20 Questions

Questions to Ask in Family Therapy

Thoughtful questions to ask during family therapy sessions that promote healing, understanding, and stronger family connections.

1

What brought us to family therapy and what do we hope to achieve?

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Why this works

Establishes shared goals and helps everyone understand the purpose of therapy while creating a foundation for the work ahead.

2

How do we currently communicate with each other?

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Why this works

Reveals communication patterns and helps identify areas for improvement while showing awareness of current dynamics.

3

What are the biggest challenges we face as a family?

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Why this works

Identifies key issues that need attention while allowing everyone to voice their concerns and perspectives.

4

What do we appreciate about each other?

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Why this works

Builds positive connections and reminds everyone of the strengths and love that exist within the family.

5

How do we handle conflict and disagreements?

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Why this works

Reveals current conflict resolution strategies and helps identify healthier approaches to managing differences.

6

What are our family values and how do we live them out?

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Why this works

Establishes shared principles and helps align family actions with stated values while creating a foundation for decision-making.

7

How do we support each other during difficult times?

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Why this works

Reveals current support systems and helps identify ways to strengthen family bonds during challenging periods.

8

What boundaries do we need to establish or respect?

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Why this works

Helps create healthy boundaries and respect for individual needs while maintaining family connections.

9

How do we make decisions as a family?

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Why this works

Reveals decision-making processes and helps identify ways to include everyone's input while maintaining family harmony.

10

What traditions or rituals are important to us?

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Why this works

Identifies meaningful family practices and helps strengthen connections through shared experiences and values.

11

How do we handle stress and pressure as a family?

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Why this works

Reveals coping strategies and helps identify ways to support each other during stressful times.

12

What are our individual needs and how can we support them?

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Why this works

Helps each family member feel heard and valued while creating opportunities for mutual support and understanding.

13

How do we celebrate successes and achievements?

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Why this works

Reveals how the family acknowledges positive moments and helps strengthen connections through shared joy.

14

What are our expectations of each other?

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Why this works

Clarifies expectations and helps identify unrealistic or unspoken assumptions that may be causing tension.

15

How do we handle change and transitions?

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Why this works

Reveals the family's approach to change and helps identify strategies for navigating transitions together.

16

What are our individual strengths and how do we use them for the family?

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Why this works

Identifies each person's unique contributions and helps create a sense of value and purpose within the family.

17

How do we handle mistakes and failures?

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Why this works

Reveals the family's approach to learning and growth while helping create a safe environment for making mistakes.

18

What are our hopes and dreams for the future?

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Why this works

Creates shared vision and helps align family goals while providing motivation for positive change.

19

How do we maintain our individual identities while being part of the family?

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Why this works

Balances individual needs with family connections while helping each person feel valued for who they are.

20

What do we need to forgive or let go of to move forward?

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Why this works

Addresses past hurts and helps create opportunities for healing and moving forward as a family.

Best Practices for Family Therapy

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Best Practices

Create a Safe and Non-Judgmental Environment

Ensure everyone feels heard and respected. Avoid blame and focus on understanding and healing rather than assigning fault.

Listen Actively and Show Empathy

Pay attention to each person's perspective and show understanding for their feelings and experiences, even when you disagree.

Focus on Solutions and Positive Change

While acknowledging problems, focus on what can be improved and how the family can work together to create positive change.

Question Sequences

The Foundation Building

1
What brought us to family therapy and what do we hope to achieve?
2
What are our family values and how do we live them out?
3
What do we appreciate about each other?
4
What are our individual strengths and how do we use them for the family?

The Communication Focus

1
How do we currently communicate with each other?
2
How do we handle conflict and disagreements?
3
What boundaries do we need to establish or respect?
4
How do we make decisions as a family?

Common Pitfalls

Don't Focus Only on Problems

While addressing issues is important, also focus on strengths, positive moments, and what's working well in the family.

Avoid Blame and Criticism

Focus on understanding and healing rather than assigning fault. Blame creates defensiveness and hinders progress.

Don't Expect Immediate Results

Family therapy is a process that takes time. Be patient and committed to the work, even when progress seems slow.

Conversation Templates

The Healing Approach

1
Step 1: Start with: "What brought us to family therapy and what do we hope to achieve?"
2
Step 2: Build with: "What do we appreciate about each other?"
3
Step 3: Address with: "What are the biggest challenges we face as a family?"

The Communication Focus

1
Step 1: Begin with: "How do we currently communicate with each other?"
2
Step 2: Explore with: "How do we handle conflict and disagreements?"
3
Step 3: Improve with: "What boundaries do we need to establish or respect?"

Further Reading

"The Family Therapy Workbook" by Kathleen M. Galvin
"Family Therapy: Concepts and Methods" by Michael P. Nichols
"The Family Crucible" by Augustus Y. Napier

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