Questions to Ask Foreigners
Questions to ask foreigners about their country and about what living in yours is like, for anyone talking with someone who lives a long way from where they grew up: a new colleague, a neighbour, a classmate, or someone you met at a party. They cover what they noticed on arrival, what is hard about ordinary life here, what daily life is like where they come from, what they miss, and whether they intend to stay. Several also work as interview questions to ask someone from another country for a class assignment or a school paper, chiefly the ones on home town, school days and family meals.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
How long have you been here, and what brought you?
Why ask it
The opener that does the least work and the most good, because it lets them choose how much to explain. Study, a job, a partner, and a situation at home are very different stories, and they will tell you which one this is.
What was the first thing you noticed when you arrived?
Why ask it
Asks for a memory rather than an opinion, so it is easy to answer even in a second language. The answers are usually sensory and specific, the light, the bread, how quiet the streets were, which is far better conversation than a comparison of countries.
What is the hardest ordinary thing to do here?
Why ask it
Registering with a doctor, opening a bank account, or understanding a phone contract are the daily frictions that visitors never see and residents forget. If you know the answer to what they name, this is the moment you become useful rather than merely curious.
What do people here always get wrong about where you are from?
Why ask it
Lets them correct the record without your having to guess which stereotype to apologize for. Note that some people are tired of this question, so drop it immediately if the answer is short.
What do you cook when you are homesick?
Why ask it
Much better than asking what food their country is known for, because it gets you one dish attached to a person. Ask where they buy the ingredients here, which is often a story about the whole first year.
What word or phrase from your language do you wish English had?
Why ask it
Nearly everyone bilingual has one ready, and explaining it requires them to describe a feeling or a situation rather than a fact. Keep it to one, and resist steering the conversation toward swear words.
What is funny at home that does not land here?
Why ask it
Humour is where people feel most foreign, and this asks about that gap without making it heavy. Whatever they describe, irony, understatement, teasing, tells you how they will read your own jokes.
What is the etiquette here you had to learn the hard way?
Why ask it
Produces a story with an embarrassment already resolved, which is comfortable to tell. It also reveals unwritten local rules you never had to learn yourself, about queues, tipping, punctuality, or how directly people say no.
What do people do here that would be considered rude where you grew up?
Why ask it
Sharper than asking about differences in general, and worth asking only once you are past small talk. Take the answer without defending your country, since a defensive response is what teaches people to stop answering honestly.
What has turned out to be easier here than at home?
Why ask it
Balances the conversation away from a list of complaints, and the answers are often unexpected: paperwork, cycling, being left alone. It also shows what they were dealing with before they came, without your having to ask directly.
What did you expect this place to be like before you arrived?
Why ask it
Reveals what films, news, and other people's stories had promised them, and how far off it was. Their disappointments are usually more interesting than their pleasant surprises.
What do you miss that is not food or family?
Why ask it
Ruling out the two obvious answers is what makes this worth asking. What comes next is usually specific and slightly odd, a radio programme, a smell in autumn, a particular kind of shop, and it is where the real conversation starts.
If I had one day where you grew up, what would you send me to do?
Why ask it
One day forces a choice, and what they pick is rarely the famous thing. Ask whether they would go with you, which quietly tells you how they feel about the place now.
What is the thing at home that tourists queue for and locals avoid?
Why ask it
Gives them the pleasure of correcting a guidebook, and it usually comes with a better alternative attached. Expect a strong opinion, and ask what they take visiting friends to instead.
What do you read or watch to keep up with home?
Why ask it
Shows how connected they still are and to what, whether that is news, a football league, or family voice notes. Someone who has stopped following home entirely has usually made a decision worth asking about.
How often do you get back, and what is the first thing you do when you land?
Why ask it
The second half is the good part, and the answers are almost always small and specific. If the honest answer is that they have not been back in years, do not push on why unless they open it.
What question do you get asked most, and are you tired of it?
Why ask it
Gives them a chance to draw a line, and the answer tells you what to avoid for the rest of the evening. Asking it shows more consideration than carefully guessing would.
What do you find yourself defending about home when you are here?
Why ask it
People often criticize their own country freely until an outsider does it, and this question is about that reflex. It gets at a genuine attachment more honestly than asking what they are proud of.
What has living here changed about how you see the place you came from?
Why ask it
Best asked of someone who has been away for years rather than months. Answers tend to be mixed rather than nostalgic or bitter, and that mixture is the honest experience of living between two places.
Do you think you will stay, and what would decide it?
Why ask it
Ask this late, and only if the conversation has earned it, since for some people the answer involves visas, family illness, or things they cannot control. What they name as the deciding factor is usually the thing occupying most of their thinking.
What was the first thing here you actually liked?
Why ask it
Liked rather than admired, and first rather than best. The wording usually produces something unexpectedly small and specific, and it is a warmer question than asking what they think of the country.
What is the food you cannot get here, or cannot get properly?
Why ask it
Almost everyone has one specific item and a strong opinion about the local imitation of it. It is a light question that reliably produces an animated answer, and often an invitation to go and eat something.
How often do you speak your first language in a week?
Why ask it
For some people it is daily and for others it is a phone call on Sundays, and the difference shapes how far away home feels. People who rarely use it often mention the strange experience of losing words in their own language.
Has your accent or the way you speak changed, and do people at home notice?
Why ask it
Being teased at home for sounding foreign is a widely shared and genuinely strange experience. It also opens up which language they now think in, count in, and swear in, which are often three different answers.
What holiday do you still keep, and how do you keep it here?
Why ask it
Keeping a holiday in a country that does not observe it means taking a day off for it, moving it to a weekend, or letting it go by. The workaround is the story, and it frequently comes with an invitation attached.
What did you have to learn that nobody teaches you: the paperwork, the banking, the small talk?
Why ask it
Bureaucracy, building a credit history from zero, and the unwritten rules of conversation are the three that come up. It is a practical question, and if you know anything useful this is the moment you can actually be of help.
Is there anything you have given up on getting used to?
Why ask it
There is always one, and being allowed to name it without having to be diplomatic is a relief. It is also more honest than asking what they dislike, which invites politeness by design.
How do people at home think your life here is going?
Why ask it
There is nearly always a gap between the version sent home and the actual one, and most people are aware of it and almost never asked about it. It goes deep without being intrusive, which is a rare combination.
What do you call home now when you are not thinking about it?
Why ask it
The slip is the answer: which place gets called home in an unguarded sentence about going back. Many people notice their own answer for the first time when somebody asks.
What would you take back with you if you left tomorrow?
Why ask it
It asks what has been absorbed rather than what has been endured, and answers tend to be habits rather than objects: a way of working, a directness or a reserve they did not arrive with.
What do you wish people asked you instead of where are you from?
Why ask it
A good closing question because it hands the conversation back. Whatever they name, ask it next, and remember it for the next person, because the answer is usually not specific to them.
Who do you spend most of your time with here?
Why ask it
Tells you whether they have landed in a community from home, a mixed group, or largely nobody. The last case is common in the first year and rarely mentioned unasked.
Have you found a doctor, dentist, barber, anyone like that you'd recommend?
Why ask it
Sounds trivial and is not: reassembling this list is one of the slowest parts of moving countries. If they have not, this is where you can be genuinely useful.
Is there anything about the language here that still trips you up?
Why ask it
Idioms, phone calls, and humour usually outlast grammar. Asking makes it safe for them to check things with you later, which is the actual value.
How does work there compare with work here: hours, holidays, how people talk to their boss?
Why ask it
The third item is the revealing one. Hierarchy and directness at work vary far more between countries than hours do.
What's a normal weekday like there?
Why ask it
Gets you meal times, commutes, and when people are actually home, which is where most real cultural difference lives. Far more useful than asking about traditions.
How do people your age typically spend a Friday night there?
Why ask it
Tying it to their generation avoids getting a tourist-brochure answer. It also tends to surface how much of social life happens at home versus out.
What's school like there, and what did they care most about you being good at?
Why ask it
The second clause gets you the underlying priorities: exams, obedience, argument, sport. That shapes how people expect to be taught and managed for life.
What's something made in your country, a film, a band, a book, that you'd want me to try?
Why ask it
A concrete recommendation you can actually follow up on, which is worth more than a general discussion of national culture. Write it down in front of them.
What's changed about the country since you left, from what you hear?
Why ask it
Reminds both of you that their country is a moving thing, not a fixed set of customs. It also often opens onto politics or economics on their terms rather than yours.
Where exactly did you grow up, and what would I see standing outside your front door?
Why ask it
A city flat, a village, and a suburb of the capital are three different childhoods, and the name of the country tells you none of that. Starting an interview here gets a picture first, and they can answer it without summing anything up.
How different is your part of the country from the rest of it?
Why ask it
From far away a country looks like one place, and from inside it rarely does. Dialect, weather, and the rivalry with the next city over are things people like explaining, and the answer stops you treating one home town as the whole map.
What languages did you grow up hearing, and which one was used for what?
Why ask it
One language at home, another at school, and a third on television is an ordinary childhood in a lot of places. Who spoke what to whom is a small history of the family, and it is a far better interview question than asking what language they speak there.
What did a big family meal look like when you were a child: who cooked, who came, how long did it last?
Why ask it
They can describe the scene from memory, so nobody has to generalise about family life. Who sat where, and what hour people finally went home, carries more than a direct question about values would.
What did you do in the summers when school was out?
Why ask it
Sent to grandparents in a village, off to the coast, helping in the family shop, or simply outside until dark: long holidays show how a place arranges its children. It is usually a happy subject, which helps if a recorder is running.
What is something every child there learns that I would not know: a song, a game, a saying?
Why ask it
Shared culture arrives here as one small thing they can sing, show, or translate on the spot. If you are writing the conversation up, this is the detail readers remember.
What do people there argue about for fun?
Why ask it
Football clubs, the one correct way to cook a famous dish, which city has the better beach. A friendly argument is a safer way into a country than its politics, and the answer generally comes with a joke you would never have found by yourself.
What would surprise me most if I visited your country for the first time?
Why ask it
Now you are the foreigner and they are the guide, which is a welcome change of direction after a run of questions about them. Expect either a warning or a boast, and ask which it was.
Is there anything you would rather I left out or did not ask about?
Why ask it
Ask it before you begin when the conversation is for a class, a newsletter, or anything else other people will read. Reasons for leaving, family still at home, and immigration status are the usual things to leave alone, and the choice should be theirs.
How would you like me to describe where you are from when I write this up?
Why ask it
Some people name a country, some a city or a region, and some two places at once. Asking spares you choosing a label for them, and it is your chance to check how the place name is spelled and said.
How do you keep in touch with people back home?
Why ask it
Time zones, weekly calls, and group chats are the practical shape of homesickness. The answer often reveals who they are responsible for at a distance.
What would you tell someone from home who was thinking of moving here?
Why ask it
The advice format gets you the frank version, including the parts they would soften if asked about their own experience.
Is there anything you'd want from people here that you don't usually get?
Why ask it
Often something small and repeatable: being invited without having to ask, being spoken to at normal speed, being asked about work rather than about their accent.
Anything I can help with, or introduce you to?
Why ask it
Closes the conversation with an offer rather than more curiosity. Make it specific if you can, since a vague offer is easy to decline and easy to forget.
How to Have This Conversation Without Making It an Interview
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Doing It Well
Ask About Their Life, Not Their Nation
What is your country's attitude to family is an essay nobody wants to write standing up. What was your street like, what did your mother cook, what did you do after school: these are answerable, and the larger picture comes out of them anyway.
Go First
Offer your own answer before asking theirs, especially on anything about etiquette, family, or politics. A conversation in which only one person is explaining their background quickly stops feeling like a conversation.
Two or Three, Not Twenty
Pick a couple that suit the setting and let the rest go. A queue of prepared questions turns a chance meeting into a survey, and the best material generally arrives as a digression from the first answer.
Learn Their Name Properly
Ask them to say it, say it back, and ask if that was right. Accepting a nickname invented for other people's convenience is something plenty of people do for years without being asked whether they mind.
Take the Criticism Without Defending
If you ask what seems rude here, you will hear something about your own country. Say that is interesting rather than explaining why they have misunderstood, or that will be the last honest answer you get.
When You Already Know the Country
Nothing on the list changes when you know in advance where they are from. Questions to ask someone from Spain are the ones you would ask someone from Brazil or Vietnam, with the place name put in; what changes is the temptation to lead with the one thing you have heard about it. Ask what time dinner was in their house before you bring up the siesta.
When It Really Is an Interview
For a class assignment, a school paper, or an oral history, say what it is for before the first question and ask whether you may record or take notes. Offer to send the questions ahead, begin with home town and childhood, which are easy to talk about, and show them what you wrote if they ask to see it.
Common Pitfalls
Where Are You Really From
Asked of someone who has already answered, it says you did not accept the answer. If you are curious about heritage, wait for them to raise it, or ask where they grew up, which is a question about a place rather than about whether they belong.
Opening With Politics or War
A conflict, a regime, or an election at home may be the reason they left, and it is not small talk. Let them bring it up; if they do, ask about their family's situation rather than your opinion of the government.
Asking About Visas and Papers
Immigration status is private, sometimes precarious, and rarely any of your business. If they mention a deadline or an application, you can ask how it is going, which is support rather than an inquiry.
Complimenting the English
Your English is so good is meant kindly and lands as a reminder of being assessed. Better to react to what they said rather than to how they said it.
Treating Them as a Representative
No one person can speak for a country of millions, and being asked to over and over is tiring. Ask what they think, and ask separately whether that view is common where they are from.
Depending on the Setting
Ten Minutes at a Party
- 1How long have you been here, and what brought you
- 2What was the first thing you noticed when you arrived
- 3What word from your language do you wish English had
A New Colleague or Neighbour
- 1What is the hardest ordinary thing to do here
- 2What is the etiquette you had to learn the hard way
- 3What has turned out to be easier here than at home
- 4What do you cook when you are homesick
A Longer Conversation With a Friend
- 1What you miss that is not food or family
- 2What you find yourself defending about home
- 3What living here has changed about how you see it
- 4Whether you think you will stay, and what would decide it
Interview Questions for Someone From Another Country
- 1Is there anything you would rather I left out or did not ask about
- 2Where exactly did you grow up, and what would I see outside your front door
- 3What languages did you grow up hearing, and which one was used for what
- 4What did a big family meal look like when you were a child
- 5What would surprise me most if I visited your country
- 6How would you like me to describe where you are from