Questions to Ask Nanny Reference
Twenty questions for a single reference call with a nanny's former employer, moving from dates and duties to how she handled a bad day, timekeeping, and whether the family would hire her again. Includes how to run the call and how to read a careful answer.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How long did she work for you, and how did the job end?
Why ask it
Open with facts you can compare against what she told you, then let the ending unfold on its own. A reference who describes the end vaguely, or says the arrangement simply changed, is often being polite about something you would want to know.
How old were the children then, and what hours did she do?
Why ask it
Ages and hours decide whether the experience transfers. Someone excellent with a seven year old three afternoons a week has not necessarily done fifty-hour weeks with a baby, and a reference will not think to draw that distinction unprompted.
What did a normal day with her look like?
Why ask it
Asking for the shape of the day produces concrete detail instead of praise. If a former employer cannot describe what happened between nine and three, they may not have been in any position to observe the job closely.
Which of your children was hardest to manage, and how did she handle them?
Why ask it
Every household has a harder child, and naming one lets the reference be specific. Listen for an actual method. 'She was very patient' is what people say when nothing particular comes to mind.
Can you tell me about a time something went wrong while she was in charge?
Why ask it
Over months of childcare something always goes wrong: a fall, a locked door, a missed pickup, a bad reaction. The useful part is what she did next, and whether the parent heard about it from her rather than from a child at bedtime.
Was there ever a day she called you at work? What about?
Why ask it
A gentler route to the same ground as asking about emergencies. What she chose to escalate shows her judgment about what a working parent wants to be interrupted for, and what she felt able to handle alone.
How did she tell you about the day when you got home?
Why ask it
Handover style predicts most daily friction. A reference who says she volunteered the difficult parts, not only the charming ones, is describing someone unusually straightforward to employ.
Did she ever disagree with how you wanted something done?
Why ask it
Disagreement is normal; how it surfaced is the point. Raised once, directly, is a good sign. A reference who says she never disagreed at all may be describing quiet non-compliance, which parents tend to discover late.
How was she about time: arriving, leaving, and asking for days off?
Why ask it
Timekeeping is the most common practical complaint about nannies and the one references answer most frankly. Ask about all three, because arriving on time and leaving on time are separate habits and the second is rarely mentioned.
How often did she cancel, and how much notice did she give?
Why ask it
Cancellations are the failure that actually wrecks a working parent's week. Ask for a number rather than an impression, and ask what she did when she was genuinely unwell.
What did she do with them on a whole day stuck indoors?
Why ask it
A rainy day at home is the real test of initiative. Baking, forts, walks in the rain, dragging out the craft box: these answers are worth more than a list of enrichment classes somebody else organized.
Did you ever come home to something you were not happy about?
Why ask it
This gives permission for a small complaint, and small complaints are where the honest material lives: the kitchen left as it was, the television on, the phone in her hand. Almost no reference offers this unprompted.
How did she handle your rules about food and screens when you were not there?
Why ask it
The question is about behavior when unobserved, which is what you are actually buying. A reference who laughs and admits the rules loosened on Fridays is being useful rather than damning.
Did your children ever say anything about her that surprised you?
Why ask it
Children report what parents never see. Asked this way, a reference often remembers one small remark that says more about the daily atmosphere than any other answer in the call.
How did she get on with your partner, and anyone else in the house?
Why ask it
Nanny jobs end over adult relationships as often as over childcare. Ask about the second parent by name, since one of the two usually did most of the managing and holds the sharper view.
Was there anything you had to ask her for twice?
Why ask it
This surfaces the pattern of reminders without asking anyone to criticize. If the reference pauses and then names something specific, expect the same thing in your house.
Every employee needs managing on something. What was it with her?
Why ask it
Framing it as universal makes it answerable. Anyone who insists there was nothing at all either did not supervise closely or is protecting her, and in both cases the rest of the call carries less weight.
How did your children react when she left?
Why ask it
The children's reaction is the hardest thing to invent and the least likely to be rehearsed. A parent describing genuine grief when she left is telling you something no qualification can.
Would you hire her again, for children the age mine are now?
Why ask it
The rehire question gets answered by tone more than words. Naming your children's ages makes it concrete and gives an honest reference room to say where she would fit well and where she would not.
If you were me, is there anything you would want to know?
Why ask it
Hand the reference the chance to raise what your questions missed. This is where an allergy, a driving issue, a family illness or a real reservation tends to arrive, usually in the last minute of the call.
How to run the call so you get more than a summary
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you dial
Call rather than email. Almost everything of value in a reference is in a pause or a change of tone, and none of it survives being typed. Ask for twenty minutes at a time when the reference is not with their own children, and do the call somewhere you can take notes. Have her resume in front of you with the dates visible, and open by saying which family you are, which children you have, and what the job would involve, so the reference can answer against your situation rather than in general.
Getting past the polite version
- Ask for one occasion rather than a general assessment. 'Tell me about a day that went badly' beats 'was she reliable'.
- Stay quiet after an answer. Three seconds of silence produces the second sentence, which is usually the honest one.
- Never say the phrase you want back. If you ask whether she was patient, everyone says yes.
- Follow a hesitation instead of moving on. 'You paused there' is direct and works more often than it offends.
- Save the hardest question for last, once the reference has warmed up and is no longer worried about being unfair.
Checking you have the right person
- Ask how they came to employ her and roughly what dates. If the answer does not match the resume, ask her about it before deciding anything.
- Ask what the children's names and ages were. A friend posing as an employer stumbles here.
- Notice whether the number is a mobile answered by name or a formal line. A reference who cannot say who else worked in the house is worth less than one who can.
- Treat the reference as separate from a background check. One is opinion, the other is record, and you want both.
Reading the answers
Warm but thin
Long praise with no specifics usually means limited contact rather than a bad nanny. Ask what a normal Tuesday looked like. If it cannot be described, weight this call lightly and get another name.
The careful reference
Short factual answers, no examples, no warmth: sometimes a reserved person, sometimes someone declining to say the bad thing. Ask directly whether they would leave their own children with her tomorrow and listen to how fast the answer comes.
One negative detail
A single complaint is not disqualifying, and honest references almost always include one. Compare it against what she told you herself: a nanny who volunteered the same thing at interview is in a much stronger position than one who did not.
Anything about safety
Treat the categories differently. Lateness, mess and phone use are matters of preference and negotiation. Anything involving supervision, a car, an unreported injury or an unexplained absence needs a second reference asked the same question before you go further.