Questions to Ask Grandkids
Questions for grandparents to ask grandchildren, from small factual openers for younger children to slower ones for teenagers, with notes on what tends to get a real answer.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What was the best thing that happened at school this week?
Why ask it
Narrower than asking how school is going, which children answer with fine because the question is too big. Naming one thing is a task a six-year-old can complete.
Who did you sit with at lunch?
Why ask it
Lunch seating is the clearest available map of a child's social life, and it is a fact rather than a feeling, so it is easy to answer. A different name every week, or nobody, is worth noticing quietly.
What are you into right now that I know nothing about?
Why ask it
The phrasing hands them expert status, which reverses the usual direction of a conversation with a grandparent. Expect a game, a creator or a sport you will need to ask follow-ups about.
Will you show me how that works so I can understand it?
Why ask it
Explaining something is more comfortable for most children than being asked about themselves, and it buys twenty minutes of shoulder-to-shoulder time. It also means the next visit has a shared topic.
What is something you are good at that grown-ups do not notice?
Why ask it
Adults praise the visible things: grades, goals scored, recitals. This asks about the rest, and the answer is often oddly specific, like being the one who calms the dog.
What is the funniest thing that has happened lately?
Why ask it
Retelling something funny is low risk and puts a child at ease before anything heavier. If they cannot think of anything, that is itself a mild signal about the week they have had.
What do you do when you are bored?
Why ask it
Boredom is where children reveal what they choose without supervision. The answer often differs sharply from what their parents would report as their interests.
What is a rule at home or school that you think is unfair?
Why ask it
Invites disagreement in a safe direction, and children take the offer seriously. Listen without promising to intervene, because relaying it to a parent will cost you the next honest answer.
What is the hardest thing you are working on at the moment?
Why ask it
Hard rather than bad, which lets them describe a struggle without admitting to failing. Their sense of difficulty is often about the social part of school rather than the academic part.
What is something you worry about?
Why ask it
Best asked once trust is warm and sideways, in a car or on a walk. The useful move afterwards is silence, since children usually add the real worry after the first one.
Who do you go to when you are upset?
Why ask it
Tells you who is actually in their support network, which may be a cousin, a teacher or a friend's parent rather than the adults you would expect. If the answer is no one, ask a second, gentler question.
What are you reading, watching or playing that you would recommend to me?
Why ask it
Recommendation is flattering and easier to answer than what is your favorite. It also gives you something you can genuinely follow up on before the next visit.
What do you wish adults would ask you instead of how school is going?
Why ask it
Children have a sharp answer to this and are rarely asked. It usually hands you their real interest, which you can then use for the rest of the year.
What is something you want to get better at?
Why ask it
Aims at effort rather than achievement, so it does not sound like a test. It sometimes reveals a small ambition you can help with directly, which is the point.
What should we do next time you come over?
Why ask it
Treats them as a planner rather than a guest, and their answer is nearly always cheaper and simpler than what adults arrange. Then actually do it, or do not ask.
What do you remember about being little?
Why ask it
Children love being asked to be the keeper of their own history, and their memories rarely match the family's official version. You will learn which visits and habits stuck.
What do you want to know about me when I was your age?
Why ask it
Turns the conversation both ways without lecturing, which is what stories about the past usually become. Answer the question they asked, briefly, and stop.
What is a food you have decided you like now that you used to hate?
Why ask it
A light question that happens to be about changing your own mind, which is a useful thing for a child to notice themselves doing. Works with all ages and at any table.
If you could change one thing about your week, what would it be?
Why ask it
Gets closer to what is actually straining them than asking directly, because it is framed as a wish rather than a complaint. Often the answer is sleep, a schedule or one particular class.
What do you want me to remember about you right now?
Why ask it
A quiet closing question, better with older children, and one that treats this version of them as worth keeping. Whatever they say, write it down the same day.
Getting real answers from grandchildren
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Adjusting for age
Under seven
Keep to one fact per question and expect short answers. Questions attached to an activity work best: ask while building something, walking, or drawing side by side rather than sitting opposite them.
Eight to twelve
This is the age most willing to explain things at length. Lean on the show me how it works questions, and follow up with what is the hardest part, which gets specifics.
Teenagers
Ask fewer questions and leave longer gaps. Anything about friends and worries lands better in a car, and a text asking one small question often gets a longer answer than a visit does.
Conditions that get longer answers
- Side by side and moving: cars, walks, kitchens and workbenches all beat a face-to-face chat.
- One question at a time, then wait. Most children add the real answer after the first pause.
- No phone in your hand, including to look something up. It reads as half attention.
- Ask about this week rather than in general. Recent and specific is answerable; general is not.
- Let them ask you things back, and answer briefly rather than turning it into a story about your childhood.
What closes a child down
Reporting back to their parents
The fastest way to lose candid answers is for something they told you to reappear at home as a rule or a telling off. Unless there is a safety concern, keep it between you.
When I was your age
Used occasionally it is a story; used often it becomes a comparison they cannot win. Ask about their world twice for every time you describe yours.
Questions that are really assessments
Grades, weight, dating and university plans all sound like checks on their performance, however kindly meant. Save them for whenever the child raises the subject.
Correcting the answer
If they say the fair thing is unfair or misremember a family story, let it stand. The aim is to hear how they see it, not to file an accurate record.