to see and places they keep meaning to go, then use the Avoid group to learn what they have too many of. The Gift style question about giving to a cause belongs here too.
A teenager
Ask to see the wish list and put the voucher question to them straight, since at that age being asked usually beats being surprised. Sizes and favourite brands move quickly, so confirm them close to the day or go through a parent.
A colleague or someone you know slightly
Keep to Everyday and Favourites, which pass as small talk, and the Avoid question about ingredients. For anything more, take one or two from Ask others to whoever sits nearest to them.
When it has to be a surprise
The Ask others group can do the whole job without the person hearing a word. Choose two or three for a partner, sibling or housemate, and tell them plainly that it is a secret.
Ask early, and write it down
Ask months before the occasion
In the two weeks before a birthday, any of these questions reads as a gift interview and gets a polite non-answer. In March, the same question is just conversation.
Keep a running note
Most gift information arrives unprompted, in the form of a complaint about something broken or a passing mention of something wanted. A note on your phone with a line per person solves December in advance.
Ask the people around them
A partner, sibling, or housemate sees the worn-out coat and the thing that never gets used. They will also tell you what has already been bought, which avoids duplicates.
Watch what they replace
The cheapest version of a thing that someone rebuys repeatedly is the clearest signal available. Buy the durable one.
Reading the answers
- Anything described as fine or good enough is a candidate for replacement.
- One mention of an interest is not a hobby. Equipment for something unstarted usually becomes a burden.
- If they name a specific product, buy that product rather than improving on it.
- People who say they want nothing often mean they want nothing to store. Consider food, tickets, or a service.
- Include the receipt, and say once that you will not mind if it goes back.
Common pitfalls
Asking what they want, directly and late
The honest answer is usually that they do not know, and the polite answer is that they do not need anything. Both leave you exactly where you started.
Buying the gift you would want
Sharing an enthusiasm is not the same as sharing a preference, and a gift that comes with an expectation attached is a chore. Check the answers rather than your own taste.
Ignoring the storage question
For someone in a small flat, a large object is a problem you have handed them. Size and upkeep matter as much as the item itself.
Assuming price signals care
The gifts people keep tend to be specific rather than expensive, because specificity is the evidence that you were paying attention.