Questions to Ask a Non-Custodial Parent
Respectful, child-centered questions that improve co-parenting coordination, clarify expectations, and keep the focus on stability and well-being.
1What’s been going well for our child lately—and what helped?
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What’s been going well for our child lately—and what helped?
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Why this works
Starts positive and collaborative, building trust and shared focus.
2Are there routines you use that our child responds well to?
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Are there routines you use that our child responds well to?
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Why this works
Aligns household rhythms so transitions feel predictable.
3How would you like to handle schedule changes and travel?
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How would you like to handle schedule changes and travel?
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Why this works
Sets proactive communication norms and reduces last-minute stress.
4What’s the best way to reach you for time-sensitive issues?
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What’s the best way to reach you for time-sensitive issues?
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Why this works
Improves response speed for health, school, or safety matters.
5Are there boundaries or house rules you want kept consistent across homes?
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Are there boundaries or house rules you want kept consistent across homes?
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Why this works
Consistency lowers anxiety and behavior problems for the child.
6What academic or extracurricular goals should we support right now?
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What academic or extracurricular goals should we support right now?
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Why this works
Centers progress and ensures both homes reinforce priorities.
7How are we handling medical appointments and information sharing?
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How are we handling medical appointments and information sharing?
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Why this works
Clarifies consent, coverage, and record access to prevent gaps.
8What’s your plan for holidays and special events this year?
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What’s your plan for holidays and special events this year?
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Why this works
Reduces conflict by planning logistics well in advance.
9Are there foods, allergies, or sleep issues I should know about?
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Are there foods, allergies, or sleep issues I should know about?
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Why this works
Protects health and keeps comfort consistent across homes.
10How would you like to approach discipline and consequences?
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How would you like to approach discipline and consequences?
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Why this works
Aligns expectations and avoids mixed signals for the child.
11What’s a tradition you’d like to create with our child?
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What’s a tradition you’d like to create with our child?
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Why this works
Builds connection and shows respect for the other parent’s role.
12How can we handle school communications to avoid duplication?
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How can we handle school communications to avoid duplication?
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Why this works
Improves coordination with teachers and administrators.
13Is there anything I can do to make exchanges smoother for you?
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Is there anything I can do to make exchanges smoother for you?
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Why this works
Removes friction points and models goodwill.
14How can we support our child during big changes or stress?
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How can we support our child during big changes or stress?
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Why this works
Plans coping strategies and signals unity to the child.
15What information would you like weekly?
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What information would you like weekly?
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Why this works
Sets cadence for updates so both parents feel informed.
16Are there topics you’d prefer we discuss without the child present?
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Are there topics you’d prefer we discuss without the child present?
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Why this works
Protects the child from conflict and adult concerns.
17How will we revisit our plan if something isn’t working?
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How will we revisit our plan if something isn’t working?
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Why this works
Creates a review mechanism and reduces resentment.
18What’s something you appreciate about how I parent?
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What’s something you appreciate about how I parent?
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Why this works
Builds mutual respect and reduces defensiveness.
19What’s a concern you have that we haven’t talked about yet?
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What’s a concern you have that we haven’t talked about yet?
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Why this works
Surfaces unspoken issues so they don’t become crises.
20What’s one small change we could make this month that would help our child?
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What’s one small change we could make this month that would help our child?
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Why this works
Converts dialogue into immediate, child-centered action.
Co-Parenting Conversations That Work
Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.
Keep It Child-First
Neutral Tone
Use factual language and focus on logistics over history.
Written Follow-Up
Summarize agreements in writing to prevent drift.
Ritualize Check-Ins
Short, scheduled syncs reduce reactive texting.
Monthly 15-Minute Agenda
Agenda
Common Pitfalls
Triangulating Through the Child
Discuss adult issues directly with each other, not via the child.
Vague Agreements
Assign owners and dates to each action.