20 Questions

Questions to Ask a Narcissist

Strategic questions to help you understand and navigate relationships with narcissistic individuals while protecting your emotional wellbeing.

1

What do you think about other people's feelings and perspectives?

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Why this works

Helps you understand their level of empathy and whether they can consider others' viewpoints.

2

How do you handle criticism or feedback?

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Why this works

Reveals their ability to accept input and whether they can handle challenges to their self-image.

3

What happens when you don't get your way?

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Why this works

Shows how they handle disappointment and whether they can manage frustration constructively.

4

How do you think others perceive you?

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Why this works

Helps you understand their self-awareness and whether they can see themselves from others' perspectives.

5

What do you do when you make a mistake?

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Why this works

Reveals their ability to take responsibility and learn from errors rather than deflecting blame.

6

How do you handle situations where you're not the center of attention?

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Why this works

Shows their comfort level with not being the focus and whether they can support others.

7

What do you think about compromise and meeting others halfway?

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Why this works

Helps you understand their willingness to work together and find mutually beneficial solutions.

8

How do you handle it when someone else succeeds or gets recognition?

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Why this works

Reveals their ability to celebrate others' achievements and whether they can be genuinely happy for others.

9

What do you think about boundaries and respecting others' limits?

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Why this works

Shows their understanding of personal boundaries and whether they can respect others' needs and limits.

10

How do you handle it when someone disagrees with you?

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Why this works

Reveals their ability to handle differing opinions and whether they can engage in healthy debate.

11

What do you think about taking responsibility for your actions?

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Why this works

Helps you understand their accountability level and whether they can own their behavior.

12

How do you handle it when someone needs your support or attention?

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Why this works

Shows their ability to be there for others and whether they can prioritize others' needs when appropriate.

13

What do you think about admitting when you're wrong?

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Why this works

Reveals their humility and whether they can acknowledge errors and learn from them.

14

How do you handle it when someone else is struggling or needs help?

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Why this works

Shows their empathy and willingness to support others during difficult times.

15

What do you think about sharing credit or recognition with others?

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Why this works

Helps you understand their ability to acknowledge others' contributions and share success.

16

How do you handle it when someone sets a boundary with you?

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Why this works

Reveals their respect for others' limits and whether they can accept when someone says no.

17

What do you think about listening to others' concerns or problems?

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Why this works

Shows their ability to be present for others and whether they can focus on others' needs.

18

How do you handle it when someone else is more successful than you?

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Why this works

Reveals their ability to handle others' success and whether they can be supportive rather than competitive.

19

What do you think about apologizing when you've hurt someone?

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Why this works

Shows their ability to take responsibility for their impact on others and make amends.

20

How do you handle it when someone needs space or time away from you?

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Why this works

Reveals their respect for others' needs and whether they can give space when requested.

Navigating Relationships with Narcissistic Individuals

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Understanding Narcissistic Behavior

Recognize the Patterns

Look for consistent patterns of behavior including lack of empathy, need for admiration, and difficulty with criticism.

Understand the Impact

Recognize how narcissistic behavior can affect your emotional wellbeing and relationships.

Set Realistic Expectations

Understand that people with narcissistic traits may not change and adjust your expectations accordingly.

Protecting Your Emotional Wellbeing

Set Clear Boundaries

Establish what behavior you will and won't accept
Communicate boundaries clearly and consistently
Be prepared to enforce consequences
Protect your time, energy, and emotional resources

Maintain Your Identity

Don't lose yourself in trying to please them
Maintain your own interests and relationships
Trust your own perceptions and feelings
Seek support from healthy relationships

Practice Self-Care

Prioritize your emotional and physical health
Engage in activities that bring you joy
Seek professional help if needed
Build a support network of healthy relationships

Effective Communication Strategies

Stay Calm and Centered

Don't let their behavior trigger emotional reactions. Stay calm and focused on your own wellbeing.

Use 'I' Statements

Focus on your own feelings and needs rather than attacking their behavior. This can help avoid defensive reactions.

Know When to Walk Away

Recognize when the relationship is too toxic and be prepared to limit contact or end the relationship if necessary.

Further Reading

"The Narcissist in Your Life" by Julie L. Hall
"Disarming the Narcissist" by Wendy T. Behary
"The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist" by Debbie Mirza

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