Questions to Ask References for Nanny
Questions for a phone call with a nanny candidate's former employers, covering dates and duties, how they handled discipline and emergencies, attendance, why the job ended, and whether the family would hire them again.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How long did they work for you, and what were their hours?
Why ask it
Check the dates and hours against what the candidate told you, since mismatches of several months are the most common problem in childcare resumes. Two afternoons a week is also very different preparation from ten hours alone with an infant.
How old were your children during that time?
Why ask it
Someone excellent with school-age children may never have handled nap schedules, bottles, or a toddler who cannot yet explain what is wrong. Match the ages to your own children's ages before weighing anything else you hear.
Walk me through what a typical day looked like, from arrival to hand-off.
Why ask it
A reference who can narrate the day in order gives you the real job: who cooked, whether the children left the house, how the end-of-day handover worked. Vagueness here often means the parent was not around enough to know.
How did they get along with your children, and did that change over time?
Why ask it
The change matters more than the warmth. A relationship that started well and cooled usually points to someone wearing down, while slow warming with a shy child is a good sign.
How did they handle it when your child refused something or had a meltdown?
Why ask it
Listen for a described method, such as a warning, a choice, then a calm removal, rather than a claim that the children were always well behaved. If the answer involves shaming, bribery, or raised voices, expect the same in your house.
Were they on time, and how often did they call out?
Why ask it
Attendance is the most disruptive variable in childcare, because every absence becomes your problem at seven in the morning. Ask for a rough number of call-outs rather than accepting a yes or no.
How did they keep you updated during the day, or did you have to ask?
Why ask it
Whether updates arrived unprompted separates someone who thinks like a partner from someone who reports when questioned. Ask specifically whether bad news, like a fall or a bitten friend, arrived the same way.
What did they plan for the children to do, and how much of the day was screens?
Why ask it
Planned activity is where nannies differ most, from library trips and baking to a day of television. A parent who cannot name a single thing the children did has told you what happened.
Was there ever an injury, illness, or emergency, and what did they do?
Why ask it
You want one specific incident handled well: who they called, how quickly, and whether the parents heard immediately or later. A reference who says nothing ever happened across two years was either lucky or absent.
Were there house rules they did not follow, even after you raised it?
Why ask it
Repeat lapses on car seats, food, screens, or naps are the pattern that predicts trouble, not a single mistake. Note also whether the parent felt able to raise it at all.
What were they best at?
Why ask it
Ask for the strength as a story rather than an adjective. What a family genuinely valued, such as calm during illness or getting a reluctant reader to read, is what this person will bring to your house.
What did you have to ask for more than once?
Why ask it
Framing it as repetition gets a more honest answer than asking about weaknesses. Everybody has one item here, and a reference with none is probably giving a courtesy review.
What household tasks were part of the job, and did those get done without reminders?
Why ask it
Nanny roles range from childcare only to light housekeeping, and unstated expectations are the most common source of friction. Learn what was agreed and how much chasing it took.
How did your children react when they were away, and when they left for good?
Why ask it
Children's reactions cut past a parent's diplomacy. Distress at the departure suggests real attachment, and relief is worth a careful follow-up question.
How did they take feedback when you asked for something different?
Why ask it
How correction landed predicts your first year together. Defensiveness, or silent agreement followed by no change, is harder to manage than one awkward conversation that fixed the problem.
How were pay, taxes, and time off handled, and were there disagreements about money?
Why ask it
Money and hours disputes reveal professionalism on both sides, so listen for whether the family paid legally and on time as well. A nanny who tracked hours carefully and raised problems directly is usually easier to employ.
Did they ever have other people over, run errands with the children, or drive them?
Why ask it
Driving, visitors, and errands are the practical safety questions people forget to ask about. You are listening for whether these were agreed in advance or discovered afterward.
Why did the job end?
Why ask it
Compare the answer with the candidate's own account. Children aging out, a family move, or a return to full-time daycare are ordinary; a careful or rehearsed answer deserves one more question.
Was there anything about their judgment or supervision that worried you, even slightly?
Why ask it
The phrase even slightly gives a reluctant reference permission to mention a small thing, which is often the real reason they hedged earlier. Any pause before this answer is worth waiting through in silence.
Would you hire them again, and is there any age or situation you would not leave them with?
Why ask it
The rehire question is the standard summary judgment, and the second half stops a polite yes from ending the call. A family who would rehire for a five year old but not for a baby has just described the edge of this person's experience.
Checking a Nanny's References
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Running the Call
Call, Do Not Email
Written references are edited and usually generic. On the phone you hear the pauses, and the follow-up question is where the useful material sits. Fifteen minutes is enough if your questions are in order.
Confirm Who You Are Talking To
Ask how the family found the nanny, what their children's names and ages are, and where they lived at the time. Friends and relatives standing in as former employers are a known problem, and small specifics are hard to invent on the spot.
Ask the Hard Question Last, Then Wait
Save the judgment and rehire questions for the end, ask them plainly, and let the silence sit for a few seconds. Most hedging references fill it themselves.
Ask the Candidate First, Then Compare
Before you call, have the candidate tell you the dates, the ages, the duties, and why each job ended. The reference call is then a comparison rather than an interview, and any gap between the two accounts is the thing to ask about.
What to Confirm Independently of the References
- Employment dates and weekly hours, against the candidate's own account
- Legal right to work, and a valid license plus driving record if they will drive
- Current CPR and first aid certification, including the expiry date
- A background check run with the candidate's written consent
- At least two references from paid childcare roles rather than friends or neighbors
- Whether previous families paid on the books, if that matters to your arrangement
- Who else lives at their address if the children will ever be there
Common Pitfalls
Accepting Only the References Offered
Ask for the two most recent families and for anyone they worked with longer than a year. A list that skips the last job is the first thing to ask about, and a plausible reason may exist, but you want to hear it.
Asking Questions That Invite a Yes
Asking whether they were reliable invites agreement. Asking how often they called out invites a number, and numbers are much harder to shade.
Ignoring Tone and Hesitation
Warm answers that stay general, or long pauses before easy questions, matter as much as the words. If two references sound rehearsed in the same way, find a third.
Treating One Reference as Enough
A single family only saw one set of children, one house, and one schedule. Two or three calls are what turn an impression into a pattern.