20 Questions

Questions to Ask Potential Wife

Navigate the path to marriage with these essential questions that help you understand compatibility, values, and shared vision for your future together.

1

What does marriage mean to you?

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Why this works

Reveals their fundamental understanding of marriage and helps align expectations about the commitment you're both considering.

2

How do you envision our life together in 10 years?

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Why this works

Gets them to think about long-term compatibility and shared goals, revealing whether your visions align.

3

What are your non-negotiables in a relationship?

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Why this works

Identifies deal-breakers early and helps you understand their boundaries and core requirements.

4

How do you handle conflict and disagreement?

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Why this works

Reveals their communication style and conflict resolution skills, which are crucial for a successful marriage.

5

What role do you see for family in our relationship?

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Why this works

Explores their views on family involvement, boundaries, and how they envision relationships with extended family.

6

How do you want to handle finances as a couple?

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Why this works

Financial compatibility is crucial for marriage success - this reveals their approach to money management and shared expenses.

7

What are your thoughts on having children?

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Why this works

One of the most important compatibility factors - reveals their desire for children, parenting philosophy, and family planning.

8

How do you recharge and take care of yourself?

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Why this works

Shows their self-care practices and how they manage stress, which affects their ability to be a good partner.

9

What traditions are important to you?

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Why this works

Reveals their cultural and family values, helping you understand what they want to preserve or create together.

10

How do you want to grow and change together?

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Why this works

Shows their commitment to personal growth and their vision for how the relationship will evolve over time.

11

What does intimacy mean to you beyond the physical?

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Why this works

Explores their understanding of emotional intimacy and connection, which is essential for a deep marriage.

12

How do you want to handle major life decisions?

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Why this works

Reveals their decision-making style and whether they prefer collaborative or individual approaches to big choices.

13

What are your biggest fears about marriage?

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Why this works

Opens up honest discussion about concerns and helps you both address potential issues before they become problems.

14

How do you want to maintain your individual identity within marriage?

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Why this works

Shows their understanding of healthy boundaries and their commitment to maintaining their own interests and friendships.

15

What does a successful marriage look like to you?

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Why this works

Reveals their definition of marital success and helps align your expectations for what constitutes a good marriage.

16

How do you want to handle differences in values or beliefs?

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Why this works

Explores their approach to navigating differences and whether they can respect and work with differing perspectives.

17

What support do you need from a partner?

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Why this works

Helps you understand their emotional needs and how you can best support them in the relationship.

18

How do you want to celebrate and create joy together?

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Why this works

Reveals their approach to fun, celebration, and creating positive experiences together in the relationship.

19

What are your thoughts on commitment and fidelity?

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Why this works

Establishes clear expectations about monogamy and commitment, ensuring you're both on the same page about exclusivity.

20

How do you want to handle challenges and difficult times together?

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Why this works

Shows their resilience and approach to supporting each other through life's inevitable difficulties.

Best Practices for Marriage Preparation Conversations

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Best Practices

Create a Safe Space for Honest Answers

Make it clear that there are no wrong answers and that honesty is more important than saying what they think you want to hear.

Share Your Own Answers

Be vulnerable and share your own thoughts and feelings. This creates mutual trust and shows you're serious about the conversation.

Listen Without Judgment

Focus on understanding their perspective rather than evaluating whether their answers are 'right' or 'wrong' for you.

Question Sequences

The Values Alignment Sequence

1
What does marriage mean to you?
2
What are your non-negotiables in a relationship?
3
What does a successful marriage look like to you?

The Future Vision Sequence

1
How do you envision our life together in 10 years?
2
What are your thoughts on having children?
3
How do you want to grow and change together?

Common Pitfalls

Don't Rush Through Important Topics

Take time to really explore each question. These conversations can't be hurried - they're building the foundation for your marriage.

Don't Avoid Difficult Topics

If you're considering marriage, you need to discuss the hard stuff. Avoiding difficult topics now will only create problems later.

Don't Assume You Know Their Answers

Even if you think you know them well, people can surprise you. Ask the questions and listen to their actual answers.

Conversation Templates

The Compatibility Deep Dive

1
Step 1: Start with: "What does marriage mean to you?"
2
Step 2: Explore with: "What are your non-negotiables in a relationship?"
3
Step 3: Deepen with: "What are your biggest fears about marriage?"

The Future Planning Session

1
Step 1: Begin with: "How do you envision our life together in 10 years?"
2
Step 2: Plan with: "What are your thoughts on having children?"
3
Step 3: Conclude with: "How do you want to grow and change together?"

Further Reading

"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman
"Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix
"The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman

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