Questions to Ask Your Mom Before She Dies
Precious questions to ask your mom before she dies to preserve memories, understand her life story, and say everything that matters most.
1What are you most proud of in your life?
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What are you most proud of in your life?
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Why this works
Understanding her proudest achievements helps you honor her legacy and appreciate what she values most about her life.
2What are your happiest memories?
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What are your happiest memories?
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Why this works
Learning about her joyful moments helps you understand what brought her fulfillment and peace.
3What do you want me to know about your childhood?
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What do you want me to know about your childhood?
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Why this works
Understanding her early years helps you appreciate her journey and the experiences that shaped who she became.
4What do you wish you had done differently in life?
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What do you wish you had done differently in life?
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Why this works
Understanding her regrets helps you learn from her experiences and live with fewer regrets yourself.
5What do you want me to remember about you?
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What do you want me to remember about you?
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Why this works
Understanding how she wants to be remembered helps you honor her memory in the way that matters most to her.
6What advice do you want to give me for my life?
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What advice do you want to give me for my life?
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Why this works
Her wisdom and life lessons can guide you through future challenges and important decisions.
7What are you most grateful for?
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What are you most grateful for?
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Why this works
Understanding what she's grateful for helps you appreciate what mattered most to her in life.
8What do you want to tell me that you've never said?
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What do you want to tell me that you've never said?
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Why this works
Creating space for unsaid things ensures important words aren't left unspoken.
9What are your favorite family stories?
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What are your favorite family stories?
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Why this works
Preserving family stories connects you to your heritage and creates a sense of belonging.
10What do you want me to know about our family history?
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What do you want me to know about our family history?
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Why this works
Family history provides context for your identity and helps you understand your roots.
11What traditions do you hope I continue?
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What traditions do you hope I continue?
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Why this works
Understanding her values and traditions helps you carry forward what matters most to her.
12What makes you feel most loved and appreciated by me?
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What makes you feel most loved and appreciated by me?
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Why this works
Understanding her love language helps you show her love in ways that matter most while you still can.
13What do you want me to do after you're gone?
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What do you want me to do after you're gone?
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Why this works
Understanding her wishes helps you honor her memory and fulfill her final requests.
14What do you want your grandchildren to know about you?
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What do you want your grandchildren to know about you?
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Why this works
Understanding her legacy goals helps you share her memory with future generations.
15Is there anything you need to tell me or want me to know?
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Is there anything you need to tell me or want me to know?
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Why this works
Open-ended questions create space for her to share whatever is most important to her right now.
16What do you want me to know about your relationship with your parents?
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What do you want me to know about your relationship with your parents?
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Why this works
Understanding her family relationships helps you appreciate family patterns and her experiences.
17What was the hardest thing you ever went through?
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What was the hardest thing you ever went through?
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Why this works
Understanding her challenges helps you appreciate her resilience and strength.
18What are you afraid of and how can I help?
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What are you afraid of and how can I help?
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Why this works
Understanding her fears allows you to provide comfort and support during this difficult time.
19Is there anything you need forgiveness for or want to forgive?
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Is there anything you need forgiveness for or want to forgive?
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Why this works
Creating space for forgiveness helps both of you find peace and healing.
20What do you want me to tell others about you?
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What do you want me to tell others about you?
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Why this works
Understanding how she wants to be remembered helps you honor her memory accurately and meaningfully.
Having End-of-Life Conversations
Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.
Before the Conversation
Choose the Right Time
Pick a quiet moment when she's alert and comfortable. Be sensitive to her energy levels and physical state.
Create a Comfortable Environment
Ensure privacy, minimize distractions, and create a peaceful atmosphere where she feels safe to be vulnerable.
Be Emotionally Prepared
Prepare yourself for difficult emotions and conversations. It's okay to cry together, but try to stay present and focused on her.
During the Conversation
Listen Without Judgment
Accept whatever she shares without criticism. This is about understanding her life, not evaluating it.
Record If Appropriate
Consider recording (with permission) to preserve her voice and stories for future generations.
Express Your Love
Tell her what she means to you and how she's impacted your life. Don't assume she knows.
Providing Emotional Support
Don't Rush
Give her time to share at her own pace. Some topics may take multiple conversations.
Respect Her Boundaries
If she's not ready to discuss certain topics, don't push. Follow her lead.
Show Gratitude
Express appreciation for her willingness to share and for everything she's given you throughout your life.