Questions to Ask Kids in Therapy
Twenty questions for clinicians, counselors and parents to use with a child in therapy. The order moves from low-pressure openers to questions about worry, blame and life at home, with notes on how answers tend to run.
The questions
Open any question for the note
If you could be any animal for a day, which one would you pick?
Why ask it
This is a warm-up more than a question: it lets a child practice answering you while nothing is at stake. Note whether the animal is large, fast or hidden, but keep the observation to yourself rather than interpreting it out loud in the room.
If you had a superpower, what would you use it for?
Why ask it
The use matters far more than the power. Protecting someone, escaping somewhere, or undoing something that already happened all point somewhere specific, and following the target is more useful than discussing the power itself.
What is something you are getting good at?
Why ask it
Establishing competence early gives the child something to stand on before harder questions arrive. A child who cannot name anything at all is often hearing a steady stream of correction at home or at school.
What is the best part of a normal day for you?
Why ask it
Asking about a normal day rather than today produces a picture of routine instead of one unrepresentative snapshot. If there is no good part anywhere in the day, that is worth recording as it stands.
Who do you go to when something goes wrong?
Why ask it
This names the support system that actually exists rather than the one adults assume is there. If the only answer is a sibling, a pet or nobody, that changes what you plan next more than most assessment items will.
If your feelings had a color right now, what color would it be?
Why ask it
Useful with children who have little emotion vocabulary, because a color is easier to produce than a feeling word. The value is in the follow-up asking what that color usually means for them, since the meanings are personal and do not carry across children.
If you drew a picture of how today felt, what would be in it?
Why ask it
Describing a picture takes less verbal pressure than describing a feeling, and it gives shy children a subject to point at. Let them narrate what is in it rather than offering your own reading of the image.
Where in your body do you notice it when you are worried?
Why ask it
Younger children usually locate anxiety physically before they can name it, often in the stomach, throat or legs. Once they can point to it, both of you have an early signal to work with instead of only the aftermath.
What happened today that felt good, and what happened that made you mad?
Why ask it
Holding both halves in one question stops the session from becoming only an inventory of bad things. The events they select show what counts as big to them, which is often not what the referral letter emphasized.
If your worry was a creature, what would it look like?
Why ask it
Putting the worry outside the child gives them something to describe, argue with and shrink, rather than something they are. Ask about its size and whether it can be talked to, since both give you material for later sessions.
What helps when you feel like that, even a little?
Why ask it
This asks for the coping that already exists instead of introducing a new technique. Answers tend to be concrete, such as being left alone, holding a pet or having music on, and those are easier to protect than anything you would teach from scratch.
What makes it worse?
Why ask it
The triggers children name are usually small and specific: noise, being rushed, being asked something in front of other people. These are more actionable than any general description of the difficulty.
Who at home is easiest to talk to, and who is hardest?
Why ask it
Framed as a comparison, this is far easier to answer than a direct question about conflict, and it does not require the child to accuse anyone. The hardest person named is often not the one the adults expected.
If you had a magic wand and could change one thing at home, what would it be?
Why ask it
The fantasy frame removes any duty to be realistic or loyal, which is why it works when direct questions do not. What they choose shows where they think the trouble sits, which may differ sharply from the presenting concern.
What do grown-ups get wrong about you?
Why ask it
A child who feels routinely misread answers this quickly and specifically, often naming one recurring misinterpretation rather than a general grievance. Do not correct the example, even if you know the adult in question meant well.
What do you wish was different about school?
Why ask it
School occupies most of a child's week, so problems there often explain behavior that gets attributed to home. Listen for whether the wish is about work, a person, or the unstructured parts of the day such as lunch and corridors.
Is there something that scares you that you have not told anybody about?
Why ask it
The phrasing leaves them free to decline, which is what makes a yes worth anything. A pause before a no is worth returning to in a later session rather than pressing on in the moment.
Is there anything you think is your fault?
Why ask it
Children in the middle of separation, illness or loss frequently carry blame that nobody assigned them and nobody has thought to lift. Leaving the question unasked can leave that belief in place for years.
How do you know when somebody loves you?
Why ask it
Asking for evidence rather than feelings produces concrete answers: she makes my lunch, he comes to my games. It tells you which gestures actually register with this child, which is directly useful to the adults around them.
If there is one thing you want me to remember from today, what is it?
Why ask it
A closing question that hands the child control of the takeaway. What they pick is frequently not what an adult would have chosen, and the gap between the two is worth noting before the next session.
Using These Questions with a Child
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you start
Say what happens to the answers
Tell the child at the outset who you will and will not tell, in plain words and including the limits. Children calibrate what they say to what they think will be reported, so an accurate explanation gets you better information than a reassuring one.
Ask without the subject of the question present
Questions about who is hardest to talk to at home cannot be answered honestly with that person in the room. If a parent has joined the session, hold those items for a separate part of it.
Give them a way to stop
Agree a signal, a word or a pass card, that means skip this one. Children use it far less than adults expect, and having it available is part of why they answer the harder items at all.
Keep something in their hands
Drawing, Lego, a fidget or cards lower the demand of eye contact and often lengthen answers. The activity does not need to relate to the question.
In the room
Do not interpret metaphors back at them
If a child says the worry is a large gray dog, stay inside the image and ask what it does and when it appears. Translating it into feeling words usually ends the metaphor and the disclosure with it.
Ask what happened before how it felt
Events are easier to report than emotions, and the emotion tends to arrive on its own a few sentences into the account. Leading with the feeling word often gets whichever one they have learned adults accept.
Wait longer than feels comfortable
Children need several seconds to retrieve and several more to decide whether to say it. Filling the gap with a rephrase resets that process, and the second version of a question is usually worse than the first.
Write down their words, not your paraphrase
Exact phrasing matters if the material is ever revisited, quoted to a parent, or read by anyone else. A paraphrase carries your interpretation into the record without marking it as one.
Common mistakes
Running the list in order as a questionnaire
Three or four questions is a session. Working through twenty in one sitting turns the process into an interview, and children answer interviews briefly and defensively.
Reassuring too early
Moving to it will be fine as soon as something difficult appears reads as a request to stop talking. Acknowledge it first and stay with it before offering any comfort.
Missing the point at which this stops being a conversation
If an answer indicates harm, abuse or risk to the child, the conversation becomes a safeguarding matter and follows your local reporting duties rather than this list. Note the exact words and stop asking investigative follow-up questions.
Parents using these as a substitute for treatment
A parent can ask most of these at home to stay in contact with what a child is carrying. They do not replace assessment or treatment, and a child who is not eating, sleeping or attending school needs a clinician rather than better questions.