Questions to Ask Nanny References
Twenty questions for checking several nanny references, built for comparison: dates and hours, who else was in the house, safety judgment, money, and how each job ended. Includes the order to make the calls in and what to do when accounts conflict.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How do you know her, and were you the person who employed her?
Why ask it
References are not all former employers. A friend, a cousin, or a mother she met at a playgroup describes a different person than an employer does, and knowing which you have on the line changes the weight you give every answer that follows.
What dates did she work for you, and what were the hours?
Why ask it
This is the one part of a reference you can line up directly against the resume and against your other calls. A month out is memory. A missing year that shows up in two calls is worth raising with her.
How many children, and how old were they at the time?
Why ask it
Household size and ages tell you how much of the experience matches yours. A nanny who has always had one school-age child may be excellent and still be new to two under three, which is a different job entirely.
Was she your only childcare, or was someone else around during the day?
Why ask it
Whether she worked alone matters enormously. A nanny used to a parent at home, or a second nanny, or a grandmother in the next room, has less experience being solely responsible than her years imply.
What was she hired to do, and what did she end up doing?
Why ask it
The gap between the two shows how the role drifted and whether she absorbed extra work silently or renegotiated it. Both are worth knowing before you write your own job description.
How did she compare with whoever you had before or after her?
Why ask it
Comparison is easier for people than judgment, and most families have had more than one arrangement. The answer usually names her real strength, and her real limit, in a sentence or two.
What did you find yourself explaining more than once?
Why ask it
This asks about specific events rather than weaknesses, so people answer it. If two separate references name the same repeated instruction, you have found something that will happen in your house too.
How did she handle a sick child, and what happened when she was ill herself?
Why ask it
Illness is where childcare arrangements break. Ask both directions: one answer is about competence with a feverish child, the other is about whether you would have cover on a Monday morning.
Was she ever late, and how did she let you know?
Why ask it
Lateness matters less than how it was communicated. A text at seven in the morning is a different employee from someone arriving at nine forty with no message, and references distinguish the two readily.
How did she use her phone during the day?
Why ask it
This is now among the most common complaints about caregivers, and references will discuss it plainly if you ask without loading the question. Expect nuance. The version to worry about is a parent describing a child competing with a screen for attention.
Did she drive the children? How did that go?
Why ask it
Driving deserves a question of its own because it carries the largest risk in the job. Ask about car seats, the usual route, and whether there were ever dents, tickets or near misses.
What did she actually do when the children pushed back on a rule?
Why ask it
You want the mechanism, not a philosophy of discipline. Compare it across your calls: doing different things in different houses shows adaptability, but ask whether she checked with the parents before changing approach.
How was her judgment around water, roads and strangers?
Why ask it
Judgment matters more than any certificate. Naming concrete settings gets you real memories, whereas 'was she safety conscious' is answered yes automatically and tells you nothing.
Was there anything you found out after the fact rather than at the time?
Why ask it
This is the honest version of asking whether anything was hidden. Small examples are normal. A pattern of parents learning things from their children days later is the most useful warning a reference can give you.
Were there ever any issues about money: hours claimed, expenses, advances?
Why ask it
Money problems in a household job are rarely dramatic and quietly corrosive: rounded-up hours, expenses that did not add up, repeated requests for an advance. Most references answer this directly, and a clear no is worth having on the record.
How did the arrangement end, and who decided?
Why ask it
This is the answer most likely to have been softened in the nanny's own account. Compare the two versions calmly. A difference in emphasis is normal; a completely different story needs asking about.
Did she give notice, and how did she handle her last few weeks?
Why ask it
The final two weeks show character more clearly than the first two. A nanny who prepared the children for her leaving and left proper notes has described herself more accurately than any interview answer could.
If you had a newborn tomorrow, would you call her?
Why ask it
Better than a general rehire question, because it names a demanding and specific scenario. Hesitation here from an otherwise warm reference is the most common sign of a reservation nobody has said out loud.
Is there anything you would rather I heard from you than found out later?
Why ask it
This lets a reluctant reference be honest without feeling they have put something on the record. Long pauses matter. Many people will not volunteer a serious concern but will confirm one when clearly invited to.
Who else should I talk to about her?
Why ask it
A reference who can point you to another family, or to the agency that placed her, widens the picture beyond the two names she chose to give you. An unwillingness to point anywhere is itself an answer.
Running a set of reference checks and comparing them
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How many, and which ones
Aim for three calls: her two most recent employers plus one further back. The most recent matters most and is also the one most likely to be missing, so ask about any gap directly rather than accepting the list as given. If a family cannot be reached, ask her for an alternative from the same period rather than a substitute from years earlier. Twenty minutes each is enough, and calling all three within a few days makes the comparison much sharper than spreading them over weeks.
The order to work in
- 1Start with the oldest reference. It is the lowest stakes conversation and it warms you up on the questions.
- 2Use it to build a list of specifics to test in the next call: an age group, a driving arrangement, a habit.
- 3Call the most recent employer last, with those specifics ready, since that is where you want your best questions.
- 4Write each call up before starting the next one. Detail blurs fast and the second call will contaminate your memory of the first.
- 5Only then go back to the nanny with anything that needs explaining, and give her the chance to explain it.
What to compare across the calls
- Dates and hours against the resume, and against each other where jobs overlapped.
- Whether she was ever solely responsible, or always had another adult in the house.
- The same complaint appearing twice, however mildly it is phrased. One family's irritation is a preference; two is a pattern.
- Consistency of ending: who ended each job, and whether notice was given.
- Warmth of the yes. Three enthusiastic rehire answers mean more than three unqualified ones, and a lukewarm most-recent reference outweighs two glowing old ones.
Handling awkward cases
The reference who is clearly a friend
Not useless, but weight it differently. Ask what they have actually seen her do with children, and for how long. Then ask for an employer name, because a candidate with years of experience and no reachable employer needs an explanation.
Conflicting accounts
Take the disagreement back to her without stating who said what. How she handles being asked matters as much as the explanation: a straightforward account of a job that ended badly is more reassuring than a story with no rough edges in it.
A family who will only confirm dates
Some employers have been advised to say nothing else. Do not read guilt into it automatically, but do get a full conversation from another family before deciding, and ask her why that household would be reticent.
What references cannot cover
Opinion is not a record. Driving history, criminal record checks and the right to work are separate verifications, and glowing references are not a substitute for any of them. Ask her permission and run them properly.