Questions to Ask Intended Parents
Important questions for surrogates to ask intended parents to ensure a good match and clear expectations throughout the surrogacy journey.
1What are your reasons for choosing surrogacy?
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What are your reasons for choosing surrogacy?
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Why this works
Understanding their journey helps you connect with their story and ensures you're comfortable with their motivations.
2What are your expectations for communication during the pregnancy?
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What are your expectations for communication during the pregnancy?
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Why this works
Clear communication expectations help prevent misunderstandings and ensure everyone feels supported.
3How involved do you want to be in the pregnancy process?
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How involved do you want to be in the pregnancy process?
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Why this works
Understanding their desired level of involvement helps you prepare for appointments, updates, and shared experiences.
4What are your views on medical decisions and interventions?
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What are your views on medical decisions and interventions?
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Why this works
Ensures you're aligned on important medical choices and that your autonomy is respected in healthcare decisions.
5How do you envision the birth experience and hospital stay?
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How do you envision the birth experience and hospital stay?
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Why this works
Understanding birth preferences and hospital arrangements helps ensure everyone's needs are met during delivery.
6What are your plans for the baby after birth?
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What are your plans for the baby after birth?
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Why this works
Understanding their immediate and long-term plans helps you prepare emotionally and practically.
7How do you want to handle the relationship after the birth?
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How do you want to handle the relationship after the birth?
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Why this works
Clarifying post-birth relationship expectations helps prevent confusion and ensures everyone's boundaries are respected.
8What support systems do you have in place?
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What support systems do you have in place?
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Why this works
Understanding their support network helps you feel confident they have the resources and help they need.
9What are your views on termination in case of medical complications?
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What are your views on termination in case of medical complications?
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Why this works
This is a crucial discussion that ensures you're aligned on one of the most difficult decisions that might arise.
10How do you plan to handle the legal aspects of surrogacy?
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How do you plan to handle the legal aspects of surrogacy?
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Why this works
Understanding legal arrangements helps ensure your rights and the baby's rights are properly protected.
11What are your expectations for contact with your child in the future?
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What are your expectations for contact with your child in the future?
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Why this works
Understanding their views on ongoing contact helps you prepare for the long-term emotional aspects of surrogacy.
12How do you want to handle expenses and financial arrangements?
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How do you want to handle expenses and financial arrangements?
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Why this works
Clear financial expectations help prevent conflicts and ensure you're properly compensated for your time and effort.
13What are your views on selective reduction in case of multiples?
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What are your views on selective reduction in case of multiples?
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Why this works
Understanding their position on this sensitive topic helps ensure you're comfortable with potential decisions.
14How do you want to handle the relationship with your family and friends?
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How do you want to handle the relationship with your family and friends?
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Why this works
Understanding their approach to sharing the surrogacy journey helps you navigate social situations.
15What are your expectations for lifestyle during pregnancy?
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What are your expectations for lifestyle during pregnancy?
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Why this works
Understanding their views on diet, exercise, and activities helps ensure you can maintain a healthy pregnancy.
16How do you want to handle any complications or challenges that arise?
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How do you want to handle any complications or challenges that arise?
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Why this works
Understanding their approach to problem-solving helps ensure you can work together through difficulties.
17What are your views on counseling and emotional support?
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What are your views on counseling and emotional support?
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Why this works
Understanding their commitment to emotional support helps ensure you have the resources you need.
18How do you want to document and share the pregnancy journey?
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How do you want to document and share the pregnancy journey?
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Why this works
Understanding their preferences for photos, updates, and documentation helps set appropriate boundaries.
19What are your expectations for the delivery and immediate post-birth period?
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What are your expectations for the delivery and immediate post-birth period?
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Why this works
Understanding their plans for the birth experience helps ensure everyone's needs are considered.
20How do you want to handle any disagreements or conflicts that arise?
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How do you want to handle any disagreements or conflicts that arise?
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Why this works
Understanding their approach to conflict resolution helps ensure you can work through challenges together.
Building a Strong Surrogacy Relationship
Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.
The Matching Process
Take Your Time
Don't rush the matching process. Take time to get to know each other and ensure you're truly compatible.
Ask Follow-up Questions
If something isn't clear, ask for clarification. It's better to ask too many questions than to have misunderstandings later.
Trust Your Instincts
Pay attention to how you feel during conversations. Trust your gut about whether this feels like a good match.
Essential Discussion Areas
Medical and Health
Legal and Financial
Emotional and Relationship
Maintaining Healthy Communication
Regular Check-ins
Schedule regular conversations to discuss how things are going and address any concerns early.
Be Honest About Feelings
Share your feelings openly and encourage them to do the same. Honesty builds trust and prevents resentment.
Respect Boundaries
Honor each other's boundaries and communicate clearly about what you need and what you can offer.