Questions to Ask a Nanny Family
Questions to ask a nanny family when you are the one being hired. The nanny interview questions to ask the family come first: the children, the day, the hours and the duties, then the rules you would be keeping, the home you would work in, pay and time off, and how the parents handle problems. A last group holds the questions to ask the parents when nannying for them has begun, in the first week, when the interview answers meet a real Tuesday. For nannies deciding whether a job is what the ad says it is, and for anyone unsure what to ask an employer as a nanny when that employer is a household that may never have hired before.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
The Job
Tell me about your children: how old are they, and what is each of them like?
Why ask it
Ages set the job: a baby, a three-year-old and a nine-year-old are three different days. After that, listen to how each child is described: as a personality or as a schedule, and whether one gets three sentences while another gets four words.
Can you walk me through a normal day, from when I arrive to when I leave?
Why ask it
A day told in order brings out the work nobody listed: a school run that needs a car, a baby who wakes at eleven, an hour of tidying that was never in the ad. Stop them at any gap and ask what happens between, say, two and four.
Which days and hours would I work, and how often does that change?
Why ask it
Get the schedule as days and clock times, then ask about last month: how many evenings ran over, how many mornings started early. A family on shifts or with a traveling parent can describe a tidy week that has not actually happened since spring.
Which household jobs are part of this role, and which are not?
Why ask it
'Just the children's things' can mean their laundry and lunch dishes or the whole family's, so have the jobs named one by one. Then ask what happens to those jobs on a day when a child is sick and needs you constantly, which shows whether housework comes on top of care or gives way to it.
Why are you looking for a nanny now?
Why ask it
A new baby, a parent going back to work, a daycare that closed and a nanny who quit are four different jobs. If someone held the job before you, ask how long they stayed and why it ended, and notice whether the previous nanny carries all of the blame in the telling.
How does handover work at the start and the end of the day?
Why ask it
Ten minutes of talk at the door each evening is part of the working day, so find out whether your paid hours include it. Then ask how often a parent gets home after the agreed time, and what happened the last time one did.
What happens during school breaks and on days when the children are home all day?
Why ask it
A job built around school pickup becomes full days with every child in the house. Settle now whether the hours and the pay change for those weeks, and who plans and pays for the outings that fill them.
How long do you expect to need a nanny?
Why ask it
Families usually know whether they are hiring until preschool starts, until a move, or for the foreseeable future, and it does not always come up unless you ask. A short job is fine if you know it is short, and it changes what you should accept: there is little reason to take a lower rate for stability that ends in June.
Would I ever be looking after children who are not yours, such as cousins, friends' children or a nanny share?
Why ask it
Extra children tend to arrive informally: a neighbor's child after school, a cousin for the summer. Each one is more work and more responsibility, so agree now that you are asked first and paid for it. A formal nanny share has two employers and deserves a conversation of its own.
Is anything about the household likely to change in the next year?
Why ask it
A move, a new job, a baby on the way or a child changing schools would each rewrite your commute, your hours or your workload. Put it as a planning question and leave them room to say only what they want to. Do not press on pregnancy: 'possibly a sibling at some point' is all you need to hear.
When would you want me to start, and what would the first week look like?
Why ask it
The start date tells you whether you can give proper notice where you are now. The first week matters as much: a few paid days alongside a parent or the outgoing nanny is how you learn where things are kept and how each child likes to be settled.
The Children
What does each of them love doing, and what bores them within five minutes?
Why ask it
This is your activity plan for the first month, handed over free, and it shows whether the parents know how the children spend their days or only their evenings. If every answer is a screen, ask what they liked before the tablet arrived, and start there.
How much of the children's week is already planned, and where can I take them without asking first?
Why ask it
Some parents hand you a full schedule of classes and some hand you an empty week and expect ideas. Then get the boundary for outings: the park, the library, a friend's house, the bus into town. A list of places that need no message saves a dozen texts a week.
What are the naps and bedtimes, and how firm are they?
Why ask it
Sleep decides the shape of your day and whether you get any break at all. When a parent calls naps flexible, check what they expect of you if one is missed, and whether a late nap that wrecks bedtime would be held against you.
What are they allowed to eat, and what should I do if a meal gets refused?
Why ask it
The rule the parents state and what the child will actually eat are often two different things. Get the instruction for a refused dinner in particular: offer something else, wait it out, or leave it until the next meal.
What is the rule on screens, and who holds the line when they argue about it?
Why ask it
Screen rules are easy to state and hard to keep. The enforcement half is what matters: if the parents give in when pushed and you do not, you become the strict one, which buys you a difficult afternoon every day.
What does discipline look like in your house, and is there anything you never want me to do?
Why ask it
Have them describe the last real incident and what they did about it, since a named philosophy and an actual Tuesday are often far apart. Then go through what is off the table, whether that is a raised voice, a time-out or taking a toy away, so that you learn their limits before you cross one by accident.
How would you like me to handle it when one of them flatly refuses to do something?
Why ask it
Pick a real case, such as shoes, the car seat or the bath, and ask what the parents do themselves. You are listening for whether you get a method you may use or an instruction to fetch a parent, because a child who sees you fetch a parent once learns to wait for it.
When one of them cries for you after you leave, what usually works?
Why ask it
Every child has a version of this, and parents usually know the fix: a wave from the window, a particular toy, a quick exit with no looking back. Find out whether they would rather hear how long it lasted or be spared. It is a tender subject, and the way they answer shows how they feel about leaving.
Which milestones are coming up while I would be here: potty training, dropping a nap, starting school?
Why ask it
Whatever is next, a good share of it will fall to you, because it happens in daytime hours. Ask what method they plan to use and whether they will keep to it on weekends, since potty training done one way on weekdays and another on Saturday tends to drag on for everybody.
If they are at school, how much of the homework and reading practice is mine?
Why ask it
Supervising homework at the kitchen table while a toddler wants dinner is its own skill, and some parents would rather do it themselves at night. Ask what to do when a child refuses, and whether they want it finished at any cost or simply want to know how far it got.
Are there allergies, medications or health conditions, and where is everything kept?
Why ask it
You need locations and doses as well as diagnoses, and to be shown before your first day how the inhaler or the epinephrine pen is used. If nobody can say where it is kept, take that as a real warning about how the household runs.
What do you want me to do if one of them gets hurt or spikes a fever?
Why ask it
You want thresholds, not philosophy: what temperature triggers a call, what is worth pulling a parent out of a meeting, whether you may give medicine, and who comes home. Working this out during an actual fever is far worse.
If something serious happens and I cannot reach either of you, who do I call?
Why ask it
Get names and numbers for a second adult, the children's doctor and a neighbor who is usually home, and keep them on paper as well as in your phone. Whether a clinic will treat a child who arrives with a nanny differs from place to place, so ask if the parents have signed anything that lets you agree to care on their behalf.
Do any of the children have additional needs, therapy sessions or a support plan I would be part of?
Why ask it
Speech therapy exercises, a sensory routine or a behavior plan from school can take a real share of the day and need doing the same way by everyone. Ask to see anything written and to meet the therapist once if that is possible, and be honest about what you have and have not done before.
Is anything going on for the children at the moment that I should know about?
Why ask it
A recent upheaval changes behavior, and parents sometimes leave out a separation, a bereavement, a house move or a new baby out of privacy. Knowing in advance means you read a hard first two weeks correctly instead of as your own failure.
Are there values, faith practices or family customs you want me to keep up with them?
Why ask it
Grace before meals, a language spoken at home, no pork, no Santa, please and thank you every time: families assume these are obvious and they are not. If you would be asked to take part in something you do not share, or to leave out something you normally do, it is far easier to say so now.
The Home
Who else is in and out of the house during the day?
Why ask it
A cleaner on Thursdays, a grandmother who drops in, contractors for the next two months: each one changes your day. Ask which of them the children know well, and whether any of them is there to help with the children or only needs letting in.
Will either of you be working from home while I am with the children?
Why ask it
A parent on calls upstairs means quiet play below the office and children who know where to go when you say no. Settle what should happen when a child wants that parent mid-morning, and whether the parent will join lunch or stay out of sight until the day ends.
Who is allowed to pick the children up, and can a grandparent or another adult change what you have told me?
Why ask it
Have the people who may take a child listed by name before the day someone appears at the door or the school gate saying they were sent. The second part is about your standing: if a grandparent overrules the nap or the snack rule, you need to know whether to go along with it or message a parent.
Would I be driving them anywhere, and in whose car?
Why ask it
With their car, ask who is named on the insurance policy and what happens after a scrape in a parking lot. With your own, agree a mileage rate in writing and check with your insurer whether your coverage includes driving for work, because policies differ.
Whose car seats would I be using, and who installs them?
Why ask it
A seat moved between cars every morning gets installed badly sooner or later, so ask whether there is a set for the car you would drive and who adjusts it as the children grow. Raise the plan for a taxi or a friend's car as well. The rules on seats differ by country and state, and it is fair to ask which ones the family follows.
Are there cameras or monitors in the house that record?
Why ask it
Many homes have them, and a parent who is comfortable with theirs will simply tell you where they are. Put it matter-of-factly, since the point is to know, and you can decide afterwards how you feel. What is allowed, especially for sound and for private rooms, depends on where you live, so check locally if an answer bothers you.
Are there animals in the house, and who looks after them during my hours?
Why ask it
Letting a dog out at noon is a small favor, and still worth naming so it does not grow into vet runs and grooming. The more important half is the children: ask whether the animal has ever snapped or scratched, and where it goes when a toddler gets grabby. An allergy of your own belongs in this answer too.
When is it fine for me to use my phone, and may I take photos of the children?
Why ask it
Assume the answer on posting is no and ask anyway, including about group chats with other nannies. For your own phone, get an actual rule, such as calls at nap time only, so that a parent walking in while you answer a message is not left wondering.
What are the house rules for me: rooms that are off limits, food from the fridge, visitors?
Why ask it
These feel too small to raise and cause real awkwardness when guessed wrong. Whether lunch is provided or you bring your own deserves a straight answer, since it is a daily cost. On visitors, the case that actually comes up is another nanny coming over with the children she looks after.
How do I get in and lock up, and what should I do if the alarm goes off?
Why ask it
You will be the one standing at the door with a sleeping baby when the code fails, so ask for a practice run before your first day. Find out what happens after the alarm trips as well: whose phone it calls, and what you are expected to say or do.
Is there anything about the house or yard I should know for safety?
Why ask it
Pools, ponds, a staircase without a gate, a window that opens wide, a medicine drawer at toddler height. Parents stop seeing hazards they live with, so ask to walk the rooms the children use. Offer to say what you notice, and see whether that is welcomed.
If the job is live-in, which space would be mine, and when am I off duty?
Why ask it
A room only counts as yours if you can close the door on it, so ask about the bathroom, visitors and whether the children are allowed in. Off duty needs clock times as well, because a nanny who is in the house when a child wakes at night gets treated as available unless something else was agreed. How room and board count toward pay is handled differently from place to place, so ask how this family plans to do it.
Pay and Terms
What is the pay, and is that figure before or after tax?
Why ask it
Raise it early, ideally on the first call, and get it as an hourly figure even if they think in weeks, so that a long day can be priced. Before-tax and take-home numbers get mixed up easily, and an offer cannot be compared with another until you know which one you were given.
How would I be paid: through payroll, how often, and on what day?
Why ask it
Being on the books gives you pay stubs, a work history and whatever protections apply where you live. A family that has never employed anyone may not know how it works, so ask whether they plan to use a payroll service. How household employment is taxed differs by country and state, and an employer who has already looked it up is a good sign.
Are my hours guaranteed in the weeks you do not need me?
Why ask it
Grandparents visit, parents take a week off, the family goes away, and without this agreed your pay drops through no choice of yours. Many nannies ask to be paid for their set hours whenever they are available to work them. Hear this family's answer before you count on the weekly figure.
What happens when you run late or need an extra evening: how is that paid?
Why ask it
You are after two things: the rate for extra time and how it gets counted. Agree that the clock runs until a parent has actually taken over, in fifteen-minute steps or whatever you settle on. Overtime rules for household workers vary a great deal by place, so ask what applies to you both.
How much paid vacation would I have, and who picks the weeks?
Why ask it
A common trap is leave that only exists when the family is away, which means your time off is spent on their calendar. Ask for some weeks that are yours to choose, with notice, and ask what happens to your pay when they travel beyond the weeks you have agreed.
Which holidays would I have off, and are they paid?
Why ask it
Name the days one by one, including the awkward ones around the end of the year when offices close early and schools are shut. Parents in hospitals, shops and restaurants may need you on exactly those days, which is workable at a rate agreed ahead of time.
What happens if I am sick and cannot come in?
Why ask it
Two answers matter here: the number of paid sick days and the family's backup plan, because a family with no backup leans on the nanny to come in coughing. Ask who they would call at seven in the morning, and if the answer is nobody, expect pressure every time you are unwell.
If one of the children is sick, do you still want me here?
Why ask it
Looking after a child with a cold is usually part of the job, and part of the point of having a nanny. A stomach bug or something more contagious is a fair place to draw a line, and to ask what happens to your pay if you catch it from them.
How do I pay for things during the day, such as outings, groceries and parking?
Why ask it
Fronting the money yourself and waiting to be repaid is an interest-free loan to your employer. A prepaid card or an envelope of cash with receipts is cleaner. Ask for a rough weekly figure too, so you know whether the trampoline park is an ordinary Tuesday or a treat.
Would I ever travel with you, or stay overnight while you are away?
Why ask it
Both are extra work, however pleasant the destination. For trips, ask about your hours, your own room and who pays for what. For overnights, ask for the rate while the children sleep and whether saying no to a particular date would be a problem.
Do you offer anything on top of pay, such as health insurance, a transit pass or help with training?
Why ask it
A family may not think of it unprompted, and some are glad to be asked. A paid first aid refresher, money toward insurance or a monthly pass can be easier for them to say yes to than a higher rate. Ask how it would be handled on your pay stub, since the tax treatment is not the same everywhere.
Are you insured for someone working in your home, and what happens if I am hurt on the job?
Why ask it
Lifting toddlers and carrying strollers down steps is physical work, and backs do go. Some places require an employer to carry coverage for household staff and some do not, so ask what they have and look up what applies locally. A blank look is your cue to raise it again before signing.
Will there be a written agreement, and can I take it home to read before I decide?
Why ask it
A written agreement mostly protects the goodwill: it is what you both look at in month five when nobody remembers what was said about the dog. If they have none, offer to draft one from your notes of this conversation. Should they prefer not to put ordinary terms on paper, ask which part they would leave out, and you will know which promise is soft.
Could we do a paid trial day or week before either of us commits?
Why ask it
Frame it as good for them too, since they see you with the children and not across a table. Agree the rate and the length beforehand. A family that wants several unpaid days of 'seeing how it goes' has shown you how they value your time.
When would my pay be reviewed, and what happens to it if another child arrives?
Why ask it
A date agreed now, usually the anniversary, spares you from having to open the subject cold. A new baby is the clearest case for a higher rate and the one most often left unsaid until the baby is home. Settling it in advance is easier for everyone than renegotiating with a newborn in the house.
How much notice would each of us give if this had to end?
Why ask it
Put as a practical matter, this rarely offends. Whatever period you settle on should run both ways and be written down, and what the law requires on top differs by place. Ask too what happens to your pay if they end it sooner, since jobs move and children start school.
Working With You
How do you want to hear about the day: messages as we go, a note, or a conversation at the end?
Why ask it
Some parents want a photo at every meal, and others feel watched by a phone that keeps buzzing through a meeting. Agree the format now, along with what counts as worth interrupting them for, so that a quiet day does not read as secrecy or a chatty one as pestering.
What did your last nanny do that you would want me to keep doing, and what would you change?
Why ask it
Both halves are useful. What they want kept shows what actually gets valued here, and what they would change is the complaint you will eventually be measured against. If there was no previous nanny, ask what they expect to find hard about having one.
How would you describe the nanny you are hoping to find?
Why ask it
Listen for the first thing they say. Someone calm, someone who takes charge, someone who teaches, someone who fits in quietly: these are different people, and you are only one of them. If their picture is not you, it is kinder to both sides to notice it now.
If the two of you give me different instructions, whose do I follow?
Why ask it
One parent says no snacks before dinner and the other hands over a banana: it comes up sooner than anyone expects. You need a default, and a way to flag the conflict that does not put you between them. With one parent in the house, ask the same about a grandparent or a co-parent in a second home.
When something about my work bothers you, how will you tell me?
Why ask it
This is far easier to ask before there is anything to raise. A parent who can name how they would do it, a word that evening or a message on the weekend, has probably done it before. An uncomfortable pause is worth noting, because complaints that are never voiced tend to arrive all at once.
If I notice something about one of the children that worries me, how would you like me to bring it up?
Why ask it
You will see the daytime child: the one who hits at the playground, has stopped napping or does not seem to hear well from across the room. Some parents want every observation and some take it as criticism. Agree a time and a place for these, away from the doorstep and out of the children's hearing.
Could we put a check-in in the calendar after the first month?
Why ask it
A set half hour with no children in the room gives both sides a place to bring up small things: the handover running long, the snack cupboard, a rule that is not working. Without one, the only time to talk is the doorway at six, when everyone wants to be somewhere else.
Which part of the day do you find hardest with them yourselves?
Why ask it
Parents tend to answer this one frankly, because it is about them and not about you. Whatever they name, the hour before dinner or getting out the door, is probably the part they most want taken off their hands, so think through how you would handle it before your first day.
A year from now, what would make you say this worked?
Why ask it
This asks for their measure of success, which is often not the obvious one: a settled child, a calm house, a parent who can get through a workday uninterrupted. It is what you will be judged on whether or not anyone says so.
May I speak to someone who has looked after your children before?
Why ask it
They will probably call your references, and this is the same check running the other way. A previous nanny or regular sitter can tell you whether pay came on time and whether the hours held. If there have been several and none can be reached, ask how each arrangement ended.
What happens next, and when do you expect to decide?
Why ask it
End on this so you leave with a date instead of a vague promise to be in touch. If you have other interviews, say so plainly, since a family that wants you will need to know. Send a short message that evening listing what you understood about hours and pay, which puts the terms in writing early.
First Week
What has the morning been like so far: when did they wake, what have they eaten, and has anyone had medicine?
Why ask it
A dose given at seven is the detail that matters most, since a second one from you at nine is exactly what a handover exists to prevent. A short night or a skipped breakfast also explains most of a difficult morning before you take it personally.
Have you told the school or nursery that I will be collecting, and what will they want from me?
Why ask it
Schools and nurseries often keep a list of approved adults and may ask for photo ID or a password the first time. Go once with a parent in the first week if you can, so the staff at the gate have seen your face before you turn up alone.
Do the children have their own words for things that I should learn?
Why ask it
A toddler asking for 'bobo' at nap time wants something specific, and ten minutes of wrong guesses is hard on both of you. Write down the names for the blanket, the cup, the toilet and each grandparent.
What should I say when one of them asks where you are or when you will be back?
Why ask it
Small children ask this many times a day and remember what they were told. 'After your nap' is only a good answer if it is true, so get the real time and the wording the parents use themselves.
This week, would you rather I check with you when I am unsure, or decide and tell you afterwards?
Why ask it
Both answers are reasonable and families differ, which is why guessing goes wrong. A parent who wants to be asked can be messaged ten times in the first week without it counting against you, and that number should fall quickly once you know the house.
When they are asleep or at school and the jobs are done, is that time mine?
Why ask it
Nap time at the interview was a guess, and by Wednesday you know whether it holds an hour of laundry or twenty minutes of quiet. Raise it before a parent walks in and finds you sitting down. Rest breaks for people employed in a home are handled differently from place to place, so ask how this family sees it.
Is there anything you still need from me for the paperwork: ID, bank details, a signed copy of the agreement?
Why ask it
A household that is new to being an employer may not know what it has to collect, and what that is differs by country and state. Offer the documents before you are chased for them, and keep your own copy of anything you sign.
Did the children say anything about the day after I left?
Why ask it
Children report at bedtime what they would never say to you: that the toast was cut wrong, that you sang the song they like. Treat it as information and not a verdict. Asking also tells the parents you want the children's side as well as theirs.
Now that I have done a few days, what am I doing differently from how you would do it?
Why ask it
Asked on Thursday or Friday, this catches habits while they are three days old. Expect small things: how the bottle is warmed, which door you use, how long the goodbye takes. If the answer is 'nothing', offer one thing you were unsure about, which makes it easier for them to add theirs.
Has anything we agreed at the interview turned out different in practice, on your side or mine?
Why ask it
Hours that stretch, a job added, a handover that takes twenty minutes when five were planned: drift shows early. Naming it now, while everyone is still being careful with each other, is a far smaller conversation than raising it once it has become the routine.
Interviewing a family, not just being interviewed
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
What this conversation is for
A family interview has two jobs: finding out whether you can work in this house, and finding out whether the terms are real. The first is the easier one to do well. The second gets skipped out of politeness, and that is how an unpaid handover hour and extra housework turn up in month two. Ask the practical questions in the same tone as the questions about the children. If a family bristles at being asked about hours and pay in an interview, expect the same when you raise them as an employee.
Which questions matter for which job
- A baby under one: sleep, feeding, illness and the handover. The day has little structure of its own, so the parents' routine is the job.
- School-age children: the work sits at the two ends of the day and in the school breaks. Hours, driving, homework and those full weeks carry most of the weight.
- A family that has never employed anyone: spend longest on Pay and Terms. They may not have thought about quiet weeks, sick days or payroll, and you may be the one raising each of them.
- A parent working from home: start with The Home, and settle where that parent will be at lunch and at nap time.
- A live-in job: the room, the off-duty hours, overnights and travel come before the rate, because they decide what the rate is paying for.
- A family that has had several nannies: go to Working With You, and ask to speak to one of them.
- A job you have already accepted: First Week holds the questions to ask the parents when nannying has begun. Take one or two a day at the door, not the whole group on Monday.
- Nobody gets through a list this long in one sitting. Mark the ten you could not accept the job without, ask those aloud, and let the rest be answered as the family talks or by the written agreement.
Settle in writing before you accept
- Hours, and whether they are guaranteed when the family travels or the children are elsewhere.
- The rate, stated as gross or net, and the pay date.
- What counts as overtime and what it pays.
- Paid time off, who picks the dates, and what happens on public holidays.
- Sick pay for you, and what happens when a child is contagious.
- Notice on both sides, and a date to review pay.
- Mileage, expenses, and how you get money back for outings and groceries.
Warning signs during the interview
- Being told you will be 'part of the family' whenever you ask about terms. Warmth is not a substitute for hours and pay.
- Refusing payroll and insisting on cash. It can leave you without documented income or any record of the job, and what the law says about it depends on where you work.
- Two or three nannies in the last two years, with no clear account of why each left.
- Hours described as roughly this or that, and a shrug when you ask how often pickup runs late.
- A job that grows during the interview itself: laundry, then the dog, then the older child's homework, at the same rate.
- Not being introduced to the children at all before an offer.
On a trial day
Ask for it to be paid
A working day with the children shows both sides more than an interview can, and it is work. Half a day at the rate you have discussed is a reasonable ask. Agree the hours and the amount before you arrive, so nobody is working it out at the door.
Watch the parents, not just the children
Note whether they hover, whether they contradict what they told you in the interview, and how they speak to each other under mild pressure. That is the atmosphere you would be working in every day.
Keep one rule exactly as you were told it
Hold the screen limit or the mealtime rule the way the parents described it, and see what happens when the child protests and a parent is within earshot. Being backed up in that moment, or quietly overruled, is a fair preview of an ordinary week.
Write your notes the same evening
Detail fades fast and families blur together. Note the things that were vague rather than the things that were charming, then ask about those before you accept.