Questions to Ask Nanny Family
Twenty questions for a nanny to ask a prospective family, covering the children, the daily routine, household duties, driving, screens, food, sleep, and how the parents handle problems with your work. Written for nannies deciding whether a job is what the advert says it is.
The questions
Open any question for the note
Tell me about each of your children. What is each of them like?
Why ask it
Start here because it is the question parents most want to answer, and the shape of the reply tells you a great deal: whether they describe personalities or only ages and schedules, and whether one child gets three sentences while another gets four words.
Can you walk me through a normal day, from when I arrive to when I leave?
Why ask it
Ask for the day in sequence rather than for a job description. This is where unlisted work appears: a school run that needs a car, a baby who wakes at eleven, an hour of tidying that was never in the ad.
What do the first and last fifteen minutes of the day usually look like?
Why ask it
Handover is where nanny jobs quietly overrun. Ask whether they expect to leave on the hour or talk first, and how often pickup slips, because unpaid handover time adds up to whole days across a year.
Who else is in and out of the house during the day?
Why ask it
Cleaners, grandparents, contractors and housemates all change the job. Another adult in the house means less autonomy and more people with opinions about how the children are handled.
Will either of you be working from home while I am with the children?
Why ask it
This is the biggest single variable in a nanny job. A parent upstairs on calls means quiet play, interruptions and children who go looking for them. Ask exactly what should happen when a child wants their parent mid-morning.
How would you like me to handle it when one of them flatly refuses to do something?
Why ask it
Refusal is the moment a nanny either has authority or does not. Listen for whether you are given a method or expected to fetch a parent. A family who has never considered it will improvise the first time, usually in front of the child.
What is the rule on screens, and who holds the line when they argue about it?
Why ask it
Screen rules are easy to state and hard to keep. The enforcement half is what matters: if the parents give in when pushed and you do not, you become the strict one, which buys you a difficult afternoon every day.
What are they allowed to eat, and what should I do if a meal gets refused?
Why ask it
Food is where many nanny arrangements first go wrong, because the parents' rule and the child's habit are not the same thing. Get the instruction for the refused dinner specifically: alternatives, wait it out, or nothing until morning.
What are the naps and bedtimes, and how firm are they?
Why ask it
Sleep decides the shape of your day and whether you get any break at all. A parent who says naps are flexible often means flexible for them and fixed for you, so ask what happens if a nap is missed.
Are there allergies, medications or health conditions, and where is everything kept?
Why ask it
Ask for locations and doses, not only diagnoses, and ask to be shown before your first day. Vagueness here, particularly about an inhaler or an epinephrine pen, says something serious about the household.
What do you want me to do if one of them gets hurt or spikes a fever?
Why ask it
You want thresholds, not philosophy: what temperature triggers a call, what warrants an interruption in a meeting, whether you may give medicine, and who collects the child. Working this out during an actual fever is far worse.
How do you want to hear about the day: messages as we go, a note, or a conversation at the end?
Why ask it
Reporting style is a routine source of friction. Some parents want photos through the day and others find it intrusive. Agreeing the format now stops it reading later as either secrecy or pestering.
Which household jobs are part of this role, and which are not?
Why ask it
The first answer is usually 'just the children's things', which then expands. Ask what happens to those jobs on a day when a child is ill and needs you constantly, since that shows whether housework sits on top of care or instead of it.
Would I be driving them anywhere, and in whose car?
Why ask it
Driving changes insurance, wear on your own car and your exposure if anything happens. If it is their car, ask who is named on the policy. If it is yours, agree a mileage rate and put it in writing.
What happens in school holidays and on days when the children are home all day?
Why ask it
Holidays are a different job at the same rate, usually with all the children in the house together. Ask now whether they expect longer hours, paid outings, or you covering costs and claiming them back.
How should I handle other adults: grandparents, playdates, other nannies at the park?
Why ask it
This tells you how much independence you have outside the house and whether a grandparent can overrule you. It also settles who is allowed to collect the children, which you need to know before someone turns up at the door.
What did your last nanny do that you would want me to keep doing, and what would you change?
Why ask it
Both halves are useful. What they want kept shows what actually gets valued here, and what they would change is the complaint you will eventually be measured against. If there was no previous nanny, ask what they expect to find hard about having one.
When something about my work bothers you, how will you tell me?
Why ask it
Ask this before you need it. Families who say they would raise it that week usually do. Families who look uncomfortable tend to let things accumulate and then deliver everything at once, or end the arrangement with no warning.
A year from now, what would make you say this worked?
Why ask it
This asks for their measure of success, which is often not the obvious one: a settled child, a calm house, a parent who can get through a workday uninterrupted. It is what you will be judged on whether or not anyone says so.
Is anything going on for the children at the moment that I should know about?
Why ask it
A recent upheaval changes behavior, and parents sometimes leave out a separation, a bereavement, a house move or a new baby out of privacy. Knowing in advance means you read a hard first fortnight correctly instead of as your own failure.
Interviewing a family, not just being interviewed
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
What this conversation is for
A family interview has two jobs: finding out whether you can work in this house, and finding out whether the terms are real. Most nannies do the first well and skip the second, then discover the unpaid handover hour and the housework in month two. Ask the practical questions in the same tone as the questions about the children. Any family that reacts badly to being asked about hours and pay has told you something useful for free.
Settle in writing before you accept
- Hours, and whether they are guaranteed when the family travels or the children are elsewhere.
- The rate, stated as gross or net, and the pay date.
- What counts as overtime and what it pays.
- Paid time off, who picks the dates, and what happens on public holidays.
- Sick pay for you, and what happens when a child is contagious.
- Notice on both sides, and a date to review pay.
- Mileage, expenses, and how you get money back for outings and groceries.
Warning signs during the interview
- Being told you will be 'part of the family' whenever you ask about terms. Warmth is not a substitute for hours and pay.
- Refusing payroll and insisting on cash. It leaves you with no documented income and no record if the job ends.
- Two or three nannies in the last two years, with no clear account of why each left.
- Hours described as roughly this or that, and a shrug when you ask how often pickup runs late.
- A job that grows during the interview itself: laundry, then the dog, then the older child's homework, at the same rate.
- Not being introduced to the children at all before an offer.
On a trial day
Ask for it to be paid
A working day with the children is worth more than any interview, and a family that expects it unpaid is setting a pattern. Half a day at your normal rate is a reasonable ask and most organized families offer it first.
Watch the parents, not just the children
Note whether they hover, whether they contradict what they told you in the interview, and how they speak to each other under mild pressure. That is the atmosphere you would be working in every day.
Test one rule on purpose
Hold the screen limit or the mealtime rule exactly as described and see what happens when the child protests and a parent is within earshot. Whether they back you is the single most predictive thing you will learn.
Write your notes the same evening
Detail fades fast and families blur together. Note the things that were vague rather than the things that were charming, then ask about those before you accept.