Questions to Ask PNMs
Questions to ask PNMs during recruitment, written for the chapter member on the other side of the conversation. A PNM is a potential new member, the person many chapters still call a rushee. The 55 questions follow a recruitment week: Openers and School for the first rounds, Service for philanthropy, Friendship and Time and worries for sisterhood, and Pref round for the last night. The guide covers which group suits which round, what recruitment rules commonly forbid, and how to write notes the chapter can actually use.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Openers
How is your day going, honestly?
Why ask it
The word honestly gives her permission to say tired, which almost no PNM volunteers. One truthful sentence at the start makes everything after it less scripted.
Where is home, and what do you miss about it already?
Why ask it
The second half is what turns a hometown into a conversation: a dog, a younger brother, one particular taco place. Hold on to the detail, because bringing it up in a later round shows her that somebody was listening.
What are you studying, or what are you deciding between?
Why ask it
Offering deciding between removes the pressure to have a plan. Undecided is a fine answer, and how she describes the choice is often more interesting than the subject itself.
What made you sign up for recruitment?
Why ask it
There is usually a specific reason: a sister, a roommate, a mother, or plain curiosity. Whether the decision was hers or someone else's is one of the most useful things to learn early.
What are you hoping to get out of this week?
Why ask it
It asks about her goals, not her worthiness. Finding friends, filling an empty schedule, or keeping a promise to a parent are all real answers, and each tells you what she needs from you.
Am I saying your name right?
Why ask it
Name tags get misread all week, and she may have stopped correcting people by the third house. Getting it right, and writing it down the way she says it, is the cheapest kindness on this list.
Where are you living this year, and how is it going?
Why ask it
A residence hall, an apartment and a parent's house each make for a different week. If she commutes, she may be wondering whether chapter life is built for her at all, so tell her how commuting members in your chapter manage evening events.
What has been the best part of being on campus so far?
Why ask it
Easy to answer in a loud room, and it works whether she arrived last week or last year. If the best part turns out to be a person, ask how they met.
What is the best thing you have eaten since you got here?
Why ask it
A deliberately small question for the PNM who is too nervous for a big one. Dining hall opinions are safe ground, and trading a recommendation of your own gives her something useful to leave with.
Who told you about Greek life before you got here, and what did they tell you?
Why ask it
What she has already heard shapes every question she asks you. If it came from one relative or from social media, part of your job is correcting it rather than repeating it.
Is there anything I can do to make today easier?
Why ask it
Keep it small and practical: water, a chair, a bathroom, someone to walk her to the door. Offered when she plainly needs it, that is often the part of a visit that reads as kindness and not as recruiting.
School
What did you do outside class in high school that you want to keep up?
Why ask it
Keep up points forward instead of asking for a list of achievements. It also turns up things a chapter can use, from intramural sports to being the person who runs the group chat.
What is something you were in charge of, even if it was small?
Why ask it
Recruitment conversations lean on titles, and a title says very little. Running the snack schedule for a swim team or closing a shop alone on a school night shows more about how she carries responsibility than 'vice president' does.
What made you pick this school over the others on your list?
Why ask it
Her reason says what she came for: a program, a scholarship, distance from home, a campus that felt right on the tour. If the answer is that it was the affordable choice, take it at face value and do not follow up about money.
Which class are you looking forward to, and which one are you dreading?
Why ask it
Two halves let her be enthusiastic and honest in the same breath. When a sister has already survived the dreaded class, say so and offer the introduction, which is a real benefit of membership and not a sales line.
Is this your first year here, or are you a sophomore or a transfer?
Why ask it
An older PNM can spend the whole week feeling she missed her chance. Ask without surprise, and find out from your recruitment chair beforehand what you can truthfully say about upperclass new members in your chapter.
What else on campus have you signed up for, or want to try?
Why ask it
Clubs, a campus job, an intramural team, the student paper. A chapter that wants members with a life outside it should sound pleased by a long answer, and you can name the sisters who do the same things.
What is something you taught yourself?
Why ask it
Guitar from videos, sourdough, a second language, how to change a tire. It shows what she does when nobody assigns it, which a transcript and a list of offices never will.
Who was the teacher or coach who got the most out of you?
Why ask it
People light up when they describe someone who believed in them. Ask what that person did differently, since the answer is close to a description of the kind of support she would want from older members.
What do you want to have done by the end of this year?
Why ask it
Keep it to one year, because a four-year plan is a lot to ask of someone who found the dining hall on Monday. Small goals count: one close friend, a pass in chemistry, one activity she stuck with.
Service
What kind of volunteering have you done, if any?
Why ask it
The if any matters, because plenty of PNMs have done very little and will otherwise pad the answer. Willingness to start is fair to weigh, and honesty here is worth more than an inflated list.
After hearing about our philanthropy, what do you want to know that I left out?
Why ask it
Ask it only once you have explained the cause in plain terms, including what members do for it and how often. If she comes back with 'how many hours is that?', she heard a commitment and not a slogan, and that is a good sign.
Is there a cause you would give a free Saturday morning to?
Why ask it
A Saturday morning is a real price, so the answer is more honest than a list of causes she approves of. Animals, younger kids, a food pantry, a river cleanup: whichever she picks, ask what drew her to it.
Have you ever raised money for something, and how did you feel about asking people?
Why ask it
Plenty of people love the cause and hate the asking, and admitting it is no mark against her. If your philanthropy means selling tickets or collecting donations, this is the moment to be straight about that part.
What would you want to do for a cause besides raise money?
Why ask it
Some PNMs would far sooner tutor, pack boxes or sit with people than run a bake sale. Knowing that lets you describe the hands-on side of your philanthropy if it has one, and admit it if it does not.
Who taught you to show up for other people?
Why ask it
Usually it is a grandparent, a youth leader, a coach, or a parent who dragged her along to something. The story is warmer than any account of her own good deeds, and it spares her from having to praise herself.
What is something kind that someone did for you that you still think about?
Why ask it
Philanthropy round tilts toward what each PNM has given, and that turns into a contest quickly. Asking what she has received changes the tone, and it often explains what she wants to pass on.
Friendship
What would make a group feel like home to you?
Why ask it
Her answer is a list of real requirements, not a definition of sisterhood: people who text back, quiet evenings in, someone to study with. Then you know whether your chapter can honestly offer that.
What do people get wrong about you when they first meet you?
Why ask it
Most people know the answer and are rarely asked. Quiet at first, too intense, hard to read: whatever she says is usually accurate and beats your own first impression.
What are you good at that would never show up on a resume?
Why ask it
Leaves room for the things nobody lists: fixing things, staying calm, remembering birthdays, cutting hair. Chapters run on exactly these, and they never come up in a values conversation.
Who do you call when something goes wrong?
Why ask it
Support is a fairer subject than achievement. Whether she names a friend, a parent, a counselor or nobody tells you what she is hoping to find in a group of people.
Tell me about your closest friend from home. What makes it work?
Why ask it
Describing a real friendship is easier than defining what she wants from one. Listen for the mechanics, such as years of daily texts or a friend who tells her the truth, because those are what she will be looking for here.
When were you last the new person somewhere, and what helped?
Why ask it
She is the new person right now, so this lands more gently than it reads. Whatever helped last time, an invitation to lunch or one person who learned her name, is a fair instruction for how your chapter should treat her.
Do you recharge with people around, or on your own?
Why ask it
Say first that there is no wrong answer, because a chapter needs both kinds. A PNM who needs quiet deserves to hear from you whether members can skip a social without anyone keeping score.
How do your friends know you care about them?
Why ask it
One person bakes, another drives to the airport at five in the morning, a third sends the article that made her think of you. It gets at character without using the word, and nobody arrives with a rehearsed answer.
When there is a plan, do you like to be invited personally, or is a group message enough?
Why ask it
Some new members wait for a personal invitation and read a general announcement as not meant for them. It is a practical thing to know about anyone joining a large group, and worth passing on, if she joins, to whoever looks after new members.
What makes you laugh until you cannot stop?
Why ask it
Sisterhood round can turn solemn, and most of chapter life is people being silly in a kitchen. If she tells the story and you both end up laughing, write down the story and not the fact that she was funny.
Time and worries
What do you want your weeks to look like once the semester settles down?
Why ask it
Some people picture a full calendar, and others want three free evenings and a long call home. Whichever she describes, tell her about both the busy weeks and the quiet ones, so she is not choosing on half the picture.
What would you like to know about an ordinary week as a member?
Why ask it
Recruitment shows a chapter on its best day. Walk her through a plain week instead: the meeting night, what is required, what is optional, and the evenings with nothing on. Give real hours if your campus lets you.
Is there a job, a team or a lab that already has a claim on your evenings?
Why ask it
Ask so that you can answer honestly, not so that you can screen her out. Tell her which night chapter meets and how members with a shift or a practice handle attendance, since those rules differ from chapter to chapter.
What does a good semester look like for you academically?
Why ask it
This is how to talk about grades without asking for a GPA or a test score, neither of which belongs in a recruitment conversation. Her answer lets you explain study hours, the grade requirement your chapter sets, and who helps when a class goes badly.
What have you heard about the new member period, and what can I clear up?
Why ask it
Rumor does the most damage on this subject. Describe what your chapter's new member weeks involve, meeting by meeting, and tell her where the campus hazing policy and its reporting line are published.
Do you know where to find what membership costs here?
Why ask it
Check your campus rules first, because many ask members not to quote figures in conversation and publish each chapter's costs instead. Pointing her to that sheet, or to her recruitment counselor, answers a worry she may be too embarrassed to raise, and it asks nothing about her family's money.
What does your family think about you going through recruitment?
Why ask it
One PNM has a mother who was president of her chapter, and the next has parents who have never heard the word bid. Either can be pressure. If her family is doubtful, point her to whatever your campus publishes for parents, and do not argue the case through her.
How do you feel about living with a lot of people?
Why ask it
Only worth asking if your chapter has a house or a residence hall floor. Where there is a live-in requirement, say which year it applies to and how it works on your campus, because it is a housing decision she may not know she is making.
Has anything about how this week works been confusing?
Why ask it
Invitations, rankings and the way bids are matched differ by campus and puzzle nearly everyone the first time through. Do not guess at the mechanics. Send her to her recruitment counselor, which is more help than a confident wrong answer.
What worries you most about joining, if anything?
Why ask it
Worries are specific and answerable: money, homesickness, hazing, losing study hours. Answer the one she names, and say so when the truthful answer is that it depends on her schedule or her budget.
Pref round
What has this week been like from your side?
Why ask it
Better than asking how recruitment is going, which gets a polite answer. Sore feet, one conversation that went badly, a friend who was cut: this is often the first unscripted thing she has said today.
Without naming any chapters, what has turned out to matter to you more than you expected?
Why ask it
Clear this one with your recruitment chair, because some campuses bar any talk of other chapters, named or not. Where it is allowed, notice whether she talks about people and conversations or about houses and outfits.
What do you want us to know about you that has not come up?
Why ask it
By the third day she has told the same three stories repeatedly. This is the invitation to say the fourth, which is usually the one she wanted someone to ask about.
Who have you met here that you would like to talk to again?
Why ask it
If she remembers a name, that member did something right, and you can tell her so afterwards. Keep your reply to 'I will let her know', since anything that sounds like a promise about tomorrow breaks the rules in most systems.
Is there anything about us you are still unsure of?
Why ask it
It takes some nerve to ask this at preference, when the room is arranged to feel certain. A doubt answered tonight is better for her, and for the chapter, than one she carries into her new member weeks.
What do you hope the first month after bid day looks like, wherever you end up?
Why ask it
The words 'wherever you end up' keep it from sounding like a hint. Her picture of that month, whether a standing dinner, a study group or knowing forty names, is the thing she is really choosing between.
What are you proud of from this week?
Why ask it
Recruitment hands out judgments for days and very little credit. Walking into a dozen rooms of strangers is hard, and letting her say so, then agreeing with her, is a kinder use of the last round than one more test.
What are you going to do tonight once this is over?
Why ask it
A way to finish that has nothing to do with the decision. Sleep, a call home, takeout with her roommate: wish her a good one and say goodbye warmly, without a word about how tomorrow might go.
How to use these questions
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Which questions fit which round
- Open house and first rounds: Openers and School. Keep it light and concrete: where she is from, where she is living, what she is studying, whether she has managed to eat.
- Philanthropy round: explain your cause first, then use Service to ask what she has done and which event she would actually show up to.
- Sisterhood round: Friendship belongs here, and Time and worries once the conversation has warmed up enough for her to answer truthfully.
- Preference round: one question from Pref round and a long conversation. Nobody should be interviewed at pref.
- Round names, their order and their length differ by campus, and some systems fold philanthropy into another day. Ask your recruitment chair what each round is for before you choose a group.
If your chapter says rushees and rush
A rushee and a PNM are the same person: someone visiting chapters and deciding whether to join one. Sorority recruitment mostly uses potential new member now, while many fraternities, and plenty of alumnae, still say rushee. The notes on this page say she because they were written with sorority rounds in mind, but the questions to ask rushees at a fraternity event are the same ones. Fraternity rush is often looser, with open events in place of timed rounds, so begin with Openers and School and keep Time and worries for a later, quieter conversation. What you may ask, promise or discuss is set by your own council and campus, so check with your recruitment chair before the first event.
Check the rules before you start
- Ask your recruitment chair what your campus permits, especially on dues, other chapters, and anything a PNM asks about parties.
- Alcohol, dating, money, religion and politics are commonly off limits, as is asking her to rank chapters or hinting about a bid. Your own council's list is the one that counts.
- Do not ask about test scores, class rank or family finances in any form, however casually.
- If she volunteers something painful, thank her, move the conversation on, and leave it out of your notes.
Making a short conversation work
Most rounds give you a few minutes, and the PNM has already had roughly this conversation several times today. One question with two follow-ups teaches you more than six questions read off a list. Ask about the answer she just gave rather than jumping to your next item, and offer something true about yourself in between so it does not feel like an interview. When she asks you something, answer it fully. A straight answer to her question does more for the chapter than the best question on this page.
Notes and voting
- Write one specific fact or quote per conversation, within a minute of it ending.
- Keep what she said separate from how it felt, and mark the second as your own impression.
- Watch the vocabulary that hides bias: polished, put together, not our type. None of it describes anything she said or did.
- If your only hesitation is that she was quiet, write that she was quiet in a loud room, because that is what actually happened.