Questions to Ask Your Parents About Their Childhood
These 62 questions to ask your parents about their childhood go in the order the talk tends to: the house and the street first, then ordinary days, school and friends, the family itself, and last the harder look back. They work for a school project as well as for a grown son or daughter who wants the names and places written down while there is still someone to ask. The final group turns it around, with questions to ask your parents about your childhood, the years they remember and you do not.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Home
Where were you living when you were ten, and what was the house like?
Why ask it
A place and an age are an easier way in than a feeling: the layout, the cold rooms, the smell of the hallway. Ten is late enough to be remembered clearly, and physical detail tends to drag other memories along behind it.
Who else was in the house, and where did everyone sleep?
Why ask it
Sleeping arrangements are a quick route to crowding, money, and who was close to whom. This is also where lodgers, aunts, and cousins who lived with the family tend to surface for the first time.
Did you move as a child, and what do you remember about leaving the first place?
Why ask it
A move splits a childhood into a before and an after, each with its own school and friends. Get the towns and rough years in order here, because every later answer hangs on that timeline.
What was your street like? Who were the other kids?
Why ask it
Neighborhood questions produce names, and names produce stories. If your parent cannot recall any other children, that may say something about how isolated the household was.
Where were you allowed to go on your own, and where was off limits?
Why ask it
The edge of a child's map might be the corner shop, the creek or the far side of a main road. Ask at what age it widened and who decided, and you learn how closely they were watched.
Which room did the family spend its evenings in, and what was in it?
Why ask it
Many homes had one room that did the work: the kitchen table, the only warm room, a front room saved for visitors. Have them describe what hung on the walls and where the radio or television stood, and the evenings start to come back.
What could you see from the window where you slept?
Why ask it
A view is a small, safe thing to recall and people are oddly exact about it: a yard, a brick wall, a neighbor's washing line. It is a good one for a parent who has gone quiet, because it asks for a picture and no opinion.
Was there a pet or any animals around, and whose job was it to look after them?
Why ask it
Animals bring out affection in parents who stay guarded about people. A pet that died or went missing is often a child's first loss, so if the story heads that way, let them tell the ending at their own speed.
What do you still have from that house, and where is it now?
Why ask it
A clock, a mixing bowl or a school photograph gives you both something to hold while they talk. Have them fetch it if it is in the house, and find out whose it was before it was theirs.
Ordinary days
What did an ordinary weekday morning look like before school?
Why ask it
Routines produce better answers than milestones because they were repeated thousands of times. Expect the radio, who made breakfast, who was always late, and who nobody dared wake.
What did your family eat on a normal night, and who cooked it?
Why ask it
Everyday meals reveal the household budget and who did the work more honestly than a question about food traditions. Notice whether cooking was one person's job by default and whether anyone ever relieved them.
What jobs around the house were yours, and from what age?
Why ask it
Chores show what a child was trusted with, from minding a baby brother to feeding animals before school. Listen for whether the boys and the girls in the family were handed different work.
What did you do after school when no adults were watching?
Why ask it
Unsupervised time is where most childhood stories live, and parents will volunteer things here that they would not say about their families. If you react to the risky parts, you will not get the rest.
What games did you play outside, and how did the rules go?
Why ask it
Asking for the rules gets you a demonstration where a plain "what did you play" gets a list. Street games changed from one town to the next, so have them teach you one properly if they are up for it.
What was on the radio or television in your house, and who decided?
Why ask it
Programs and songs can be looked up afterwards, which makes them handy for putting a year on a memory. Whoever controlled the dial usually ran the evenings in other ways too.
What did you wear, and where did your clothes come from?
Why ask it
Hand-me-downs, a mother's sewing machine, one good outfit kept for church or visits: clothes are a gentle road into money and into where they stood among the other children. Shoes are worth a follow-up of their own, because people remember their shoes.
What happened in your house when a child was sick?
Why ask it
You might hear about a home remedy, a doctor who came to the door or one the family could not pay for, a day in bed with the radio on. It is a question about who did the looking after, so keep it to memories and save family medical history for a separate talk.
What did summers look like once school let out?
Why ask it
The long break is where a relative's farm, a first paid job or weeks of doing nothing at all turn up. Find out who they were sent to stay with, since that names a branch of the family you may hardly know.
What did your family do at holidays, and which one did you actually look forward to?
Why ask it
The second half blocks a rehearsed answer about traditions. Which holiday they genuinely wanted tells you who they liked seeing and what the obligatory visits cost them.
School and friends
How did you get to school, and who did you go with?
Why ask it
The walk or the bus ride was a small world of its own, with shortcuts, dogs to avoid and older kids to keep clear of. It is an easy opening about school for a parent who did not enjoy the classroom.
What were you like at school, and which teacher do you still remember, good or bad?
Why ask it
Pairing the two invites a portrait rather than a report card. A teacher remembered for the wrong reasons is usually the more revealing half of the answer.
Who was your first real friend, and how did the two of you meet?
Why ask it
First friendships tend to begin by accident: a shared desk, a fence between two yards. Write down the full name if they have it, because it is the kind of detail a brother, sister or cousin can add to later.
What were you good at as a child that people noticed?
Why ask it
What a child was praised for is often what they kept doing for life. Ask who did the noticing, and whether there was a talent that nobody ever remarked on.
What was hard for you at school, and did anyone help?
Why ask it
Trouble with reading, with numbers, with a stammer or with a bully often went unnamed when your parents were young. Put it plainly and accept a short reply, since this may be something they have never said aloud to their own child.
Were you ever the new kid or the odd one out, and how did that go?
Why ask it
Nearly everyone stood outside a group at least once, and they tend to remember exactly who let them in. If your parent was the one shutting others out, they may say so now with some regret, and all you need to do is hear it.
What did you spend your own money on, and where did the money come from?
Why ask it
The source says as much as the purchase, whether it was pocket money, a paper round or coins pressed into a hand by a grandparent. A parent who recalls what a comic or a bus fare cost has also just dated the memory for you.
What did you want to be when you were small, and where did that idea come from?
Why ask it
The origin matters more than the ambition. Answers usually name a person, a book, or a job they saw up close, which tells you what their world actually contained.
What were you like at thirteen, and what would the adults around you have said?
Why ask it
Thirteen is roughly where the child runs out and the teenager takes over. Quoting a mother or a teacher comes more easily than judging themselves, and it is usually funnier.
Family
What did your parents do for work, and did you understand it at the time?
Why ask it
Children often know a parent's job only as an absence or a smell on a coat. The gap between what they understood then and what they know now is where this answer gets interesting.
Was money ever tight, and how did you know?
Why ask it
Children rarely saw the figures, so "how did you know" is the half a parent can answer. People recall the signals: the repairs put off, the same meal three nights running, the arguments after bedtime.
What was your mother like when you were small, before she was anyone's grandmother?
Why ask it
You knew her old, if you knew her at all, while your parent knew her at thirty: tired, funny, strict or all three. A phrase she repeated and what her hands were usually busy with are the two details to go after.
What was your father like at home, and how much was he around?
Why ask it
Asked about together, one parent tends to vanish from the answer, so he gets a question to himself. "How much was he around" leaves room for long shifts, work away from home, a separation or an early death without your guessing which.
What got you in trouble, and what happened when it did?
Why ask it
Discipline answers show what the household permitted and who enforced it. Some parents tell this one as comedy and some go quiet; take the version you are given and do not rule on whether it was fair.
Where did you come in the family, and what did that mean for you?
Why ask it
Oldest children were often junior parents, and youngest ones got the looser rules, or so each side will tell you. An only child has a different story about who they played with and who they answered to.
What did you and your brothers and sisters fight about, and did any of it get sorted out?
Why ask it
Fights over the front seat, the bathroom or who was the favorite are easy to tell, and they show how the family handled disagreement. Whether any of it got sorted out is where the brothers and sisters as they are today come into the answer.
What were your grandparents like to be around?
Why ask it
"To be around" steers them away from the lessons-my-grandfather-taught-me summary you have heard before and toward a voice, a chair, a smell of pipe smoke or baking. For grandparents who died before you were born, this description may be the only one you get.
Who did you go to when something went wrong?
Why ask it
The named person may be a parent, but it is often a grandmother, a neighbor, or nobody. An answer of nobody is worth sitting with rather than filling in for them.
Was your family religious, or part of any club or community, and how much of the week did it take up?
Why ask it
In a lot of homes a church, mosque or temple, a union hall or a sports club set the calendar for the whole week. Find out what the child made of it back then, which can be a long way from what the adult thinks today.
Looking back
What was happening in the world that you remember noticing as a kid?
Why ask it
Children absorb public events at odd angles: an adult crying at the television, a shortage, a neighbor who left. These answers date a childhood better than any list of years.
What was never talked about in your house?
Why ask it
Most families had a subject that always got a change of topic: an illness, a relative's name, where the money went. You are asking what the subject was and not for the secret itself, and a parent can give you the first while keeping the second.
What did you worry about back then that you never told anyone?
Why ask it
Childhood worries are often about things nobody explained: a parent's cough, an overheard argument, whether the family would have to move. Silence is a legitimate answer here, and pressing usually closes the whole conversation.
Did anyone close to you die or leave while you were a child, and how were you told?
Why ask it
Children were often kept away from funerals and given half an explanation. How they were told is the part a parent can answer, and it shows how the adults in that house handled bad news of every kind. Take a short answer as a complete one.
When were you happiest as a child, and where were you?
Why ask it
The "where" puts them back inside a scene: a riverbank, a grandmother's kitchen, the back seat on a long drive. That gets you more than a verdict on whether the childhood was a good one, and it is a kind place to stop for the day.
What did your parents get right that you kept, and what did you decide not to repeat?
Why ask it
With both halves in one question it cannot turn into a pure complaint or a pure tribute. What they chose not to repeat often explains particular rules and freedoms you grew up with.
Is there anyone from back then you wish you'd stayed in touch with?
Why ask it
Regret about lost contact is easier to admit than regret about choices. Names raised here are sometimes people you can still help them find.
What from your childhood is gone for good, and do you miss it?
Why ask it
It could be a way of shopping, a trade, a dialect, or children staying out until dark. You get their verdict on then and now without asking for one, and most parents will also name something they are glad to see the back of.
What do you wish I understood about the way you grew up?
Why ask it
This hands them the floor instead of asking for a lesson. What comes out is often something they have waited years to be asked, so give it time and do not answer back straight away.
Your childhood
What do you remember about the day I was born?
Why ask it
Each parent holds a different half of this day: one was in the room and the other may have been in a corridor, at work or minding older children. If you were adopted or joined the family later, ask about the day you arrived instead.
Where were we living when I was born, and what was that home like?
Why ask it
The home you were carried into may be one you have no memory of, or one the family left before you could walk. Note the address and who else lived there, the sort of fact that is easy to collect now and hard to collect later.
How did you choose my name, and what else was on the list?
Why ask it
A name can come from a grandparent, a song, a compromise or a coin toss, and the rejected ones are half the fun. You may also learn which relative had strong opinions and was overruled.
What was I like at three or four, before I can remember it myself?
Why ask it
Your own memory begins somewhere around this age and theirs does not, so your parents are the main witnesses. Ask each of them separately if you can, because they were often watching a different child.
What did I do as a kid that reminded you of yourself at that age?
Why ask it
A parent watching a small child often sees their own stubbornness, shyness or temper coming back at them. They tend to have an answer ready, and it is not always flattering to either of you.
What was I afraid of when I was small, and what calmed me down?
Why ask it
Parents remember the fears, whether it was the dark, the vacuum cleaner or the dog next door, because they were the ones called at two in the morning. The cure may be a song, a toy or a routine you have forgotten you ever had.
Who else looked after me, and what were they like with me?
Why ask it
It might have been a grandparent, a sitter, the woman next door or an older cousin. Some of them may have died before you were old enough to know them properly, and your parent's description is the one you will have.
Was I ever seriously ill or hurt as a child, and what do you remember of it?
Why ask it
You may know the scar and not the story. Parents keep the drive there and the waiting room in detail you were too young to hold on to; if any of it matters for your health today, ask whether records were kept and where.
What was my first day of school like from where you were standing?
Why ask it
You remember this day, if at all, from inside the classroom, and they have the half that happened outside. Compare the two versions, then ask what they did with themselves once you had gone in.
What did I get to do or have as a kid that you didn't at the same age?
Why ask it
Their answer measures the gap between the two childhoods in concrete things: a room of your own, staying on at school, lessons, a trip away. Hear it as information and not as a bill.
Which age was I hardest to look after, and what made it so hard?
Why ask it
One parent will say the sleepless first year and another the year you turned fourteen. Take it as a description of a stage and not a complaint about you, then ask what got them through it.
What was going on in your life during my first few years that I was too young to notice?
Why ask it
A small child sits in the middle of a lost job, a move, a sick grandparent or a rough patch in a marriage and sees none of it. Ask as someone old enough to hear the answer now, and do not go looking for blame in it.
Which stories do you tell about me that I don't remember happening?
Why ask it
Family legends about you get polished with every retelling. Check who was really in the room, and you may find the version you grew up hearing belongs to an aunt who was not there.
What is your favorite memory of me as a kid?
Why ask it
It is seldom the birthday or the school prize you would guess. Expect something small that you were too young to file away: a thing you said in the car, the way you slept, an afternoon when nothing in particular happened.
Are there photos or videos of me as a child that I have never seen?
Why ask it
There is usually a box, an album at a relative's house or a tape nobody can play any more. Offer to copy or scan it, because these are the things that go missing in a house move.
Getting Your Parents Talking About Their Childhood
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Setting up the conversation
Ask while you are both doing something else
Driving, washing up, or walking removes the eye contact that makes this feel like an interview. A long car journey is the best of the three: nobody has to look at anybody, and there is time for a story to run to its end.
Record it, and ask first
A phone on the table gets used; a plan to write it up later does not. Ask out loud, say who will get to hear it, and offer to stop at any point. Once it is running, turn the phone face down so neither of you keeps glancing at it.
One group per sitting
The six groups are sized for this. Take Home one week and School and friends the next, and the answers improve because your parent keeps thinking about it in between. Going through the whole list in an afternoon tires everyone and flattens the stories.
Bring photographs
Photographs raise questions you would not have thought of: who is missing from the picture, whose house that was, why nobody is smiling. Old address books and school reports work the same way.
Working through the six groups
Open with Home and Ordinary days
Rooms, meals and chores ask for description and no verdict, so even a guarded parent can answer them. They also hand you the cast and the map: who lived there, which town, which years. Everything in the later groups is easier to follow once you have those.
School and friends, then Family
School stories are mostly about people outside the house, which makes them a comfortable middle. Family comes after because it asks about your parent's own mother and father, people you may have known and hold opinions about. Leave the opinions at the door and you will hear about a grandmother or grandfather you never met in that form. If your parent was raised by someone else, a grandparent, an aunt or a foster family, put that person's name into the two questions about mother and father.
Save Looking back for a good day
The questions about what went unsaid, who died and what they worried about work once your parent is already talking freely, and never as an opener. End that sitting on the happiest memory or on what is gone for good, so it finishes somewhere lighter.
Your childhood is a separate conversation
The last group changes the subject from them to you, so give it a sitting of its own and say that is what you are doing. Put the same question to each parent on different days and compare what you get. If one parent has died or was not around, an aunt, a grandparent or an older brother or sister can answer most of that group.
If it is for a school project
Choose eight or ten from the first three groups, tell your parent what the assignment is and when it is due, and write the answers down as they speak. Check with them before handing in anything from Family or Looking back, because those stories are theirs to share.
When an answer gets difficult
Do not correct their memory
Siblings remember the same year differently and dates drift. Arguing about accuracy costs you the rest of the story, and you can note the discrepancy privately afterwards.
Let the silence sit
After a hard answer most people carry on if nobody rescues them. Changing the subject reads as relief, and a parent who sees that relief is unlikely to bring the subject up again.
Keep your own childhood out of theirs
While they are describing their years, saying you had it easier, or harder, moves the conversation to you. Ask one more question about what they just said, and hold your side for the Your childhood group, which is there for it.
Take the signal to wind up
A shrug, a joke, or "that's all there is to it" usually means enough for today. Returning to it next month works better than pushing now.
If memory is failing, change the kind of question
Recognizing something is usually easier than producing it from nothing. Ask about a photograph, a song, or a street name rather than asking them to supply a date or a sequence, and do not quiz them on what they got wrong last time.
Afterwards
- Write down the names and places the same day. Those are the details you will lose first.
- Send the recording or your notes to a sibling. They will hear gaps and contradictions you missed.
- Text a follow up question a few days later. Better answers often arrive once someone has had time to think.
- Store the recording somewhere that survives a lost phone.
- If a relative was named who is still alive, ask them the same question. Two accounts of one house are worth far more than one.