Questions to Ask Foreign Exchange Students
Questions for host families, classmates, and teachers to ask an exchange student: what the first weeks have actually been like, what is hard about speaking a second language all day, when homesickness turns up, and what they need that they have not asked for.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What should I call you, and am I saying your name the way you say it at home?
Why ask it
Most students accept a mangled version of their name in week one and then live with it for a year. Asking them to say it twice, then repeating it back, is the fastest way to signal that you will take the effort rather than expect them to.
What time is it at home right now, and when is it easiest to reach your family?
Why ask it
Practical, and it hands you the information that makes you useful: whether a call happens before school or late at night. It also tells you which evening you should keep the house quiet.
What did you pack that you are glad you brought?
Why ask it
Easier to answer than a question about their culture, and the answer is usually specific and personal: a blanket, a spice, a photo, a pair of boots. Whatever they name is generally the thing that helps on a bad week.
What surprised you in your first week here?
Why ask it
Invites observation rather than a verdict, so it is safe to answer honestly. Expect small mechanical things, portion sizes, how early people eat, how loudly people talk, which are the details they are still adjusting to.
What have you eaten here that you liked, and what have you been quietly avoiding?
Why ask it
Giving explicit permission to name the dislike is the point, because polite students eat things they hate for months. The second half is the part that changes your shopping list.
What does an ordinary school day look like where you live?
Why ask it
Asks for their routine rather than their country, which is far easier to answer and much more revealing. Differences in start times, hours of homework, and whether students move between rooms explain a lot of what confuses them here.
What is the hardest part of speaking a second language all day?
Why ask it
Names something almost every exchange student is carrying and almost nobody asks about. The usual answers, group conversations, jokes, phone calls, tell you exactly when to slow down or check in.
What do people here assume about your country when they hear where you are from?
Why ask it
Lets them correct the record on their own terms instead of being asked to represent a whole nation. If they say people assume nothing, or ask nothing at all, that is worth hearing too.
What is something everyone your age at home would recognize that nobody here does?
Why ask it
Songs, shows, a snack, a phrase from an advert. It is the question that produces actual laughter, and it puts them in the position of the expert for a few minutes rather than the person catching up.
What is a rule in your house at home that we do not have here?
Why ask it
Surfaces the mismatches that cause quiet friction: shoes, doors closed or open, food in bedrooms, what time counts as late. Students rarely raise these unprompted because they assume they are the ones who must adapt.
What do you wish someone had told you before you came?
Why ask it
Practical and slightly rueful, and the answer is often something fixable this week. It also tends to reveal what the placement agency glossed over.
When does homesickness usually hit you, and what actually helps?
Why ask it
Asking when rather than whether treats it as normal, which makes it answerable. Look for the specific remedy, a phone call, a walk, being left alone, cooking something, rather than offering your own.
Is there anything you have been pretending to be fine with?
Why ask it
The single most useful question on this list, and it needs a private moment and a real pause afterward. Guests default to politeness, and a small unspoken thing, a cold room, a bus route, a nickname, can grind for months.
Is there anything you would rather we did not ask you about?
Why ask it
Politics, religion, family circumstances, and money are all common no-go areas, and students have no way of setting that boundary unless invited to. Ask once, early, and then honor it without follow-up questions.
Who at home are you closest to, and what do you tell them about this place?
Why ask it
The second half is what makes it interesting, because they are already narrating this experience to someone. It often shows you how they see your household, which is not always how you imagined.
Is there anything coming up at home that you will be sorry to miss?
Why ask it
Birthdays, festivals, a sibling's graduation, and a religious holiday all fall while they are away, and missing them lands harder than people expect. Knowing the date lets you mark it here, which is remembered long after the year ends.
Is there something you would like to cook or show us, done your way?
Why ask it
Shifts them from being hosted to contributing, which changes how much they relax in your house. Offer to shop for the ingredients, since finding the right ones is usually the obstacle rather than willingness.
What do you want to be able to do by the time you go home?
Why ask it
Turns the year into their project rather than a placement they were given. Whatever they name, a language level, a licence, a friendship, a trip, gives you something concrete to help with.
What have you changed your mind about since you arrived?
Why ask it
Best asked after a couple of months, when there is something to report. Answers can be about here or about home, and the second kind is usually the more significant.
What do you think you will miss about here once you are home?
Why ask it
A good closing question late in a stay, and often the first time a student says out loud that this place became familiar. Ask it before the final fortnight, when everything gets busy and sentimental at once.
Hosting Conversations That Actually Help
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to Ask
Ask About Their Life, Not Their Culture
How your culture views family is an essay question; what your house is like on a Sunday is a conversation. Keep questions at the level of their own routine, family, and school, and the cultural picture assembles itself over months.
Pick the Moment for the Hard Ones
Homesickness and what they are pretending to be fine with need one-to-one time, ideally side by side rather than across a table. A car journey, washing up, or a walk works better than a family dinner where everyone is listening.
Allow for Language Fatigue
Following a second language all day is exhausting, and the tiredness peaks in the evening when families most want to talk. Expect short answers at nine at night and save real conversations for weekends and the first hour after school.
Keep Asking After the Novelty Wears Off
Most households ask plenty in the first fortnight and very little by the third month, which is when the harder feelings tend to arrive. Set yourself a monthly check-in even if everything appears fine.
Ask Before You Post
Photos of them, and stories about their family or country, are theirs to share. Ask directly whether they are happy to appear online, and accept a no without treating it as a problem to solve.
Common Pitfalls
Making Them the Spokesperson
One teenager cannot answer for a nation's politics, history, or religion, and being asked to repeatedly is wearing. If you want a national comparison, offer yours first and let them agree, disagree, or say they do not know.
Comparing to Score
So is it better here, and asking whether things at home are backward, are questions with no good answer. Ask what is different and leave the ranking out of it.
Correcting Every Mistake
Stopping a story to fix a preposition teaches them to say less. Correct when they ask you to, or offer the right phrasing afterward for something they will use again, and otherwise let it go.
Reading Politeness as Contentment
Fine, thank you, is what a guest says. Ask specific yes or no questions instead, is your room warm enough at night, is the bus route working, since those are answerable without appearing ungrateful.
Leaving Them Out of the Ordinary Parts
Being treated as a permanent visitor is lonelier than being given chores. Include them in the shopping list, the rota, and the boring family logistics, and ask what they would like to be responsible for.
By Stage of the Stay
First Week
- 1What should I call you, and am I saying it right
- 2What time is it at home, and when do you like to call
- 3What did you pack that you are glad you brought
- 4Is there anything you would rather we did not ask about
First Month
- 1What surprised you in your first week
- 2What you liked eating, and what you have been avoiding
- 3What a normal school day looks like at home
- 4A rule in your house at home that we do not have
Once the Novelty Fades
- 1The hardest part of speaking a second language all day
- 2When homesickness hits, and what helps
- 3Anything you have been pretending to be fine with
- 4Anything coming up at home you will be sorry to miss
Later in the Year
- 1What you want to be able to do before you go home
- 2Something you would like to cook or show us your way
- 3What you have changed your mind about
- 4What you think you will miss about here